It's nine thirty when the plane lands in Nice. I had to hurry a bit, because I wanted to look my best, but I made it on the plane on time. During the flight I finished my hair and makeup.
Because of the heat, I wanted to wear a crop top and jeans shorts with a big men's dress shirt over it, but I didn't feel comfortable enough. So eventually I chose a summer wrap dress which ends just below my knees and some low heels. So I don't know if it's looking my best, but it is looking good. That's for sure.
I'm quite anxious when I walk out of the terminal. I don't know where Fabio will be or if his flight already landed. I take my phone out of airplane mode while walking towards the exit. Maybe he texted me. Just when I walk through the doors, still looking down, I hear him calling my name.
I look up to see Fabio standing there, a cap and sunglasses on, in a attempt to not get recognised.
I take a deep breath before walking over to him.
"Hi", I whisper when I'm in front of him.
"Hey", he says back, his voice soft as well. "Shall we go?"
I nod at his question. We walk towards a cab and it takes us to the hotel. Fabio has booked the room under my name, to not attract any extra attention. So I check in and we get upstairs to our room.
As soon as the door closes, Fabio takes off his cap and sunglasses, pulling a hand through his hair. He stands in front of me, "Hey, Julie", he whispers while softly pulling me in a hug. "You look really beautiful in that dress"
I feel my heart swell a little at his words, my body melting into his hug.
"Thank you. Happy to see you"
We stand like that for quite some time, my head in the crook of his neck and my arms around his shoulders. His hands running up and down my spine. Fabio sighs out before letting go of me.
"I'm really glad you agreed to come here with me. I.. um.. I-I wouldn't want to be here with anyone else", I tell him, my voice as soft as a whisper. I sit down on the edge of the bed.
"I'm glad you called and asked me", Fabio sits down next to me. "But can I ask why?", he's careful. Probably afraid I will break.
I nod and try to order everything that happened.
"Well I told you about being admitted into a ward for some time, right?", Fabio nods at my words, his eyes look curious at me.
"I had a lot of therapy sessions there. Talking about everything in almost my entire life. And I think I left the whole Alex thing behind me. That one session at your home helped me a lot too", I start carefully thinking about my words.
"Really?", He asks softly.
"Yeah.. I can think about what happened and not knowing how it felt. Only knowing how I feel when you touch me", I look down. "The first few days after I left Andorra, I hated that. I didn't want to remember your touch. You couldn't even care if I lived. One time, I had a dream about us, about that night in Barcelona and when I woke up, I could still feel your touch. I kept scratching to get rid of the feeling until my skin broke and I was bleeding. That's when I admitted myself"
"Shit..", Fabio curses under his breath.
"It's okay. I'm glad now. I'm glad to know how a loving touch feels and how happy it made me feel. I'm in a better place now. I don't have to stay there anymore but I still have therapy sessions", I look up at Fabio. His expression is unreadable.
"My therapist and I agreed it would be good to go here. To walk around the familiar streets. I need to be able to come back here if I want to. I think I can handle running into Alex. But I don't know. Maybe I panick as soon as I walk around here", I say, staying quiet after. I think I've told him the whole story.
"Why am I here?", Fabio's eyes are on the ground.
"Because I really want you here. I think if I panick, you are the only one who can help me. But I would like it, if we can be friends", I put my hand on top of his. He stays quiet, too quiet. It makes me nervous. "I-if you want to, of course"
"I don't know if I can be just friends. I want to be more than that", Fabio says, pulling his hand away.
"I'm sorry. I can't ask this of you. If you want to go back home, it's fine", I stand up and walk to the window. Maybe this was stupid of me. Maybe we can't be friends or anything else. If that's true. I can forget about Tom as well. That's not gonna happen either then.
I start to wonder why I even brought him in this position.
"I'm staying and we'll figure it out", Fabio comes and stand behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm selfish, aren't I?", I wonder out loud. I must be, if I put him in this situation. I only thought about how it would help me if he was here with me, not the other way around. I didn't think about him or how it would make him feel.
"You never were selfish and you aren't now. Maybe our feelings are just different..", his hand squeezes my shoulder.
"Do you think I don't love you?", I ask, turning around looking surprised.
"I think I have more feelings for you than the other way around", he answers.
I walk past him, sliding down the wall sitting on the ground. Is that really what he's thinking?
"I knew this would be something we would have to talk about. But I didn't think that would be now", I sigh. I pull my legs up, laying my head on my knees.
"I love you.. I'm in love with you.. I want nothing more than to be with you, to be you girlfriend. But.."
Fabio sits on his knees in front of me, "but?"
"But I can't just dive back in. That didn't go well last time", I sigh. "I don't know what to do"
"We'll figure it out. As long as we keep talking and know how we feel", Fabio pulls me in his arms. We sit like this for a long time. Eventually Fabio kisses the top of my head, before letting me go again.
"Do you want to go somewhere to eat?", Fabio asks, standing back up, holding out his hand for me. I take it and stand as well.
"Yeah, let's do that", I give him a small smile.
We walk around Nice for a little while before settling at the same café as we met for the first time. It always was one of my favourite cafés. The owner, Jack, greets me with a hug, saying how it's been ages since he last seen me. Well that's true, I've never been back after that lunch with Tom and Fabio and that was April? And it's August now..
"Are you good?", Fabio asks after sitting down for a few minutes. Jack came with a white wine for me without even questioning what I wanted to drink and a bottle of water. He asks Fabio what he wanted to drink and he settled for the water on the table.
"Yeah. It's weird, being back here. I haven't been since that lunch before the Portugal GP. Just a week after it happened", I take a sip from my whine. The same I always drank here. I feel a little nostalgic.
"You came here a lot?", Fabio asks, suggesting to the wine and to Jack.
"Yeah. Jack is a sweetheart. I came here before I met Alex and I took him here. I was here almost every Friday night", I tell him. It's weird to be here again after months. And at the same time, nothing changed at all.
We order some finger food and relax. I actually am quite relaxed. More than I thought I would.
"I think this was exactly what I needed", I say to Fabio after a few minutes of silence. "Having a relaxing night out in Nice with you"
"I'm glad you're enjoying it", Fabio says, he takes a sip of his water before speaking again. "Did you talk to Tom?", He asks. His eyes look at me curious.
I shake my head, looking down, "No, I didn't speak to him after the boat trip. We barely spoke two words in Silverstone. And I really need to call him, but I'm dreading it", I sigh. I gulp down the remaining of my wine, before looking at Jack, silently asking for another one.
"Why are you dreading it?", He asks softly.
"I wanted to call him. But I know he's mad and I have to explain everything that happened back to when I got back out of the hospital. I don't know if I can do that", Jack sets a new glass in front of me and I smile grateful.
"We can go see him together if you want to?", Fabio suggests.
"That would be amazing, but I don't want to drag you in more of my mess..", I take another sip. I should really take it easy with the wine, but I haven't had it in so long. I don't even know if Fabio ever saw me drink. I can't remember. On occasions I have been very drunk, but not regularly. Usually Jack keeps giving me wine till he knows I'm about to get drunk and stops just before I get drunk. That's what I love about this place. He really looks after you.
"I'm here for you. So we can do this together. I can call him tomorrow and we'll meet up. How does that sound?", Fabio takes my hand in his and squeezes it. We finish our food and I finish another glass of wine before I hug Jack goodbye and we leave.
We walk around a little and I feel very good. My hand in his, just enjoying each others company and enjoying the view, that is around us.
We eventually walk back to the hotel and settle in our room. I take my makeup off in the bathroom while Fabio knocks on the door, he opens it a little and I look up surprised.
"I um... I packed a extra shirt for you to wear", he says a little awkward, rubbing his neck.
I smile at the sight, it's so cute. "Thank you, Fabio", I take the shirt, kissing his cheek. "I'll be right out"
He nods, closing the door again.
I check if I didn't miss any places and pull a hand through my short hair. I take off my clothes and put on his shirt. It's long, it's mid thigh. I think Fabio did that in purpose, to make me more comfortable.
I walk back out and I see Fabio sitting on the edge of the bed in just his boxers. It's a sight to see. His abs are more defined than they were and he looks so good.
"Those extra workouts are showing", I softly tell him. He can't have anymore muscle mass, but his muscles are showing more.
He looks up a little surprised, "how do you know about that?"
"I saw it on your Instagram, dummy"
"Wait, you're stalking me?", Fabio grins. "I wanted to ask you for help, but I was afraid. So Xavi set me up with Borja. We do a little muscle endurance, like you once suggested"
"Afraid? You know you can always ask me for help right?", I sit down next to him.
"Yeah, but.. we weren't really speaking..", Fabio pauses for a moment before continuing. "Truth is, I didn't know if you were still alive..", he dares to say. He looks at me with concern, but also with pride. "I'm so glad, you're doing better", he caresses my cheek.
"Did you do workouts every day?", I ask, looking at his arms and chest. They look even better.
"Yeah. A couple before Silverstone. And everyday since Sunday.", Fabio lays down on the bed.
"You know, I can call my old boss. See if we can rent the place an hour tomorrow", I suggest. "Or how long were you planning on staying?"
He shrugs, "I don't know. What about you?"
"I only really have an appointment with my therapist on Friday. But that's a video call. I can do that anywhere. Maybe I'll stay here till I'm going to Austria. I don't know", I stand up to put my clothes on the chair before laying down on my side of the bed. Fabio lays down on his side.
"Would you consider coming back to Andorra with me till Austria?", he asks. I know that's what he wants most.
"Maybe. But I think we should talk about what that would look like first. Me staying there didn't go well, the other times. But I was in a different headspace as well. So it must be better now", I say exactly what I think.
"I can tell you're in a different headspace. You're a lot better than you were. You know let's meet up with Tom tomorrow and take it from there", Fabio suggests. "If you don't mind, would you call your old boss for me? I would like to get a workout in tomorrow"
I nod, taking my phone and quickly texting him.
"Let's get some sleep", Fabio suggests, laying under the covers. I do the same. And we lay still for a moment, both not knowing what to do.
"Do you.. um, I mean.. do you want to cuddle?", I ask unsure.
"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable", Fabio sighs.
"How about we just do what we feel like doing?", I suggest, I look at Fabio for a few moments before kissing his cheek. It's a sweet short kiss, like the one I just gave him in the bathroom.
Fabio wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer, my head on his chest. He sighs out content.
After a few more moments I hear his soft snores and I fall asleep not long after.