And that's what we did. It took some convincing but Fabio left Thursday night and I stayed. It's Monday now and he texted me, he will be back late tonight or early tomorrow morning. He wants to come to the doctors appointment. For me, the last few days weren't great. I've been thinking a lot. Smoking even more.
If he really wants me to stay, I'll stay. I'll go wherever he wants me to go.
But I bought a little house in the Netherlands. It's not much. It's close to Assen in a little village. The same village we lived in when I was little. I could buy it with the money from my apartment and have a small mortgage. Houses there are way cheaper than here or France. The mortgage is like a quarter of the mortgage on the apartment in Nice.
I need to sign the papers the Monday after Sachsenring and that's amazing because that's the week of the race in Assen. So I can stay there till the race and maybe a little after.
It's my insurance. If something happens, I have my safe haven. I have my own place to go to, to call home.
I'm dreading that doctors appointment tomorrow. I know the symptoms are still here and I've probably made it worse by smoking. But I saw a different treatment I want. In the Netherlands they do radiotherapy. You need to do that for a few times and then your thyroid is working differently. It's a method for cancer, but I want to try it. It may have the effect that I don't have to take any medication in the future.
I hope I can try it. And hopefully right after Assen. The MotoGP has a summer holiday after that race. So that would be perfect. I could stay in the Netherlands till it's done and join them in August in England.
I've also decided I want to sit down with Pecco in Mugello and talk about working for them. But I've got some terms. It can't interfere with my work in the clinica mobile and I don't want to backstab Fabio. So we need to figure out how we could manage that.
I've reviewed the different riders, I had to review. I wrote down the possible injuries, things to look out for. But also the things I notice in their riding. Things to make them better. I want to be prepared for my talk. And I think I want and need a talk with the big man Uccio as well. So I need to be prepared.
I haven't used much of the house these last days. I've mainly been living in the guestroom and smoking out back. But I clean the whole house, the room Ricky stayed in is clean again and Fabio's own bed has clean sheets.
I haven't been sleeping really well these last days and with cleaning the whole house, I've become tired as hell. Eventually I fall in a deep sleep in the guestroom.
The next morning I wake up on something hard. The pillow was soft right? I try turning around, but am held in this position.
"Good morning, Ma Chérie"
I open my eyes and see Fabio laying next to me. His arms around me, my head on his chest.
"Hey, when did you get back?"
"Late last night. I hope it's okay, I'm here?", He asks referring to him next to me in bed.
I nod, laying my head back on his chest. He softly kisses my hair. "What time is it?"
"It's still early. You can go back to sleep", he tells me softly.
"I'm tired but awake", I tell him, I slowly untangle myself, "I'll be right back"
Going to the bathroom, doing my business and quickly brushing my teeth. In the room, Fabio is still laying in the bed. The sheets barely cover him up, revealing his bare chest and part of his belly.
The sight makes me blush.
"Are you done staring?", Fabio looks up from his phone grinning.
I get back in bed, blushing even more. He is looking so good, but knows it..
I turn on my side looking in his eyes. His mesmerising brown eyes. I stroke my fingers through his hair, letting my hand rest in his neck. His hand goes to my waist, pulling me against him. Our lips lock in an intense kiss. I pull him on top of me, my hands going up and down his back. One of his hands pulls one of my legs up around him, his other hand is in my hair. He breaks the kiss looking in my eyes, while his hand slips under my nightgown going up on my side. With one of my hands at the back of his neck, I pull him back down in a kiss. It feels so good, my whole body is on fire. Tingles everywhere and I feel really sexy when he touches me like this.
His hand travels up higher to the side of my breast, stopping there. I instinctively take his hand and push it down a little. He takes his hand from under my nightgown completely and takes my hand, locking our fingers. He breaks the kiss breathing heavily, pecking my lips a few times. He turns on his side next to me, still holding my hand in his. "You are truly beautiful"
"I don't know what to say", I blush looking down. Fabio let's go of my hand and strokes some of my curls behind my ear. "You asked me to repeat it a few times and I happily tell you this over and over again"
He strokes my hair a few times, "are you okay?"
"Yeah, I actually feel okay"
Fabio turns on his back and I lay my head on his chest.
"Did you have fun in Barcelona?", I ask after a while.
"It was nice. But I'm glad to be back here. And that's not something I usually say"
"Why not?"
"I don't know, maybe because it's usually empty. I hate it when it's quiet around here", he tells me. "How were your days?"
"They were... okay", I hesitate.
"They weren't that great, were they?", Fabio asks, "I saw the pack of cigarettes on the kitchen counter"
"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave that lying around", I feel so stupid. He has to look after his body, stay healthy and then am I some kind of chain smoker. I sit up, crossing my legs.
"But there are a few things I need to tell you. Please just hear me out"
He nods, sitting up a little as well.
"You want me to stay here and live here. You've been hinting about it. And I don't want that. Atleast, I don't want to stand with empty hands when things don't work out. I don't want to depend on you. Friday I got a call from the real estate agent who sold my apartment and he told me my money would be transferred in after the weekend", I take a deep breath and continue. "With that money I bought a new house. I need to sign the papers the Monday after Sachsenring and then I get my keys. It will be my safe place. The place I can go whenever I want or need to"
"That's a big step! And where is this house?", I knew this question would come and I nervously fiddle with my necklace.
"In the Netherlands"
"Seriously?", Fabio pulls a hand through his hair. "I knew this would happen. When are you leaving?"
"I'm not done yet", I place my hand on his arm. "I didn't say I will be there permanently. That's actually up to you. If you want me here, I want to stay. But if it's all a little much or if things don't work out, I have my own place" Fabio breaths out slowly.
"It's in the little village I grew up. It's not much, but it's mine. And I hope I won't be there much, but I want to have it. I'll probably stay there during Assen and right after. It's actually about 30 minutes away from the circuit", I try to explain. I talked about it with Margaux and she wants to rent it from me for a while. It's big enough for the both of us, if needed. And she needs to get out of her parents house for a while. That way the house wouldn't be empty. So maybe I'll agree.
"Okay, I'm curious to see it", he says eventually.
"And I have one other thing", I look down again. This is probably more difficult than taking about the house. "I want to ask the doctor about a different treatment"
"Okay, why?", He sounds a little cautious.
"Because if I continue this way, I need to take pills for the rest of my life. Having fluctuations in my hormone levels. And having mood swings and having a chance of being infertile. So I read about some new treatment in the Netherlands"
Fabio nods, telling me to continue.
"I want radiotherapy. It's normally used for cancer. But it works great with this as well. They do it 3 or 4 times in one week. And it changes the way the thyroid works. It can not work and then I can go back to the treatment I have now. It can also have some side effects, but most temporary. Like sore throat, trouble swallowing, skin problems, tiredness and stuff like that. And in some cases hair loss. Which I think is the worse, because I love my curls. But it's a risk I want to take. What do you think?"
"Well I'm no expert. But if the doctor thinks it's a possibility than it's up to you. I'll support you, as long as you consult with the doctor", I was worried he wouldn't like it. Medicine is the saver option.
"Thank you", I tell him. I think this is going well and I only have one more thing I want to talk about. But not now, this is going so well, I don't want to jinx it. I think it's the most tricky one, about working for the academy team.
Fabio went with me to the hospital. He was very sweet, looking after me, making sure I was okay. The doctor wanted to feel, look, listen to everything in the area and wanted to do an ultrasound on it. I had to lay down in my bra and I was a bit anxious. Anxious about what the doctor would do, anxious about the fact that it was the first time Fabio would see me without a shirt. He atleast acted like he didn't notice. He sat next to me holding my hand, only looking at my eyes or the ultrasound screen.
I'm glad I decided to wear one of my new bra's.
"If you want to do the radiotherapy, I need to check you out for lumps in your lymph nodes and breasts. Because if you have any the treatment will be different. Can you please take off your bra?", the doctor said at one point. He stood and gave me some privacy, closing the curtain. Fabio stood as well, ready to leave, but I stopped him. I didn't want to lay there all alone, when some guy I don't know is feeling up my breasts. And I know it's for a good cause and it's pure medical. It's still very scary.
Fabio stayed and the doctor examined me. He didn't feel anything. I did. I felt Alex's hands back on me. How he took them in his hands, squeezed them. I felt it all again. The only thing I looked at were Fabio's eyes. His warm, loving, reassuring eyes. He helped me through this.
Now, we're back home. Fabio is working out in the garden, while I'm smoking in the terrace. I want to stop, but after the stress of the hospital I need this right now. I still feel his hands. Well not the doctors, but Alex's hands.
I'm watching Fabio jumping the rope. He's clearly showing off. He knows I'm looking. A silent tear falls down. And with that one, a lot more follow. It's not really from sadness. I actually feel really lucky to have him by my side.
I pop a mint in my mouth and dry my eyes. Although we have our ups and downs, I wouldn't want to lose him. He is the best thing that happened to me.
I can't wait to be his girlfriend...