...Caring...
After winter passed, a fever passed around the Training Corps.
You and Mikasa were exempt from this. All throughout childhood, she and you barely ever fell sick.
No one knew who started it and passed it around, but some suspected it to be Krista. She and Ymir were the last ones back from the blizzard the other day after going back for someone who had fainted. Better a fever than being dead.
Along with the others who were well, you and Mikasa were suiting up in the infirmary, having volunteered to tend to the others as practicing medics. You braided your hair down, tied a white cloth around your head that covered your nose and mouth, and slipped on gloves.
"You should take the scarf off," you told her.
"Why? It's cold."
"You might get some germs on it."
"I'll be careful."
"Fine. Leave it on your bed after. I'll wash it for you."
She contemplated it. "You sure?"
"I don't mind. Just leave it where I can see it after we're done."
You both left the infirmary carrying a bucket of water and holding a stack of towels. The other volunteers followed behind. You all went to the girls' barracks first. Ignoring the sick ones with the beautiful haircuts you gave them, you headed to Mina's bed and tended to her. She was a nice girl.
You drenched a small towel in the bucket, squeezed the water out until it was damp, and laid it on her forehead. One of the guy volunteers, Thomas, who was carrying a jug of drinking water came around and poured her a cup. You picked up your things and moved on to the next one.
Ymir was tending to Historia. Mikasa tended to Sasha on the upper bunk. After tending to a few more girls yourself, you went over to your own bunk. "Annie, you good up there?"
"I'm not sick."
"You want to help out?"
"No."
"Okay. You thirsty?"
A moment went by. "Yeah." She finally peered over the edge.
You asked Thomas to pour another cup and you held it up for her to take.
"Thanks."
You nodded and picked up your things. "Mikasa, I'm heading over to the boys' barracks," you told her and she nodded. She was spoon-feeding some mashed potatoes to Sasha who was groggily thanking her every few seconds.
Thomas tagged along with you on your way. You noticed some of the boys staring at you as you came in but you paid no attention to them. Some rooms were already being helped by the other volunteers so you went to the one in the back.
First bed you came across was Jean's. His eyelids lifted lazily as you kneeled down next to his bed. "Mikasa, is that you?"
"Nice try, Jean."
"Oh, Y/n?" He groaned. "I can't even see now."
You drenched another towel, squeezed it damp, and set it on his forehead. Thomas poured him a cup and carried on.
"Thanks," mumbled Jean.
"Mhm." You picked up your things and went on to your next patients.
There was Connie who was talking in his sleep as you tended to him. Something about swimming pies and flying pigs. Then there was Reiner and Bertholdt, sleeping peacefully, who didn't look as flushed as everyone else. You wondered if they were just faking being sick but you put two towels on their foreheads anyway.
Then you found Armin, whose nose was as pink as a flower, reading in bed. There was a small mountain of used up tissues on his bedside table. "Can't stay away from your books even when sick, huh?"
He shut it closed but kept a finger in there to mark where he left off. "It's boring laying in bed all day."
You kneeled by his bed and got to work. "I used to tell Dr. Jaeger that during my annual check-ups. He always thought I was just rebellious." Now he's nowhere to be found.
"Thanks," said Armin as you set a towel on his forehead. "Eren's up there, by the way. He keeps tossing and turning in his sleep."
You glanced up at the upper bunk. "Got it."
You drenched and squeezed another towel damp and took it with you as you climbed up the ladder. Eren was asleep, but just like Armin said, it didn't look that peaceful. You crawled over by the railings, careful enough not to fall. As you brushed his hair out of the way with your fingersâhis hand flew in and grabbed your wrist. Next, he woke up panting, eyes wide in terror.
"Damn, Eren, what kind of monsters are you fighting in your dreams?"
"Y/n? What are you doing here?" He let go of your wrist and sat up.
"Volunteered to help out with the sick ones."
"You didn't get sick? I thought everyone got sick."
"Not me, not Mikasa, Ymir, Thomas, or any of the other people." The majority of the healthy ones were girls. You believed it was proof of how strong women were. "Now can you lay back down and let me do my job?"
He did as told and you set the towel on his forehead. You touched his cheek with the back of your hand. "You're burning up. Aren't the blankets too hot?"
You pulled at his covers but he clutched them tight. "No, I'm cold."
"No way, you're lying."
"I'm not! This is just how a fever works. And I'm... not burning up because I'm sick."
You narrowed your eyes. He never broke eye contact with you, even though he looked a little stiff, almost nervous. What's he nervous about? It's just me. You leaned over the railing, whisper-called out Thomas's name, and got his attention. "Can I get a cup up here?" He headed over and raised one up for you to take. "Thanks." You turned back to Eren. "You thirsty?"
"Yeah." He sat up again and reached for the cup but you moved it out of the way.
"Where's my please and thank you?"
His face fell flat. "Fucking seriously? Okay. I want the water, please, and thank you so much."
You handed it to him. "That's better." As he drank, you briefly glanced at the ladder, realizing that you may have been here a bit too long. "I should g-"
"Do you ever get tired?"
You turned back to him. "Of what? Life? Give it a few more years."
"No, of taking care of us."
You furrowed your eyebrows. What? "Uh, not yet, but it's my job right now and I signed up for it myself. Maybe if Shadis makes me come back tomorrow night I may get a little annoyed, but-"
"No, I meant of us. Your friends. You always look out for all of us. Isn't it tiring?"
You shook your head. "No."
He blinked. "Really?"
"It's actually pretty easy. I mean, a lot of you don't know how to take care of yourselves so I might as well do it for you. Really, it's not that hard."
"But if you're always taking care of us, who's taking care of you?"
"Myself, duh."
He rolled his eyes. "Y/n, can you be serious for once?"
"I am being serious."
"That's too much work load on someone."
"Memorizing ten formulas for one fucking test is 'too much work load.' I'd take taking care of you guys over doing math anyday. And anyway, I should go. You should get some rest and dream about something other than violence for once."
But he wrapped his hand around your wrist before you could, making you look him in his determined, fiery eyes. "One day, I'm going to be so strong that you won't ever have to take care of me. And I'll be the one taking care of you."
His cheeks were still flushed red and his teal eyes burned bright from the reflection of the torches on the walls. Neither of you looked away from each other. Then there was some funny feeling seeping into your stomachâbut you cut it off by letting out a laugh. "What's with the sappy shit lately? The fever getting into your head?"
You knocked on his head as if it was a door and he swatted it away. "I'm serious! I'll do it. I will."
Sounds like a drunk man's words. He's probably not going to remember saying this tomorrow morning. "Whatever you say, Eren." You crawled over to the ladder. "Rest up so that you can finally form some normal sentences. And what's with your wrist-grabbing recently? I'm going to end up getting a permanent hand print tattoo." Then you climbed down, grabbed your things, and left the room to the next.
* . * .
Everything went back to normal a few weeks later. No one was sick anymore, and Shadis didn't need any more volunteers to go wandering around in the night with buckets of water.
It was now another night as you laid in bed, your knife under your pillow. Tossing and turning around when one position got too uncomfortable.
It turned out that those girls either did not learn who the Twisted Witch of Southern Wall Maria was, or they were just too stupid to get the hint. Few nights ago, Georgia snuck over and tried cutting your hair. But you had always been a light sleeper. So you woke up, snatched your knife, and took a swipe at her. Not a single hair of yours was harmed, but she left the situation crying with a torn nightgown and a bleeding hand.
She told on you next morning to Shadis. He asked for your side of the story, you gave it, and he concluded that it was self-defense. But you suspected he probably just took your side because you were a better Cadet than she was. Thank you to him nonetheless.
"Can you stop moving around and making those noises down there?" you heard Annie's monotonous voice from above you. "I can't fucking sleep."
"I can't sleep either."
"Aw, how sad for you. Good night."
"Hey, Annie?"
She didn't answer right away. "What."
"Do you want to talk?"
Silence.
"Ugh, come on, Annie. We're both light sleepers. Falling asleep is so fucking boring."
"Yeah, tell me about it," someone else said from the bed next to yours.
"Mikasa? You're awake tooâholyfuckingshit-" You flinched under your covers when you met her solid, dark eyes under the moonlight. She blinked like a bug.
"It's too early to sleep," she said.
"It's past midnight."
"Exactly."
"Both of you, shut up."
Then you got an idea. "Hey Annie, ever had a girl talk?"
"What?"
"You know, when girls get with each other and talk about stupid things like boys."
"No, I have not, but boys are stupid."
You flipped to your side. "Mikasa, have we ever had a stupid talk like that?"
She looked pensive for a moment. "No?"
"We should all have a girl talk right now," you suggested with a grin.
"You just said it yourself that it's stupid," said Annie.
"But it could be fun."
"I'll pass."
You scoffed and sat up. "Mikasa, get over here."
"I'm kind of lazy."
"Pfft. Come on."
She eventually got out of her covers and sat at the end of your bed.
"Annie, get down here too."
"I said I'll pass."
"Come on, let's have some stupid fun for once."
She said nothing.
"Fine then. Mikasa, we're going up." You latched yourself onto the ladder.
"I swear, Y/n, if you come up here, I'll push you off."
"Then I'll pull you down with me and we'll both fall and break some bones," you said as you climbed up.
"Y/n, Annie doesn't really sound like she wants us to come up there," said Mikasa.
"Thanks, Mikasa," said Annie.
"Too bad for her. If we don't have this talk tonight, we're never going to have it again because then I won't be in the mood. And I bet you guys are also in the mood too. Except Annie's just a little liar." Once you got up to the top, Annie was sitting with her legs crossed at her end of the bed, making a lot of space. A little liar, just as I said.
Mikasa climbed up not long after and the three of you sat in a triangle, sitting in the dark in silence. "Y/n, you called me up and intruded on Annie's private space. At least start us off."
"Okay. Uh, any boys you guys are interested in?"
"No," they both replied at the same time.
"Alright. Me neither. Oh, how about J-"
"You sure about that?" asked Mikasa.
"Hm?"
"That you're not interested in anyone?"
"I'm not."
Annie coughed and muttered, "Bullshit," and coughed again.
"Excuse me? You're calling my truth bullshit?"
"You call that truth?"
"Okay, then tell me what am I bullshitting about?"
She gave you a judgemental look as if you should've known it yourself. "Eren."
Your brows furrowed. "What about him?"
"You like him."
Your jaw fell open. "I do notâwhat the fuck?" You turned to Mikasa. "Are you hearing this bullshit?"
"You're the one bullshitting."
Betrayal struck you to your core. "First Jean, then Annie, now you too? Has anyone ever had a boy bestfriend before? Didn't you grow up with Eren too?"
"Oh, I'm very sure that the way I see Eren is very different from the way you see him."
Your chin could reach the floor at this point. "Wha-what? Where is this coming from? Where is the logic behind this?"
Annie snorted. "Oh, Y/n, you want to hear about logic?" She eyed Mikasa.
Then for the next five minutes, they proceeded to dump their "reasons" on you. The way you looked at him, the way you talked to him, the way you acted around him, the way you acted when he wasn't aroundâeven the way you breathed around him. Each "reason" made you more terrified than the last. "Stop. Stop, stop!" you whisper-shouted.
"Do you want to hear more? Because I can go back to my bunk and wake up Sasha to ask for her opini-"
"I don't want her opinions! You know what? Forget I asked. I wanted logicâthis is just pure speculation and conspiracy-"
"Conspiracy?" Annie arched an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean. Now cleanse both of your minds of this treachery because I don't know how I'm supposed to keep being friends with you two knowing that's what you think of me and him."
"Y/n. I've known you ever since I moved in with the Jaegers," said Mikasa. "Are you telling me you have never imagined the two of you as something more than friends? Don't you lie to us now. And don't lie to yourself either. Girl talks are supposed to be honest."
You fell into thought about it. You and Eren? That's just..."...No..." You wanted to hit yourself because of how unsure you sounded and unconfident you felt. "Stop making me think about it! It's annoying. Stop ganging up on me like this."
Annie scoffed. "You're helpless."
"Yes, Annie, I'd rather stay helpless and healthy in my mind, thank you very much."
"Your mind has never been healthy," said Mikasa.
"Shut it, Mikasa. You know what? Let's stop talking about me. Let's talk about you. So what do you think of Jean Kirschtein?" Even though you didn't agree to drop a good word for him, this was the only way to fire back at Mikasa.
"Who?"
I'm already messing it up. "You know, the guy who picks fights with Eren all the time? He's pretty nice, right?"
"Sure? I don't notice him that much."
"Well maybe you should a little more. Who knows? It could lead to something beau-"
"Y/n, did he ask you to talk to me about him?"
Your face fell. Annie even let out a quiet laugh. "Now who told you that?"
"Because you're shit at being a wingwoman," said Annie. "So unnatural."
"Since when did this girl talk about stupid boys become about attacking me?"
"Since you started this talk. You had it coming."
You let out a deep breath. "Moving on." God, I am so patient. "Annie, anyone you've got your eye on?"
"Absolutely no one."
"Come on, there's got to be a boy you've talked to that you think is nice. Or a girl, whichever you prefer."
"The only girl I talk to is you. And by extension right now, Mikasa. So, no thanks. And the only boys I talk to are Reiner and Bertholdt. But they're like rats. So, no thanks again."
"I saw you talking to Armin the other day," said Mikasa.
"He's... nice. Pretty nice."
"Oh?" You slyly smiled. "Armin, huh? You know, I'm pretty close with him. I can drop in a good word about you if you'd like-"
"With your skills? No thanks. I'd rather date Bertholdt."
"Yeah, maybe come to terms with your own situation first before getting involved in others'," said Mikasa.
"The hell? Shut up about this already. There is no 'situation'!"
"Keep lying to yourself."
"I am not lyingâyou're lyingâyou're both lying."
The two of them looked at each other and quietly laughed at you, but seeing them so loose, having fun, you loosened up as well and laughed with them.
. * . *
Meanwhile on the same night, in the boys' barracks, a "boy's talk" was taking place.
"Who the hell is Georgia? That mean and ugly bitch? NoâMikasa's the prettiest," argued Jean.
"She is not," said Eren.
"Eren, everyone knows Mikasa is pretty. It's a known fact," said Armin. "You can't argue against true facts."
"Okay, she may be one of the prettiest, but she isn't the prettiest."
"Fine then," said Jean. "Who do you think it is?"
"Y/-" He slapped his hands over his mouth. No, no, that was supposed to be a secret.
Armin, Jean, Reiner, and Bertholdt all looked at each other before bursting into muffled laughter.
"Sh-shut the hell up, you're going to wake the others," hissed Eren.
Jean slapped him on the back. "My godâI thought you were never going to admit it!"
"Neither did I and I've been friends with you my whole life," said Armin, still smiling cheekily.
Eren buried his face in his hands, feeling his own cheeks burning up. "Don't tell her that. Please don't."
"Oh, we're not going to tell her," said Reiner. "You are."
"What?! No, I'm not!"
"You have to. Come on, man up, Eren."
"I was just stating a fact! Mikasa's pretty, that's a fact, and so is Y/n!"
"I admit, she's visibly attractive," said Jean, "but actually getting to know her? That girl's sick in the brain."
"She is not."
"It's true," said Bertholdt, turning heads. "She told us herself about the things she did when she was little. 'The tales of the Twisted Witch of Southern Wall Maria,' as she calls it."
Jean nodded. "See?"
"Eren," started Armin, "Have you never in your life thought of her as something more than a friend?"
He bit the insides of his cheeks. Have I?
"Have you ever thought of kissing her?" asked Reiner.
Eren's face burnt up and instantly, all of them were pointing and laughing at him as he tried again and again to defend himself.