This time, the drive to the chapel isn't ominous. I don't have a ton of dread sitting like stones in my stomach. I'm finally the maid of honor Nessa deserves. I'm finally the friend she's deserved all these years.
That's not to say I'm just magically thrilled, but I'm getting over it. I'm getting over her, and I think that's okay.
As usual, when I peek inside, Cam is the only Mariani in sight. I give him a nod as I usher Nessa into the dressing room. Maybe he's like meâmaybe his playful flirtation is just a cover for loneliness.
I unzip the bag holding Nessa's long white dress and smile. This time when I help her into it, I won't be wishing I could help her out of it.
"Lana?" Nessa asks, and I hear the tremble that softens her voice.
I look up. "Yeah?"
She turns to me. "Do you think Connor loves me?"
"What?" How is that even a question? "Of course he does!"
She just looks up at me, unsure. She doesn't believe me. She doesn't believe years of Connor's devotion.
"What makes you think he doesn't?" I ask. I don't mean it to sound like she's absurd, but my shock doesn't translate well.
She shrugs. "I don't know, it's just...sometimes he pulls away. Like, I'll take his hand and he lets it happen for a few seconds, but he suddenly gets an itch. Or we'll be talking about the future, about having a family or something, and he just goes completely silent."
I frown. That doesn't sound like Connor.
"I know this is the worst time to finally be questioning it, but I didn't want to think that maybe I shouldn't go through with this," Nessa babbles. "But now that it's actually here, I don't know if I should without knowing for sure. I don't want to be a statistic in five years."
"Nessa," I say, firmly taking hold of her upper arms. "I know for a fact that Connor loves you. A disgusting amount. Trust me, even a jealous time-traveling witch couldn't get him to not love you."
Her lips twist. "Then why does it feel like he's having second thoughts?"
"I don't know, Nessa, are you having second thoughts?"
"Are you saying I'm projecting?" she asks.
"No," I say quickly. "That's not what I meant. I justâthis is coming out of left field for me." You just met each other yesterday.
She looks away.
"Look, I'll go ask him right now, I'll prove it to you," I decide, finally letting go. I march outside, my jaw set. It's ironic, right? This is exactly what I've been trying cause every cycle. A breakup. A never-fall-in-love. And now that I've accepted it, now that I genuinely want this wedding for her, it's falling apart.
"Connor!" I bark as I step into the chapel. He's at the front of the room, milling around behind the altar, but his head snaps up at my shout.
"What's wrong?" he asks, fingers trailing on the altar's wood as he steps around it.
I take a deep breath and decide to just jump right in. "Nessa is having second thoughts because she thinks you don't love her."
He pauses. "Second thoughts? As in she might not go through with the wedding?"
"Yes." He doesn't sound all that broken up about it. Conflicted, maybeâbut that conflict implies that part of him wanted this.
He stares at the carpet for a several long seconds before lifting his gaze. "And what are you doing out here?"
"I'm asking you about it so you can tell me she's wrong, so I can go back in there and tell her she's wrong," I inform him, a warning in my voice. He better tell me she's wrong.
But he looks away.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I hiss. "You're soulmates!"
"You don't believe in soulmates," he points out.
"I don't believe in soulmates," I agree, waiting until he relaxes a little bit to whack him hard on the shoulder. "But if I was going to, it would be because of you two. You do love her, I know you do, don't you dare try to tell me you don'tâ"
"Yes." He grabs my arms, halting my agitated flailing. "I do. But I'm not the only one."
I open my mouth, but it gets clogged with my words.
"Look, I'm not stupid. I know it was Nessa you were talking about the night we met."
I close my eyes. Is that what this is about? "That doesn't have anything to do with you," I begin.
"Yes, it does." He's urgent now, eking desperation. "I never would have taken her number if I'd known she was your roommate. I never would have asked her out if I'd known. I never would have asked for a second date, or a third, orâ"
"Connor." I shake his grip off me and slap my hands to either side of his face, forcing him to look at me. "You're an idiot."
His eyebrows draw together.
"I told her to give you her number! That wasn't even her handwriting, it was mine!"
He finally pulls his face out of my hands. "I'm sorry, there's a part of me that doesn't think I can do this, knowing how much it will hurt you."
"No." I take a step toward him, and he's smart enough to match it with one back. "I hated you for a long time for this. I was jealous. I was angry that you just dropped in and got what I wanted."
I don't care if I don't make any sense to him. He needs to hear it. I lean forward.
"And the little, teeny, tiny sliver of me that's not quite over it will enjoy castrating you if you hurt Nessa," I whisper, then fix him in a hard stare. "And don't question whether I'll really do it because you know I will."
I can hear his gulp. "I do," he croaks.
"Good." Giving him one last lingering stare, I spin around and stomp back to Nessa's dressing room.
She turns around as soon as I enter, and I watch the hope on her face slide into despair as she takes in my tension. "I knew it," she whispers.
"No!" I rush to reassure her. "You have it all wrong. He loves you. He told me himself."
"Then why do you look like he ran over your cat with a semi truck?"
"Okay," I start. "First of all, I'm a dog person. Second of all, can you imagine Connor trying to drive a semi?" I cackle at the image, and one corner of Nessa's mouth turns up reluctantly.
"He's the only person in this town who doesn't own a pickup," I add, smiling too. "Now come on, let's get you ready."
Lesson number one of this whole ordeal: Connor is perfect for Nessa, and I couldn't ask for anything better for her. Lesson number two: Hours don't feel like eternities when you're not mooning over the bride or stressing about how to tell her you've been creepily in love with her this whole time.
For those few hours, the world outside our dressing room doesn't exist. We live in this pocket of peace, a kind of calm after the storm, and I finally exhale.
This is what I've really wanted for years. Freedom. The weight lifted from my shoulders. All those years of foisting my feelings onto strangers, gone. It's something that no amount of forcedly angry pep talks could manage, trying to muster up an emotion I didn't feel to cover up the more painful one that I did. It's just so much easier to be mad sometimes.
When the last bridesmaid leaves to start up the aisle, I turn to Nessa and smile, and this time it's genuine.
"See you up there," I say as I slip out.
This time, I have no trouble keeping my feet moving. My bouquet is in not in danger of being mangled by tyrannical hands. When I take my place next to the other bridesmaids, I nod to Connor instead of glaring.
And then we wait. Nessa's music starts up, and the audience stands.
My smile grows as she walks toward us. Noâtoward him.
The minister joins their hands and starts his introduction. Now that I'm not dreading the ceremony, time doesn't seem stretched, no longer elongating into eternal seconds. Cam hands Connor his ring, and I see his hands clench around Nessa's.
"Nessie," he starts, and I remember how much I've always hated that nickname. What is she, a sea monster?
But he says it with such love that it sounds perfect.
"You are theâ"
Connor breaks off and glances at me. I glare back. If eyes could shoot daggers, mine would aim straight for his man bits the second he shows any sign of chickening outâand he knows it, because he turns back to her.
"You're the music that my heart beats to," he says, more softly this time. "And before I met you, it was all this emo stuff, but now it's the cheesiest love song that I no longer roll my eyes at."
I watch Nessa's shoulders shake and briefly wonder if it's laughter or tears, but soon realize it's probably both.
"I promise to make you the center of my lifeâand not just because I'm terrified of your friends."
I nod with satisfaction, well aware that I'm the "friends" he mentions. His eyes cut my way again just in time to catch the snipping motion I make with my index and middle fingers.
"I can't wait to start our next chapter together," he finishes quickly.
"Do you, Connor Edward Mariani, take Vanessa Elizabeth Williams to be your partner in life, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, until death do you part?"
He swallows as he slips the ring on her finger. "I do."
"Do you, Vanessa Elizabeth Williams, take Connor Edward Mariani to be your partner in life, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, until death do you part?"
Her pause seems to stretch forever, but she finally smiles. "I do," she murmurs as she slides Connor's ring into place.
"You may now kiss the bride," the minister announces.
There's no whoop from Cam this time. They pull each other close, take a moment to themselves, and then step away all smiles. The audience stands again as they start back down the aisle.
I step forward and hold out my arm to Cam. I still feel like I owe him something after the last wedding. I tilt my head and grin up at him.
"You ready to party?"