Watching the race from the pitbox is an amazing experience. The way the whole team stands together and they are cheering for Fabio.
Unfortunately he only got 4th place. Something he won't be happy with. When he comes back to the garage, I stand to the side. I don't want to get in the way and I don't want to be seen on camera. He gets a few hugs and stuff before he sits down where I sat moments ago.
He takes of his helmet and our eyes lock. The look he's giving me is intense and I blush looking away.
After talking to his crew chief and some others, he walks to me.
"Can I have my hug and kiss now?", he smiles at me.
"No camera's here?", I look around unsure. They closed the door almost completely and only crew members are inside. Fabio shakes his head.
I put my arms around his neck and his arms go around my waist. One hand just above my ass, where the letters on the shorts are.
"I'm so proud of you. You rode incredible"
I softly kiss his cheek.
"Thank you! That means a lot. Did you enjoy watching it from here?", He steps back, opening his leathers showing his bare chest and stomach.
"Yeah, I did. Go to your team, I'll be at the motorhome when you're done", I kiss his cheek one more time before walking out of the box.
*Hey! I'm sorry about your crash. Hope you are doing okay. Can we meet up outside Fabio's motorhome? I'm ready now, so you can come by earlier if it's possible*
I text Pecco about our meeting. He asked around 4 and it's 3 now, but I want to be done when Fabio comes back. Not because I don't want those two to see each other, but because I want to spend most of my time with Fabio.
*I'll be there in a few minutes*
Pecco answers immediately. I wait outside on the lounge chair.
After a few minutes his scooter's coming my way.
He's already showered and in his Ducati poloshirt. On the back is a beautiful woman. She's wearing a white crop blouse, and long black tight pants with heels. She's stunning and has a beautiful figure.
"Ciao!", I say, standing up.
Pecco gives me a quick hug, "Julie, this is my girlfriend Domizia"
"Hi!", She shakes my hand.
We sit down outside.
"I'm so sorry about your crash. Are you okay?", I ask, looking at his arm and shoulder.
He nods, "yeah, a bit sore but that's it. Did you see it?", I nod, "what are your thoughts?", He looks curious at me.
"Oh ehm.. what do I think? I think you were pushing really hard and were braking late and hard to come back to Enea and you lost the back. When you were riding in the front thought, I didn't see the Pecco who usually rides in front. It seems a little unsure, braking a little early, late, hard. Not fluent. I've never been on a motorbike, but I know when you are riding in this class you need to be one with your bike. And it didn't really look like it"
"This is exactly what I'm talking about", he tells Domizia. "Marco, Luca and I have been talking and we think you are an amazing physical therapist", he looks at me.
I blush a little at his words.
"And we talked to Uccio about hiring you on a freelance base to come on academy trainings"
Wait.. hiring? Freelance? What does he mean?
"I don't understand?", I look at him confused.
"Well, you analyse our movements, our behaviour, our body mobility on the bike and off the bike. And I think that's something that could help us a lot. We all know how to race, we follow each other around tracks to learn from each other. We have Vale and Uccio. But I think we need another point of view. Some theoretical knowledge. Someone who doesn't really know how it feels, but knows what it should look like in theory"
I'm speechless. This sounds great. But wouldn't it mean that I'm betraying Fabio? This is his top competitor, that asks my advice.
"If you want, we are training at Misano next week. Maybe you could join us for the day?", Pecco says, looking expectantly at me. Domizia is sitting there on her phone, not really payingattention. She probably hears this stuff and those discussions a lot.
"I'll think about it. I don't know if I can do this to Fabio. It feels like betraying him", Pecco nods, standing.
"Thank you for hearing me out. Let's keep in touch", he hugs me one more time, "Ciao Julie", they get on his scooter and ride away.
"What was Pecco doing here?", Fabio asks behind me.
"Oh hey! Nothing special. He just asked me something about physical therapy", I turn around seeing Fabio standing there with only one boot.
"Is he hurt?"
"I don't think so. What happened to your boot?", I'm not telling him about what Pecco asked me just yet. I need to think about it for a few more minutes. And Fabio needs to relax a little first.
"Threw it in the grandstand", he grins. "I'm gonna shower and change" Fabio walks in with Tom behind him. I get up and walk inside as well. I think I need to call and talk to Margaux. And I need to look at bus tickets.
I knock on Fabio's bedroom door, "Fabio, I think I left my phone on the charger and earphones in there?"
Fabio opens and hands me my phone and earphones. His leathers hanging low on his hips.
"Thanks"
Going back outside I'm calling Margaux. Margaux usually speaks Dutch or France. This time I talk to her in Dutch. This way most people don't know what we're talking about.
I tell her about my time here. How my job went, how things are with Fabio, the kisses, the clothes I got and wore in front of him. But also the conversation with Pecco and how I feel about accepting that offer.
Margaux is understanding, she is proud that I wore some formfitting clothes for once. She gets my struggles with Pecco's offer, but tells me to choose what I want and need. Not what Fabio wants. We talk about how it's good to put ourselves first for once. I didn't when I was with Alex. And I normally don't, but maybe it's good to do sometimes. How hard it can and will be in times.
At some point during the call Fabio joins me. I can tell he's confused by my sudden change in language. But he doesn't understand one word. We eventually say goodbye when Margaux has to go get ready for dinner.
"You speak other languages?", Fabio asks a little surprised.
"Yeah, when I was little we lived in different countries. So I'm fluent or almost fluent in English, France, Italian, Spanish and Dutch"
"Really? Me too, but I don't speak Dutch. You are French right?", He looks interested at me.
"Well.. I'm actually Dutch. I lived the first few years in the Netherlands. But I also have a French nationality, I've lived in Nice since I went to college", we haven't talked about these kind of things. But it's nice, I want him to get to know me. "What about you?"
"I'm from Nice and I lived there most of the time. When I was young I rode Spanish championship and was a lot in Spain. I also rode some Italian ones, so was there a lot too. My parents are actually both Italian. I'm in Nice a lot, but Andorra is my home"
"That's nice. It's good you call it home"
"What's your home?"
"I don't know. Right now I don't have a home. I've thought about living somewhere in Italy. I've also thought about Belgium and the Netherlands. But I don't know yet", I don't want to go back to Belgium and stay with my parents, but right now it's all I have. "I should start looking at bus tickets. I'm going back tonight"
I stand to go get my laptop from my back. When I open the door, Fabio starts talking again. "Or you can stay? I'm going home tomorrow, you could join me for a few days. Tom's going to Nice"
I turn around, looking surprised at him. Going home with him? That sounds so good. "what will your week look like?", I ask a little uncertain.
"Well I have a busy week. Riccardo will come Tuesday and Wednesday. And next weekend I will be at the F1 in Barcelona", he smiles at me "So I won't be there the whole week. But it will be nice to eat dinner together, talk at night and have breakfast together"
"Well, I'm maybe going to Italy for a few days. But other than that, I'd like to see your home", I decide to tell him, Fabio smiles at my words. A beautiful big smile.
"Italy?", he asks then a little curious, his brows furrowed, looking cute.
"Pecco and his girlfriend were here earlier. He offered me some kind of freelance job. Him, Marco and Luca want me to join in on some academy trainings and give advice on the physical part. The movements, some body exercises, stuff like that", Fabio looks blank. I don't know what he's thinking. I hope he won't get mad.
"But to be honest, I don't know if I'll do it"
I stay quiet for a few moments, gathering my thoughts. Fabio keeps quiet as well.
"You know, I'm kind of proud they asked me. It's a huge complement. At the same time, I really don't know what I could advise. I don't have any experience and I don't have the expertise. I couldn't really do it. And I feel like, if I take the job, I would betray you. And that's the last thing I want.. but I actually also need the money"
It's quiet between us. I'm too afraid to look up and see the look on his face. We both stay quiet and I feel the tension building.
"You know", I break the silence, "forget about this. It's stupid. I'm gonna call Pecco to say no"
I take my phone off the table and walk away. I dial Pecco's number when I'm far enough. I don't want Fabio to hear me.
"Ciao Pecco", I start when he answers. "I wanted to tell you, I won't be able to accept the job offer"
"Aah.. no.. why not?", Pecco asks surprised.
"I just can't, I'm sorry", I feel tears building in my eyes.
"If you change your mind at any point, please call me"
"Okay. Thank you", I end the call, closing my eyes. I feel like I failed myself. I didn't choose for me, I chose what is best for Fabio.
For once I was convinced I would do what I really wanted, choose me. But I didn't. Maybe I can't change, maybe that's for the best. I'm good at caring for others, so why change?
With my earphones in, I walk back. Fabio is still outside, talking and laughing with Tom. I go inside, I don't think they really notice. Inside I start cooking, caring for others. The ingredients in the fridge seem to be a good meal. Some vegetables, chicken and rice. When I'm done, I'm a bit calmer. I put two plates together and take them out.
"Here you go", I say with a smile. I try to act like I'm really happy, although I'm not.
They both look a little surprised. "You both look hungry. Hope it's okay". I'm not some chef or anything.
"Join us. You need to eat as well", Fabio tells me. I feel like throwing up at any minute, but don't tell them. "I'll eat something inside. Need to call my parents"
Inside I don't eat and I don't call my parents. I just put my earphones in and stare into nothing. I think I sit there for almost an hour when Tom comes back inside. He carries the two plates. I take them from his hands to clean them.
"You okay?", Tom looks a little worried. "You look pale"
"Yeah I'm just tired. I put the leftovers in the fridge by the way", I smile at him.
"How're your parents?", He asks. Oh yeah my parents, whom I didn't really call.
"Didn't answer. I texted", he nods his head. "I'm gonna lie down"
I close the door of Fabio's bedroom behind me and lay down on the far edge of the bed.