Chapter 16: The Road of Immortality

“But you didn’t?”

“I was close.” He hung his head.

So close.

She slid her delicate hands up over his chest and neck to catch both edges of his square jaw, lifting his face to hers. “If anyone could find him, it will be you.” She pressed her supple lips to his mouth, and he grunted in surprise. Pulling away from her. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve no wish for our kiss to be one in which I taste like the one so cruel to you.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “After all your proclamations of desiring me you refuse me now?”

“I don’t feel I’ve a choice.” His face was written with pain. Grip on his self-control waning.

“Have you some wine?” She asked thoughtfully.

“I can get some from the kitchens.”

“Then do so.” She whispered against his lips.

He groaned low in his throat. “Woman, if this is a test, I’ll surely fail…”

“It’s no test. But you must hurry. Before I change my mind.” She purred. Warm breath brushing his face and the scent of wildflowers filling his senses.

“We cannot do this, I’m not sober.” He objected.

What the Hell am I saying? Find the bloody wine!

“So…You shouldn’t take advantage of me because you’ve drank too much?” Her brows furrowed in confusion.

“I feel I’m not equipped for this argument.”

She blinked at him.

She’s right. Shut up. Rising, he lifted her by her narrow waist to set her further onto the edge of the bed. Noting his hands almost entirely wrapped around her. Rising to his feet, he exited the room. Boots clicking against the wooden floor.

He suddenly felt remarkably steady. Within minutes he was in the kitchen opening the pantry to skim the bottles. Finding the dustiest in the back of the shelf, wrapped in dense parchment, he pulled it out. Returning to Elsabet’s chamber with two glasses dangling from his fingers. He spun them to right them atop the round table. Pouring a partial glass for each of them.

Lifting his own, he raised it in her direction. “This is the last thing I should be consuming tonight.”

“It will sweeten the tongue.” She gave him a prolonged look that heated his blood.

Making him rumble low in his throat as he felt scales moving under his skin. Come here, Sweetheart…

He woke before her the next morning and went to the kitchens to hand-make her a breakfast of meat and eggs. Bringing it in on a platter.

She grinned. Blue eyes softening as she hungrily accepted a trencher. Holding the coverlet to her bare chest, she settled in with her meal. Shooting him several soft smiles.

He was surprised at her warmth. “Is that some softening toward me, I see in your face?”

“Perhaps.”

“How is it?”

“The food or last night?” She asked.

Flirting? His wolf like grin told her what he asked but she gestured to the trencher before her.

“It’s quite satisfying.”

“Indeed?’ He lifted his chin proudly. “Do you think perhaps you’ll care for more?”

“Hmm.” She murmured thoughtfully. “I think it quite likely.”

“I’d be happy to accommodate.”

“And what if I only seek comfort from awful dreams?”

His face sobered, he lowered his head in promise. “Then I will offer that.”

Elsabet often crept to his chamber to crawl into his bed now. Whether I’m there or not. It was becoming commonplace for him to wake to find her snuggled against his chest. Or arriving home to find her tiny form already asleep in it.

He was surprised at the strange sense of peace that overcame him at knowing she was there.

His surprise only grew when one morning, after he’d had one of his rare sleeps. It was she that woke and made breakfast and a warm cup of tea.

It was the most pleasant morning Bast could recall. No one has ever done such a for me. He could truly rest when she was near. Feeling a deep sense of relief when she was there.

She, that tried to gut me on more than one occasion? Yes. He admitted. Smiling faintly at his own idiocy. Despite the thought, he felt safer with her next to him. Someone watching over me for once.

Sebastian’s dream came again that night. The dream of a hot blade delving into his back just under his shoulder blade. Severing his heart. The man’s voice. “Watch over him.” And the forceful shove that dislodged someone from somewhere safe.

Watch over him.

Me…

It’s easy for one to envision immortality as something beautiful. A state of agelessness. Endless moments of ecstasy, greatness and enlightenment.

But every second of it comes with a cost. It’s ugly, bloody, and painful. It is outliving all your loved ones. Watching friends fall on battle fields surrounding you. It’s to be constantly alone with no glimmer of solace. It’s suffering and knowing no end to that suffering.

It isn’t something I’d wish on my greatest enemy. And certainly not on my eternal mate.

The road to immortality is cobbled with anguish.

From the Journal of Sebastian Bodane.