Happy Halloween everyone!
Chapter Forty-One: "Butterflies."
THE PARKING LOT is deserted other than a white pick up that's parked in the center of the small space. I recognize it immediately and rush to the vehicle, my numbed fingers reaching for the handle desperately and I throw myself into the passenger seat, rubbing my arms frantically trying to find heatâany heat.
I freeze when something wraps around me, but I melt into it as it acts as a heating system to me.
I notice that it's a body.
"Damn, you're like an icicle." He whispers.
"I-I-I underestimated the cold here." I chatter, and Landon moves over, closer to me.
Close enough where my back is pressed up against his chest tightly.
Surprising to say, I fit perfectly against his huge frame. He not only is warming me up instantaneously, but he's also making my body spark and have a bunch of electricity run through me.
He presses a kiss to my forehead, and my whole face warms at the gesture. Man, if that's what it takes to warm up. . .
No. No, don't think that way. You can't just think of making out with Landon to make you not freeze your ass off anymore.
It sounds tempting.
I shift, turning around in his arms to the point where we're face to face, but my head is tucked into his neck.
About ten minutes later, some of the heat has returned and I notice that Landon very reluctantly pulls himself away from me.
"Are you okay now?" He asks softly, looking me up and down.
"Yeah," I say breathlessly. "Thank you."
"Anytime." He smiles warmly, and starts the truck up. "So, why are you out here?"
"My mom provoked me at dinner. I walked out and ended up down here."
"Does your dad know where you are?"
"He's probably asleep and I didn't want to wake him. This, sadly, isn't uncommon. He knows that I'd be back the next day if I didn't return home that night."
I stare out the window as we pass the deserted streets. The radio is off, but there's a comfortable silence between us. I reach for the air, turning the heat on high and focusing the vents on me and my feet.
"Are you still cold?" He asks.
"A little," I shrug. "I don't mean to brag, but believe it or not, your body heat works a lot better than your trucks heater."
He smirks triumphantly. "Need some more?"
"You're driving." I say blankly.
"Offers on the table." He grins. More minutes of silence pass, before he speaks up again. "Are you hungry or anything? Thirsty?"
I glance at him through my lashes. "Yeah, sure."
He smiles. "I'll stop at a Timmie's for us."
I frown. A what? "Where?"
"Timmie's." He repeats.
"Who's Timmy?" I question.
Landon stops at a stop light once we reach the city, and turns his head to be in bewilderment and utter shock. "Out of the couple months you've been here, you've never heard?"
"No?" I say nervously, raising my eyebrows. "Am I supposed to?"
"Yes!" He says. "Timmie's?"
"Nope."
"Tim's."
"Nope."
"Tim Hortons?"
"No."
He gasps. "That needs to change. I can't have a cute roommate that is living in my house not know what this countries main coffee shop is. It's like a religion, Blue, like having sex when you're Christian and you're sinning if you commit coitus before marriage."
"That's a big word for you, Landon." I point out. "I'm impressed."
"I'm impressed that I like you a lot more than I thought I was." He grins, and I feel heat rise to my cheeks. Somehow I feel that he has a hidden meaning behind those words.
"Out of everything you could have possibly compared that to, you chose sex." I say in mocking disbelief, changing the subject. "Why am I not surprised?"
"I'm a teenage boy, babe. I'm not surprised, either."
Landon makes a few more turns in the street before pulling into a place with a white and yellow sign reading 'Tim Hortons' in cursive writing. He pulls into a spot, where there are only two cars located. He cuts the engine before running over to my side of the car to open the door for me before I can.
"M'lady," he smirks, holding his hand out to me, and I chuckle, grabbing his outstretched arm with mine and he helps me out of the truck.
I shiver involuntarily when he interlocks his fingers with mine. He leads us inside, and I'm immediately flooded with heat and the smell of coffee beans and freshly baked bread. It brings me comfort and warmth, and the whole display gives off a calm mood. It definitely makes me forget about what happened several hours ago with my mother.
"What would you like?" Landon asks me as we make our way to the line, but stand aside so I have the chance to look over the selections.
"I don't have any money, so I'm okay, thanks." I say softly. In reality, though, I'm starving and my internal temperature is still below normal. My toes are still cold and I've been out of the elements for a half hour.
He chuckles deeply. "Nonsense, darling, don't worry about that. It's my treat."
"I'm okay, Landon." I try to reassure him.
"Stop playing hard to get, Blue. You've been outside in this weather with barely any clothes on and you need to warm up."
"Are you sure?" I ask, biting my lip.
His eyes zoom in on my lip in between my teeth before he pulls his eyes up to mine. "Of course." He smiles, grabbing and squeezing my hand in promise. A frown appears on his face. He brings my hand up to his lips. "Shit, you're still cold. Here, come on."
He tugs me towards the cash, and the woman behind the counter gives us a wide smile. "Awe, you two are so cute together! What can I get you?"
I smile back, not wanting to let her down because she seems happy about what she thinks we are.
"Landon," I whisper, and he looks down at me, nodding for me to continue. "What's something sweet but also with coffee in it? I don't want a full coffee but I could use the energy."
He gives me a grin. "I know exactly what you're wanting." He then turns to the young woman.
Her chestnut brown hair is tied in a bun with a net covering it, and a tennis cap-like thing on her head with the shop's name on it. Her face is covered in makeup, and she looks oddly in high spirits for someone who has to work the nightshift on a Sunday nightâwell, since it's past midnight I guess it'd be Monday morning. She's beautiful needless to say; a whole lot more beautiful than me, that's for sure.
She's skinny, her skin a pale white, face round, cheekbones high, and eyes a naturally wide, shimmering brown.
I couldn't even compare to her; she should be a model, not working at a coffee shop at twelve in the morning.
"A black coffee with three sugars, and a café mocha." He says politely to the woman. My eyes wander down to her name tag, which reads Maurice. Great. A beautiful girl and a beautiful name. Landon looks down at me again and nudges me, bringing me back to reality. "Want anything to eat, Blue?"
"Your name is Blue?" Maurice questions with a smile. "It's a gorgeous name. It's unique."
I smile tightly up at her, though I meant it to be polite. "Thank you, but that isn't my name. My real name is Brooklyn."
"My apologies, but that's still a gorgeous name."
"Yeah, sure, I can eat." I say to Landon, ignoring Maurice's comment.
"Bagel, breakfast muffin, muffin, donut, wrap. . . whatever you want."
"A blueberry muffin will suffice." I say in a small voice.
"Anything else?" Maurice asks as she types in the order.
"Yeah, make that double." Landon replies, grabbing out his wallet. I still feel bad for making him pick me up and pay for food.
"I'll pay you back when you drop me off at home Tuesday." I say to him once we grab our drinks and muffins and head to a table.
"No, keep your money." He says, taking a seat at a duo table and sitting across from me.
"I already made you pick me up, Landon. Now you're paying for my food." I complain.
"Hey, you barely eat as it is, alright? It's not often I have the opportunity to be able to buy you a meal. And, you didn't make me come get you. I did that on my own, Liam just came into my room and told me to go pick you up because he didn't want to."
"So he's not drunk?" I ask with raised eyebrows. Of course, it's often that people lie to me.
"Oh no, he is, he just thinks he's piss drunk, when he's just drunk."
"Ah," I nod, "I still wouldn't let him pick me up anyway if he was drinking. I've done that before, and it was definitely scary."
"You've drank and drove?" He asks with wide eyes. "You could've killed yourself! And it's illegal."
"Yeah, so?" I scoff. "So is drinking and that never stopped me."
He scowls at me playfully. "Touché, darling."
I fiddle around with the lid on my drink, the steam pouring out as we fall into a comfortable silence.
After a few minutes, I grab my muffin and take the top off, picking at it. Two minutes after that, and the whole top is eaten.
I see out of my lashes Landon smiling to himself as he watches me contently, and in. . . awe?
"What?" I breathe out nervously. I don't know why, but since my fight with Atticus, being around Landon has made me nervous. Though, I've always been nervous around him, now it's multiplied by a gazillion and sends butterflies to my stomach. I somehow want to be close to himâphysically and emotionally.
"You're eating," he smiles widely.
I glance up at him. I clear my throat nervously, swallowing the last piece of my muffin. "Yeah, I've been trying."
"How is it?" He asks, finally opening his muffin and taking a large bite out of it.
I rub my hands together, clearing crumbs and place my elbows on the table, putting my chin in my hands. "It's a work in progress. I'm up to eating quarter meals now." I add in a soft voice, changing it and the language so nobody can overhear us, even though we're the only ones in here aside from the employees.
"Brooklyn, that's amazing!" He says happily.
"Yeah, I suppose," I agree, a small smile on my face. "I just don't know how it's going to be after getting sick, you know? I was barely even eating anything because it would come back up. I'm scared being sick will bring back old habits."
"I think that if you're truly trying to get better and keep trying as you start healing, then you can do it. I have faith in you, babe. Don't think that because you weren't eating for the past couple weeks means that you won't bounce back. If you believe in yourself I know you can overcome it."
There's that B-word again.
"Thank you," I say thankfully. "Having no friends here and you being the only person I can trust with this means a lot. That I can have someone there for me."
"I'll always be there for you." He whispers, his arm coming across the table to grab my hands and squeeze them, secretly telling me that he's promising me his trustâhis shoulder for me to lean on.
***
Our hands never left the table until we got into the truck again an hour later.
We talked about anything and everything, and thankfully Landon avoided topics about the things that were bothering me. When it accidentally came into the conversation, he told me that I could talk to him when I was ready to and then he changed the subject.
"Am I taking you back to the hotel?" He asks as we pull out of the Tim Hortons lot. His hand is on my knee, and it feels so normal, so comfortable, like it was supposed to be there.
He was right; Tim Hortons is amazing. The café mocha thing he got me tasted heavenly. Landon told me that it was half hot chocolate half coffee, and that was exactly what I needed. That being said, I think I'll visit this place more often. It's pretty good.
"Yeah, it's probably best. I don't want to worry my dad." I say tiredly. It's around one thirty in the morning, and I'm exhausted. I've been out of the hotel room since seven, and that's a long time to be freezing my ass off. I'm not going to be surprised if I get a cold.
Or if my stitches tear, because damn I am so stupid for running away after having a major surgery.
"Also because my meds are in the room." I add after.
His hand squeezes my knee. "I can stay, if you want." He says casually, and I glance at him, at the same time he peeks at me before turning his eyes back to the road. His eyes were serious, showing genuine concern and care. He really wants to help me, he said in the coffee shop.
I check my phone to see that it's Monday.
Fuck!
Another school day I made Landon miss.
"No!" I exclaim suddenly, causing him to jump. "I'm sorry! But it's a school night, Landon! Damn it, it's a school night and here you are, driving me around at fucking midnight because I ran off! Why do I keep doing this to you? You don't deserve it! I swear I'm the reason you're going to fail high school and now I can't even tutor you to help you get back on track because I'm a fucking idiotâ"
"Blue!" He says through my whole ramble. "Stop, alright? Damn, I swear you go overboard on everything. I was already up, okay? I made the decision to come and get you, and take you to have a coffee and just relax. I could have left you, but I didn't. You're not going to mess my school up, alright? Stop blaming yourself or else I might need to slap it out of you, and I don't want to do that to your beautiful face."
There's another B-word! Oh God, I swear my heart is going to melt.
Butterflies start swarming around in my belly and I find myself blushing and biting my lip.
He's been so flirty, especially when I was sick and in the hospital, and now it's starting to go from being there, to skipping school to be my caretaker, to doing the slightest little things like touching my hand that feel so much more than that.
What's happening with me?
Do I like Landon?
"Okay, okay." I whisper. "Just don't leave a mark otherwise my dad will start asking questions."
He laughs at my humour and brings our fingers up to his face and kisses my hand.
Damn it! More butterflies.
"Okay." He smiles.
The drive to the hotel was silent. It was comfortable, enough to let my brain wander as to what the boy beside me's intention was with me. Is he just being nice? Is he being supportive? Does he think that doing this will help me? Does he like me as more than a roommate?
As I ponder and push myself to dig for answers in the side of the mind that overthinks everything, Landon taps my thigh, and I turn to him, jumping slightly at how close he is compared to last time I saw him.
We're so close, our noses are almost touching and his breath is mingling with mine. His usual woodsy smell that I've grown accustomed to is lingering, making me sigh at how nice and refreshing it is to my nostrils.
I also don't fail to notice how close our lips are.
I could lean in only an inch and they'd be touching.
"We're here." He whispers.
His breath is fresh. I don't know how, since he drank coffee and ate a blueberry muffin thirty minutes ago, but it smells so damn good.
I make eye contact with him, and some unknown emotion is in his eyes, which are now very dark. I know of two emotions that are present in his beautiful orbs, though: adoration and desire. There may be some interest in them as well, but adoration and desire are what catch my attention.
What is happening right now?
I back away only an inch so I can come back to the present and look out the window. "Yeah." I whisper back. "Thank you." I turn back towards him. "For tonight, for everything."
He gives me a breathtaking smile. "Anything for you." I return it, not making any move to get out, but he seems in no hurry to get rid of me, either.
We stare at each other for God knows how long, and I feel my breath hitch. His hand hasn't even left my leg. "Why do I have the feeling that you're about to do something?" I whisper.
"Because I really want to, I'm just holding myself back from scaring you away." He murmurs back.
"If you scared me I wouldn't be looking you in the eye." I chuckle softly, and he joins in, composing himself mere seconds later.
"So if I were to do this," he says, and leans further in, his hands moving from my outer thigh to hang lowly on the inside of them, "you wouldn't flinch away?"
My eyes widen, and my heart starts hammering so hard in my chest I'm afraid it'll break through my ribcage and fly away.
Would I flinch away? Definitely not. I don't know why he would think I would; I've practically been doing the same thing he is, I'm just not making suggestive comments all the time and I'm not putting an effort in with flirting and making the first move.
"No." It was an easy answer. Surely if I didn't want him to do this, be so close to me, then I would have simply pushed him away awkwardly and get out of the car, because that's something I've done before and it sends out a clear signal: I don't like what you're doing and you've gone so far I think you should stop.
And right now, I don't want him to stop. I want him this close; closer even. It makes my belly do backflips and somersaults and it makes my adrenaline run. I crave this feeling; I love it, and he's willingly giving it to me. He wants to give it to me and I'm not going to stop him.
He's so close I can feel his heartbeat, and it's going just as fast as mine is, and all he did was move his hands.
"I want to kiss you," he mutters. "Will you let me?"
He leans in, just close enough where our lips are almost touching but not quite. When I don't feel him close the distance, I come to the realization that he isn't going to move.
Not unless I take away the space myself, showing that I wanted to kiss him just as bad as he wanted to kiss me, and that closing the space would say that I will most definitely allow him to.
I try not to ruin the moment by overthinking this situation, but I can't help but question the most important question that comes after a moment like this:
What happens next?
Was it just in the moment, or is this a sign that something more is wanted by Landon and he wants me to feel the same he does? Could it be a quick booty call, or is it pity? Will it end up as a disaster, or be totally worth it in the end?
I don't let my thoughts consume me this time and make my risky decision with the situation and finally press my lips to his.
The first thing that comes to mind is: warmth and softness. They're so soft, like a marshmallow, that I just want to slip away and sink into the softness and never return.
He kisses me back immediately with a frenzying passion, his grip on my waist tightening as my hands loop around his neck, pulling him closer to me.
His kiss is something I haven't felt before; it feels a lot different than Taylor's kisses, and the other guys I've kissed. He kisses me hard, instead of the slow and steady that other guys have done. I like the way he took controlâthat he wants this desperately; like he's been waiting a long time to be in this moment.
Most of my previous make outs were strictly out of need, or to them, a chance in bed, and Taylor didn't put too much emotion into his kisses because he still felt uneasy about if the popular girl would really stay with the nerdy boy, so he wasn't really rough and demanding. It was cute, but sometimes I wanted him to want me just as bad as I wanted him. It was agitating, sometimes.
Landon, however, gives as much feeling in the kiss than I ever imagined. There's definitely heavy desire in there, and it's like he's not locking lips with some girl, but with someone he wants and loves; someone he cares about. And that started to worry me, especially the L-word.
I shove the thought to the back of my mind as I nip at his top lip, in which he responds by biting my bottom one before opening his mouth and allowing our tongues to meet.
He's advanced in this activity, that's for sure. It's like every caress, every touch, every move he makes is professionally done like it's the easiest thing in the worldâand I've had my fair share of kissing, not in a slutty way.
My hands find themselves entangled in his hair, a breathy moan escaping my lips. I tug at his locks, and he groans, making my breath hitch. My chest starts to grow tighter, but later rather than sooner, my brain tells me that this is my body's sign that I need oxygen.
I gently pull away, our foreheads resting against each other as we both breathe very heavily. My mind and eyes are clouded, and my lips feel cold without hisâand not from the weather. Man, if I had known that kissing him would make my whole body turn to mush and make me all kinds of hot inside, I would have kissed him a long time ago.
However, now that it happened and now his warmth is gone and is only replaced by his arms, all my mind is thinking is: more, more, more. I need more.
"Wow," he breathes out heavily.
"That was intense." I whisper, a forced chuckle coming from my lips. My eyes open, and I see his looking intently at me, twinkling mischievously.
A smirk appears on his mouth and he winks at me. "That was a lot better than I thought it would be."
I pull away to see him fully. His lips are swollen, and I find it hard to keep my eyes fixated on his and not his lips. His lips that I was just making out with.
"You thought about kissing me?" I ask teasingly, and he lets out a breathy laugh.
"For weeks, yes." He admits. "Honestly, Blue, I would've kissed you sooner but I didn't know if something was wrong when you were sick or if it was just the flu. I didn't want to take risks. And at the hospital. . . we weren't alone long enough."
I smile at him. "It's okay." I whisper. "I've thought about it, too."
He grins, and leans in to kiss me again. He pulls away a lot sooner than I wanted. "You should go. You need sleep and after being out in the cold for so long, Lord only knows how desperate you are in need of heat."
I frown, nodding slightly. "You're right. I'm exhausted."
Landon smirks, and removes his hands from my hips and cups my cheek with one. "I know. Get some rest, and I'll see you Tuesday, okay?"
"Okay." I mutter. Another kiss. "Goodnight, Landon."
He winks back. "Goodnight, Blue."
With the final goodbye, I exit his truck in a giddy mood, running to the lobby doors as the cold starts to prick at my skin and I skip my way to my hotel room, placing the key inside the slot and lifting it up and out, opening the door.
It's dark inside, telling me that dad is asleep, probably. I silently take off my shoes and get ready for bed, brushing my teeth and hair and plugging my phone into its charger. It vibrates when I get comfortable in bed, and I glance at the message that flies across my screen, a smile on my face.
[LANDON: try not to runaway until your stitches are healed. Don't want to risk any more hospital visits, do we?]
I chuckle.
[ME: it wasn't like I was planning on running away. But thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind]
[LANDON: of course, babe. Get some sleep!]
And that's what I do. I fall asleep with my phone cradled to my chest and happy thoughts running through my brain.
Bad stuff happened, but maybe something good is finally happening in my life.