Forsaken Future
I didn't understand anything that was going on. I was surrounded by strangers who told me that eight years had passed in just a few hours. I remember a small Latino woman unbinding me from the bed. The look at her face frightened me. She looked at me as if... I don't know where the thought came from but she looked at me as if I were about to die. I knew that look well but I don't know how. I'd never seen a dying person in my life.
"What do you mean eight years?" I asked again. "Who are you people?"
"Don't you recognize me?" the same man from before asked.
I studied him and shook my head. I had to be seeing wrong. "It can't be," I whispered. "You're too old."
"I grew up," Tyler said gently. "You did too. Your twenty four in a couple months."
"So old," I whispered.
"Not too old," the man with the smell said.
I knew that smell, I knew what it meant. I kept myself from touching him because of it. He smelled of power, an Alpha. Just like the other man. Two Alpha in the same room. It made my skin itch. I looked at the other one. Something about him was comforting to me, like the two women in the room, the Latino and the red head. "I... Do I know you?" I asked the man.
He smiled and dipped his head slightly. "Quite well. You've been my Beta and my little sister for quite some time now, Kate."
"Kate," I whispered to myself.
The man nodded. "Kate Greyson."
"Did... Did I marry?" I asked and for some reason my eyes traveled to the tall blonde man. He flashed me a smile like we were in on some big secret the others didn't know. Something about him irked me a little.
The other man shook his head. "No, you didn't marry. You changed your name when my parents adopted you."
"Adopted?" So many new words and facts. I felt overwhelmed, like I was drowning.
"Why don't we give her a minute," the man with the smell said. I shot him a grateful look. "I think all of you here at once is a little much."
"He's right," the Latino woman said. "Come Jason," she placed a hand on the man who called me his Beta, "Let's go get something to eat."
The other people soon filed out leaving just the man with the smell and a particularly grumpy looking man. "Doc, do you have any idea why she can't remember the past few years?" the man with the smell was the grumpy man.
"Honestly," the doctor, I'm calling him Grumpy, said. "Ask a shrink."
"I do not pay you for sarcasm," the man with the smell said.
Grumpy looked uninterested in the conversation. "It's not a result of the antidote or the poisons, it's a mental thing. I chose to be a medical doctor because for the most part my patients are unconscious. Her amnesia is a question for a shrink."
"I don't like you," I told Grumpy.
He looked at me with distaste. "I don't like you either."
"Now that that's clear, you can leave doctor," the man with the smell said in a firm tone. Grumpy left without as much as another word or glance at either of us. "If he were any worse at his job I would fire him," the man with the smell said to me.
I chuckled a little and he smiled. "Who are you?" I asked unable to hide my curiosity.
"I suppose I've changed a bit from when you remember me," the man said still smiling, though now it was a little sad. The man lightly touched my cheek in the same place he had a bandage on his. "I'm Grant."
I couldn't hold in the gasp. I shook my head and moved away from him. "That's... no... We can't be..."
"Mates?" Grant finished. Now that I knew who he was I couldn't believe I didn't see it before. "We are."
I pressed my hands to my neck searching for a mark, a mated female has a scar on her neck firm where her mate bite her to mark her as mated. I had no such mark. I couldn't help but sigh in relief. "I'm not marked."
"No," he agreed. "Though if I had my way you most certainly would be."
"I'm glad you haven't had your way," I whispered looking down.
"I know," he said and I looked back up. "I've done plenty to earn that feeling."
I didn't asked for clarification, everything was still so very confusing. "Has it really been eight years?"
He nodded, "Just about."
"What's happened?" I asked. "All those people before. That man he called me his Beta, his sister but I swear I've never seen him before. And I've never left Silver Moon and he most definitely was not of Silver Moon because I can smell that you're Silver Moon's Alpha."
"Slow down," he said chuckling as he took my hands into his. "I'll explain everything, just slow down."
"Okay," I said nodding. "Tell me everything."
"I don't know much about your time away but-"
"Away?" I asked.
This time he looked down and his cheeks colored themselves red. "We found out we were mates at your sixteenth birthday party. Well... neither of us really reacted very well."
"I ran," I said and he looked at me surprised. "I ran, didn't I? I feel like running."
"Yes, you ran," he said. "But I chased you. I was stupid and arrogant and..."
"You rejected me," I guessed. Again he nodded. I felt like there was something itching at my mind, scratching, wanting to be let out. But I couldn't reach it, I couldn't find what it was. "Then?"
"Then my father happened," he said. "If I had known... It doesn't matter know. He stripped you of rank and most of the pack... they turned their backs on you. So you left. I looked and I looked but I never did find you."
"How am I here now?" I asked.
"You should talk to your brother Jason about that, or Tristan. He was the tall blonde guy in here earlier." I heard a little resentment in his tone when he talked about the blonde guy. He was pretty attractive even if he seemed a little full of himself. "If you're feeling up to it I bet you'd like a shower and change of clothes."
That did sound really appealing. "Yes," I said eagerly.
He smiled, "I'll have Tristan bring you some clothes." He lent me an arm. I grabbed it and slowly moved off the medical bed. I hissed when my bare feet meet cold tiled floor. I had to lean on Grant more than I cared to admit as he helped me cross the room into the small bathroom that connected to the medical room.
The bathroom was tiny and plain and could barely fit a sink, toilet, and a shower that barely had room for one person to stand in it. But it had semi-hot water and soap. Well lukewarm water and soap that smelled like a sterile laboratory. Still I was clean. When the last of the soap studs went down the drain I shut off the water and wrapped myself in a towel before stepping out. I wringed my dyed-black hair, quite a shock I must say, out in the sink.
I straightened and wiped the condensation off the mirror. I was too afraid to look at my reflection before that would make the time that's passed too real, too tangible. I gasped though whether it was in shock or fear I didn't know.
It was a strange feeling, looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger. I looked so much older. It was odd. I'd expected some change but... "My eyes," I whispered reaching a hand up. The woman in the mirror mimicked me.
"Katrina?" Grant said rapping his fist against the door lightly. "Are you okay?"
I opened the door without thinking and Grant froze when he saw me in nothing more than a towel. He, being the gentleman he was, turned so his back was to me. His neck was red with blush. "My eyes?" I asked. His back tensed. "How?"
"The doc thinks that it made be a result of the combined poisons and antidote," Grant said. He'd explained how I was poisoned by a couple of rogues and had been in coma the past week.
"Thinks?" I repeated in a strained voice. "So he doesn't actually know?"
"No," Grant said shaking his head.
"Will they go back to normal?" I asked him shakily.
"I'm afraid it's unlikely," Grant answered. "Sorry."
I didn't reply. I turned back to the mirror to stare into the new eyes of a stranger. "I remember a woman," I said absentmindedly as I fiddled with a lock of black hair. "Her eyes kind of glowed like this."
"Where'd you meet her?" Grant asked.
"Not sure," I mumbled as I racked my brain. "I think it was a dream. It was pretty and warm."
"Sounds nice," Grant said handing me a bundle of black without turning around.
"Yeah, it does," I sighed and closed the door to change.
"Do you remember anything else?" Grant asked curiously.
I bit my lip. I wasn't sure if it was a dream or a memory but I remember the blonde boy. We were kissing. "No," I lied, it came off my tongue far easier than I thought it would. I never lie. I always felt so guilty afterwards, like a knot twisting in my stomach. I waited for the guilt to come only it never did. I felt the same.
I got dressed and looked at the clothes. "Where did you get these?" I asked.
"Tristan pulled them from your bags," Grant answered. "Why?"
"Nothing, they're just very... black." Black everything. Black slacks, black V-neck long sleeved shirt, black boots. "Do I not own anything more... well anything with colors?"
Grant laughed. "I'm fairly certain you do but those items are probably scarce."
How very gothic of me. Not that they were nice clothes, believe me, despite looking like I was ready to attend a funeral the clothes were quite flattering. All of the black made my eyes pop and seem even stranger. I slipped on the necklace I'd taken off to shower.
There was something about the little wolf's eye that felt like it was watching me. Still I put it back off because the idea of leaving behind just rubbed me wrong. "I'm dressed," I said opening the door again.
Grant turned around and saw his eyes swiftly scan me. I wasn't sure whether he was checking me out or reassuring himself of my health. Maybe it was both. "Are you hungry?" he asked lending me his arm. "Your Luna brought some food."
The Latino woman wave from the chair she was curled up in by the bed they'd had me strapped down in. "I'm Lily Greyson," she said smiling kindly. Everything about her reminded me of a mother. She gestured at a bowled of soup resting on the counters lining the back wall of the room. "I figured you'd probably like something to eat that didn't come from an IV bag. Doctor Ernwick said nonsolid food was best and not to eat too much."
"Doctor Ernwick?" I asked.
She nodded towards the shut office door. "The pack house doctor who's been looking after you."
"I've been calling him Grumpy in my head," I told her and she chuckled.
"Before you called him Doc," she said. "You don't remember his name very well."
"He's rude," I replied. "So I don't feel too bad about that."
She smiled. "You never do change, Kate."
She didn't say it like it was bad thing, she was merely pointing it out. "Can I ask you some questions? It's about my missing time."
"Of course," she said. "Sit, we'll talk while you eat."
I glanced at Grant from the corner of my eye. "I'd like to talk to you alone."
Lily's eyes went straight to Grant. He nodded, "I should go get some work done. I'll be back later."
I waited until I was sure he was gone then grabbed the bowl of soup and sat down in the middle of the cot. "What's my relationship with the blonde man? Tristan?" I asked.
She chuckled. "So that's what you didn't want to ask in front of Grant."
I wondered if I should tell her. What if it wasn't a memory. What if I had some weird fantasy and we actually hate each other? I'll never know if I don't ask her. I could ask him but that could be even worse. "I remember kissing him," I blurted out.
Her eyes widened and for a moment I thought that meant the notion was truly insane. Then she shook her head. "You never did beat around the bush."
"So?" I pressed.
She nodded, "Yes, you two have kissed."
"Are we... is he my boyfriend?" I felt like a child for having to ask such things.
"You two never really define your relationship," she answered. How helpful. "I know that you two helped each other through your respective rejections. I also know he's the first one you go to for advice."
I nodded committing the information to memory. If I get my memories back I'm going to be pissed that I had to learn everything twice. "I want to know about the past few years," I said. "Everything that you can tell me. How did I come to be your Beta? Why did I change my name? Everything. I don't even know the name of my pack."
"Fire Light," she answered. "You are one of the most trusted members of the Fire Light pack." I nodded eagerly and she continued to tell me about my life. Some of it was pretty amazing, according to Lily I've visited over twenty packs and I trained with the Elders. That was pretty mind blowing. The Elder pack consist of the best of the best and they only train a select few, most of whom later become members at the completion of their training.
They were other things she told me, things that weren't so amazing. There was blood on my hands, she showed me a journal of names. I counted them. 281 names. The number made my head spin and my stomach twist. So many dead by my hands.
I kept waiting for her words to trigger something, anything, but they didn't. When we finished talking Grant returned with a shrink and once I was done yelling that I didn't need a shrink I was forced to talk with him and get psychoanalyzed.
I didn't like it.
According to Mr. Answers Questions with Questions my amnesia was some sort of defense mechanism resulting from emotional trauma and my mind went back to the last point of memory in which I was safe from any emotional pain. Eventually my memories should slowly comeback to me however it would take time and I may not get everything back.
At least I think that's what he was saying. To be honest I was only half listening because it all sounded like a lot of BS. I was mostly thinking about my current situation. It sounded like I had a good life, for the most part, back in Fire Light. However my mate was in Silver Moon, the life I remember having is in Silver Moon. The question that rises then is do I stay?
If everything I've been told is true then I've must of put some thought into it already, hell maybe even came to a decision. Lily said I go to Tristan for advice. If I had made a decision then maybe he could tell me what it was.
The only problem would be finding him. That involved leaving the room without Grant noticing which is near impossible because he never leaves. He never lets me do anything. Whenever one of my Fire Light pack mates tried to tell me anything remotely unpleasant about my past he would shut them down saying that bad news would halt my recovery.
I was recovering fine considering I was poisoned. I was kind of impressed that someone went to such lengths to kill me even though the idea that someone wants me dead was more than a little frightening.
I finally got my chance about two or three days later when Grant had to leave to do so 'Alpha Work' and left me alone with Trina. Trina was with me almost as often as Grant but she was actually pretty cool.
She said I rescued her after her village-or was it community?-had been killed. She said that I raised her after that and was like a big sister to her. It was pretty funny considering she was Tyler's mate.
"Do you know where Tristan is?" I asked her.
She looked up from her cellphone which I learned she spent a lot of time playing on. "Yeah, I think he's got a session right now so he should be out back. Why?"
"I want to talk to him about something but he hasn't come back since I woke up." I couldn't help feel a little hurt by that and it made an appearance in my voice.
"He wanted to give you some time," Trina explained gently. "He didn't think crowding you would be overly helpful. I think he was just scared."
"Scared? Of what?"
She nodded. "That you won't remember him. You two... you mean a lot to Tristan, it's been that way for as long as I've known you. I think he's scared you'll look at him and see nothing worth knowing."
I thought of the scraps of memories I had, I'd been getting flashes, dreams. Getting my ass handed to me by an annoyingly pretty boy. Dancing in the middle of the night. Not all of them were about Tristan, nor were they all set in Fire Light.
I remembered cooking spaghetti with a boy who brought to mind my former boss. I remember looks on faces in the pack house. I remember Grant whispering words in my ears. Sorry babe, you just aren't my type.
I shook my head to clear it. "That's stupid," I said in response to Trina's words. "How could he possibly think that's even a possibility?" I think I surprised her a little. "Tree, can you take me to him?"
She gaped at me for a few seconds.
"What?" I asked.
"You called me Tree," she said softly. "That's your nickname for me, has been ever since I was little."
"Littler," I corrected.
She smiled, "You're remembering things."
"Bits and pieces," I confirmed.
"Why don't you tell anyone?" she asked.
My face heated up. "Grant would make me talk to the shrink again and that guy just gets on my nerves."
Trina laughed. "It's good to have you back, Kate." She helped me up. "Come on, Tristan's session should be ending in a few."
We trekked out to the back yard and I stopped short in admiration. About twenty or so wolves fought in near perfect formation. It was... amazing. "Wow," I murmured.
"You should see your sessions," Trina said.
I sat on the steps leading down from the porch. "I'll be good on my own for a bit, Tree," I said watching as children played not ten feet from the sparring wolves as if it were normal.
"Link me if you need anything, Kate," she said before making her leave.
I watched every go about their lives. They knew who they were, they knew their past. I envied them for that. But I wondered if that made it any easier to know your future. I feel different. I may not really remember the past few years but I knew I wasn't the person I was back when I was in Silver Moon.
So does someone without a past have a future? The big money question.
"For you."
I blinked and focus on the small toddler in front of me. He had dark hair and olive skin and chubby cheeks. He was holding a fistful of wildflowers out to me. I smiled and took them. "Thank you," I said making a show of smelling them. "These are the most beautiful flowers ever given to me." The little boy giggled at me words. "What's your name little man?"
"I'm Tristan," he answered and I noticed his two front teeth were missing causing him to talk a little funny.
"Hi Tristan," I said still smiling. "I'm Kate."
He nodded, his little head bobbing up and down adorably. "You have pretty eyes!" he blurted out.
I giggled. Everyone else was too freaked out to comment on my eyes. "Thank you. You know I know another Tristan."
"You do?" he gasped as though this were the most amazing information ever.
I nodded and swooped him up onto my lap. "But you are much cuter than him, LT."
He giggled wildly. "LT?" A man asked.
I looked up. "Oscar?"
He smiled, "Yes ma'am. I thought you'd lost your memory."
I shrugged, "I've been getting it back. Slowly. How are you?"
"Good," he answered. "Despite trying to keep track of this little rascal."
I chuckled and tickled the toddler's stomach. He squealed in delight. "He's yours?"
He shook his head, "Nah, my cousin. I watch him whenever his parents need a sitter."
"Well he is adorable," I said. "Aren't you, LT?"
"What's LT mean?" Oscar asked.
"Little Tristan," I answered setting the boy down. He immediately ran off to join a bunch of other boys and I could hear him bragging. "I think it suits him."
Oscar smiled, "I think you may be right, Beta Kate."
"Just Kate," I said but he was already gone after his cousin.
"Making friends?"
Tristan's session was done. "Can we talk?" I asked looking up at him. "I could really use some advice."
He nodded and sat down next to me. "I was going to visit soon."
"It's okay, you don't need to make excuses, Tristan. Honestly everyone's been smothering me. It's nice to have someone willing to give me a little breathing room." I sighed and leaned against the railing. "Did I know what I was going to do?"
"Do?" he asked.
"Stay here or return to Fire Light," I clarified. "I was hoping that I'd made a decision and that you'd know it."
"If you had wouldn't your current state maybe affect it?" Tristan said.
I shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not. It would be nice to have a plan for the future to fall back on."
"I wish I could offer you that," he murmured. "But if you decided you kept that decision to yourself."
I wasn't too disappointed. I had a feeling this would be the result. "What should I do?"
"I can't decide that for you, Kate," he said. "I won't."
I grimaced. "Then tell me how to decide. Right now I haven't got a clue about what to do and everyone tells me the same thing. I go to you for advice. I could really use some of that advice right now."
He was silent for a while. Long enough that I thought he wasn't going to answer and then, "The future is tricky. It changes like the wind. My advice, don't listen to your head. I've known you a long time, you've got heart, a lot of it, but you always do what your head tells you. You can't do that this time. You're thinking of the problem as Silver Moon or Fire Light when that isn't it."
"Then what is it?" I asked intrigued.
"Home," he answered. "Home is where the heart is. Home is where the heart is. You want to know where your future lies, follow your heart."
"Great," I muttered sarcastically. "Off to Candyland I go." He laughed.