The pain in my body grows as I push myself to run this play just one more time. If my teammates screw it up again, I'm surely going to lose it.
The ball is passed to me and I dribble it between my feet while dodging a defender. Then I pass, just like I had done three times already, and watch the ball go untouched, an opposing player picking it up. I throw my hands up in frustration and place them on my head, attempting not to lose my cool.
"Guys," I state. "How many times are we gonna have to run this play before we get it?"
We were a week out from our first match, and it wasn't looking good. Not if we played like we practiced.
"Sorry," one of my team members apologizes. "I'm just not in it today."
"We have a week," I reiterate. "A week to prepare and we're not anywhere near where we need to be."
"Maybe we can just take a break..."
"We'll take a break when we get this play right," I say.
We run the play again, nearly perfect this time, and I allow the girls to take a water break. I hate being the bad guy, but as team captain, it's my job. Plus, there aren't many upperclassmen on the team anymore to take the lead.
The water break ends, and Coach decides to have us run a few more scoring plays to end the day. I ready myself on the field and wait for my time to work. The black and white ball travels over to midfield, allowing me to perform alongside my teammates. I pump my legs and pass the ball to a forward, then relax for a minute.
"You should totally do it," one girl, Brittany, says to Lora.
"I just don't know if she and Jackie are dating?" Lora answers. "Because if Jackie is still interested..."
"She'll bite your head off."
I find my annoyance growing, and not just because they weren't focused on practice.
"I don't know..." Lora pants while jogging.
"What?" Brittany laughs. "Are you actually scared of Jacki?"
"No!"
I roll my eyes at the conversation. Why do they feel the need to talk about this right in front of me?
"But Jamie's just so... hot."
Ugh!
"Guys. Focus," I order, trying not to give away my jealousy.
My teammates fall silent and I try not to get too worked up over what I had just heard. Is Lora planning to ask Jamie out? Are they friends? Why the hell do I care so much? It's not like Jamie and I are ever going to date.
I allow my anger and jealousy to turn into motivation during the last few minutes of practice. At least on the field I could release everything I've been holding in for months.
Practice ends and I head home with many things on my mind. I have a lot to do this week, and no motivation to do any of it. But one thing I have absolutely no motivation for is my mom asking me a million questions as soon as I walk through the door.
"Something came in the mail." She sits at the small island in the kitchen. "A university in Tennessee?"
I freeze. I had meant to keep my applications to myself until I couldn't anymore, but being the only child living here, it's nearly impossible to get things past mom.
"They had recruiters come to school," I lie.
My mom grunts in disapproval.
"TSU has really great programs, and Nashville's a cool city..."
"I thought you were set on Georgia State?"
There was a threatening tone in her voice, but I should've expected this. My mom is overbearing and controlling. She had been that way with Alyssa, but Alyssa had barely made it into college to begin with. I'm not Alyssa, and I wish she wouldn't treat me as such, but I attempt to do some damage control anyway.
"I really just applied for fun," I lie. "I didn't think they would actually accept me so quickly."
My mom buys it.
"Honey, colleges are going to fight over you," she boasts. "You're very bright and talented."
The defeat in my heart grows.
"But I just think GSU is a perfect fit for you. Not too far from home, plenty of great programs..."
What my mom is saying just fades into the distance. I sigh in defeat.
"Yeah," I voice. "Right."
I go up to my room and throw my things on the floor in frustration. How am I supposed to tell my mom that I was deliberately applying out of state because I want to get away from Branton? That the last place I want to go for school was only an hour away from home.
Maybe there were things I was missing about her adamantly wanting me to attend GSU, like out-of-state tuition, or maybe she would just miss me too much? I roll my eyes at the thought. More like miss nagging and controlling every day of my life.
I love my family, don't get me wrong, they just have their ideas and beliefs that would probably never match mine. I see it in my older sister. It kills her every time she comes home and is forced to deal with the bigotry and ignorance. The difference between Alyssa and me was that she's very vocal about her beliefs.
I feel a heavy pressure settle on my chest. Unless I somehow manage to get a full ride, or at least a decent scholarship, it's looking like GSU is in my future. A future that would be too similar to my past.
But I wouldn't allow it. I was getting out of Branton, Georgia, no matter what.
⢠⢠â¢
The sound of soft pop music fills the corridor where Jamie and I work on the mural. It's particularly quiet at the moment since we're both focused, but thankfully it's still a comfortable silence.
It's beginning to take form, but we still have a long way to go. At the turn of February, we still have quite a bit of ground to cover, and it makes me anxious as soccer season approaches.
"You're quiet," Jamie says. "Are you okay?"
"Just focused," I reply.
Jamie chuckles to herself. "You know, I can tell when you're lying."
I continue to work on the mural in silence and hope Jamie doesn't continue to press me. I was in a weird mood. My mother confronting me yesterday had me feeling a deep sense of dread, and I couldn't shake it.
"So, what's really wrong?"
I carefully trace another line, finish, and then exhale the breath I was holding. Then, I allow my gaze to meet Jamie's.
"I just..." I wipe my brow. "I feel like I'm gonna be trapped in this town forever."
"Why's that?"
"Because..."
My sentence falls away. Do I really want to tell her my family problems? Mom always had this weird thing about seeming perfect from the outside. Telling strangers about our disagreements was none of their business.
Jamie just leans against the wall and waits.
"My mom thinks I'm set on going to GSU," I reveal. "But that's the last place I wanna go to college."
"Why?"
"Because it's too close."
Jamie falls silent in thought, probably debating whether she wants to get into this conversation with me.
"Too close to...?"
"To Branton, to home..."
She nods. "I get that."
I know there's nothing Jamie can do about it. Hell, she's probably in the same situation as I am. To my knowledge, she's the only child of a single mother. I couldn't imagine her mom being okay with Jamie moving somewhere else.
"Not trying to invalidate your struggles, but..." She looks at me. "At least you have a plan to get out."
I give her a confused look.
"College doesn't seem to be in my future," she confesses. "So right now, it's looking like I'll be staying here after graduation to help mom with her own business."
"Really?" I ask.
She just nods somberly. "I don't have the grades."
"Well, do you want to go to college? Because I can help tutor you..."
"Nah," she cuts off. "College is for doctors and teachers and such... plus, it's just too expensive. So, unless I miraculously get a scholarship, it's just not happening."
"And your mom's okay with that?"
"Sure." She continues painting. "She was never the kind of mother to force me into things, anyway."
I feel envious again. It sounds as if Jamie had a hell of a lot of freedom on top of the opportunity to be out in her household. I bet if Jamie wanted to move back to Chicago after graduation her mom would help her do so.
"Do you want to leave Branton?" I ask.
She sighs heavily, as if attempting to release some of the sadness sitting on her chest.
"Yes and no," she answers. "I mean, most of my family is here. My mom and my grandparents..." Jamie steps back from the mural. "But I don't think I can stay in this town longer than another year."
"Have you thought about moving to Atlanna?"
She forces a smile. "Yeah."
It doesn't seem like that's what she wants. Does she want to go back to Chicago? Or somewhere completely different? Or is she possibly upset that I plan on leaving the first chance I get?
"Well..." I decide to break the serious tone. "If I do end up at GSU, like everyone else, you should definitely move there."
She gives me a teasing smirk. "You only want me to move there if you do?"
"Yeah." I shrug. "If I don't, well, go where you feel you need to be."
Jamie laughs. Her cheeks pull back and her lips expose her amazing smile. Nowadays, I seem to crave it. My body heats up with a warmth I rarely found outside of art and Jamie.
"Fine," she agrees. "I'll move to Atlanta if you do. You know, to make it more bearable."
Then she sticks out her hand, as if she's waiting for me to shake it. I stare at her dumbly.
"What?" I ask.
"Are we making a deal, or not?"
I stare at her hand. I don't want to go to GSU, but if Jamie agrees to follow me there... that could change. I take her hand.
"It's a deal, Jamie Kendall."