Hi!
A quick second update, because you asked for it. Hope you enjoy.
I try to update 2 or 3 times a week. But it's harder now because of holidays and I'm a bit stuck in my story.
Thank you for reading.
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That evening I'm on my way to Fabio's motorhome. I've changed in the outfit I secretly bought in Andorra. The jeans with the holes around the hips and the black lace crop top. I don't really feel great walking around the paddock wearing this, but I want to impress a little.
I softly knock on the door and slowly open it.
Fabio isn't anywhere in sight, so I wait by the door for a few more minutes. I don't want to intrude, I don't stay here anymore. Uncertain what to do, I just stay put. Eventually the bathroom door opens and Fabio steps out.
"Um, hi", I lean a little against the wall, my hands in the back pockets of my jeans.
"Hey", his eyes look up and down my body once. My eyes travel over his body. He's wearing light blue shorts and some dark blue oversized shirt, his feet bare. His hair is sticking out in every way possible. He's relaxing, that's for sure.
"You look nice". I smile a little at his compliment. I was expecting more reaction, but maybe it doesn't look that good.
I felt a little confident when I put it on. I was happy when I looked in the mirror. But that's slowly crumbling away now. Maybe this would look better on Clarisse than on me. Maybe I'm still too fat for something like this. I can't help but feel jealous. Jealous of her body, without even ever having seen her. I don't even know how she looks, but it must be a beautiful girl. Fabio certainly thinks so. He calls her 'Ma Belle', that's not for nothing.
I subconsciously fold my arms in front of my belly, trying to cover up.
"You okay?", He asks. No, I'm suddenly very uncomfortable and all of my confidence is gone.
"Just cold", I manage to say. Fabio disappears to his bedroom and walks back with a big hoodie in his hand.
"Here, put this on", he gives it to me, while I'm still next to the door leaning against the wall. He wants me to cover up as well. I must look ridiculous, wearing this. How could I think it would look hot at all? How could I have felt happy when I looked at the mirror? I think I should just stick to oversized clothing. Atleast than I know I'm not anywhere near hot or beautiful.
I put the hoodie on, which covers me to mid tight. Now it just looks like a big hoodie with skinny jeans.
"Much better", Fabio smiles, sitting down on the couch. His bitter mood from this afternoon completely gone.
"So, why am I here?", I ask slowly. I'm still standing close to the door.
"I just wanted to spend time with you", is all Fabio says.
"That's not what you wanted this afternoon", I tell him, he stays quiet. "If you want to ignore everything and pretend like nothing happened, I'll sit next to you for the night. If that makes you feel any better"
I sit down next to him, with enough room to have someone in between us. I look straight ahead, not looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He doesn't and we sit in silence for a very long time. I almost think he's sleeping, when he speaks up. "Why are you so distant?"
It takes a few seconds for me to understand that he means, right now on this couch.
I sit closer next to him, my shoulder touching his. He takes my hand in his and starts playing with my fingers.
It feels like we are strangers sitting next to each other.
"It hurt, what you said about me and Matteo this afternoon", I dare to say. He nods, "I'm sorry. But you have been avoiding me"
"I was just working"
It's quiet again after I said that. It's almost like he doesn't believe me.
After some time, his hands goes to my cheek and turns me to look at him. He connects our lips together in a kiss. It's not like any kiss we shared before. This one is forced and doesn't feel right. I know he feels it too. Fabio frowns when we break the kiss.
"I have to get back before it's too late", I stand.
"You can stay here", he tells me immediately. I don't even know if he really wants that. We are like strangers on this couch. How would that be in the same bed?
Last week we showered together and I felt amazing, amazing about us. Now it feels like we are forced to sit here together, like the door is locked and we can't get out. I don't even really know what I did. I was only working the weekend. But maybe that's the problem. I didn't have time, we didn't talk. Maybe he changed his mind because of that.
I snap out of my thoughts, shaking my head, "they told me, sleeping in the clinica mobile motorhome is mandatory"
I don't really think anyone would mind if I didn't sleep there, but it's a good excuse now.
He nods his head standing up as well. I pull his hoodie off, handing it back, "Thank you for tonight"
"You can keep it"
I shake my head, yet again, "No, I'm fine. Thanks though"
I walk to the door, turning around one more time "sleep tight, Fabio", I smile.
Outside it's chilly, but I don't mind. I keep thinking about tonight. About that terrible kiss. I've shared my best and worse kisses with him. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe this tells him, I'm not the right girl for him.
"Ciao, bella", I hear when I'm almost back at the clinica mobile motorhome. I turn around to see Riccardo standing there.
"Riccardo! Hey"
"You look gorgeous, breathtaking", he winks. Almost the exact reaction I was hoping for, but from a different rider. I feel a tight feeling in my chest and stomach. I smile a small fake smile.
"Thanks! I need to run, so I'll see you around okay?", I turn back around and walk away.
Thursday I had my meetings with the other riders. I also did checkups in the clinica mobile. Fabio didn't request any checkup or treatment for this weekend.
In the afternoon I got to go to the press conference. Something I really wanted to see. I sat in the far back, so no one would notice me. Of course Pecco saw me and smiled. It's a fun thing to watch. The questions, the games, it's nice. Fabio announced his new Yamaha contract today on Instagram and he seemed in a really good mood. Eventually Aleix said something to him about Monaco and Fabio blushed. He blushed and said he had the best time out there. It caused Aleix to softly wolvewhistle and Fabio blushing a bit more. I wasn't the only one noticing, because Pecco looked at me with questions in his eyes. Pecco knows I wasn't in Monaco, he also knows how I feel about Fabio and the other way around. He saw the necklace Fabio gave me. So he's confused as well. What happened in Monaco?
That night I searched through Instagram for photos of Fabio in Monaco. Eventually I found a few of him smiling and laughing with a beautiful girl. Long brown hair and eyes to die for. This was the infamous Clarisse. The pictures seemed intimate but didn't show anything. Maybe I'm imagining things.
The rest of the weekend I didn't speak with Fabio. He didn't request checkups, treatments or meetings. He was busy with his family. His niece and nephew are really too cute and it's nice to see him with them. I've been in the Yamaha pitbox a lot, because Franco asked me for help. So I've seen Fabio quite a lot, call it karma.
Sometimes we looked at each other for a few moments, but that was it. Tom and I laughed and joked a little from time to time.
Clarisse was also there this weekend. I immediately recognised her, she's even more beautiful and intimidating in real life. Her body is perfect, like I imagined. She wore clothes I would never dare to wear and looked beautiful. Not vulgar, but really sexy.
You could see that Fabio and Clarisse have a close connection. They hug a lot and she kisses his cheeks the way I would want to do before and after a session. It's making me jealous, but I don't think Fabio notices or cares.
After his win, I wanted to congratulate him. But walking to his motorhome, I saw something I expected, but didn't want to see. Fabio and Clarisse kissing. Fabio still in his leathers. He's holding her like he did while kissing me. One hand in her beautiful hair and one on her low back. Her hands are on his ass. It looks like something they've done countless times.
I'm nailed to the ground and can't move one step, I can't look away. I hope no one notices how pathetic I look. After quite some time they break apart. Fabio walks in his motorhome while Clarisse walks away. I wait a few more minutes, before going up to his motorhome.
I take off the necklace and hold it in my hand.
I knock on the door, waiting for Fabio to open it. He does with his leathers low on his hips.
"Hey! Did you see? I won!", he smiles happy when he sees me.
"Yeah, I did. I came to congratulate you. It was a great race. I'm proud of you", I almost whisper the last part. I'm not stepping inside, just standing in the doorway.
"Come, I still have some champagne", he takes my hand and pulls me inside. He's in victory mood and doesn't notice a thing. He doesn't notice the pain on my face, the fake happy smile I put on.
"No, no. I'm not keeping you any longer. Go celebrate with your family"
"Am I not getting a hug or kiss?", He grins at me. I hug him shortly, before pulling away. It's more like a goodbye hug for me.
"We are celebrating this in Geneva", he tells me. He still thinks I'm joining him there. Or he doesn't want to hurt me, afraid of what will happen, or he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong. It seems like the latter.
"I don't think I can go anymore", I say looking down.
"Why? What's wrong?", He steps closer, tilting my chin to get me to look at him. A tear falls down my eyes.
"I think you should give this to Clarisse. I'm sure she will make you very happy. She's gorgeous", I hand him the necklace, before stepping out. I don't think I will ever forget the shock expression on his face. It was definitely the latter.