...Confessing 2.0...
The Scouts and the Marleyan volunteers stood before each other.
"Good to see you, Eren. It's been a year since you've picked up our ship," said Yelena civilly. When her eyes slid to you, the warmth in her smile hardened. "And Your Highness, forgive us for never knowing about your status beforehand. It'll be a pleasure working beside both of you."
"Too bad," said Levi, stepping in front of you and Eren. "You won't be working with either of them directly, and you sure won't be getting anywhere near her. This meeting is as far as we're willing to go."
Paradis was welcoming its first foreign visitors, Hizuru, the sole nation willing to lend a helping hand. You all met the Special Envoy Kiyomi Azumabito indoors, and the first thing you noticed about her was her resemblance to Mikasa.
Kiyomi presented a black cloth imprinted with a crest, the same engraving Mikasa had on the back of her wrist. It'd been so long since you'd seen it that you forgot she even had it. It turned out she was the last remaining descendant of Hizuru nobility on the island.
As you all waited behind the doors of the stateroom, Historia asked Mikasa, "So, why'd you only show the tattoo to Eren and Y/n?"
"Oh." Mikasa immediately looked uncomfortable. "I just..."
A hand slid into yours. "Aren't you in a good mood, Historia," said Eren, stepping in to save the day.
"Well, of course I am," she said merrily. "Y/n's and my ancestors were friends with Mikasa's ancestorsâit's practically fate that we're friends, too! We've all been left with heavy burdens to bear!" She looped her arms around the two of your necks. "Now, the three of us can suffer together!"
Mikasa managed a small smile. "Kind of funny how we're both half royal and half Ackerman, isn't it?" she told you.
"Imagine if Levi's half royal, too," you joked, making them all snicker.
Everyone took their seats at the long table in the stateroom. Kiyomi and two Hizuru representatives sat on one side, while the Scouts sat across with Mikasa in the center. Historia and you sat at both ends. She wore her red sash, and you wore your blue.
"This is a historic day for both our nations," started Kiyomi. "And it's worth knowing this would've never come to be if not for the man who brought us together: Zeke Jaeger."
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. But Eren cast you a glance, catching a narrow glimpse of that irritated look.
"We conversed with him in secret, where he negotiated with us on behalf of your island before agreeing to facilitate this meeting." She informed you all that Paradis was known for its natural and powerful fuel, the kind stored in the ODM Gear. All the scientific things that probably only Armin and Hange would enjoy. You recalled Yelena's nickname for the Azumabitos, "money grubbers," which checked out because as Kiyomi spoke about the resources, she even licked her lips.
"As I'm sure you're aware, he has developed a plan to protect both Eldia and the world. We are here because this plan can only succeed with Hizuru's assistance. It calls for a four-point course of action which would allow you to defend yourselves with this 'Rumbling.'"
You all flipped open a four-page booklet set in front of each person.
"Point one: A test run of the Rumbling. You would unleash a fraction of the titans in your walls. Enough to display their destructive potential for all the world to see.
"Point two: You will have enough time to modernize and strengthen your army so as to render the Rumbling unnecessary. You are a hundred years behind the rest of the world, but Hizuru will help you catch up. Outside wars have preoccupied their armies from attacking this island currently. Until then, you must be able to shake the earth by maintaining the Founding Titan and having a titan of royal blood.
"Point three: Zeke will pass on the Beast Titan to an individual of royal blood. And that person must spend the 13 years they'll have left bearing as many children as possible."
The atmosphere of the room shifted in an instant. Faces were twisted in horror for the Queen. This is fucked up, you thought. Historia wore an unreadable expression, and you debated on whether or not to speak up for her. This is so fucked up.
But she nodded definitively. "I understand what is asked of me. If the Rumbling is essential to our survival, then I will do my part. I'm willing to inherit the Beast Titan from Zeke Jaeger." Then she took in a deep breath. "And I will prepare to be a mother."
Though you felt sick to your stomach for her, you respected her for her resilience. To be able to accept this ridiculous demand so quickly for the goodness of her people proved why she was born to be the perfect Queen. But that didn't seem like so much of a blessing anymore.
"That is very noble of you, Your Majesty," said Kiyomi sullenly. "But there still leaves the fourth and final point." Everyone flipped to the last page. "Restricting the Fritz-Ackerman."
You bit back the urge to laugh. I should've expected this. Of course, it would be about you. When was it never not about you at this point?
"As known, her powers are able to stop the powers of the Founding Titan. This potential will be of the greatest threat to this plan. Therefore, here are the conditions: All physical contact between her and the Founding Titan, Eren Jaeger, will end starting today."
Eren shot a glare at the woman, questioning where she got the audacity to make this demand in front of his face.
"Should she come in contact with him, she will be detained, and there will be proper punishments. Should she in any way ever interfere with the Rumbling, she will be executed on the spot."
Several people, from your friends to the council members to the guards at the door, all glanced at each other in utter appallment at what they'd just heard. Even Historia, at a loss of words, was far more terrified than for her own conditions.
"She may maintain her current royal status, but once the Queen's heir arrives, she will be stripped of her title, and may never assume the throne.
"She may marry, but may never be with child. If found with child, there will be necessary procedures to remove the fetus. If she denies the procedures, she will be terminated with the fetus before its birth. If carried to full term, the child must be terminated after immediate birth.
"This dangerous, unnatural bloodline stops with Y/n Fritz-Ackerman, once and for all, no matter what it takes." Kiyomi finally put down the booklet. "This is all the conditions directly from Zeke Jaeger."
A deafening, suffocating silence cascaded across the room. No sound was madeânot a pen dropped, not a rustle of a paper, and not even a single breath. Yet everyone simultaneously understood the connotations behind this plan. Queen was to be made a breeding mare, and the Princess to be disposable cattle.
You made the first noise of softly setting the paper on the desk. You must be so happy, Zeke. You deserve an award for how far you're willing to go to ruin my life.
Showing no particular reaction, so you might come off as bored to everybody else, as if you didn't care at all. But Eren saw past your facade, and he had never seen you look so defeated in his life.
He slammed his hands on the table. "No."
Kiyomi quickly grew nervous. "Mr. Jaeger, please, let us talk it overâ"
"If Zeke's plan to buy our salvation is at the price of broken walls, trampled lands, children bred to be slaughtered like livestock, and innocent people murdered just for being born, then he can take his sick with him and go to fucking hell!"
He no longer cared if he was making a scene or not. As if the booklet itself didn't enrage him enough, he was even more furious that nobody had spoken up yet.
"Staking our survival on the threat of the Rumbling is dangerous enough. Offer us another way because no way in hell am I ever going to accept this!"
He kicked his chair back and marched over to your end of the table, grabbed your hand, and pulled you to the entrance. "And over my fucking dead body are any of you bastards ever laying a hand on her again!"
The door slammed behind you both.
* . * .
"That was pretty dramatic."
"I don't care. I couldn't stand to listen to another word of hers."
Two of you found a spot under the cliff at the beach, sitting on the rocks of the shore, watching the horizon. Your blue sash was taken off, half of it floating in the water with the possibility of washing away, but you paid it no mind.
"What the fuck is he thinking?" wondered Eren in utter disbelief. "He must be out of his goddamn mind. Sick in the fucking brain. No wonder Dad never paid him much attention."
The corners of your lips lifted in a smile but were gone in a second. "I just...don't get why it has to be 'one or the other.' People either adore me and call me their savior, or they despise my existence and want me dead. There's no in-between."
His fingers dug into his wrists, desperately trying to suppress the rage coursing through his veins. Or else he might've punched some rocks already. "I almost want to accept this ridiculous plan just so that I can trample every one of those people." Then he quickly added, "But I can't, obviously. 'Cause the price is leaving you. Which I won't do."
You heaved a sigh. "I just hope Historia won't have to go through all of that. She'll have it really hard. Motherhood isn't known to be easy."
"True, she'll be forced to make a commitment against her will. But you'll be stolen from your own freedom. With the threat of death. That's even worse."
"Let's not put them up in competition," you said. "Both conditions are awful enough."
"Not just awful. Cruel. Inhumane. Monstrous. CatastrophicâI'm pulling out every big word I know, and none of them can even describe how fucked up this is."
You laughed quietly but he didn't even so much break a smile. So, you decided to say something to lighten the mood. "So what do they expect me to do, stay a virgin my entire life?"
He whipped his head to you, completely caught off guard. "Uh..."
"Don't tell me you still don't know about that stuff."
"I do know it," he defended, cheeks flushing red.
"Then why the hell did you ever tell me that babies came from storks and make me embarrass myself both here and in Marley?"
"Beâbecause that's what my mom told me, okay? I didn't even find out until Jean and Connie broke it down for me last year." He kept his eyes strictly on the horizon, nervousness evident on his face. You found this rare, shy side of him adorable, reminding you of his young self.
So you slid on a sly smile and leaned your shoulder into his chest, your lips close enough to his ear for a whisper. "Speaking of it, would you ever want to..."
He stiffened. To say that he looked utterly terrified might be an understatement. The boy was paralyzed.
You broke out laughing, leaning away. "My godâyou should see your face. Red as a damn tomato." You continuously poked your finger into his heated cheek until he lightly swatted it away.
"You just learned that you might die by doing nothing, and that's what you're concerned about?"
"So is that a no?"
"IâI didn't say that! It's justâcan you learn to read the room sometimes? Have better timing with when to bring up things and when not to?" If he'd been asked under different circumstances, he actually would've given an answer, but out of all the times, now?
"Okay, I'll stop." You chuckled before moving on. "You know, after everything we've been through, you'd think by now we would've won this 'us against the world' thing. But I think it's starting to affect me with how the world really doesn't want us together."
He stared at you for a moment. "Are you leaving me?"
You snapped your head to him, baffled. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"
"You said you're affected by what the world wants. What Zeke wants. But what do you want?"
"Obviously, I want to be with you. Do you really need to ask? "
"Good, so let's stop giving a shit about what others want. You never used to do that."
You shot him a confused, offended look. "Yeah, well, that was clearly before all of this mess, wasn't it?"
But he continued, and you weren't sure if he'd even heard you. "God, I fucking hate us all being seen as weak. Look at how simple it was for that woman to come waltzing in and making demands to you and Historia."
"It's not entirely Kiyomi's fault, though. She didn't come up with those conditions."
"But she heard it first, didn't she? And even then, she didn't think, 'oh shit, this is horrible.' No, she took Zeke's demands with her and willingly read them out loud in our facesâdoes she think we're idiots? Does Zeke?"
Zeke, Zeke, Zeke. You grumbled under your breath. If it weren't about you or Eren, then it was about Zeke. As if you haven't seen enough of him in Marley, you were hearing his name out of people's mouths left and right, day after day. By now, it didn't even sound like a word anymore. Just an unwanted, aggravating noise.
"Y/n, what did Zeke do to you when you were in Marley?"
You were way too quick to respond. "What do you mean?"
"I asked you what did he do to you."
"I've already told you enough about himâ"
"Enough, but not everything. Every time somebody brings him up, it clearly bothers you." He knew he was overstepping, but he didn't think he could go on another day without finding out exactly what kind of person his "supposed" brother really was. What kind of things he did.
"But you've read the journal," you falsely reasoned. "If you really have read everything, you'd knowâ"
"I know what you've chosen to write. I don't know the other half of the journal that you've chosen not to write. So no, I don't know. And I think after what we just heard in the meeting, it'd be a great help to finally learnâ"
You cut him off with a loud, annoyed groan and buried your face in your hands. "Why do all of you want to dig into my business so bad?"
"Because we care about you!"
"And can that change what happened in the past? No! So what's the point?"
The more defensive you got, the more apprehensive Eren became. He had to get it out of you. "Exatcly, so what's the point of keeping it in anymore if it won't change anything? Why keep guarding it if it can't hurt what you've got now?"
You weren't quick to respond, so he knew his point got through to you.
"You know, letting it all out is better than bottling it in. Telling someone you trust might make it all feel better. You do trust me, right?"
"Of course I trust you."
"Great, then," he shrugged, "I'm here. I'm listening. I'm not going anywhere."
You released a heavy sigh. You really did try forgetting about what happened by never revisiting those memories willingly. But with the way the world was heading, with where Paradis was forced to seek aid, Zeke as a subject matter would become unavoidable. Maybe it's been long enough. Maybe it was time to confess and come clean.
"If I tell you everything," you started carefully, "then you have to first promise me that you won't flip out and start screaming your head off."
He nodded firmly. "I won't."
"And try not to interrupt me."
"Got it."
"And for onceâkeep your lips shut, please, even if it's hard. Because I haven't told a soul about this. The only people that know about this are me and Zeke." He pressed his lips shut. You inhaled. Here I go. "I stopped writing after the Battle of the Mid-East because something happened that day. Between Zeke and me. It wasâ"
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?"
You shot him an unamused side glance. He pressed his lips together again, muttering a quick "sorry."
You might as well go straight to the point if he couldn't help himself to interrupt. "Well, actually, he tried to kill me."
Then it was silent. His face fell, eyes were wide in dread, and mouth was agape; finally, he shut up. So you looked away and began to tell him everythingâfrom the day of the battle all the way to your last day there. How you were just following orders, working the machines on the aircraft. How you saved Zeke from falling off, but then your charitable act was compensated by being pushed off instead, just because of the little mishap with your blood.
But you skipped over the moments lying on the battlefield you thought would be your last. Partly because you weren't even sure if it had even happened, as yoru limbs were still in tact, but also because you didn't want to disturb Eren with that deranged imagery.
Your mood improved when you talked about your little "revenge" act of faking amnesia a second time around, successfully fooling everyone. And then you told him what ascertained the idea of escaping, which was the ridiculous plan of finding a "suitor" and continuing your bloodline with loads of children. "It's funny how it really is 'one way or the other.' They used to want me to have as many children as you could, and now they want me to never have any. Anyway."
Before, you'd briefly described how you escape, but never in detail. You talked about everything you remembered that day, from the house, to the pharmacy, to the docks, and especially on the ship, and that fight for your life from the sea onto land.
You had to let out a huge breath after you were finished. "You know what? You're right, Eren. I do feel better after letting it all out. Should've done this way sooner." When he still said nothing, you glanced at him, and your face fell. "Are youâare you crying?"
Tears were filled in his red-rimmed eyes, and he turned away to wipe them away.
You let out a soft laugh and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him in despite him facing away. "I tell you not to scream and get angry, so you start crying?" you teased fondly. "It's okay, it's all in the past now. Honestly, I don't even remember it all that clearly anymore."
"But it doesn't change that it did happen," he croaked out.
"No, but I got over it. I came back. I won."
"How much did it hurt?" he asked, looking at you so hearbreakingly through watery eyes. "When you almost died?"
You predicted that he might start bawling if you told him that you'd cried and thought you were saying your last words. "It wasn't even that serious, okay? If it were, I would've ended up with a permanent injury or something."
He knew you were oversimplifying things to make him feel better, but it did bring him a slight sense of relief because you indeed came back without a scratch. And that meant the dream he had about holding your dead body was just a dream. Even though deep down, he suspected otherwise.
Finally, he returned the embrace, and the two of you just stayed there, holding each other, invisible by the overbearing sound of waves crashing.
"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch."
You hummed in consideration. "Actually, I would not be against that at all. But you've got to keep in mind that our asses are getting dragged into politics now."
"I don't give a shit," he gritted. "He can forget about his fucked-up plan ever being accepted. I'll kill that bastard, I'll kill that doctor, hellâI'll even kill those Warriors, and I'll kill everybody that everâ"
"Okay, okay," you patted his back, "slow down a little before you accidentally bite on your tongue or start choking."
Then he pressed his forehead to yours when he stopped sniffling, the tears seemingly drying. "I'm sorry you had to go through that all by yourself. But you don't ever have to worry again, because I will never let him get his way. I'll never follow his plan. If I ever see him, he's dead on sight. And that's a promise."
"You know, you're making a lot of promises these days."
"Yeah, wellâthere are a lot of things to promise, so deal with it."
The sun began setting, and that meant you both had been down by the beach for way longer than you'd both intended. So you started heading back, walking along the sandy path, hand-in-hand, the warmth of the sun and its fiery hue shading over your figures.
"You still remember your four rules?"
It took you a minute to register what he was talking about. "Pfft, that bullshit?" You looked off to the side, feeling a little embarrassed about your younger self. My god.
"It's not bullshit to me. I still remember it word for word," he defended and then cleared his throat. "First, something needs to get taken from you to start off. Second, you take it back. Third, take something of theirs. Fourth, destroy something else."
"Aww, well done, you've got a great memory," you mumbled, unimpressed. "Now, forget it before you start applying a child's advice to real life."
"Too bad, 'cause it's already been ingrained in me. Plus, they started it first by taking you. Second rule's down, too, since you're back. But when I get the chance, believe me, I'll finish it," he said conviction, like he'd long decided and nothing was changing his mind. I'll take something of theirs, too. And then I'll destroy them all.
However, no matter what, he would not follow through with Zeke's plan. He couldn'tânot after learning what that man did. If he were someone timid, he would've been eaten by the shame of sharing the same father, the same blood, and being "brothers." That man will never be my brother.
He started speeding up a bit, his hand still latched onto yours, but you had no problem following behind because you'd never felt more loved.
The Jaegers were a complicated family. The father never liked you. The brother betrayed you. But you had no doubt in your heart that this Jaeger, yours, would never ever hurt you. That, you were willing to stake your life on.
*
dude was due for a crash out! he even cried for u! so do yall think he gonna betray u like the other jaeger...?
also tysm for 40k reads! i remember thinkin "shiii, 3k reads might be all ill ever get. Ill take it" so ilygsm.
again, watch out for ur opps again next chap. like actually watch out this time.