Chapter 34: ● T H I R T Y - T H R E E | Change ●

**This chapter is a special look from Elise's POV**

† E L I S E  †

Nothing in this world is permanent. At some point, everyone has to grow, and everything has to change. Growth isn't easy—it stretches us, sometimes painfully. Change isn't easy either, often uncomfortable and unfamiliar. But there's nothing more painful than staying stuck in a place where you don't belong, or where you don't truly want to be.

I was reminded of a conversation from The Big Bang Theory between Sheldon Cooper and Penny. Sheldon, overwhelmed by all the changes happening around him, turned to Penny for clarity. She simply said, "I guess the only thing that actually stays the same is that things are always changing." Sheldon, ever the philosopher, asked, "So you're saying the inevitability of change might be a universal constant?" Penny, with her usual easygoing nature, replied, "Well, there's a little more to it than that, but, yeah, sure."

Even in its simplicity, their exchange carried a quiet wisdom. Change, in its constant flow, is one of the few things we can truly count on in life. It might be the only certainty, a reminder that everything, even our struggles and challenges, is always shifting.

So, if anyone out there is hesitating, doubting if they can really become the person they want to be, I'd say this: sometimes, you just need a small push, a spark of courage, the willingness to take a tiny risk. Even small steps count. Real progress begins with change, and if we can't change our perspective, we can't change our lives.

***A Year and a Half Later***

It's been almost two years since Quinn vanished without a trace, leaving behind a storm of worry, shock, and sadness. But no one felt the weight of it more than Chloe. She held on to hope, refusing to give up, waiting for Quinn every single day, even as I finally packed up and moved out of the dormitory. It's been so hard on her, but Chloe never stopped believing Quinn would return. Deep down, I trust that Quinn had her reasons, and that one day, when she finally comes back, we'll understand. I just hope that wherever she is, she's found what she needed to find and maybe, a path back home.

I grabbed my coffee from the counter as I heard my name called. With my cup in hand, I headed to St. Paul's General Hospital where I was completing my residency. This on-the-job program was my one step closer to finally becoming a licensed psychiatrist.

As I walked into the clinic, Mrs. Lopez greeted me with the list of scheduled patients for the day.

"Great! Three for today," I said, a spark of excitement in my voice as I took a sip of my coffee.

I was sitting quietly, reviewing the records of my new patients when my phone beeped.

Oliver:

Hey love! What time will you finish work later? I was hoping we could have a date night after work.

A smile spread across my face as I read his message. Oliver and I had been together for a year, and he still managed to give me butterflies every single day. I couldn't help but feel giddy as I typed my reply.

"My last patient is at 4:00 PM, love. I'll see you at 6:00 PM then! ❤️❤️❤️"

I set my phone down on the table and went back to reading the patient's profile. Just then, Mrs. Lopez knocked on the door and told me the first patient had arrived.

As a psychiatrist, my job is to help people who are struggling with their emotions, fears, and personal issues. It's a challenging profession, but I find it incredibly rewarding. Every day, I work to create a safe space where my patients can open up about their thoughts and feelings. My goal is to help them develop coping strategies that can improve their mental well-being.

What fascinates me the most is that everyone has their own unique battles in life. Each person's story is different, and that diversity drives my motivation to do this work. I truly love being a psychiatrist because I get to support people on their journeys to healing and growth.

"Thank you for today, Elise," Mr. Barbers said with a nod before he walked out of the room.

It was now 3:30 PM, and my last patient should arrive soon. After that, I was excited to head out to meet Oliver for our date night. I stood up from my desk and made my way to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. Just as I finished washing my hands, Mrs. Lopez knocked on the bathroom door.

"The last patient has arrived," she informed me.

"I'll be there in a minute, Mrs. Lopez. Just let the patient sit inside. Thank you!" I called back as I turned off the faucet.

I walked back to my desk and picked up the patient's records—J. West. I slowly sank into my chair, and when I looked up to meet my patient's gaze for the first time, my heart skipped a beat. I could hardly believe my eyes.

"Q–Quinn?" My voice trembled with disbelief.

"Hi, El. It's been a while," Quinn said with a warm smile.

It was truly Quinn sitting there, but she felt different—her energy was calm, light, and relaxed. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was no darkness in her expression—just a genuine, warm smile that made her seem like a different person. I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer; I stood up and walked over to the couch where she was sitting and enveloped her in a tight hug. Tears streamed down my face as I finally saw Quinn again after all this time.

"Awe! I miss you too, El," Quinn said with a soft laugh, her voice soothing.

"Quinn, what happened? Where have you been? Why did you leave? Does Chloe know you're here? Have you seen her?" I bombarded her with questions as I pulled away from our embrace, desperate for answers.

"Easy, El. Just one question at a time, okay?" she replied, her cheerful grin making me feel a bit more at ease. "Sit down, will you? I'm here to talk not just to the best psychiatrist I know, but to a friend."

I settled next to her on the couch, and in that moment, Quinn began to share everything with me. She opened up about her past, her trauma, and the pain she had endured. She described every nightmare she had faced and finally revealed the reason behind her sudden disappearance—how she vanished without a word and left no trace. Listening to her story was overwhelming. I learned about her struggles since childhood and how those experiences had shaped her, influencing her decision to leave without explanation.

When we were dorm mates, I had sensed that her actions were rooted in something deeper, but I never imagined it was as horrific as what she described. Despite everything she went through, Quinn had always been kind and caring toward me, like the sister I never had. Tears filled my eyes as I realized just how much she had endured—the abuse, the trauma, and most painfully, the heartache of leaving Chloe behind. It was a heavy burden for both of them. Quinn had to carry the pain of being apart from Chloe for what she believed was a good reason, and I couldn't help but feel sorrow for them both.

"You've changed, Quinn. Not physically, but mentally. I can see how calm you are right now. I understand now why you had to do what you did, and I'm so sorry that you had to endure that pain for so long," I said, sniffling and wiping away my tears.

"I don't know, El. I did what I could," Quinn replied, her voice soft and reflective. "It wasn't easy. But I had to do it. Otherwise, I might never have been able to come back. And honestly, I'm not sure if what I did was enough for me to be here again."

Her words hung in the air, heavy with uncertainty, but there was a strength in her tone that I hadn't heard before. It was clear she had fought hard to find her way back to this moment.

"You know, sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones that require the most courage," I said gently, holding Quinn's hand in mine. "Leaving without a trace, especially when it means walking away from someone you love, is incredibly difficult. But what you did... it was a brave thing to do. You chose to focus on your own healing, your own well-being, even if it meant causing pain to someone you care about."

Quinn's eyes filled with doubt, and her voice trembled as she spoke. "I don't know... I keep asking myself if it was the right decision. If it was enough for me to come back. To face Chloe again. I still don't know if I've done enough to fix myself, to be the person she deserves."

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I understand your doubts. It's completely natural to question your choices when you're in the middle of healing. But what you did wasn't about running away from the love you share. It was about making sure that, when you did come back, you would be a healthier, better, stronger version of yourself. Healing takes time. You took the first step, even though it wasn't easy. And that takes a lot of courage."

"I just want to be sure... that I'm enough. That what I did was enough to make things right. I don't know if I'm ready," Quinn's voice faltered, her uncertainty weighing heavily on her heart.

I took a deep breath before responding, trying to offer some reassurance. "It's not about being 'ready' in the way you think. Sometimes, readiness isn't something you can measure beforehand. It comes with the courage to face what's in front of you—even when everything feels uncertain. What matters now is that you took the time to reflect and heal. You've given yourself a chance to grow, and that, in itself, is enough. The love you have for her hasn't disappeared. That's what counts."

Quinn looked down, her eyes full of fear. "I don't know if I can do this, El. I've been away for so long, and I left without saying a word to her. No explanation, no goodbye. I've been trying to fix myself, but now... I'm scared she'll never forgive me. What if she's mad at me? What if she resents me for just disappearing like that? What if I've lost her for good?" Her voice cracked with worry, the weight of her fears pressing down on her.

I could feel her anxiety in the air, thick and heavy. I took a breath before speaking again. "You're afraid of the unknown, Quinn. But here's the thing—what you fear the most is often just a barrier we create in our minds. You won't know how she feels until you take that first step. You can't keep living in this place of 'what if.' You can't stay in limbo, wondering what could have been. You have to face it, even if it's scary."

"But what if it's too late? What if she doesn't want me back? I hurt her. I left her without a word, and that's unforgivable, right?" Quinn asked, her voice filled with a mix of fear and guilt.

I could see the weight of her guilt, how much it was consuming her. I took a deep breath before responding. "You're carrying a lot of guilt, I see that," I said softly. "But Quinn, what I'm about to say next is advice from me as a friend, not just as a psychiatrist."

She looked at me with wide eyes, waiting for what I had to say next.

"Sometimes, we have to take risks."  I said gently, making sure she could feel the sincerity in my voice. "Love is a risk. It's messy, it's uncertain, but it's worth it. Yes, she might be hurt. She might have questions, she might even be angry and she has every right to. But if you care for her, if you truly want a chance at something real, you can't hide from the possibility of what might be. The hardest thing you can do right now is nothing. Don't let fear control you. If you want a future with her, you have to face it, even if it scares you, no matter how uncertain it is."

"You really think she'll want to see me again? After everything?" Quinn asked, her voice shaky with doubt.

I looked at her, seeing the struggle in her eyes. "I think... she still cares for you. You two share something special. It's not too late to take that chance. Go see her. Talk to her. Don't let fear hold you back anymore. You might be surprised at what you find when you take that first step," I said, trying to offer her a sense of hope.

Quinn's face softened, but her worry remained. "But what if she doesn't forgive me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

I took a deep breath, carefully choosing my words. "What if she does? You'll never know until you try. It's worth the risk, isn't it?" I responded, offering her a gentle smile.

She fell silent for a moment, her mind clearly working through everything I had said. She sat there, eyes distant, as if weighing the possibility of facing her fears and taking that step.