...Crashing...
A bouquet of bluebells laid on white robes.
And then Eren woke up. Somebody was looming over him. He rubbed his eyes. "Y/n?"
"Dreaming about her again?"
He squinted his eyes. "Mikasa? When did I even fall asleep?"
"Nevermind that." She pointed a finger to him. "Are you crying?"
"What?" He touched his cheek. Indeed it was wet. He quickly wiped it dry. "I am not!"
She didn't look any bit convinced. "It's barely been two weeks. You don't need to miss her that bad."
"I know that! And I wasn't dreaming about her!"
"Then what were you?"
His gaze fell on the bushes of bluebells growing at the roots of the tree that he had been lying on. "I...I don't even remember."
She sighed and turned to leave. "Come on. Let's head back."
He hoisted the firewood onto his back and chased after her. "Don't tell her I was crying. She'll laugh at me."
"But she likes a good laugh."
"Mikasa, I'm serious! It's embarrassing."
"Fine. I won't tell her," she said. "But I'll tell Armin."
"Mikasa!"
. * . *
You never got yourself adopted.
Not even a few years later when you became one of the oldest in the orphanage. It turned out, making adults like you was harder than you thought. Especially when most of the time what they sought for was some boring, obedient child to grow up successful and rich so that they could be compensated for being "charitable."
At this point, the only option left was for you to grow old enough until you were 12, the age limit, for the Mistress to kick you out to make room for the younger ones. Counting down your years, you had about one more left in this dull cage.
"You should still get more sleep. 5 hours a night is hardly enough for a child at your age," said Dr. Jaeger as he sorted his tools back into his bag. He was finished with the annual check-up for this year.
"Sleeping is wasting time."
"It is not. Sleeping is essential for resting your brain so you could wake up refreshed in the morning."
"But I always wake up refreshed. And there's so many other things I could do besides laying in one spot for hours."
He sighed. Throughout the years, he barely got through to you with anything but he always incessantly tried. "Well, how were the Johnsons?"
"Old. Narrow-minded. And the old man smelled like smoke and bad-breath."
The Johnsons were a pair of an elderly couple who recently lost their daughter in the Survey Corps. They visited early this morning before your check-up. See, you were a lot of things, but you were not a good-impression-maker. First, you accidentally spilt some tea onto the old woman's lap. Then when they spoke about the Survey Corps, you openly said that you wanted to join them.
The woman had taken your hands in hers and tried to plead with you. "You mustn't throw your life away, young girl! There are many other ways to live your life fulfillingly! One cannot win the game when playing with your life!"
Then you said, "Yeah, but I'm strong. And I'm pretty smart. So I'd find a way not to let myself die in vain. I'd go with a purpose." Now, you could've stopped there, but instead you added, "If I had parents, then I wouldn't go outside the walls and carelessly let myself get eaten by titans. That would just be selfish, wouldn't it? They'd be sad. And I'd hate to be forgotten by the world within a few years."
You thought you had just given the most inspiring speech of your life. Instead, they thought you were calling their late daughter's sacrifice unimportant. They had come looking for another girl to fill the shoes of their daughter, but left with even more anguish and dread in their stomachs.
"Well, I'm sure one day there will be a couple in search of a girl just like you. Your time will come."
It won't. He knows but he's lying. "How's Eren and Mikasa?" you asked. The last time you'd seen the two of them along with Armin was two weeks ago. The Mistress wasn't the strictest woman in town, but she did limit all of the children's privileges of leaving the orphanage. Especially yours.
"The same. They ask about you too. Now, I must get going," he said, heading to the door. "I hope you have a nice day, Y/n. Try to stay out of trouble, at least a little bit, will you?"
Yeah, not a chance. "Of course, Dr. Jaeger. No need to worry about me."
Later after lunch, you overheard a group of younger kids discussing how they wanted to go see the Scouts of the Survey Corps returning. They screamed when one of them noticed you hovering behind them silently.
"P-please don't tell the Mistress," one pleaded.
"Yeah, w-we're not supposed to leave today."
"Tell the Mistress?" You hooked your arms around two of their necks. "Of course not, sweethearts! Your big sister has got your backs. Don't you guys worry about a thing." You gave them a big smile but none of them even looked you in the eye.
"R-right. Um, can we go now?"
"Of course you can!" Then you dropped your voice low as you said, "But I'm coming with."
* . * .
The big bell in the tower rang just as you made it to the wide street where the Scouts were coming back. The kids who had gone out with you disappeared around the corner as soon as you looked away. Whatever. If they get kidnapped, then it's their fault. So you carried on your merry way.
When you spotted two familiar figures, you crept up from behind and yelled out, "Boo!" Eren screamed and almost tumbled over from the weight of the firewood on his back and Mikasa let out a quiet but high-pitched "ahhh", pretending to have been scared by you. You could tell that she always knew when you were going to scare them. She just never told the others.
"I knew you guys would be here."
"How'd the Mistress let you out a second time this month?" Asked Eren. "What'd you do to gain back the privilege? Did you finally get adopted?"
"No."
"Thought so."
You elbowed him. "I snuck out."
"You should be a little more careful," said Mikasa. "You never know if she'd start punishing you for breaking the rules."
"I break the rules seven days a week and the best she can do is take away a day of meal privileges. Even then, I'd steal from the kitchen. I've got a year leftâwhat's she going to do now?"
She rolled her eyes but a small, soft smile lingered.
"Shh, look, they're coming back," said Eren, nudging your arm. As more adults swarmed into your view, blocking your sight like a wall, the three of you ended up finding three wooden crates to stand on.
Now you understood why the crowd was so quiet. Scouts left and right were drenched in dried blood that made you wonder if bandages even helped. Not a single trace of triumph or valor on their faces. They clearly looked defeated to anyone else. But to you, they just looked pathetic. You believed that going outside the walls to fight the titans was an honor, so therefore coming back alive should be even more of an honor. Yet none of them were acting like it.
A lady stepped out of the crowd asking for her son. She was given his arm, the only thing left of him. Then the man who gave her it started yelling and crying about how much of a failure he had been. Why would he tell them that he's a failure? That's just going to make them respect the Scouts less.
Mikasa tapped your shoulder and pointed to Eren who was heading to some merchant with a stick.
You narrowed your eyes. "Now what is his dumbass doing again?"
"We should stop him."
"No, we should just let him get beat up for once."
She snorted. "As if you'd ever let that happen."
That took you by surprise for just a second. "Same goes to you," you said as the two of you headed over.
After he gave a bonk on the bald head of a man with a receding hairline, Mikasa pulled him back by the shirt and you tugged him by the ear.
"When are you going to learn your lesson, you little shit?"
"Stop it! You're going to make me go deaf," he said as he tried to pry your hand off his ear.
Once you guys reached the end of the alley, Mikasa threw him against the wall like a sack of potatoes. Deserved.
"What the hell was that for? Now I've dropped all the firewood!"
"Eren, you've got to stop doing stupid things like that," you said.
"You're one to talk! You do stupid things all the time!"
"At least I'm not stupid enough to involve myself in a situation that I'm not even in! You don't always have to be loud to be opinionated."
He shut his mouth and looked down to the ground like a kid being scolded by his mom. You wondered if he ever argued back when Carla scolded him.
"Since we're still talking about the Scouts, Eren, Y/n," Mikasa started, "do you guys still want to join the Survey Corps? Even after seeing that?"
Yes, you thought. I'd show them what a real Scout looks like after battle. But you kept your answer inside. You didn't want to argue with Mikasa about something that couldn't be changed.
Eren didn't answer her either. "Y/n, help me pick these up," he muttered.
"Me? Do it yourself."
"Come on, help me!"
"There's barely twenty sticks. You'll be fine."
After Mikasa gave in to help, you all headed back to their house. But you stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "Your dad saw me this morning for a check-up. He's going to get even more annoyed when he sees me again."
"Huh? Since when did you care about people getting annoyed at you?"
"Fine. Correction: I'll get annoyed if I see him again."
"Hey, it's my dad you're talking about."
"So?"
He huffed. "But it's too soon for you to go back."
You waved your hand dismissively. "I'll find a way to pass the time. Might go and find Armin before the other bullies do. Bet they miss me. See you guys later!" They waved back at you and you headed down the streets.
. * . *
Shiganshina wasn't the biggest town in Wall Maria, but it sure was big enough for you to wander around for hours sightseeing the birds in the sky and the flowers in the meadowes without getting bored. You did notice that whenever local kids saw you, they quickly headed the other way. You didn't know them so you could care less.
As you turned the corner, you spotted the bullies crowding around the third of your only three friends. Coincidentally, from the other side of the alley, Eren and Mikasa came to chase down the bullies.
"Mikasa's with him! Quick, before that witch appears too-" The bullies screamed as they came face-to-face with you, who had her hands on her hips, making them fall on their asses before dashing off.
"Ha! Look how scared they are of me!"
"No Eren, they're scared of Mikasa and Y/n," mumbled Armin.
"Mikasa and the witch strikes again," you said as you offered out a hand to Armin but he stood on his own. "I thought you two had gone home."
"We were home, up until somebody snitched on me," said Eren, sending Mikasa a glare through the sides of his eyes.
"Somebody had to tell your mom." Mikasa turned to you. "By the way, Carla said that you shouldn't join the Scouts either."
"Me?" You glanced back at Eren, slightly annoyed. "She snitched on you so you snitch on me now?"
"It's not like you care about what she thinks."
"Not really, but I kind of like your mom."
"You finally told your parents?" asked Armin. "How'd it go?"
Eren looked off to the side. "They weren't very happy."
Later, you all found a place by the river. The four of you together was all you've ever known. When you first earned your privileges to go into town, you sought out Dr. Jaeger's house to find the first boy you've ever had fun with. Then Eren introduced you to Armin, and later, you guys welcomed Mikasa into the picture.
If it weren't for Eren's kind parents, then she would've ended up in the orphanage with you. But still, she too was an orphan. So naturally at times, you gravitated towards each other.
Armin explained how he was ganged up on again because he was talking about the outside world. How humanity should venture outside to find the truth because they certainly wouldn't find it within the walls. But as always, people who thought outside of the box were looked down on as somewhat mentally unstable. That much, all four of you could relate.
"Why do people care so much about what we choose to do with our lives?" you asked, thinking back to the Johnsons in the morning.
"Yeah, that's our lives we're risking, so it's our business," said Eren. Sometimes in terms of values, Armin and Mikasa would flip around the pages, but you and Eren almost always stayed on the same one.
"Stop it, you two," said Mikasa. "You can't do that."
"Come on Mikasa, don't be like that," you said. "I've got a year left before I hit 12, which is the starting age limit for joining the Cadets. I wouldn't have any other place to go anyway."
"What? You can't go early without me," said Eren, looking a little offended.
"Yeah, I can. You're a year younger. All of you are."
"Barelyâonly by like a couple months. At least stay at my place for a year. Then we could join the Cadets together."
You held back a smile. "No offense, Eren, but your dad kind of doesn't like me."
"Oh, right."
"They took me in though," said Mikasa.
"That's because you're a real sweetheart. Me? They don't call me the Twisted Witch of Southern Wall Maria for nothing," you said, pointing to yourself, as if your reputation was something to be proud of. Which you were. "I'm going to be a real headache for them."
Eren snickered. "At least you're self-aware."
"Y/n, you could stay with grandpa and me," said Armin. "He doesn't care that much about what kids do anyway."
Now Armin, he was the true sweetheart. You smiled. "Thanks Armin, I'll think about it." You noticed out of the corner of your eye that Eren was still staring at you. "What?"
Suddenly, something flashed before your eyes and the ground quaked, throwing the four of you around like rag dolls.
"What was that? Lightning in broad daylight-" Holy shit.
A massive puff of steam blew out and a titan head popped out over the wall. An ugly, skinless one.
"Eren, you liar, I thought you said that titans were only as big as a house." You turned to him but he was frozen in place, along with the others.
The ground quaked again, followed by an explosion that sent remnants of the wall flying out. You looked down at a crushed old man at your feet, the debris missing you by luck. The crowd started swarming out like a river, screaming for their lives as you witnessed the titans stepping into Shiganshina. Into the walls. Your jaw fell slack. Where are the Scouts when you need them?
The four of you ended up split into two groups. Eren and Mikasa rushed back home to find Carla. You and Armin headed the other way to find his grandpa.
Armin kept glancing back nervously as you tugged him forward by the arm. "Are they going to make it?"
"Of course they are," you said with unwavering confidence. "It's Eren and Mikasa we're talking about. They're going to meet us at the boats just like we said."
"Your orphanage..." He pointed to the collapsed building crashed by a fragment of the bell tower.
You spared it no second glance. "Is flatter than a pancake and I've never even tasted one. About time I found a reason to get out of there early. Come on, I see your grandpa in line for the boat."
A titan behind the building next to you guys grabbed a woman out of the roof and chomped off her head to her torso. The lower half of her body tumbled off the roof and you yanked Armin away just as it landed on the ground.
"Watch it, you could've been taken out by a pair of legs. Now that's a real embarrassing way to die."
"How are you so calm?" He was staring at you wide-eyed. Terrified, as if you were more of a sight than a titan.
"I'm always calm."
"Aren't you scared?"
You thought about it. "I should be, shouldn't I?"
Grandpa Arlert welcomed the both of you with open arms. All along the line to the boats, explosions and screams never ceased around you. Once you guys got onto the boat, you and Armin squeezed through the crowd to reach the railings. From there, you two searched for your other two friends.
"There!" Armin pointed to the docks.
Once you spotted them, your face fell. "Oh. Don't they look jolly." No, they looked like they'd just gone through hell. Then you noticed that there were just the two of them. Neither Carla nor Dr. Jaeger was in sight.
As soon as all four of you reunited, Eren threw his arms around you. "They ate my mom..." he croaked out.
Oh... Out of all the adults you've ever met, Carla was one of the nicest. She made you bread on Sundays sometimes. You hugged him tight and patted the back of his head, feeling sorry for him. "What about your dad?"
"He left for the interior at noon."
At least the other is alive. You extended out another arm to hug Mikasa. Then you told Armin to get his ass over here so all of you could hug together. As the oldest, you were a little taller, and your arms were a little longer.
You were never the best at consoling people. But you knew that from today onwards, you had to try for your friends. You had to start caring a bit more. And as the oldest and the only one who had never lost anything in her life, you needed to be the rock for them to hold onto, to not be washed away. For the sake of your friends.
* * * *
wsp reader ð. how yo fine ass doin today?