Chapter 26: Finding Forever: Chapter 25

Fern and Cade were half an hour late for dinner. Even Kenny and Smith, who had a longer drive, were there by the time they arrived.

Cade hung back in the small, crowded living room and watched as Beth enveloped Fern in a tight hug, fussing over how pretty she looked in her strappy amethyst jumpsuit. Cade had been quietly admiring Fern’s new wardrobe for weeks now. The pastel and jewel tones, the sweet, flattering dresses and jumpsuits, cute, ever-changing combinations of shorts and tank tops or camisoles. It all suited her complexion and hair perfectly and he often found himself simply staring at her, awed by how much a flattering new wardrobe could quietly boost a shy woman’s confidence.

Fern had literally blossomed into a more talkative, more confident version of herself. One who no longer ghosted out of a room when he appeared, one who often challenged him and who was asserting herself more with each passing day.

Even here—comfortable now that she knew everyone better—she smiled more, laughed more with his family than he ever did. He could see the wariness and tension in her eyes, but her natural warmth made it impossible for her to remain aloof in the face of such a genuinely warm welcome.

She continued to resist the idea of inviting Beth and Gideon over for dinner, her mulishness coming into play. She’d also kept Beth at a polite distance since their shopping trip, despite clearly liking the woman a lot. Something Cade acknowledged was his fault. He’d been meaning to have a talk with her about it again.

This was Fern’s way of keeping things impersonal.

It went against her sweet nature. He knew that. He understood that, because of her upbringing, she needed a sense of belonging. She wanted friends, a family, which was why that baby was so important to her.

Cade had a family. Not many—or any really—close friends, but he’d never needed them growing up because his siblings had been his best friends. Then they’d drifted apart… no he had drifted away. And Cade had felt like an outsider. An imposter in his own family.

And he knew why. He could pinpoint the exact moment that sense of belonging and family had deserted him. Leaving him feeling rudderless and betrayed and desperately trying to fill the gaping void that loss had left in his soul.

He’d promised Fern, when they’d first married, that he would take care of her. That his family would be hers. And then he’d ripped it all away with a few cruel words. And—despite their conversation about it at dinner a couple of weeks ago—he’d never actually apologized for those words, or rescinded them.

Gideon was hugging Fern now.

“You’re looking gorgeous,” Gideon enthused as he held Fern at an arm’s length to look her up and down. She went a becoming shade of pink always so damned happy at the merest hint of a compliment. “How are you feeling? Has your morning sickness passed? Beth told me it was quite bad. And the baby? Any updates? Has he started moving yet?”

The last question sent a jolt of shock through Cade.

It wasn’t something he’d ever considered. The baby moving around inside of her, a living, active being, making its presence felt in the real world.

It had always been just this alien thing… there but not. A concept, more than reality. A concept that Cade had never been able to fully wrap his head around.

But soon it would move, kick, prod at the confines of its—his? her?—surroundings… and that recognition quite simply floored him.

He stood there dazed—thunderstruck really—frozen in place as reality finally caught up with, and crashed into, him like a tsunami.

Cade looked strange. Fern watched him in concern as his brother, sister, and Beth took turns to hug him. He seemed to be on autopilot, returning the hugs, smiling grimly in response to their enthusiasm, but very much not present right now.

His eyes constantly returned to her though, intent, almost predatory, and she tried her best to ignore his unsettling stares. Wondering if that possessive look was about what had happened between them earlier. She still couldn’t quite believe it had happened. After weeks of no intimacy, bam, sexy times on the sofa at the most inconvenient moment. And all because she’d told him that she wanted to understand him better.

“Where’s your father?” she asked Kenny, who looked a little strained. Fern still wasn’t entirely comfortable around the other woman. She wasn’t as friendly and easygoing as Beth, but she wasn’t unfriendly either. She was difficult to read and with her husband, Smith, present today she was even less communicative than she’d been the last time.

Smith was a tall, ruggedly handsome man with auburn hair and an easygoing smile. He seemed friendly and very different from his wife. Which could explain why the couple seemed so tense around each other. In fact, they made Cade and Fern look like the poster children for a happy, well-adjusted marriage.

The thought nearly made Fern snort.

“His flight was delayed, he only arrived about forty minutes ago. According to Beth he’s freshening up and will join us soon.”

“He must be exhausted,” Fern said sympathetically.

“He’s used to it,” Kenny said and Fern floundered, not sure how to respond to what was essentially a conversation ending statement. Until Kenny gave the smallest of smiles, showing off her version of the Hawthorne dimples, and added, “He loves making an entrance though. So don’t feel too sorry for him. He’s just an attention hog, milking the moment.”

Fern laughed, pleasantly surprised by the warm, joking aside.

“Gideon and Beth really go overboard this time of year,” Kenny continued. After taking a sip of wine, she lifted her glass to indicate around the room. And Fern gasped in delight as she appreciated—for the first time—the Christmas decorations.

“Oh my God, I love it,” she enthused a little too loudly in her excitement.

“Aah, you’re one of those,” Kenny said with a soft chuckle.

“One of what?” Fern asked.

“A holiday whore.”

Fern choked on a sip of the daiquiri mocktail Beth had considerately handed her shortly after their arrival and then laughed.

“What even is that?”

“Someone who lives for this shit. The decorations, the food, the tinsel…”

“Bah humbug and all that, right McKenna? Nothing as human as a little Christmas cheer for my frosty little snowwoman.” Smith came up to join them, his words and tone sounded joking but there was something else there. Something almost snide that made Fern decide that maybe she didn’t like him much.

Kenny’s smile froze, and the warmth faded from her eyes.

Not sure what was going on with them, Fern swallowed and desperately sought to alleviate the awkwardness.

“I get how some people might think it’s a lot, but I love it,” she said, a little too loudly. “I spent most Christmases at boarding school—as student and then staff—usually with only the unlucky members of the faculty who’d pulled holiday duty for company. Some of them tried to make it more festive, but the school principal—a religious curmudgeonly woman—often reminded us that Christmas was about the birth of Christ and not Santa Claus and presents and, well… tinsel. When my mother was alive, decorating the Christmas tree was always a big deal for us. But that tradition died with her.”

She cast a wistful glance up at Beth and Gideon’s beautiful Christmas tree. It was a mishmash of old and new decorations, gaudy, sparkly plastic ornaments, along with delicate glass blown works of art, ribbon, tinsel, angels, fairies… so many lights. It was glorious. And it had clearly been decorated with love and probably a great deal of laughter. The star at the top was lopsided, the tree itself was listing slightly… but Fern couldn’t stop staring at it.

Her hand went to her abdomen as she realized that next Christmas she’d have a six month old and she could start her own Christmas traditions for her baby to grow up with. She smiled wistfully at the thought.

She looked away from the tree, straight into Cade’s brooding eyes. Kenny was still standing beside her, quiet and distant after her husband’s words. Smith had retreated to the liquor cabinet and had poured himself a drink. Something amber and strong looking, he tossed it back in one go before pouring another.

Not sure what to say, or how to breach the silence that had descended between her and Kenny, Fern stood in uncomfortable silence, keenly aware of Cade’s gaze on her. Beth and Gideon were in the kitchen, laughing, and playfully teasing each other… happy and in love. The complete opposite of the other couples present.

Kenny gave Fern a weak smile, the burgeoning friendliness of before completely gone. Hidden behind a frigid, emotionless mask.

“Uh, excuse me, I need to uhm p-powder my… go to the bathroom.” She turned and left abruptly leaving Fern to stare after her in dismay.

She wasn’t alone for long though, Cade joined her seconds later.

“Everything okay?”

“I think your sister is upset.” She paused and then added in a confiding whisper, “Also, I don’t think I like her husband very much.”

“Yeah,” he said with a long sigh. “Join the club. I’ll call her tomorrow to find out what’s going on. How are you feeling?”

“Me? Fine…” She blushed beneath his searching stare. “Why do you ask?”

“You seemed a little reserved earlier, with Beth.”

“I told you before, Cade, it’s hard for me to form attachments when I know that it’s destined to become yet another doomed relationship and God knows, I feel like enough of a failure as it is.”

“You’re not a failure,” he told her in an urgent undertone, his hand wrapping around her bare bicep in a firm grip. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. I understand that it’s terrifying to let people in. But you can’t close yourself off from the entire world, Fern. Beth wants to be your friend and you want her friendship. And, even if we were to split up, I would never expect you to give that up.”

If?

She still vividly recalled the phone conversation she’d overheard all those weeks ago. Still carried the words—which had not even been aimed directly at her—in her heart like painful scars. Fern wasn’t the woman he’d ever considered settling down with. She wasn’t his type. He didn’t believe her to be a good match. She’d known that since the beginning. Hearing him admit it out loud had only solidified that fact.

Fern and her baby had no business in this man’s life and—no matter what he’d said or done since—she was better off remembering those words, spoken in an honest, unguarded moment.

The only thing more certain than death or taxes was the fact that this marriage would end. There was no if about it.

She worried at her lower lip, and set aside her own bruised feelings about a conversation that he had no idea she’d overheard, and focused on what he was saying right now. He was right about Beth, of course. Fern had unfairly sidelined the woman because of her fears.

She hoped it wasn’t too late to rectify that mistake.

“What are you thinking?” Cade asked. The quiet words brought her eyes up to his and she realized that he asked her that question, or some variation of it, quite often. Why was he always so interested in what was going on in her mind?

“I was⁠—’

“There she is!” The booming voice interrupted her reply and startled them apart.

Cade’s face settled into an irritated glare, while Fern’s wide, shocked gaze swiveled around to see her father-in-law standing just inside the front door. “Come over here lass, let me look at you.”

“Fuck me,” Cade muttered beneath his breath and—coming out of her dazed surprise—Fern angled an amused look at him before obediently walking toward James Hawthorne who enfolded her into an enthusiastic bear hug.

“Mother of my first grandchild. D’ye hear that, Elizabeth Anne? What have you been doing this last year and half? Slacking off? You let this wee fae lass beat you at the post.”

Beth rolled her eyes irreverently.

“Happy as always to disappoint you, Old Man,” she replied cheekily. “Now, how about you unhand the pregnant woman—I’m pretty sure you’re squashing her—and set the table?”

Fern’s eyes widened in horror and she wriggled out of the man’s hug, before straightening her hair self-consciously.

“Oh, there’s no need for that, Beth,” she said. “I’m happy to…”

“No Fern,” Beth said, her voice implacable as she kept her narrowed gaze on her father-in-law. “You just sit buh-back and relax. If this old man is going to be free… freeloading in our home for the next three weeks, he’s going to have to make himself useful.”

Fern watched in awe as James Hawthorne, one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the construction industry, grumbled good-naturedly and—after giving Cade a quick self-conscious one-armed hug—obediently followed his tiny daughter-in-law’s directive.

“And try not to break anything this time,” Beth told him, coming to stand beside Fern and crossing her arms over her chest as she watched a grinning Gideon reacquaint his father with the layout of their kitchen.

Fern wound an arm around Beth’s waist and leaned toward her to confide, “I want to be just like you when I grow up.”

Beth giggled in response.

“You just have to kuh-keep him on his toes. He’s nev… never had to do for himself and he thinks all of this is some massive adventure. Y’know, living like the ordinary folk do? He’d get sick of it if he had to stay for longer than just a few weeks. Buh-but he really enjoys the novelty of cleaning up behind himself, fuh-folding laundry, doing the dishes…”

“Beth,” Fern whispered, scandalized. “You make him do the dishes? But you have a dishwasher.”

Beth’s eyes twinkled up at Fern over the rims of her glasses and she laughed wickedly.

“Yes, we do… but since he doesn’t have a clue what a dishwasher even looks like, we’re g-good. Gideon and I always wind up loading all the dishes Dad ‘cleaned’ into the dishwasher after he goes to bed anyway. But he has—uhm—he has no idea.”

“Well, he won’t be hearing it from me,” Fern said.

“Or me,” Cade—who’d been listening in on their conversation in open amusement—vowed.

“Where does he sleep?” Fern asked curiously, her eyes scanning the small living room. After her last visit, Fern knew that there were only two bedrooms in this house, but James Hawthorne had come in through the front door just now, not from one of the rooms.

“In our h-house across the street.” Beth and Gideon’s second house was their workspace and also had a couple of bedrooms. “We’re both on holiday at the moment so it’s fine having him stay there and it’s great because we all still have our privacy. I don’t know why, but he really loves staying here. I think it’s his version of roughing it.”

She exchanged another conspiratorial grin with Fern and Cade.

Dinner was an informal buffet of cold meats and salads and instead of sitting at the small dining table, they all crowded into the living room with plates perched on their knees. There weren’t enough chairs and Cade shocked Fern by sitting on the floor in front of her, his broad back resting against her legs.

Her eyes kept tracing over his shoulders, the back of his head, unable to quite believe that he was so casually sitting on the floor. He was wearing well-worn blue jeans tonight. And Fern had done a double take when she’d first seen them. The faded seams and obvious wear on the fabric indicated frequent use, and yet she’d never seen him in them before tonight. Which was a damned crime, since the man filled a pair of jeans very, very nicely. No sag in the front or the back. He’d combined the jeans with his old, comfy-looking, running shoes and a red T-shirt.

It was a strange little gathering. Smith barely spoke, glaring down at his plate for the most part—surly and uncommunicative—while Kenny looked on the verge of tears for the better part of the evening, leaving Beth and Fern to try and fill in the awkward silences.

Talk turned to Cade and Fern’s appearance on the Holmes@Home show. It had garnered a lot of positive press for them. Their story had been picked up by more mainstream publications, and the public had gone gaga over their “love” story. It was a little baffling to her, but people had actually liked Fern, and were especially charmed by her—go figure—shyness, her genuinely awed reaction to Iris, and her blatant fangirling over the woman’s books.

Granger had pretty much been—deservedly and universally—vilified. The whole thing had led to even more interview requests for Cade and Fern. Most of which they’d turned down, citing the need for privacy and stating that Fern needed to rest.

Toni and Allie had made a few television appearances of their own in direct response to the Mike Holmes thing and had done a few “tell-all” interviews with some of the less savory gossip rags. They’d come across as strident, petty, and mean. The result of which had only made Fern more sympathetic to the public. A lot of the popular influencers had actually created mocking reaction videos of the sisters’ interviews. A few had pointed out that if that was a sample of what Fern had had to live with for so many years, it was no wonder she needed a mental health check.

Granger, in the meantime, had been suspiciously quiet. Which made Fern nervous. What was he up to? It couldn’t be anything good.

“And what was Trystan Abbott like?” Beth asked, feigning a swoon. Gideon slanted her an irritated glance and she met his stare with a wide-eyed, innocent one of her own. “Whaaaat? You-you know I think he’s super-hot, Gideon. My dream… dream m⁠—”

“Uh uh, Lizzy-bit, finish that sentence at your peril,” he warned and she giggled.

“Come on, Gideon. You can’t blame me. He’s the hottest man in the world,” she taunted, unrepentant. Then smiled at him sweetly. “While you’re on-only the hottest man in my wuh-world.”

He opened his mouth to retort, then paused as he considered her words. His face softened and his shoulders relaxed as his face settled into what could only be described as a ridiculously smitten expression.

“I’ll take that,” he said, his adoring gaze practically eating her alive and her smile softened as she returned his adoring gaze.

Fern smiled as she watched their interaction. They were so at ease with each other, so happy and in love. She yearned for a similar relationship… but the only man she could imagine it with wasn’t in the market for the whole happily ever after thing.

Her eyes dropped to his broad back again. He was wholly focused on his meal, but occasionally, she felt the light graze of his fingers over her ankle. She knew it was intentional, no way those leisurely, sexy circles were accidental touches.

She became aware of everybody staring at her and blinked back at Beth, in confusion.

“I’m sorry? Did you ask me something?”

“I asked if you were nervous recording that interview with Mike Holmes? I’d probably be a wreck.”

Both her husband and father-in-law scoffed at her words.

“Please, you’d be brilliant at it, like you are at everything,” Gideon said and, while his words were sweet his tone was long-suffering, even disdainful.

“Of course, I would be,” Beth said with an eye roll. “I didn’t say I’d suck at it… I just said I’d be a wreck. I do get nervous about some things, Gideon.”

“I’ve yet to see it,” James Hawthorne said with a chuckle. He directed his gaze toward Fern and elaborated, “She’s fearless this one.”

“So, were you nervous?” Beth repeated, ignoring the two men.

“Yes. But having Cade right there helped a lot.”

Her father-in-law harrumphed slightly, the sound rife with disapproval.

“You should call him Niall, girl. Especially in public. He has a professional reputation to uphold, hearing you refer to him as Cade in a public forum, is bound to be confusing for our business associates.”

Cade tensed against her knees and she watched the back of his head angle upwards as he watched his father. She couldn’t see his expression, but she knew he wasn’t happy with his father’s command.

“I don’t think so,” Fern replied quietly.

“You don’t think…? What do you mean you don’t think so?” James Hawthorne asked in sheer disbelief.

“Precisely what I said,” Fern said, her voice calm, as she set her empty plate aside and took a nonchalant sip from her water. “I. Don’t. Think. So. Maybe you—all of you—should call him Cade instead.”