Chapter 38: Chapter 5

SCARLETT

I was at my wit’s end. The past two days had been pure agony. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, and my stomach was in knots.

It was like my brain was at war with itself, wanting to be right, to be stubborn, to not give in, to let my pride take the reins. But my instinct was screaming at me—every second I was near Christopher—to just leap into his arms. Even when he wasn’t around, I felt the same pull.

It was as if my soul ached because we were apart. Just a few weeks ago, I hadn’t even seen the alpha up close, and now it pained me to be away from him. When he joined me in the shower last night, I nearly passed out.

I had to restrain myself from giving in to him right then and there—from wrapping my arms around him and ending this ridiculous fight. But why didn’t I?

Was it pride?

Stubbornness?

I couldn’t pinpoint it. All I knew was that it didn’t make sense anymore.

And Christopher, being the caring person he is, even sent a fruit basket to the hospital to ensure I was eating. It was just another way he was looking out for me—even when we weren’t speaking. During this time, I also had a chance to reflect on how absurd this whole argument was and what a fool I had been.

I was clinging to the remnants of my old life as if it was my lifeline, and it was my downfall. I was not only risking my life but also Anthony’s.

Anthony.

He wasn’t even born yet, but he had already turned my world upside down and disrupted my entire life. But in reality, this ~mess~ felt right. He had flipped my life upside down, and I realized that this was the correct orientation.

I felt deep within me that every piece of my life was falling into place, exactly where it was meant to be. And I was desperately trying to keep things as they were, trying to preserve the status quo, without realizing that the way things were was just wrong now.

I’ve heard many mothers say that after you have a child, the woman dies, and the mother is born. But in my case, I was dying as an individual and as a doctor, to be reborn as a mate, a mother, and luna. And that terrified me.

But he never abandoned me at any point in this journey. On the contrary, he was always there for me, always caring for and protecting me. And at the first opportunity, I took the thing he was most excited about and ripped it to shreds in front of him.

He had already told me how much my becoming luna meant to him, especially as an alpha with no betas yet, and now an alpha with a union, with an expansion in territory. And I just…

During this time, I prayed. I asked the Goddess for wisdom and understanding to handle this situation. And I almost heard her whisper in my ear: ~Apologize.~

I didn’t appreciate his decision that I should stop working as a doctor, but I could have asked for a compromise, a middle ground. Instead, I just exploded and hurt him.

And it was tearing me apart inside. Every moment of silence between us tightened the knot in my chest until I couldn’t bear it anymore.

“I was an idiot…,” I began, resting my forehead on his chest.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I needed to continue. I needed to tell him everything I was feeling.

“Scarlett,” Christopher whispered, pulling me closer to him.

I had to muster all my strength to pull away. I needed to talk to him, but being this close, feeling his touch, I couldn’t.

“No, Christopher, listen to me,” I said, turning around.

I took a step back and he looked at me, his lips parting in surprise.

“These two days were the longest of my life. You’ve always taken care of me, always protected me.” I swallowed hard, and my hand instinctively went to my belly. “Protected us.”

His gaze followed my hand and then returned to my eyes. “And I hurt you the first chance I got.”

The tension visibly left his shoulders. It was as if every feature of his face relaxed with each word I said. But I continued.

“I know I was an idiot, stubborn, and even immature. I could justify it by saying that I was trying to hold on to the last piece of the ~old Scarlett~ that I couldn’t let go of, but that doesn’t excuse my irresponsibility toward my health and even Anthony’s health.”

His eyes stayed on mine for a few seconds, as if he was trying to process his thoughts. “Last piece of ~old Scarlett~?” he asked, looking confused.

I sighed as I tried to explain. “I always thought that medicine was a part of me, that I would become a surgeon, that my mission in life was to help others. I always dreamed of the perfect fairy tale, of finding my mate, the mating ceremony, doing my residency in surgery, and then having a child. But…”

As I explained it to him, I heard the Goddess’s words in my head: ~If I had paired you with Christopher right away, and you got pregnant as it happened, you would have freaked out because you’d have felt left out of your plans: finding a mate, having a mating ceremony, becoming a surgeon, and only then having a child. I needed this child now, not in six or seven years.~

Now everything made even more sense, and a smile spread across my lips, leaving Christopher even more puzzled than before.

“The Goddess told me and…” I smiled again, involuntarily. How had I not thought of this before?

“I asked the Goddess why she didn’t assign me to you at first. She told me that I needed to break this fairy tale out of my head first. Christopher, I’ve had to change a lot in the last few weeks. I was a girl, then a hospital doctor, full of dreams and without much perspective, and suddenly, in two days, I gained a mate, lost him, then gained you and our son. And I had to dismantle myself to rebuild myself as a mother, your mate, and luna.”

I took a step toward him, reaching out to touch his face. My thumb stroked Christopher’s cheek, and he smiled at my touch.

“I don’t want to seem ungrateful, and I want you to always be sure that I couldn’t have been luckier to have you. You and Anthony are the most wonderful things that have ever happened to me, and not only do I want to, but I will honor being your luna.”

The smile Christopher gave was so radiant that it moved me. “But I didn’t want to stop being a doctor. I didn’t want to abandon this,” I said, looking around. “That’s still a part of who I am, too. But I know I was irresponsible, and I can’t continue as I was.”

I stopped talking, and Christopher gently lifted my hand from his face. He tenderly pressed his lips to my palm, sending a shiver through me.

“I never wanted you to lose yourself.” I shut my eyes, feeling a tear trickle down my cheek.

Could this man even be real?

“I know,” I managed to say, my voice choked with emotion. I could feel the lump in my throat slowly dissolving.

“Scarlett, you have some truly remarkable traits,” he began. “The one I love most is your ability to find solutions and help others. You let your mind wander down the most diverse paths, unafraid to think outside the box or act in someone else’s favor. You apply this in medicine, but you don’t realize how you’ve already used it as luna.”

His words stirred something deep within me.

“I know there have been a lot of changes in a very short time, some that we never expected. While I spent my life training to be an alpha, it was always a certainty, a future, a path I just had to follow. You never even considered being a luna. Changing paths can be scary.

“I also know that being a doctor is part of who you are, and I love you as you are. I would never want to change you, but perhaps you could cut back on your hospital hours even more or take a break until Anthony is born and things settle down. Or maybe you could promote health in a different way within the pack…”

He trailed off, causing me to tilt my head in confusion.

“How?”

“I’m not sure yet, but perhaps something more educational, like teaching first aid to the guard, incorporating it into their training, giving talks in schools. You’d still be fulfilling your role as luna, taking care of your people, working as a doctor, without compromising your health with grueling schedules.”

I couldn’t help but pull him closer, pressing my lips to his. The soft touch of his lips sent a shiver through me. I had missed his touch so much.

Christopher smiled into our kiss.

“You like the idea,” he murmured against my lips, before grinning again and pulling me into a deeper kiss. His hands drew my waist closer—our bodies colliding—and I melted into his embrace.