CHAPTER TWO
When he awoke the next day all Alex could think about were the events of the previous evening. He had stayed and watched Kalila ice-skate for a while, and with every spin and twirl she had looked more and more at peace.
He just couldn't find it in himself to interrupt but had resolved to try to get to know her somehow. There was something about her he couldn't put his finger on, and since this was the first time he had felt something in the past two months, he knew it meant something important. If only he could figure out what it meant.
The school day passed quickly. The classes in the morning were the ones Alex struggled with the most â Chemistry and History â which he was grateful for. The more he had to concentrate and use his mind, the less he would be able to dwell on the empty seat beside him, which was practically screaming out Alice's name, and the sympathetic looks he would get if he looked in its direction.
Instead he found his eyes scanning the biology class he had just walked into, looking out for the intriguing ice skater. Nobody else from school could have known about his suicidal urges so he had no idea how his friends would react, but he was pretty certain they wouldn't have thrown food at him. His eyes settled on a familiar mop of dark waves at the back of the classroom, making the corners of his mouth turn up slightly.
Kalila's head was down in concentration as she focused on doodling something in a notebook. The Asian girl he usually saw with her was nowhere in sight today and he couldn't help thinking how alone she looked. Although Alex may have felt lonely all the time now, he was constantly surrounded by his best friends Tyler and Lacey, as well as a whole bunch of other people who pretended they cared about him.
Without thinking about it, he walked away from his friends and headed in her direction. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of him coming her way and she smiled shyly.
"It's nice to see you're alive," she whispered when he plonked himself down next to her.
He laughed, albeit quietly, but it was a real laugh nonetheless and his friends gaped at him from the other side of the room. It had been a long time since he had laughed but before anyone could comment on it, their teacher walked in.
Mrs Duffy was like a hurricane. With a fiery temper that matched her mane of red curls, she seemed to do everything ten times faster than anyone else. Although she was short â barely five foot â nobody dared to anger her in any way, and so everyone took their seats hastily. Once they had started their work on the cardiac cycle, Alex looked back up at Kalila and decided to ask the burning question on his mind.
"Why the skittles?"
She looked up and grinned. Although they had never spoken a day in their lives before, she didn't feel uncomfortable around him like she usually did when surrounded by others. Strange, how train tracks and sweets could unite people from completely different social standings. Alex may have been upset lately after Alice's death but he was still immensely popular and liked all across the school. Kalila was much more reserved, she stuck to her best friend Emma Chen and didn't bother with anyone else. After all, the only thing she truly cared about was painting and her ice-skating.
"Maybe I was hoping you'd get distracted â wondering why I'd given you Skittles â and forget about jumping?" she whispered, her nose twitching slightly. That meant she was lying, he was sure of it. There had to be another reason.
"What if I don't believe you? What's the truth?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.
She hesitated slightly before speaking.
"I broke my arm when I was four and I remember my mum giving me skittles in the hospital. She said they were magical skittles that can heal anything, especially something as simple as a broken bone. You looked like you needed some healing in your heart."
And with that she looked back down and continued writing, ignoring the surprised look on the face of the boy next to her for the rest of the lesson.
---
"Alex!"
Huh? He looked up in confusion to find Tyler and Lacey looking at him with similar concerned expressions. He just raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Did you say something?"
"Dude, you've become more of a weirdo than normal; the fuck?" Tyler asked while shoving a huge forkful of pasta in his mouth. Lacey flicked her blonde curls over her shoulder while simultaneously glaring at his terrible eating habits. When he opened his mouth to ask what, a pasta shell fell out and Lacey squealed, before elbowing him in the gut.
"What this disgusting creature next to me means to say, is you've been spacing out all through lunch. Alex honey, what's going on?"
He didn't know how to answer that. What was he supposed to say anyway? He couldn't very well bring up Alice and his almost suicide attempt, and the weird one-minute-long talks with Kalila that were turning his mind inside out.
Lacey had been Alice's best friend from childhood and he knew that the accident had hurt her almost as much as it had him. They'd always been like sisters but oddly, he didn't feel sad in her presence as much as the rest of the time.
She had a way of calming everyone around her â she let out an aura of power laced with kindness. Lacey Fox. Alice always used to say, "even her name screams out how fabulous that girl is." And anyone who knew Lacey would agree.
Alex just shrugged nonchalantly and proceeded to eat the rest of his chips, happy when the conversation moved on to something completely different. The bell finally rang, signalling the end of lunch and the beginning of Art, another class he knew he had with Kalila. The thought made him smile slightly; he had never been one to get tangled up in feelings for girls and here he was actually looking forward to seeing one.
Except this wasn't just a girl. Kalila was nothing like the bimbos who were usually all over him, the ones who didn't actually have conversations â unless it was about which girl was a slut and how much those shoes cost â and who only cared about his popularity and looks. The ones who used him as much as he used them.
No, Kalila was more like Lacey and Tyler. And Alice. She was someone he could talk to without feeling like he had to be careful about what he said. Someone who would understand his passion for photography and how much he was glad that he'd been kicked off the school football team for missing practices after Alice had died.
She had the potential to be a real friend, but the real question was, how long he would stay alive to find out?
---
The rest of the week went by normally. Or at least as normal as things were in Alex's life, post-accident. He found himself walking past the ice skating rink a lot in the mornings. Alice used to almost religiously go for morning walks; she would say it was peaceful being in the middle of the city before everyone was rushing all over the place to get to work. Even though Alex detested the idea of waking up even earlier than he had to for school, it made him feel close to his deceased sister and so he continued day after day. He also always brought his camera with him, it was practically a part of him now, and without it he felt as though something was missing.
Although he walked past the rink, he couldn't bring himself to actually go inside or even talk to Kalila again. For some reason he felt kind of stupid every time he tried to say something to her in school. Maybe it was because Kalila didn't seem like the type of person to talk just to fill the silence around, only if there was something actually worth saying. Besides, he had a feeling she was a little irritated at his attempt to talk to her the day he'd sat next to her in biology class.
That's why it was a nice surprise to him when she seemed happy to be paired up with him for an art project the following Wednesday.
"Now that you're all in pairs and done complaining," Mr Jamison said, before glaring at a group of girls who were still moaning about the partners they had just been assigned to work with, "I'd like you to pay attention carefully."
He started handing out worksheets to everyone before continuing with his announcement.
"This is your final art coursework for this year. It will count for forty percent of your grade, with the exam in June counting for the rest. This is also the work that will be sent off to your university choices should they wish to see it. The overall theme is 'the beauty of life' and your work can be whatever you interpret from that. You may also use any medium but make sure you stick with it the whole way through. I expect a lot of hard work put into this for the next three months, all your work should be presented back to the class after the New Year. So, get started!"
Mr Jamison wasn't one to waffle on for no reason â he always told the class what to do and just let them get on with it. 'At least he's treating us like adults, unlike most teachers in this shit-hole,' Alex thought.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Kalila get up from her seat beside her pretty Asian friend â 'what was her name again, Emily? Emma?' â and walk towards him. She smiled, whispered a quick hello and sat down, still clutching the precious notebook she was always seen with.
"So, any ideas?" she asked with a lime green pen in her hand, ready to take notes.
'Lime green. Why would anyone write in lime green?' He thought to himself before realising she had asked him a question. He looked around quickly to make sure nobody was close enough to listen and then shrugged. "Pfft. Our first meeting consisted of me contemplating jumping in front of a train. It's slightly obvious that I don't see this whole beauty of life bullshit."
Kalila's eyebrows screwed up in concentration, thinking his words over. Her gaze wandered around the classroom, watching the rest of the students. Some were writing down plans, others grabbing paints and oil pastels ready to start straight away. He was right. How could they possibly capture the beauty of life if her partner didn't think life was worth living?
All of a sudden a light bulb went off in her head. "That's it!" She exclaimed excitedly.
Alex just looked at her in surprise. She was always so soft spoken and this was the first time he had actually heard her speak in more than a whisper.
"You don't believe there is anything worth staying alive for, and I'm positive I can list lots of reasons not to die. We can use that list and do a drawing or whatever to capture each reason we come up with and put them all together at the end to show all the wonderful parts of life! That way you'll keep your wonderful self alive, Mr Jamison will be happy, I'll hopefully get into uni for Art like I've always wanted, and we'll all live happily ever after!"
Alex grinned. Although he knew for a fact that there was no reason important enough for him to stay alive, her enthusiasm was cute. She looked so happy with herself and it was a great idea so he had to agree.
He smirked at her. "You think I'm wonderful?"
Her cheeks tinted pink and she threw her weird lime green pen at him. "Is that all you heard?!" She asked incredulously.
He just chuckled slightly and they proceeded to bounce ideas off each other for the remainder of the lesson. By the time the bell rang, they had come up with a few ideas and had the basis of their project sorted out.
Kalila insisted on coming up with the scenes they were going to capture and Alex decided he would choose how to present them. He loved the idea of using photography â after all he had never used his camera for any artwork before â and he knew Kalila was great at painting. Mixing both those together, they were confident their project would be a success. And, although she knew he was sceptical about it, Kalila was confident she could convince him to ditch the dying plan for good.