Chapter 63: A Living Contradiction

In my head I'm alright

I've moved on and it's all fine

In my head I'm alive

I'm breathing in and breathing out

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In my heart I'm dying inside

I'm crying over all the what ifs and not

In my heart I'm screaming aloud

I'm reminded that you're not mine

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In my head I see you and wave

We say hi and walk out of class

In my head we talk sometimes

Every random topic on the top of our minds

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In my heart I'm breaking down

At the sight of you is utter despair

In my heart I'm shattering on the floor

Cause I'm done fighting for what it's worth

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In my head I touch your hand

To protect you from the invasive crowd

In my head we're running down

Late for lectures, late for exams

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In my heart I start to sink

Drowning where your eyes aren't looking

In my heart you drew me pink

Covering my bedroom purple walls

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In my head we don't really text

Unless we actually need something off our chest

In my head I don't really mind

Dropping formalities cause they're a waste of time

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In my heart I wonder if

You see whatever it is I post

In my heart the songs are yours

And I mean every word I wrote

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In my head you bought me a snack

You don't have converse but I wanted us to match

In my head we talked what we thought

Possibilities of what the other might like

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In my heart I was dropping hints

I'd let you wear my jacket for when you get chills

In my heart I'd think of you

And of whatever it is to show you I'm true

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In my head I smile and laugh

At all the silly jokes you'd make on the spot

In my head I don't second guess

The things you'd do or say to me

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In my heart I take it to account

I'd overthink it till lights are out

In my heart I'd put you on a pedestal

You wear a crown and can do no wrong

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In my head we hug goodbye

And I don't even look back

In my head I keep up with appearances

I radiate the glow of sunrise

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In my heart I die twice

You in my embrace, it felt just right

In my heart I throw a childish tantrum

Infuriated at your oblivious, pure soul

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In my head I'm okay

But in my heart I'm in pieces on the ground