11. Panic Attack
What the hell was going on with Dillon and why is he trying so hard to spend time with me? Ever since the first day I saw him he has been appearing in almost every place I have been to and now he doesn't even care to make it seem like coincidences. Yes, I had been surprised that his roommate had been my new student but I would never do anything with him â why would Dillon think that or let alone care?
I shouldn't be allowing him to keep me company on my way home and I definitely shouldn't be talking to him, or enjoy it slightly. I know who he is as a person, I've known who he's been since he was 16 years old, and so I know a lot better than to let him in to my life.
Oh and now he's looking at me like he just said something and I have no idea what he said. He knows I have been lost in my own mind for the last 2 minutes. I have to say something, do something or pretend as if I heard him. This is precisely why I don't do well in social situations, I daydream too much!
"Are you alright? You've been staring without blinking for the last 3 minutes." Dillon suppressed a smile while glancing at her and Libra felt her cheeks get warm.
Nothing that was happening now was making any sense to her but despite that she wasn't trying to get away from him. She was still on the fence about buying this 'second chance' speech that he kept throwing at her but for now she chose to keep that to herself and keep her guard up.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What were you saying?" She pinched the bridge of her nose and ignored the tiny headache coming on. When she got in she'd have to call Dr. Fine and tell him about this â she had a feeling he would find this to be a positive thing.
"I was asking you what kind of book you'd like to write. You know, since you're in Creative Writing and all." Dillon scratched his neck and got a look of confusion on him.
Libra sighed and shook her head inwardly. Not once had anyone asked her that, not even her own mother, and not that she would've told anyone. She had worked on countless books but never been pleased enough to actually complete them, or have them published. She had been on too many 'how-to-write-your-first-novel' websites by now and had decided that she'd continue once she was sure she had a hit on her hands.
She had always been interested in true crime, mostly because of her father's death, but she hadn't really found her own style yet. When she was in high school all she ever wrote were teenage drama using her tragic high school life as the storyline of all of them but she wouldn't tell him that. Keep it as vague as possible.
"I'm not sure yet, I'm interested in a few different genres. I'm sure it'll come to me once we get more into the semester." She clung to her bag almost like a stress ball and let out a long breath once she finally saw The Arc.
"Funny enough I don't see Todd doing any sort of writing at all. Was he in your class that first day when we met in the café? You didn't say anything about it." He chuckled and their eyes locked for a second.
It had surprised her to see Todd in the library, too. He hadn't shown up in class until today and then in the library he had explained that he had applied on the first day, it was the only class left that he could pick for extra credits, and it hadn't gotten approved until today. She didn't have a reason not to believe him and especially since he had looked so unhappy throughout most of the studying time they'd had.
The thought of seeing Todd struggle with character narratives and plot lines made her giggle which was quickly replaced by an outright laugh. Dillon looked shocked to see her burst into her little fit of laughter that he couldn't help but to join in.
"Yeah, Todd doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who even likes to read. But apparently he needed extra credits and Creative Writing was the only class available for him, I'm sure he's not happy about it." She stopped laughing slightly and glanced at Dillon who still had a huge smile on his face.
She felt strangely relaxed now as if Dillon was just another person she had met here at college. Almost this whole walk back to The Arch she had forgotten who the guy beside her truly was and had instead allowed herself to open up to him a little. They entered The Arc's lobby and without thinking much of it she followed Dillon.
"What genre do you think Todd will write in this semester? Perhaps some Harlequin romance, he might just surprise us and write the next Twilight." Dillon continued joking and pulled another laugh out of the two of them.
Relaxed and completely lost in their conversation Libra gave it some thought and then said, "I can definitely see Todd writing some classic Fabio-inspired Harlequin novel. With all that flirting and winking he kept doing he should be a natural."
Without thinking much of it she stepped into the elevator and saw the door closing in front of them as their conversation kept going. Something in her head must have registered once the tiny little bell, inside the elevator, signaled that they had reached the first floor. Libra felt her whole body tense up and how her breathing became shorter by the second.
"Libra, what's going on?" Dillon looked frightened as he watched her back into the wall of the elevator and then her scream finally got led out of her lungs.
No words refused to come out of her and all she could see in front of her was those doors close on them and them never being able to open again. Not again, please not again, she prayed in her head and stared at Dillon.
"Talk to me, please, you're scaring me!" He grabbed a hold of her shoulders which caused her body to slump down on the floor and as she crawled toward the metal doors Dillon kept yelling her name.
Was this his plan all along, for him to trap her in this tiny elevator and see how she would react? How much did he really know about what had happened to her? She was certain that Robert and her mother had made sure not to tell anyone about her counseling sessions, to anyone.
Finally the bell rang once more and the ride that had felt like hours was suddenly over. The doors slid open and Libra could see that they were on the third floor, the floor which Dillon lived on. With trembling arms she pulled herself up and staggered, dizzily, out of the elevator while Dillon trailed on behind her. She needed to sit down, drink some water and she needed Sophia right now.
"W-what should I do Libra. Should I call your parents or something, please tell me what to do!" Dillon's voice was pointy and at the last word his voice cracked slightly.
I'm fine, I'm alright and nothing can hurt me now, she recited to herself as she fished out her phone out of her bag and handed it to Dillon. "Call Sophia for me and tell her to meet me at the apartment, please." Then backed up against the wall next to the elevator and practiced her breathing.
This hadn't happened since the first three weeks of summer and back then she had her mother to help her. Dr. Fine had only seen one of these episodes but after she started going to the support group and to counseling her panic attacks had stopped. Now here she was; without Sophia or her parents to help her but instead the guy who made her live a living hell only a few months ago.
"I called her but I didn't get an answer. Let's get inside my apartment and we can wait in my room until she picks up â I left her quite an erratic message." Dillon said and walked toward her slowly. His eyes exuded fear, the same fear her mother had the first few times this happened.
Libra knew better than to enter that apartment with Dillon. What she needed to do was to get to her own place and call Dr. Fine. He would know how to fix this and give her the best advice to calm her down, but she could hardly talk as it were and Dillon had her phone in his hand. Powerless to herself she simply nodded and allowed Dillon to slide his arm around her waist to help her to his door.
Behind that door Todd would most likely be waiting for them and that was another problem added on to the one she was currently in; because how would they explain this?