"Are you sure you can't wear just a little elf hat?" Jocelyn asked, holding up a green elf hat.
"Isn't it enough that I'm going to sing?" Miles frowned at the elf hat.
"Well, yes, but the kids really like it when you dress up for them," I said.
"Why won't you wear a tiny Santa hat?" Jocelyn asked.
Miles shrugged. "I guess I'm just not that big on Christmas."
Jocelyn gasped, horrified. "You don't like Christmas?"
"I didn't say that," Miles said. "I just said I'm not too big on it."
"Why?" I asked, trying not to sound nosy.
"It's just..." Miles looked down, then up at me, meeting my dark eyes. "My dad died around Christmas three years ago. That's when I lost my sight."
I nodded understandingly. "Yeah. I get that."
He looked at me with a wariness in his eyes that I had in my eyes with a lot of people myself. "Really?"
I looked down, fidgeting with my locket. "My sister Eva died two days after my birthday three years ago. She was my twin. I haven't had a birthday party since she got sick. I think I was six, maybe."
"I was the only boy in my family so me and my dad were really close," Miles said. "It's probably nothing like losing a twin, but it's still really hard for me." Miles stared up at the ceiling. "The Christmas after my dad died I refused all gifts and told everyone all I wanted was my dad back. Of course it was stupid, but I guess it was my way of coping or something."
"The birthday after Eva died- my twelfth, I locked myself in my room and didn't come out the entire day," I said, trying to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks.
"That..." Miles' voice trailed off. "That really sucks."
That was when Jocelyn got up and walked out. I figured it was because she felt uncomfortable, but she returned with an oversized cowboy hat, ginormous sunglasses, and a Nerf gun.
"You can wear these if you want," Jocelyn said, handing him them.
Miles felt both, and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Are these... sunglasses?"
"Yep," Jocelyn smiled. "And a cowboy hat and a Nerf gun."
Miles looked confused. "What would I even be?"
"You know how you told Teagan and Tyler you were a spy for Santa?" Jocelyn asked. "Well, you'll be the spy of Christmas."
Miles took the items and a mischievous grin spread across his face. "I kind of prefer 'Secret Agent Man', you know from the movie?"
Jocelyn winced. "How about we stick to Santa's Secret Agent?"
Miles pretended to pout. "Fine." He put on the cowboy hat and pulled it down over his face. "How do I look?" he asked in a deep voice.
I grabbed the brim of his hat and yanked it up. "Does that answer your question?"
Miles scowled at me. "You're mean," he said, his lip folded out like a couch.
We went to Teagan's room and she and Tyler looked up from the game they were playing.
"You're a spy, aren't you?" Tyler bounced on Teagan's bed a little.
Miles pulled down his sunglasses a little so he could peer over them and tipped his cowboy hat at him. "Santa's Secret Agent at your service, little man."
Teagan grinned. "Tyler wants a pet dinosaur for Christmas. Could you tell Santa that?"
Miles nodded seriously. "Of course I will. And what about you, Teagan? What do you want for Christmas?"
"To be able to walk by myself," Teagan said without hesitation.
I exchanged a look with Jocelyn and turned my head back to Teagan and Miles.
She ducked her head and looked at her lap. "But it's okay," She looked up and glanced at Tyler. "I know it won't happen. Santa gave Tyler his dragon backpack last year, but I've been asking to walk for a long time and I've never gotten it, ever."
"Maybe try asking God instead of Santa," Jocelyn said softly.
I stared at her, shocked. She was bolder than I thought.
Teagan's mom stared at Jocelyn. "Don't fill Teagan's head with that religious junk."
"It's not religious junk," I said. "I know how Teagan feels." I glanced at my prosthetic leg.
Teagan looked at us curiously, as if she wanted Jocelyn to say more, but she said nothing.
"We should probably go..." Miles got up and uncomfortably walked out with Jocelyn. Only I lingered.
Teagan's mom glared at me. "Why are you still here?"
"I apologize if we offended you," I said. "But I'm not apologizing for my faith and you can't expect us to." I turned to leave and Teagan spoke.
"Richelle, wait," Teagan said. "Can God really make it so I can walk?"
I looked over my shoulder, feeling Teagan's mom's glare still on me. "Yes." That was all I said. I knew I couldn't go against Teagan's parents so I had to trust God on this. I turned and walked out after Miles and Jocelyn.
A nurse was talking with Jocelyn at the nurse's station when I walked over.
CRASH!
All three of us turned to where Miles knelt, trying to scoop a bunch of mints back into their bowl. Jocelyn shot him an evil glare as I bent down to help.
"Keep your hands off the mints next time," Jocelyn said, a small edge to her tone.
Miles threw up his hands in defense. "I'm blind!" he protested.
"Then don't touch it next time!" Jocelyn said.
"Touching is how I see!" Miles retorted. "I think it was the bowl! It was defective."
Jocelyn blatantly rolled her eyes. "You sound just like my brothers. You'd probably be best friends. They're four."
Miles growled and lunged at Jocelyn, who nimbly jumped away. This had gotten awkward quickly.
I stood back, tapped my index finger anxiously against my prosthetic leg, waiting for them to stop. When they didn't, I started walking in the other direction.
Finally, after a second or two, they caught up with me, done with their bickering.
Miles came up behind Jocelyn, holding the list of people we were supposed to go visit that day.
Jocelny took it and held it mere inches from her face, then she looked at me grimly. "Richelle, Ally's next."
I sighed. "Let's get this over with."
When Ally saw us she quickly tried to stuff something under the covers, but in her haste it clattered to the ground.
I bent down, picked up the item, and started to hand it to Ally. "Sorry about that-" I stopped as I got a good look at what it was. It was Sadie's missing locket. I looked at her, my dark eyes snapping at her. "What is this? Why do you have this?" I asked, my voice icy.
"Richelle, I'm sorry-"
"Why do you have this?" I asked again. "Where did you get it?"
Ally looked down guiltily. "My mom found it by the accident and gave it to me."
My head snapped up to stare at her. "Accident? Sadie's? What are you talking about?"
"It's my fault Sadie got hurt," Ally said, her voice quieting. "Me and my little sister Evelyn were fighting and our mom looked back for a second and that was when the accident happened."
"Why did you keep her necklace?" I asked.
"Well, I mean... Sadie wasn't very nice to me, I didn't want her to be even more mad at me because I wanted her to like me." Ally glanced at me and fidgeted with a strand of golden blonde hair.
Now I was curious. "Why do you want her to like you?"
"I don't know... I guess I just care about what others think of me," Ally said. "I care about other people. I've always wondered how people like Sadie don't care about others or what they think. My mom says that on the inside everyone wants to be accepted."
I looked at the ceiling and bit my lip. "Sadie doesn't have to be accepted, because it doesn't matter to her. Other people's opinions." I glared at Ally. "These lockets are the last thing my sister gave us. And you stole them. They weren't yours, you had no right to keep them."
"I'm sorry Richelle, really I am," Ally said. "I hope you can forgive me."
"Not likely," I snapped, turning on my heel and storming out, Shasta still at my side.
Jocelyn and Miles were soon with me, but said nothing. I opened the locket to make sure that all of its contents were still intact, and a note fell out. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I read it. One one side, was what Eva had wanted to show and teach Sadie. On the other side was Sadie's curly cue handwriting.
Why I Wish Eva Was Here
1. Because Richelle's not the same girl she was when you were here, no one really is actually.
2. Because I love you and you were my everything.
3. I don't know what to do without you. Without you I am completely lost.
"Where did you find it?" Sadie asked as I clasped the locket around her neck.
"Ally had it," I said, spitting out her name like it was bad luck. "Why did Ally have it?" Sadie asked.
I explained and Sadie just shook her head. "Do you think she was sorry?"
I opened my mouth, then closed it. "Yeah I do."
Sadie put her hand on mine. "I'm just glad we found it."
"Hey girls," Mom and Dad said, walking in with Gabby. "You guys know Aunt Stephanie's coming, right?"
"She is?" Sadie's eyes widened.
"Dad has work and I have a business trip," Mom said. "So yes."
Sadie groaned. "When?"
"In about an hour," Mom said. "But I've got to go and Dad needs to get to work." She planted kisses on each of our heads, then Dad did the same, and they left. "Be good," was Mom's last words to us before she left.
I sat on my bed, writing, when Aunt Stephanie appeared in my doorway. Her eyes actually looked scared.
"Don't worry," I said. "I just let Shasta outside."
"It's not Shasta I'm scared of," Aunt Stephanie said. "It's you."
I cocked my head. "I don't get it." Something was up, but I couldn't tell what.
"Can I come in?" Okay, now something was definitely up. Aunt Stephanie never asked to come in; she just came.
I put my notebook and pencil down and patted a spot on my bed.
"Do you know the Bible story of Ruth?" Aunt Stephanie asked me as she sat down.
I nodded. "That's my favorite. I could never be as sacrificial as her."
"But you are," Aunt Stephanie said. "You gave your childhood for Sadie and Gabby, you gave everything you had to Eva, and I know you'd give everything for your sisters. That's what I don't understand. I've offered you everything a girl in your situation could want. A great education, rid of everything that would remind you of Eva, rid of the responsibility of your siblings, and you've turned all of it down."
"I don't want any of it," I said.
"That's what I don't understand," Aunt Stephanie said. "You lost your twin sister and through it all you were still willing to do anything-give everything for Sadie and Gabby. But I think I know why I couldn't change you. You are exactly like Eva, and I couldn't change her either."
"My sister?"
"Eva was just as sacrificial as you are," Aunt Stephanie said. "She was willing to give her life so you could know God because she was so selfless and I know that you would do it for Sadie or Gabby. I was so close to Eva and I did everything I could to save her, but I still did, Richelle. I lost Eva."
"And you don't want to lose me..." my voice trailed off.
"Richelle, I know you probably don't understand that, but-"
"Yes I do," I said. "All my life I've always wanted to protect Sadie from everything that could hurt her and I never could. It started getting better when I started letting God do His thing. Dad calls it surrender, but Eva called it trust. It's like you're trusting HIm to take care of everything."
Aunt Stephanie started laughing, giggling happily like Gabby on her best day. "I don't want to change you anymore, Richelle. I don't know why I ever did. You are like having Eva right here with me. Richelle, will you please tell me who you are?"
"I think you know who I am," I said. "Just never cross me."
"Okay," Aunt Stephanie said. I was pretty sure I could hear her crying as she walked out.
I reached up and clasped the locket around my neck. I looked to the sky, knowing Eva was watching me from heaven.
"Thanks for the note, sis," I whispered. "You knew something all along that I'm just now figuring out. I really do know how to do this 'life' thing."