â Q U I N N â
Grey is the devil's color, the shade of blurred lines and hidden motives. It's the color of uncertainty, sitting between darkness and light, where right and wrong slip away from clear definitions. It's the subtle shade that temptation and compromise take, where choices are neither purely good nor purely bad, but a quiet mix of both.
Some days, I feel alive; other days, like a shadow of myself. And then, there are days where even my own emotions slip beyond my graspâeverything just feels grey. I tried to see the world in brighter colors, and I'm learning to, bit by bit. But at the end of the day, the familiar grey drifts back in, like a memory that won't fade. Cause even stars they fade colors and turn to grey.
I never liked that colorâgrey. Every time I looked into his grey eyes, a chill would crawl through me, bringing back memories of the cruelties he left etched into my past. Yet, in some twisted way, I chose to live with it. When I changed my name, I took his shade with me, almost as a reminder of how deeply I despised him. It was a piece of self-inflicted torture, one that might explain why I became who I am today.
"Well, look who finally worked up the nerve to show upâJacoby. Or should I be calling you Quinn now, huh?" Glenda's voice dripped with her usual sarcasm.
"Quinn Grey," I corrected, pulling her into a tight hug, maybe tighter than I intended. "That's my name now, Glenda."
"Damn, girl! You really went and changed your name, huh? Well, whatever works for youâI'm cool with it, JacoâI mean, Quinn," she said, scratching her head. I laughed. "It's gonna take me a hot minute to get used to, alright?"
"So how are ya doin', bruh? Seriously though, how did you even dig up my email? That was downright creepy when you messaged me to meet up here," Glenda said, her voice sharp with curiosity. We were sitting in the same coffee shop where she had spotted me a few months ago.
"Let's just say I've gotten pretty good at hacking these days, girl. It wasn't that hard to track down your email," I said with a hint of pride.
Being a computer science student had opened up a whole new world for meânot just the ins and outs of software and hardware, but also some darker corners of technology. I learned about hacking into devices, whether it was computers, security cameras, or even mobile phones. Those skills came in handy more than I'd like to admit. I used them to my advantage, mostly to settle scores or get back at people who had wronged me.
I told Glenda everythingâthe whole truth. I recounted how Father McKinley had sponsored my studies and how I ended up leaving Texas for DC. Even confessed the truth behind the rumors she'd heard about me inflicting pain on women in exchange for sex, and how I'd been seeing a psychiatrist to help untangle the mess that was my life. And, of course, I told her about Chloe.
"Damn, girl! That's a whole lot to take in. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this on your own," Glenda said, her expression turning serious. "But honestly, this Chloe sounds like a total gem. I'm really glad she's got your back now."
"Yeah, me too, Glenda. But I still have a long way to go before I'm really okay," I admitted.
"Well, you know I'm just one message away if you ever need someone to talk to, Quinn," she said, her voice softening.
"I know, Glenda. Thank you. Damn, I really miss you, girl!" I said, flashing a grin to lighten the mood.
"Of course you miss me! You owe me big time for not reaching out after you left, asshat," she teased, trying to put on an angry face but failing miserably.
We spent the entire afternoon catching up, reminiscing about our time at the shelter, sharing stories, and indulging in a mountain of desserts. It felt good to reconnect, to laugh, and to remember the good times amidst all the chaos.
"You killed your mama, Jacoby."
His eyesâthose grey, terrifying eyesâburned into me as he spoke. The echo of his words lingered in the air while two men struggled to pull him away from the house. But his gaze never wavered from mine.
I jolted awake, panting heavily, my heart racing as the nightmare clung to me like a shadow. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I fought to calm myself, to shake off the grip of that dream.
7 AMâMorning light spilled into the room, and I could smell the rich aroma of coffee wafting from the kitchen where Elise was preparing her morning brew. Me? I remained on the bed, perched on the edge, grappling with the residual panic that coursed through me. My heart thudded loudly in my chest, and a dull ache throbbed in my head, as if the memory was trying to claw its way back to the surface.
"Quinn? I'm leaving now. Oliver's waiting outside the dorm," Elise called, knocking lightly on the door.
"Okay, El," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper, feeling the weight of the morning pressing down on me.
My leg wouldn't stop bouncing, matching the frantic rhythm of my heartbeat. I grabbed a handful of my hair, tugging at it in frustration as pain pulsed through my head. Just as I thought I might lose it, my phone rang, breaking the silence. I answered, hoping for a distraction.
"Hey, baby. Good morning!" Chloe's cheerful voice brightened the line, a stark contrast to my mood.
"Hey," I managed to reply, my tone barely above a whisper.
"I'm on my way to campus. Wanna have lunch together later?" she asked, her enthusiasm palpable.
"Okay," I replied, trying to sound more upbeat than I felt.
"Quinn, are you okay?" I could hear the concern creeping into her voice.
"No," I admitted, my voice low and heavy.
"Stay there. I'll be there in a bit," she said firmly before hanging up.
â C H L O E â
Don't define your world in black and white, for there's so much hiding among the greys. It's a perfect neutral that dwells between the extremes of black and white.
Grey is the color of all theory; green, on the other hand, embodies life itself. Grey represents intellect and the way we often perceive ideas as fixed or detached from reality. It allows for nuance and complexity, reminding us that not everything is easily categorized. In contrast, green symbolizes lifeâvibrant, ever-changing, and best understood through direct experience. It reflects the dynamic nature of existence, highlighting the importance of engaging with the world around us. For me, both colors hold significance.
I rushed over as soon as I heard Quinn's voice, low and shaky on the other end of the call. This wasn't her being sick; it was something deeper. When I opened her bedroom door, I found her perched on the edge of the bed, her leg bouncing, head down, one hand clutching tightly to her hair.
"Quinn?" I called softly, but she didn't respond. I stepped closer, knelt down, and gently touched the fist she'd made in her lap.
"Don't touch me, Chloe," she muttered, voice tense but controlled. I let go, backing off a little.
"Baby, talk to me. I'm here," I said, my voice as calm as I could keep it.
"Please, not now, Chloe." Her voice came out low but strained.
"What's wrong, Quinn? Let me help." I tried, reaching out with my words since my touch seemed to make her retreat.
"I'm still a fucking mess, Chloe!" she burst, lifting her face, her eyes flashing that same look from the last time she lost control. "I'm still messed up, like him. My mind's itching to hurt someone or myself!" She got up, crossing the room and slamming her hand down on the table. I could see her fighting it, struggling against that urge she's been keeping at bay for a while, feeling it claw its way back to the surface.
I stepped closer, catching her reflection in the mirror in front of her, her face tight with the struggle to hold it all in. "Just calm down, baby," I murmured, my voice soft but steady. "Tell me how I can help." I moved to face her, not letting the space between us grow.
"No, you can't." Her jaw tightened, and I could see the tension rippling through her.
"If it helps..." I said gently, lifting her hand and pressing it softly to my neck as I tilted my head to the side. "Go ahead, Quinn. It's okay."
Her eyes shot wide, and I felt her hand tremble, forming a tight fist. "No, Chloe! Damn it!" she shouted, ripping her hand away from mine. She turned her back on me but didn't move any further.
I softened my tone, keeping my distance but not my support. "Then tell me what I can do, Quinn," I urged. "I'm here. Just let me in."
In a sudden move, she turned and walked toward me, her steps quick, eyes dark with frustration. She came so close that our bodies pressed together, and I felt the hard edge of the table against my back. Her hands found my waist, and before I could take a breath, her lips crashed against mine in a fierce, forceful kiss. The intensity said it allâthe frustration, the need to let it all out. I let her; I knew she needed this release, a way to silence the chaos in her mind.
When our lips finally parted, I was breathless. She took a small step back, just enough to turn me around, positioning me so my back pressed into her chest. Her arms wrapped around me, grounding herself. In the mirror, I could see usâour shared reflection. She leaned in, her face close to my neck, her lips brushing my skin, but now the touch was gentler, slower. I felt her warm breath, each kiss softer than the last, her tension easing bit by bit as she held me close.
As her grip tightened on my waist, I felt the tension flood back into her, like a wave she couldn't hold back. Her jaw clenched, and her hand gripped me harder. I placed my hand gently over hers, trying to steady her, and whispered, "It's okay, baby. Go ahead." Our eyes met in the mirror, and I held her gaze. "Touch me, Quinn," I murmured, letting her know that I was there, open to her, that this was both for her comfort and something I wanted.
Slowly, her lips returned to my shoulder, brushing it in gentle, soft kisses, grounding herself as her hand traveled downward. She reached the hem of my dress, slipping her hand inside, her touch igniting warmth that spread through me. I reached back, resting my hand on her neck, letting my fingers play through her hair, grounding her, grounding us both.
Slowly, Quinn pulled my lingerie down, letting it slip to the floor. But then, she suddenly stepped back, her voice dropping low and firm as she commanded, "Stay there."
She walked over to the bedside table and opened the drawer, retrieving something that made my heart race. As she approached me again, holding the strap-on in her hands, I felt a mix of anticipation and nerves. Standing behind me, she glanced at my reflection in the mirror, her expression a blank canvas, but her eyes were anything but empty. They held a storm of emotionsâpain, lust, frustration, desire, and loveâall swirling together in a way that sent fire racing through my veins.
I couldn't see Quinn clearly through the reflection since she was standing behind me, but I could feel her presence as she slipped the strap-on. Moments passed, and I felt her hands grip both sides of my waist, her hold tight and almost desperate. She was still wrestling with her emotions, and I could sense the storm brewing inside her.
Leaning her face in against my neck, she began sucking softly on my skin. I tilted my head to the side, giving her more access as a soft sigh escaped my lips. My eyes remained glued to our reflection in the mirror, entranced by the sight of her.
Suddenly, she opened her eyes, her lips still pressing against my skin as she stared back at me in the mirror, locking our gazes together. One of her hands began slipping beneath my dress again, while the other stayed firmly on my waist. Her eyes never left mine as her hand moved, and her lips continued their teasing.
The sight of our reflection, her deliberate movements, and the intensity of our shared gaze created a palpable heat in the room, sending waves of desire coursing through me. It was intoxicating, almost overwhelming, and I felt myself growing more turned on by the moment.
Her hand slid beneath my dress, lifting it with a gentle but intentional motion. Quinn's grip on my waist pulled me back against her, while her other hand coaxed me to bend forward just slightly. I could hear her heavy sigh before I felt the cold dildo pressed against my entrance. The sensation sent a shiver down my spine.
As she pushed it forward, I couldn't hold back a soft moan that escaped my lips. Her other hand caressed my back, grounding me as she slid the dildo deeper inside me. My breath quickened, and I couldn't help but bite my lip, captivated by the sight of our reflection in the mirrorâtwo bodies entwined. Suddenly, I felt her begin to thrust slowly, each movement making my breathing grow more rapid, more erratic.
Without any warning, she pressed a button on the small remote in her hand, and suddenly the dildo came to life, vibrating inside me. A loud moan slipped from my lips as I gripped the edge of the table, bracing myself for the sensations that were coursing through me. I felt Quinn start to pick up the pace, thrusting faster and deeper. She let out soft moans, clearly lost in the pleasure of the vibrating dildo that connected us. She pulled my body back against her chest, and her lips found my neck once more. This time, she started sucking harder, leaving bite marks all over my skin. My head fell back onto her shoulder as I sank deeper into the sensations. My hand instinctively found the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair, and I lost myself completely in the moment.
Quinn began to thrust even harder, her grip on my waist tightening once more. Her other hand held my neck, and I could sense just how tense she was. But the sensation felt incredibleâreally incredible. This rough sex sent a different kind of shiver coursing through my entire body. I could feel the urge to release coming closer, faster. I caressed her neck as our moans and groans intertwined, creating a symphony of pleasure.
"Quinnâ" I whispered, my voice shaky. "Baby, IâI'm gonna come." My breaths were heavy and unsteady. She thrust deeper, making my breath hitch with a mix of pleasure and a little pain, but I welcomed it as my climax approached. I gripped her neck with one hand and squeezed her hand with the other, feeling my toes curl and my legs tremble in anticipation. Just then, my eyes rolled back, my chest heaved, and a long, loud moan escaped my lips as I reached my release.
My knees started to feel weak, and my body trembled, and suddenly, I felt her stop moving.
"Fuck!" she hissed in frustration.
I slowly turned my face to hers and saw the irritation etched on her features. I reached out, holding her face in my hand and tilting it to meet my gaze. "Don't stop yet. Keep going," I whispered, determined to make sure she could find her release, too. Her eyes widened in surprise, clearly not expecting my words. I smiled warmly at her, and I could see her expression shift to one of calmness. "Please, baby, don't stop," I pleaded, keeping my gaze locked with hers. "Fuck me, harder."
Desire flooded her eyes again as my words sank in. I felt her move, thrusting once more. My lips parted, and my breath grew heavy again as she thrust deeper and harder, drawing another moan from my lips. But I kept my eyes steady on hers, just as she was on mine. "Kiss me, Quinn," I breathed out.
In an instant, she pulled my face closer, and our lips met in an intense, fervent kiss. She slid her tongue into my mouth, urging me to respond, and I eagerly did. Our tongues battled for dominance as our moans mingled together, her thrusts growing deeper and harder. A tingling sensation began to build inside me again. Oh gosh! This is so hot! I screamed in my mind, overwhelmed by the heat of the moment.
"Chloeâ" Quinn's voice was almost breathless as our lips parted. Her grip on my waist tightened, and I could feel her body trembling against my back, sensing that she was near her climax.
"Come for me, baby," I whispered between breaths. Her thrusts quickened once more, faster and harder, and the louder moans escaping her lips sounded like music to my ears. I took her hand from my waist and slid it down between my thighs, and she immediately understood what I wanted. Her fingers began to move in circles on my clit, sending waves of pleasure coursing through me. My head fell back onto her shoulder as I moaned, lost in ecstasy. My hips started to move in sync with her thrusts. "Fuckâ! I'm getting close again, baby," I said, my voice high-pitched with desire. I heard her chuckle softly and groan at my words.
"Good! Come with me, baby," she whispered in my ear. Our bodies rocked together, intoxicated and lost in pleasure. Suddenly, our moans harmonized as we both reached our climax at the same time. Our bodies trembled together as we held on, trying to steady our breathing.
Slowly, Quinn turned me around to face her. Her expression was calmer now, but her eyes were heavy with emotion. "Baby, I'm sorry. I hurt you," she whispered, her head downcast.
ð¶ (Angels or Devils by Dishwalla) ð¶
I lifted her chin to meet my gaze. "What are you talking about? That rough makeup sex was really hot, baby." I wrapped my arms around her neck, and her eyes shifted, a small chuckle escaping her lips. "Are you okay?" I asked, concerned. The music filled the room, a soft melody wrapping around us, soothing and calm.
Quinn nodded, her face softening. "Yes, baby. I am now. I love you. So damn much." A bright smile spread across her face, and I felt a warmth in my chest.
"Good. I love you too, baby." I pulled her closer until our lips met again, but this time it was a soft, slow, passionate kissâfilled with love, desire, and warmth, with no grey shadows lurking in the background.