We slept in the same bed that night. And it was like Fabio finally relaxed when I layed down. I wasn't that relaxed. My sleeping wasn't that great either. I was tossing and turning but I don't think Fabio really noticed it. Every time I was awake, he was fast asleep. But no nightmares for me, so that's good.
He wants me to let him in. Talk to him. But you know, that's more difficult than it sounds. I let him in on what happened, but that was one big event, that's easier than talking about my days now. The things I don't know how to feel about.
And I don't know the consequences of letting him in. Maybe I'm scaring him off.
I don't want to scare him off. I don't know how or what I feel, but I want to kind of be friends.
Fabio is still sound asleep, but I'm wide awake. So I slowly and quietly get out of bed. I want to take a shower, while he's still sleeping.
Taking my things from 'my' room, I lock myself in the bathroom, turning on the shower.
After showering, I look in the mirror for the first time in weeks, maybe months. I avoided mirrors in every way possible.
I look at my face first, I look a little dull and pale. I notice I've lost my double chin.
Taking a deep breath, I drop my towel and look at my body. I'm a little shocked. The bruises I felt are almost all gone or yellow. My boobs are smaller, my belly is flat.. I've never been this skinny I think. I get Fabio's comments now..
Do I like the girl staring back at me? No.. she looks exhausted, sad and miserable.
I pull my towel back around my body and go back to the room to change. I pull another boyfriend jeans out my luggage. This one was always tight around my belly. It has no zipper but six buttons. It's pretty loose around my stomach now and pretty loose around my ass. But I don't mind.
I also take a bra and tanktop and put them on as well.
"Julie?", I hear from the other room. "Yeah", I walk back to Fabio's room.
"Good morning", I sit down on the bed. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Morning, yeah I did. You already showered?", He smiles.
"Yeah", I smile a little looking down.
"You look good, are you feeling better?", He looks at me, looking me up and down.
"Thanks. A little. Do I need to wear a Yamaha shirt or one of your fan shirts or something today?"
Fabio gets out of bed and takes his Yamaha shirt, "if you want to come inside the box without any media attention, you need to wear this"
I take the shirt from his hand and put it on. Fabio was right, it fits. It's even a little loose.
"Why do you look so surprised? Did you really think you couldn't fit my clothes?", Fabio asks.
"To be honest, I was a lot bigger six months ago. I couldn't wear this jeans back then. But I didn't really care. The last few months and especially weeks were a little tough. And when things are tough, I skip meals and stuff. And I did a little more running and walking than normal so yeah.. I think I lost a lot of weight"
"When did you eat? You don't need to starve yourself", he looks worried again.
"I don't starve myself. I just forget to eat. Really. But, I ate last night. Pecco took me to the Ducati hospitality for some pasta"
Fabio nods, "good", he grabs his phone and types away. "Tom is getting me my breakfast. He's gonna pick you up something as well"
"Okay", I don't fight it. He is worried enough as it is. "So what's your schedule after breakfast?", I lie down on the end of the bed, looking at the ceiling.
"It's eating, relaxing a little, putting on my leathers, going to the box, talk things through, listen to music, fp1, showering and starting over. After fp2 I usually go to the clinica mobile for a check up and that's it", he takes his leathers out, hanging it against the wall. He checks it, before taking out other clothes. "A little heads up, you can stay there if you want, but I need to change. I don't want to make you uncomfortable"
He's sweet and careful, I like that.
"I think I need to get used to it. You know I had that appointment with Matteo yesterday, right?"
"Yeah. What was it about?", He asks, before adding, "can you close your eyes for a few seconds?"
I close my eyes, "well, he wants to talk to Dr Zasa about offering me a job"
"You can open your eyes", I open my eyes and I see, he changed his boxers for a longer pair. I blush a little, looking back up at the ceiling.
Something Fabio notices as well, "Sorry.. But that's amazing! He was impressed, wasn't he?", I hear a smile in his voice.
I nod a little, smiling.
"He was. But I don't know if I can do it. Be around half naked masculine men, with big ego's all day"
"Well, thanks. Good to know how you see me", Fabio says, laying down next to me. He has a shirt on and soms shorts over his boxers.
"No, I didn't mean.." "I know, come", he opens his arms and hugs me. My head on his chest. He smells really nice. A little dark, wood like smell.
"You can do it. You just need the good riders. The more mature ones, who already has a girlfriend or a wife. They won't make a move, they won't make you feel uncomfortable"
"Then you'll have to stay with Matteo"
"We'll see"
"Wait.. you don't have a girlfriend, do you?", I lift my head looking at him.
"If I had, would that be a problem?", He asks smiling.
"I don't think so. But I wouldn't want my boyfriend to be laying like this with another girl", I say hesitant.
"No?", Fabio looks at me. "Good to know"
"I bet you do this every weekend with a different girl, right?"
"Yeah, you know every girl wants to simply lay on a bed with me. That's a no brainer, for sure", he says sarcastically.
"Thought so", I smile, "although there are probably hundreds of girls who would do anything to be where I am right now", I say serious.
"Maybe"
"Breakfast!", Tom's voice sounds in the motorhome.
"Coming", Fabio yells.
"Wait, what would Tom think when we walk out here together?" I ask kind of nervous.
"Probably nothing. Don't worry about that, really"
Breakfast with Tom is uneventful. After breakfast Fabio and Tom talk about the free practice. Tom has everything ready in the pitbox. I'm curious but don't interfere.
"What're you gonna do, Juul? Are you staying in the pitbox?", Tom asks.
"I don't know yet. I want to be in the pitbox during a part of this weekend. But maybe not immediately during fp1"
"You're more than welcome to come whenever you like", Fabio looks at me smiling. "I'm gonna go prepare"