chapter 16 - tears

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After her breakup with Zahn, Amy ran home and locked herself in her room. Burying her head between the pillows, her brows furrowed in deep hurt over what had happened earlier. I feel so foolish. I loved him, yet he never trusted me.

Things had ended between them, and perhaps some relationships just aren't meant to be, Amy reminded herself, her heart aching. She didn’t know how she would ever be able to forget about it.

Over a week passed, and they hadn't talked to each other, ignoring each other's presence during their elective classes. While Zahn appeared normal, Amy was more affected. Even though she wanted to forget about him, even though she tried to put on a facade in front of everyone, she just couldn't. Turning into strangers so suddenly after years felt too strange for her.

Desperate for support, Amy decided to share her feelings with Ruby.

Amy explained everything that had happened, feeling her heart heavy and her mind clouded by thoughts. "It hurts a lot.."

While Ruby wasn't too surprised, she said, "Yeah, what did you expect? You were living in a fairy tale. I always told you Zahn is not for you, but did you listen?"

Amy frowned. "You never try to understand. I shared a bond with him... Even if our relationship wasn't perfect, we did spend a lot of great time together."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "I don't understand why you're so obsessed, Amy. You know the differences you both had. You need someone who matches your vibe, and Zahn is definitely not that."

Amy sighed. "But I can't forget about him. My mind drifts back to him each time, even though I know there were many issues between us."

"Listen to me, Amy. Let's just enjoy our lives as usual, partying and having fun. It won't take long before you start to forget him."

Amy thought it over and finally nodded. "Yeah, I guess..."

Amy went to parties with Ruby, getting herself drunk to the core, dancing and enjoying herself with others. Yet, her mind kept drifting back to him. She shook her head, trying to forget and keep herself busy.

But as days passed, it became harder, and even Ruby grew frustrated seeing Amy sad.

Ruby held her head. "Ugh, Amy. What's up with you? How can you be so emotionally dependent on someone? Dating is such a horrendous thing."

Amy wasn't sure either. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Amy sat on the edge of the bed, silent, staring at the wall, replaying the last conversation she had with him. Her life had changed so much in just a few days. She found it difficult to get used to not sharing meals with him anymore, missing the taste of his cooking, and the joy of teasing him.

She took out a notebook from her bag, trying to divert her mind but she happened to see a photograph.

It was from that day when she took him to the theme park. They had taken a couple of photos, and Zahn had finally shown his rare smile. Amy's fingers traced over the photograph, lingering on Zahn's face and his endearing smile. He said harsh things to me. He thought I wasn't serious about him. Even now, he must not even be thinking about me... yet my heart seems to yearn for him...

The next day, Amy was walking around the campus garden, lost in deep thoughts. Her attention fell on someone coming in her direction, and it was none other than him.

Amy's heart started to race with mixed emotions, her eyes carrying a slight hope. Upon seeing him, she couldn't wait any longer and uttered his name, "Zahn..."

But he moved past her, without a word.

Not even a single glance towards her, no familiarity in his eyes. He treated her like a stranger and left.

Amy was bewildered, she had never expected that. Unpleasant feelings started to well up within her. She had never thought it would feel so awful to be treated like that.

Is that how Zahn felt when I ignored him that day in front of others?

The moment led her to reflect on her own actions. And the more she thought about it, the more frustrated she felt.

She deeply missed him. The way he ignored her ached her heart. She recalled the hurt in his eyes when weeks ago, he had spoken about not wanting to stay in a secret relationship anymore.

Her mind wandered to memories of how he scolded her about her habits, waking her up early, constantly being worried. But now, there was no one to do that. She also remembered the times when he had a softened look in his eyes despite the annoyance, his care that had always been present, and his soft laughter that still warmed her heart.

"I can't do this," Amy whispered, her voice breaking. "I can't live without him."

Realizing she was going crazy, she decided she needed to confront him. She had the right to share how she felt and how much she was hurt by their abrupt breakup... and make him believe her feelings weren't false.

Amy texted Zahn a message, but of course, no response. The weather looked like it could rain, but without caring, Amy headed to his apartment, her heart racing slightly. She stood outside his door, took a deep breath, and dialed the password, only to realize he had changed it. Furious, she started banging on the door.

"Zahn, you can't avoid me! Just come and talk to me! I know you're in there!" Frustration was evident in her voice.

But he kept her waiting. Minutes passed.

Her voice grew louder, "Zahn, how could you do this to me? Did you never care about our relationship?!"

Finally, she heard the sound of footsteps. He didn't open the door but spoke from the inside. "Stop being dramatic and leave. I'm not interested in what you have to say," his voice was unusually cold and distant. It was as if he had never held any love for her.

She was left stunned, growing more furious and hurt. He can't talk to me even for a minute? Why is he willing to give up on our relationship so easily?!

"Zahn, I won't go away until you talk to me!"

Amy stood outside his apartment building as the rain began to pour. She had no umbrella and could have taken shelter, but she chose to stay in the open, rooted to the spot. I don't know what I'm doing anymore... but I can't let him ignore me.

Amy knew that standing in the rain was dramatic, maybe even manipulative, but she didn't care. Her love for Zahn, her desperation to reconnect, and her inability to move on drove her actions. She was willing to do anything to make him understand how she felt.

The rain started getting heavier, accompanied by the sounds of thunderstorms. She was completely soaked, her hands trembling slightly. Her strength was waning, but she stood firm.

Not even once... not even once did he come to check on me. How can you do this to me, Zahn?

Minutes passed. Zahn sat on the couch in his room, deep in thought. The sound of the thunderstorm from outside made him tense. He shook his head, She must have gone back home. There's no way she'd still be outside.

Still driven by his emotions, he first checked outside the door, finding nobody there. He then went to the balcony and was left stunned.

The rain was heavy, and Amy was standing in front of his apartment building, completely drenched and shivering. His eyes widened in shock, fury, and concern. Is she crazy?!

He quickly ran down the stairs, his heart pounding with anger and worry. Reaching her, he grabbed her arm. "What the hell, Amy?! What are you doing here in the rain?"

"So you finally came to see me? After so long?" Her face showed a mocking smile.

His brows furrowed as he dragged her into his apartment, wasting no time. He wrapped a towel around her, rubbing her arms and shoulders vigorously to warm her up. "I thought you would go back. What were you doing in the rain? Do you want to fall ill?" His voice was a mix of scolding and panic.

Amy looked up, surprised. He draped the towel over her head, gently but swiftly drying her hair, his hands trembling with emotion. "I don't get you at all. What are you trying to prove by doing all this?"

"I just wanted to talk to you—"

Zahn sighed, his frustration evident. "Amy, please, you know I don't want to talk to you. just pick up a umbrella and go home"

The words cut sharp and deep. Instead of talking to her, he was pushing her away even further. The reality of his rejection, after everything she had endured, was too much to bear.

Her eyes started to well with tears. Agitated, overwhelmed by all the emotions, she let her feelings pour out in front of him.

"How can you be so harsh to me, Zahn?! You... you don't even care about me... I love you so much. Can't you see that?" she yelled, her voice trembling with a mix of rage and heartache. Tears started to roll down her cheeks, she tried to control them but failed.

Shock passed through Zahn. He had expected to see tears in her eyes.

Her eyes blazed with anger as she continued, "Fine, I get it. I was wrong! I hurt your feelings, and I'm selfish as you said. I care about what others say more. I didn't want to lose my popularity. I enjoyed being the center of attention. I... I even forced you in the beginning to date me to satisfy my ego. I'm extremely sorry about all that. But what about you?! Not even once did you try to make things right..." Her voice cracked, and she could no longer continue.

As she tried to hold back her sobs, she felt her chest tighten, the effort almost suffocating. Despite her determination, a few strangled cries escaped her lips, unbidden and raw. The tears she fought so hard to contain began to fall, tracing wet paths down her cheeks.

Zahn's heart ached at the sight of her breaking down. The pain in his chest was almost unbearable, each tear she shed feeling like a dagger to his heart. Unable to stand it any longer, he immediately pulled her into a tight embrace.

Amy struggled against him, her fists pounding weakly against his chest, her fury and vulnerability visible. "You... you are so mean, so mean!" Another sob escaped her lips.

Zahn held her tighter, his hands gently caressing her head and back, trying to soothe her. "Amy... I didn't mean that...," he whispered.

Amy's resistance weakened. Her anger ebbed away, leaving behind a profound sadness. She slumped against him, her sobs quieting as she surrendered to the comfort of his embrace.

Zahn's initial anger melted, replaced by a deep sense of regret and tenderness. He cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs gently wiping away her tears. "I'm sorry, Amy..i failed to see your feelings" he said, his voice thick with emotion.

He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, then her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips. Each kiss was a silent apology..  He kissed away her tears, his lips lingering on her skin, trying to convey the depth of his feelings.

He took her inside the room, gave her clothes to change, turned on the room heater, and started drying her still damp hair with a dryer, his touch soft and gentle.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind. Holding her hands, realizing how cold they were, he tried to warm them with his own. He brought them closer to his lips and placed a tender kiss on her fingers, trying to convey his affection and warmth.

He spoke softly "You were right... I shouldn't have given up so easily. I'm so sorry for hurting you... I'm sorry for doubting your feelings."

Amy's words today made him realize the depth of her feelings, that she did love him, that her feelings hadn't been fake. He saw her in a different light.

She cupped his face, her eyes shining with sincerity. "Zahn... I have been wrong too, but I really love you. Even I myself didn't know why, but I can't let go of the emotional connection between us. I couldn't stop thinking about you. Even though we have differences, even though we fight a lot, I don't want to give up."

He was deeply touched. "Amy..." He leaned closer and pressed his lips against hers. "I love you too," he muttered. Zahn then gently pushed her down onto the bed. The room was quiet and dark, the only sound the soft patter of rain against the window. Zahn's kisses were gentle and loving, each one passionate.

Amy's heart swelled with emotion as she felt the warmth of his kisses. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer. The intensity of their earlier argument melted away, replaced by a deep sense of connection and understanding.

In the quiet darkness, with the rain as their only witness, they shared a moment of pure intimacy. Zahn's kisses were like a balm to Amy's wounded heart, and she felt a flicker of hope for their future together.