Thank you for the near 20k mark you guys!!! It means so much to me that you guys enjoy this story enough to stick around for Brooklyn's journey. Some things happen in this chapter that change things ;)
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Chapter Sixty-Eight: "Estrella."
YOU'D THINK THAT there has to be a reason behind everything. That every action has a purpose, every word has a hidden meaning, every revelation has a deeper story.
To me, this is the case. I'd hint off my problems and that I need help to resolve them without actually saying so, I'd distance myself to show something is wrong, I'd do the wrong thing to make people see.
That method brought me some help. However, just admitting to everything to one person at once actually does me more justice than my old ones. I'd previously just cry in isolation, whereas when Casey and Johnny walked in and I told them everything, I felt better instantly.
Why haven't I just done it this way in the first place?
Because people would judge you, my subconscious tells me. You were too sensitive, you weren't sensitive enough, you didn't take matters seriously when they needed to be.
I think living with the McGibbon's has given me insight on that. Some things were meant to be taken more seriously than I let on, and that led to the boys telling me to watch out, but I never listened because I never believed things could actually get so out of hand.
But what do I know, right? I lost some of my vision, my friendsâwho are now my friends again but stillâmy pride, and my boyfriend, all because I didn't take their warning when it came to messing with Annabelle. And when the toughest boys in school, the Canadian Rebel Brothers, tell me to not mess with a certain someone and I don't listen and mess with them anyway, surely I'm going to have my ass and social status handed to the predators in a silver platter with all my dignity.
So I guess what I'm saying is that, from this day forward, for myself, every action will have a purpose, every word won't have a hidden meaningânot as often anywaysâand every revelation won't have a deeper story. I'll give out what I think people need to know, and keep the deeper stuff inside. My oath still stands, and I truly don't think that anyone knowing about my past is something that is mandatory.
There's just those secrets that you keep to yourself and yourself only.
"Brooklyn, can you come here a minute?" I hear Ella yell up, and I get off my uncomfortable bed which I definitely didn't miss, and trot downstairs.
She's in the kitchen cleaning up and prepping supper. I passed on lunch because I wasn't hungry, and still currently don't have an appetite so I passed on dinner as well.
"Louis didn't do his chore before he left for his friends and the boys are too busy with prepping some of the horses for a trip to Blue Mountain for the week, can you help out?"
"Doing Louis' chore, you mean?" I question.
"Yes."
I shrug. "Yeah, sure, I can do that."
"Wonderful!" She claps her hands together. "So you'll have to let the palominos out to the back yard, and then bring the Belgians inside. After those, just throw their harnesses on and if you could feed the foal in stables 202 and 207, that would be great."
"202 and 207? What happened to the mom's?" I ask with a frown.
"The mare of 202 got pneumonia and passed just three days after giving birth a few weeks ago, and 207 finally died of cancer after having it for a few months."
My eyes widen.
207 was the stable that the foal the family gave me belongs to.
"My foal. . ."
"Yes, it was her mother." She says sadly. "She had another baby, though. She's been bottle-fed for a few days now."
"Wâwhen. . ." I trail off. "Is she okay? Why did nobody say anything to me?"
"I don't know, dear. But your baby is fine, I promise. She's healthy."
Though relieving that is, I still feel bad. "Um, yeah. Yeah."
She smiles. "Thank you."
I nod, and head back upstairs to get dressed. I change out of my shorts and shrug on a pair of tight sweats, and a thick sweater. When I get to the back kitchen where the boots are, I throw mine on and walk briskly to the barns that have the horses in them.
The mother of the foal I was given just died. A few days ago. And nobody told me? The poor baby! She must've been devastated, and if only I knew beforehand so I could be there with her. I know how awful it feels to lose someone you love so very much, and the loneliness of it is the worst.
I walk through the big barn doors, passing Lucas helping Lance, and one of the twins. I brush past them without making eye contact, giving Lucas a ruffle to his hair in which he replies with a fit of giggles. I turn the corner to where the main door is to outside, and open the hatch. A few moments pass before Belgian after Belgian come inside. I wait behind them, waiting for the last one, before closing and locking the gate again.
I follow the six Belgians to where their stables are, and connect the chain to their harness, one by one. After that, I shuffle to where the seven Palominos are and unhook them, and step in front of them to push their large bodies backwards to leave.
Once they're outside, I lock up that section of the barn and head to the front one, where the mares, young horses, and foals are kept for quick access if anything bad or unexpected were to happen. I nod curtly back to Lance and the other twin before disappearing.
"Hey baby," I say softly as I walk to the stable where my foal is kept. I still haven't found a name for her yet. Perhaps that's something I'm going to have to do before 'baby' becomes her permanent name, and I want it to be special.
Her colour has changed; instead of the silk matte black colour she was last time, she's now a salt and pepper colour; definitely showing her Piebald breed through her shiny fur. She seemed to have outgrew her black coat really fast.
She prances up to me, rubbing her head against the cold metal of the barn. It's quite warm in here for the exact purpose of newborns, but the metal is still frosty to the touch.
"I need to feed your sister, but I'll come right back and visit, okay?" I whisper, rubbing her fuzzy snout. She huffs, but nudges my hand against the frame again. I kiss her nose and move down the hall, towards stable 207, since it's closest.
Inside is a baby Piebald, but to me looks like a Paint because of the coat, the fur covered in large blotches of white and tan colours. About my height, this baby is shivering and looks frightened. I don't know much about psychology, but something tells me that this horse isn't sick; she's missing her mother. I frown as I walk to the room where all the bottles of milk are stored for the foals whose mom's milk can't feed them, or they simply aren't there to provide. I make some formula and walk back to the stable, opening the door softly, however it groans against the metal-on-metal contact and startles the baby.
"Shh, it's okay," I say, slowly making my way inside. "You're okay. I have your dinner." I highly doubt she understands, but even if she could, I want her to know that I'm not here to harm her, especially since I'm an unfamiliar face and she's still only a few days old. I hold my hand out, somehow doing what I do with dogs when they see someone they don't know and need to familiarize themselves with the new body.
I stand still for a few minutes, letting her recognize me and when I feel like it's okay to approach, I walk over to her and reach out for her mane.
She jumps slightly but then after a few moments of me doing this, she relaxes. "Here, honey." I whisper to her, and when she sees the milk, she goes berserk. She downs the bottle fairly quickly, and I just stand there stroking her silky fur. It's so soft, so colourful, and I frown that she has to stay in a stall all by herself. Maybe if I could put her and my foal together?
The idea makes me smile.
Reaching into my pocket, I grab the walkie talkie that we use in the barns to communicate with one another and call in the main channel. "Anyone still here?" I page.
"All of us are," a voice replies, and I nod, even though nobody can hear me.
"The foal in 207, has she met the foal that's currently in 214?"
"She has. She was removed when mama died." I want to say it was Lance who responded.
"Any reason behind that?" I ask.
"The baby in 207 was restless and aggressive so we needed to separate." I think that's Liam.
"Well she's shaking and scared, can I try bringing them back together?"
"Things can go awry," Lance says. "I don't recommend it."
"But that's not a no, right?"
There's a long silence. "No, I suppose not."
I don't answer.
Instead, I walk back into 207 and stroke the baby's mane, and come upon a realization.
"Shit, I'm sorry, little guy. I didn't know you were a boy." I chuckle softly, and grab his halter. "Here, come with me, let's go see your sister."
I was expecting him to put up a fight, but we had a baby like this at Aunt Cindy's ranch and he was really feisty. It took me about a half hour to gain his trust, and after that, he wasn't as feistyâwell, with me, at least. I can't say the same for my cousins who live in the U.S.
I gently lead the little Paint towards my foals stable, and she clacks her shoed-feet towards the door. Surprisingly, she seems relatively calm, and a snort comes out of Little Paint's nose.
Suddenly, he neighs really loud, making me flinch. My foal responds my doing the same thing, and somehow I find that they are fine together, so I take the bold move and bring Little Paint closer to the stable door.
They sniff each other, and I watch Little Paint closely. He's the one who was temperamental, so I pay more attention to him closely. My foal seems to act relatively calm and content, while Little Paint is tense.
I let them sniff for about ten minutes, before actually opening the door to face the beasts head-on.
A half hour later, and I am thoroughly impressed.
Little Paint has been very nice to my baby, and I think he actually likes her very much. She's groomed him and nuzzled him like a mother does, and I get a feeling in my belly that these two will get along just fine.
I take this time to take a risk and disappear to go feed the foal in 202.
The baby in 202 is a Palomino, the fur a rich caramel colour. No more then a month old, I feed her the bottle and give her some attention before moving along and getting ready to finish for the night. I've already been out here just over an hour, and though I'm restless and excited to see the two foals enactment, I know I need rest soon. Besides, there's always tomorrow to come back.
Returning to the stable of 214, my eyes widen when I see Little Paint and my still-nameless foal nestled together in the corner of the stall, Little Paint's body curled into the side of my foal's body. They're close in size since Little Paint is big for a male foal, but it's still adorable and I can't help but think that she's protecting him. Not just from the elements, but anything that may get in between the two.
I open the gate and step inside. Little Paint is sleeping, and I walk over to crouch in front of my foal. He's dead to the world, and he's relaxed. Little Paint is no longer shaking, but is softly snoring away, and I giggle softly. "You got skills, baby." I say to her. Her eyes lit up when I came back, but somehow they light even more.
"Like a star," I whisper to myself. Estrella. I seen a light flash in Little Paint's eyes too when I brought him to her pen, but he was still scared and couldn't figure out if he should fight or flight.
I come to the conclusion that I now know what I want to name my little foal.
Estrella.
Spanish for star, I know exactly why it suits her. Not only is her fur a stormy colour, that that would resemble sadness and the blues, but her eyes light like fire when she sees me, and Little Paint's eyes lit with the same flame when he saw her, too. Not only does she have an effect on me, but she has an effect on her little brother, who, may be Piebald at heart, but actually resembles a Paint, which is why I have the cute little nickname for him.
"I need to take your brother back to his stall, baby." I say to her. I can hear the soft purrs of Little Paint's slumber, which makes me feel slightly bad because I don't want to separate them.
I try to wake up the foal, but he's dead.
"Come on, buddy." I grunt as I try to heave him up.
More minutes pass, and the furthest I've gotten was him waking up.
"Come on." I groan. "I promise if you come back, you can see her tomorrow! I'll probably need to feed you again anyways, so it's a win-win, little man."
He's gotten up, but he refuses to move from the corner, hidden behind Estrella, somehow thinking she'll protect him.
So far, I think she's choosing him over me.
Damn it.
Nearly another hour passes, when I finally get Little Paint away and out of the stable. I shrieked in victory, but I felt bad afterwards because he started to shake again the moment he was away from her.
"Tomorrow, I'll let you come back, I promise." I stroke his fur, and lead him back to his stable. He whines some more, neighing out his protests but I try not to budge. Animals are certainly my weakness, and the fact that Little Paint is an adorable baby doesn't help me at all.
I literally need to force myself away and to Estrella's stall.
I enter, closing the gate behind me.
"I think I finally found a name for you," I whisper to her, sitting down on the pile of hay along the floor. She walks up to me, pushing my head with her nose and I giggle as her cold nose hits my chin. "What do you think of Estrella?"
Obviously she can't reply, but I somehow take the nibble on my hair as a sign she likes it.
"I remember when I first saw you," I begin softly, stroking her fur. "Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. And tonight, when I seen you for the first time in a while, they lit up again. I'm sorry for leaving you for so long, baby. I missed home."
She continues to nibble on my hair, and then moves down to the strings of my sweater.
"Little PaintâI made that nickname up for your little brother because he looks more like a Paint instead of youâhis eyes lit up the same way yours did, and I think he was happy he saw you again. He really likes you, you know. I'm not one for psychology, but I know a happy man when I see one." I grin.
"I think you made him less scared. I'm sorry I needed to separate you two, but I promise I'll talk to Ella and see if we can arrange something, since I wouldn't want to be apart from my sibling either. But anyway, I think Estrella fits you perfectly. You brighten everyone's day, and you're perfect. Absolutely perfect."
I wrap my arms around her, nuzzling her against my chest. I love this girl to pieces. I was attached to her from the moment I laid eyes on her beautiful face.
"What do you say about training, hmm?" I suddenly voice. "We can break you in, not literally of course, but make you rideable and we can ride up the mountains and overlook the lake."
"I can help, if you want."
I jump back, startled, and look up to see one of the twinsâwell, Landon. I know it's him because of the shine in his eyes from the lighting in here.
"You scared me."
He shrugs.
"What are you doing here?"
"Came to recruit for dinner." He replies.
"I declined." I say. "You can go."
"Are you taking appetite suppressants again?" He asks softly after a few moments.
I sigh, grinding my teeth together to stop from screaming at him, demanding why he's being such an ass. "Just because I pass on a meal doesn't mean I'm taking pills to prevent me from doing it."
"Just because I asked doesn't mean you need to be snappy about it." He retorts.
"Can you blame me, Landon?" I demand. "I've tried to reach out to you and explain everything, but you want nothing to do with me. I can't just stand around being nice to you when you treat me like hunted game. I made an effort, I made a sacrifice and I'm sorry you don't like that but I'm not going to stand around and be treated like this."
"You deserve better." He whispers. "You're too good for me."
"Who cares?" I snap. "I didn't, clearly, otherwise I wouldn't have tried to get your attention. I wanted you, and I thought you wanted me, too."
"I didâI do."
"Then why are you being so mean to me?" I question, my voice breaking, eyes filling with tears. I want nothing more than to be with him. I don't want Taylor anymore, I want Landon and I won't stand around waiting for him if there isn't a slight possibility that he wants me too.
But he's made that clear, and now I still don't understand why we're still arguing if we both want each other.
"I'm sorry," he gasps. "I'm sorry for how I treated you over our video chat and I'm sorry how I treated you at school when you looked for me."
"I wanted to work things out." I say. "I tried really hard. You can apologize to me drunk, but you can't when you're sober?"
"I apologized drunk?" He questions.
I nod silently. "Last night. You and Liam were too busy falling over one another that it woke me up. I sent Liam to bed but you could barely even stand up so I helped you."
"So that's how I ended up on my bed?"
"Not in the most comfortable position, but yes." I answer. "It's not safe to be drinking like that."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Sorry for drinking or sorry for being a complete douchebag?"
"Both," he says honestly. "But I really am sorry and regretful for how I've been acting."
"You were being so rude."
"Blue, I'm going to be honest with you, alright? I was pissedâlivid. And some of me still is, but when you ran to school. . . I didn't pay attention to anything you said until you said you'd see me later. . . at home."
My eyes widen a fraction. I guess I did say home, didn't I? I've always referenced the house as the McGibbon's or McGibbon residence, and I guess that I actually must think that place as home if I called it that. I'm not one to say stuff if I don't mean it and truly, I now realize that their home feels more like home than I ever imagined it could be.
"I meant it." I manage to get out. "I don't know how long I've realized it, but I mean it. It's home. It's home to me, Landon."
He pushes himself off the gate and walks over to me, crouching down and taking my face in his. Estrella nudges him for getting in her way, but he pays no attention to her. "I'm so, so sorry, baby."
I feel a tear escape. "Me too. Very much."
And with that, he smiles softly and leans in, giving me the softest kiss I've ever feltâeven with Taylor, and Taylor gave gentle kisses.
I know we have a lot to still talk about, and I know he's going to be pissed with me when I tell him I'm no longer a virginâa proper, consenting virgin, I should sayâbut I hope that now we're past the part where every fight is unable to be resolved. Fights will breakout, but I just hope we're now strong enough to get past them.
Together.