Julie's POV
It's been more than a week. I'm glad I'm back with my parents. I can relax here and put everything in perspective.
I'm healing but it's not a fast process. I've met a girl who went through the same here, Margaux. I can talk to her and she understands, it's refreshing.
I've been in contact with Dr Zasa and we agreed I'm only gonna be in Le Mans for qualifying day. I'm a little sad about it, but at the same time I think it's for the best. We also agreed I'm giving some webinars to the other clinica mobile physical therapists. This way I can transfer my knowledge.
But I think I can learn a lot from them as well. So it's more like cases we discuss. What would we do and why. It's really nice to get to know everyone this way.
I've been dodging Tom's calls, I don't know what to tell him. Margaux thinks it's wrong but I don't know. He was there but at the same time.. he doesn't really get it. He thinks I'm running, he thinks what I'm doing is weak. But I'm not running.
I think I have to call him today. It's Wednesday now and they think I'm in Le Mans tomorrow. I heard there was a request for me to do the checkup on Fabio. That request came from Tom, there's no doubt about that.
The same question came from Pecco. He texted me. I've told him I'll be there Saturday. Pecco texted me a few times the last week. He asked how I was doing. I congratulated him on his win. Just a few friendly texts.
After my lunch with Margaux, I call Tom. She convinced me it's the right thing to do. It's not an easy thing to do though.
The phone rings a few times, before I here his voice.
"Look who's back from the death", I hear sarcastically. This is gonna be worse than I thought.
"Hey Tom. How're you doing?", I ask carefully. I know this is my fault and I know he feels like I'm ignoring him. But it wasn't on purpose.
"I'm fine", I hear a voice in the background and it sounds a lot like Fabio. Tom sighs and answers him. I can't hear what they are saying.
"Tom.. I know you are angry and disappointed. But please, I needed some time and I still do"
"Julie, I've been worried sick about you and you can't even answer the goddamn phone"
"I know. But I knew if I answered crying, you would worry more. And I didn't know what to tell you. I didn't have good days. It was bad, it was worse than in Jerez. But I can finally say I'm getting through this. Not hiding from it. Not running away. I'm getting through", I try to explain my time since I left Jerez. But I feel like he doesn't hear me or doesn't want to understand.
"Okay", is his only answer.
"I think you're busy, so I only really wanted to tell you that I will be in Le Mans on Saturday. I will go back to my parents afterwards. I can't do the checkup on Fabio you requested. But I can see him on Saturday if you'd want that. And maybe if you want and have time we can talk as well..", I say what I have to say.
"We'll see. Thanks for the call", Tom only tells me.
"Okay. Just know I love you, you are my brother and to me you always will be", I say before ending the call.
This was worse than I thought. It's my fault.. I should've been there for him. Let him know I was okay, although I wasn't. I hope he can forgive me.
A few minutes later my phone buzzes.
*Hope you are okay. Tom will come around. Don't worry. Fabio*
My heart starts pounding by just this one text.
I've been thinking a lot about Fabio. About what he's doing, would he be thinking about me? I've checked his Instagram and kept looking at his stories. I wanted to talk to him, but I kept my distance. I even felt like I missed him.
Everyone keeps saying a relationship isn't good for me now. But I want a relationship with him. That's clear to me. But it's up to him how things will turn out.
*Thanks. I shouldn't have ignored him this whole time. He's allowed to be mad at me*
I send the message back.
*You didn't ignore him, you need time. He'll understand. Are you okay?*
His response is fast. It's like he's waiting for me to answer.
*I'm better than I was. I will be okay. How're you? I heard your race in Jerez went well, congrats*
*That's good. I'm fine. It went well, you didn't see?*
He's fine. Is that good or bad? Maybe he has forgotten about our time together. Our kisses. I hope not, I didn't.
*I didn't, sorry! Sunday I'll watch the entire race at home, I'll promise*
I feel bad for not seeing his race.
*In Nice? You're not coming to Le Mans?*
*No, I don't live in Nice anymore. At the moment home is in Belgium, with my parents. I'm only at Le Mans on qualifying day*
It's weird to call Belgium my home country now. It's not. France was my home. Nice was my home. Not Brussels. But I sold my apartment with everything left in it and now I don't have my own home anymore.
*I was hoping we could talk. And I would have liked it if you watched the race from my pitbox*
Wait, what? I didn't expect this. I thought he wouldn't care if I was there or not.
*Maybe we should talk about this on the phone? If you want*
*I'll call you after dinner, okay?*
*Great*
I'm a little nervous about that phonecall, but at the same time I'm really happy.
He wants to talk to me, wants to see me. I didn't think that would happen.
But I don't know if it would be a good thing for me to stay there longer than planned. And at the same time I want to be close to Fabio and I want to be with him. If he wants me to.
I've talked to my parents about the break up with Alex. But not about the raping. And also told them I have feelings for someone inside the paddock. But not who or anything. My dad is a big MotoGP fan, but not specifically a Quartararo fan. More Italian riders fan. But I don't think he would make a big deal out of it. He'll probably be a little protective with every rider.
I take a run in the afternoon to clear my mind. Shower long and when I'm almost dresses, my phone starts ringing.
I put it on speaker, "Hi. Can you give me two seconds?"
"Yeah, of course"
I quickly finish getting dressed and lay down on my bed.
"Hey", I breath out.
"Hi Julie. Are you nervous right now?", He's direct tonight. I like that.
"Yeah, a little. You?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna say something and I'm a little nervous I'm gonna put pressure on you. But no pressure okay?"
"Okay", what would put pressure on me that makes him so nervous?
"I've missed you"
"Really?", I'm blushing really hard, although he can't see me and a smile breaks out on my face.
"Yeah, I've wanted to text or call you many times. But I wanted to give you time as well. I don't want you to feel any pressure"
"I don't really know what to say", it's nice to hear. Unexpected, but good unexpected. "That makes me really happy"
"That's good. So you are a little better?", He asks carefully. His voice is a bit deeper and caring.
"I am. The peace and quiet here is doing me good. And I found a friend who's been through the same. So it's good talking to someone who understands"
"Really, I'm glad. It's good to hear you happy, Ma Chérie"
"Yeah. Because of you", I dare to say.
He chuckles a little, before talking again.
"So you're only in Le Mans on Saturday? Do you have time to talk then?"
"Yeah, but your offer is tempting", I tell him, referring to his text.
"I want you to stay, but you have to do what is best for you"
"Where would I stay?"
"Wherever you feel completely comfortable. You can stay with me or in Tom's room or in a hotel. We can arrange whatever you want"
"I can't kick Tom out of his room again. Can't I take the couch for a night?", I don't want to cause anymore trouble.
"You are not sleeping on the couch. Tom is perfectly fine at Mathilde's. He's with her a lot in his free time, so that won't be an issue. And if it is, he can sleep on the couch. Or he takes half of my bed. Although that is only if the other options are not working. He snores way too loud", he laughs. "That is, if you want to stay of course"
"I'll stay till after the race", I want to see what happens, I want to be there if he wants me to. I want to try.
"That's amazing! Are you taking a plane? When will you arrive?", He sounds enthousiastic.
"No. Plane is way to expensive. I don't get paid yet. Flixbus"
"Flixbus? That's no way of traveling", he says a little shocked.
"We are not all used to business class flights, Mr Rich and Famous", I joke, "the flixbus is just fine. I took it from Barcelona to Brussels last week as well"
"Okay, maybe I'm a little spoilt when it comes to flying", He admits chuckling. "When are you in Le Mans?"
"I don't know exactly. It's in my mail. Somewhere Saturday early morning. I think around 5?", My day starts around 8 at clinica mobile, but I got a key from Dr Zasa, so I can open it and get in early.
"You'll text me when you're there?", He asks.
"Yeah I will, but don't worry, I have a weekend pass for medics and a key to clinica mobile. So I'm fine", I'm curious how it's gonna be this weekend, but excited.
"Okay, good. I'll see you Saturday, Ma Chérie"
"See you then. Ciao Fabio"