Chapter 41: Chapter 40

Dalliah

“Ahhhh!”

The sound of someone yelling inside the stables scares me and causes me to drop the bag of apples that I’d agreed to bring down for the horses. After sitting idle in the dayroom waiting for either Rhu or Odelina to show up, I decided to take matters into my own hands and actually do something with my time.

Making my way outdoors quickly became the most reasonable plan, after all of the tension inside threatened to blow the place up. Even the servants seem to whisper constantly and I can’t take any more of it.

I follow the sound now, wondering if it’s because someone is hurt and is in need of my help, but am surprised to find Ruairi instead. He’s alone with the horse he rode on the journey over, sucking on a finger that appears to be bleeding.

“Are you okay?” I step forward, not sure if he’s seen me just yet and watch as he jumps.

“Doll! You-scared me.” He sighs, struggling with his words while also trying to wrap said finger in a bit of torn cloth from this tunic. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that, especially not here.” His tone darkens when says the last few words.

I ignore his scolding though, especially when considering how he did the same to me back in Yeolan, and I step forward again so that I’m close enough to see the injury.

“Do you need some help with that?” I offer before thinking, but quickly realise that I would help him anyway if he asked me to. He’s earned that much from me.

“No, I’ve got it, thank you.”

He sighs again, very unlike himself before running his uninjured hand over the back of his neck. He’s anxious and I have no idea why, as I’m sure he’s dealt with pains far more serious than a small cut.

Deep down there’s a part of me that wants to ask him about it, to comfort him but I don’t know how without crossing the invisible line laid out between us. Though I suppose I can distract him from it, whatever it is, as I wanted to thank him for my book anyway. Properly thank him, without any attitude or resentment.

“I’m glad I ran into you anyway-” His head shoots up at hearing my words and I have to stop myself from smiling at how easy it was to grab his attention, “I wanted to thank you for my book.”

“You don’t have to thank me for a bo-”

“No I mean it, really, you have no idea what it means to be able to finish it and it’s important to me that you know how grateful I am.” A slight blush starts to pour its way over my cheeks, which is pathetic when considering how I’m only thanking him for something.

“In that case you’re welcome, give me a list and you can have a thousand more.” He promises quickly, causing me to roll my eyes before I can help it. “What? Too many? Too little?”

“Too much!” I exclaim and we both shock ourselves by laughing. It feels natural, comfortable and I really am glad to have ran into him so that I could say as much.

“How did you cut your finger anyway? Your horse isn’t a biter and there’s nothing sharp around here from what I can see.” I look around, making sure I’m not wrong but there’s nothing obvious in sight unless I’m missing something.

“He might not be, but I am.” He grumbles more to himself than to me.

My brows scrunch together automatically, wondering what he means by that as surely he hasn’t just admitted to biting himself, right? That’s insanity.

“You are joking, aren’t you?” I hesitate to ask, not wanting to provoke him in case he’s serious.

“Trust me, I’m not in the joking mood.” He laughs coldly, like it’s a depressing inside joke or something, “I was trying to tighten stirrups with my hands full, used my mouth, slipped and bit my hand.”

If I’m not mistaken I’d say he’s going red with that little confession but I do my best not to laugh at him. The smile however is uncontrollable. This is almost as ridiculous as dropping a book into an open fire because someone greeted them in a public room.

“Well, that’s just made me feel fifty times better about Yeolan,” I tuck a stray hair behind my ear, not quite sure what else to say now that the laughter has died down. “I just need to feed the horses these and I’ll be out of your hair.” I lift the bag of apples and approach his horse slowly, like I’ve seen the others do.

“They’ve put you to work?” He asks with a voice like acid and I almost jump from the change in tone.

“No, of course not… I was just going crazy trapped in there, I mean, you could cut all that tension with a knife… which I’m sure you know better than I do.” I cringe at the fact that I’m talking about royal politics with the king when it isn’t my place to comment on it, and I wish I could take it back the second it leaves my mouth.

“Yes, I know all about that.” He stares at the ground, lost in thought and all the progress I made with my distraction might as well have vanished.

I sigh, “You know, if you needed someone to talk to, like a sounding board…” I trail off again, as I shouldn’t be offering, never mind pushing to know what isn’t my concern. If it was Apheya, maybe, but this country isn’t mine.

“I appreciate that Doll, I really do, it’s just…” He gives me a small smile, unsure whether to continue at first before opening his mouth, “I didn’t come here to be the King of Ruin.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that when I took this continent, I didn’t just gain the land but the people too, they’re my responsibility now and what happened here shouldn’t have.” He swallows hard, the guilt on his face as clear as the words in my book and for some reason, it hurts me to see.

“But you’re not-” I pause, “But you don’t manage this place, how were you to know?” I push back firmer than I intended, unable to believe that I’m defending the Red King against himself just now.

“I don’t know Doll, but I should have.” He shakes his head, fingers relentlessly brushing back hair that wasn’t in his face to begin with. “The buck has to stop with me.”

“Well for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re being fair,” I reply defiantly, even though he probably knows far more than I do on the subject and am showing my ignorance in the process.

It’s silly really but for all the wrong he’s done it doesn’t make sense to beat himself up for things he’s innocent of. I could give him a more accurate list if he’s looking for one, but now’s probably not the time.

To this, he finally looks up from the floor and right at me. I want to avert my eyes from his gaze but find myself trapped, and I didn’t realise until now how green his were or how long his lashes are.

He returns the favour in full, studying me like a puzzle he can’t work out, and I don’t blame him. This is all confusing and the way my heart keeps fluttering against my ribcage doesn’t help. He is my enemy, but also maybe…a friend? No he can’t be that, can he?

I don’t know, I want to turn and leave, or speak and break the tension but neither happens. For a moment we’re just two people trapped in time, held by an unbreakable trance that threatens to never let up.

That is, until he leans forward to kiss me.