"Are we good?" I asked.
I had just strapped the sit belt as they sat in my car.
They gave a smile along side a nod.
I shut the door as I turned to stare at Mason who was still waiting.
"You can come back for the kids come Sunday night" I told him.
"Do we really have to do this?" he asked.
"Yes we do and I hope you find a better person. Someone who would keep up with your delays and fears and unsteady feelings..."
"You did keep up with me all those years" he voiced.
"And I got tired..." I told him.
"We'll be seeing soon in court, talk about custody. I can't let another woman take care of our kids" I ended.
"You really mean it, you'll ruin our kids if you do this" he told me.
"Seven years of my life ruined thanks to you, lemme savour whatever I have left of it" I voiced out as I walked in the car.
As I turned on the engine, he tapped on the car glass and I had to get the glass wounded down.
"Let me talk to my kids..."
"Our kids Mason" I reminded.
"Sure!" he replied trying to form a smile.
I took down the glass and he placed his head in the car.
"Are you guys going to be okay with your mom?" he questioned.
Before they could reply, I had done so in anger.
"Of course they would be. I'm their mother Mason, I am"
"Take care of yourselves okay. I love you both" he said ignoring my speech.
He moved over to my side of the glass.
"I'll come drop a few of their clothes..."
I wounded the glass up and drove off not bothering to drop a reply.
*****
Luckily for us, my kids were already in their night wear and so I just laid them in bed in my room.
I could hear them whisper about I and their dad but I was less concerned. Mum was talking, trying to convince me, but I had made up my mind.
"You brought them with you"
"I had to. I miss my kids. Today makes it a week since the fight..."
"And did you care how they coped without you for a week?"
"That's why I'm making it up to them with the weekend"
"It's more than this Avey. I never thought you'd be the one to slowly tear your home apart, really, I never did. This, all of this would later affect these kids. They would grow to not believe true love exists, you'll break them more than your husband got broken..."
"Mom, he's not my husband..." I yelled.
"Those kids saw their parents as two people in love..." mom yelled back,
"But now it doesn't exist between you two any longer. If you think of a thousand reason to leave your home, think of just half a reason to stay, and that should be your kids happiness. You can forsake the other half for all I care and that is your happiness or you can pursue that one reason to stay back..."
She continued:
"I can't watch these kids go through all of these. You'll move on with another man, he'll move on with another lady and let your kids live in parts..."
"I can't move on..." I yelled in tears.
"I know you would..." mom yelled back.
"I can't..." I yelled louder this time interrupting her.
She saw it, the terror, the fear on my face. Her face lit in realization that moment.
"You're having another baby, aren't you?" she questioned in a hush tone.
"I am mom..." I said in tears,
"And I can't do it alone. I need Mason by my side, I can't move on after three pregnancies and two kids, it's gonna be hard. I really can't start from anywhere, I've failed myself" I cried.
"You haven't failed..." mom said taking me in a hug.
"You didn't fail I and your dad. We are proud of the woman you've become over the years. A wonderful mother to these kids, you've dealt with both of them better than I dealt with you when you were little..." she quietly whispered in my ear.