Sofia
"You're gonna be fine, Sofia. Remember what we talked about."
I gulp and look towards Adrian as we approach the entrance to my house. I'm beyond terrified about confronting my parents. I've now had five hours to contemplate it and with each hour that passed it only made me fear it more.
It was a huge step for me to confide my secret to Adrian this morning, and now I have to do it all over again. Even though it'll be the second time, I know this one will be much more difficult. With Adrian I just felt it spill out, but with my parents I'm not sure what to say or even how to act. But I know it's the right thing to do, and if I don't come out with this now, I probably won't have the courage to do it ever.
I nod at him, yet hesitate to open the door. I know Adrian is waiting for me to do it until I feel ready. Problem is, I don't know if I'll ever feel ready for this.
"Darling, if at any point it's too much, you tell me and we leave, okay? No questions asked," Adrian says.
"How can I tell you without tipping off my parents?"
"We can come up with a code word," he suggests.
"Okay." I try to think about something nice and pleasant. "How about Teddy?"
He smiles at me. "Perfect."
I straighten my back and shoulders as I open the door. They say that if you appear confident it'll help you feel confident. I really hope they're right.
We walk into the living room and my parents are there, already waiting for us. I had called them during the drive back to let them know I wanted to talk, and also make sure Uncle Frank wasn't around anymore, so they were already expecting us. While my mom looks extremely worried, my dad looks royally pissed.
I notice he shoots a displeased look towards Adrian before his gaze falls on me. I hate the fact he's already putting him at fault for something he has no clue about.
"Let's go talk in my study," my dad says, standing up.
I nod and we start to follow him. Before we go in, he looks back at Adrian and adds, "Alone."
I immediately freeze and look towards Adrian. I hadn't visualized doing this on my own. I don't think I can. I instantly regret this and already consider using our code word.
He smiles at me reassuringly. "It's okay. I'll be out here if you need me."
How can he act so calm when my dad is being nothing but rude to him? Before I realize what I'm doing, I lean in to him and wrap my arms around his waist.
He doesn't react at first, but then folds his arms around me, rubbing my back. "Go, darling. It's gonna be okay," he whispers in my ear.
He pulls back from me and looks in my eyes, caressing my cheek with his thumb before signaling towards my parents. I unwillingly drop my arms from his waist and look in their direction. They both have surprised expressions on their faces. But my dad's looks more like he's trying to solve a puzzle and my mom's looks like she's just solved it.
Adrian nudges me forward and I feel the loss of his warmth and comfort as the door shuts behind me and I take a seat to face my parents. They're looking at me expectantly to start talking, but I've lost my voice. I realize I don't have the strength to tell them because once they know it'll crush them. If their reaction is even half as bad as Adrian's, I don't think I'll be able to endure it, and I know he was holding back on me because he was stoic the entire time.
"Honey, you know you can tell us anything," my mom says.
My head drops in my hands, trying to find the words. This is going to be even harder on her as Uncle Frank is her brother and I know she'll blame herself for it.
How was I able to tell Adrian? It feels so impossible now. A lump forms in my throat at the realization that I won't be able to do this, and before I can help it the tears start falling down my face.
"Oh honey," my mom says, immediately coming over and hugging me. I feel so weak and vulnerable, and frustrated at myself that I couldn't be stronger for her, and pretty soon I'm sobbing in her chest like a child.
I feel a strong arm around my back and I realize it's my dad's. "Sofia, is it Adrian and what happened to his parents?" he asks me.
I shake my head and he lets out a deep sigh. "Then what is it, princess?"
I fall into another fit at that word and I hear him let out a string of expletives. I suddenly don't feel his arm on my back anymore and hug my mom tighter.
I hear the door of the study opening and moments later another set of footsteps walks through.
"Please tell us what is wrong," I hear my dad plead.
"Can you give us a minute?"
I know it's Adrian the second I hear his voice and I quickly find solace in it.
My mom releases me reluctantly and then I hear the door shut again. Adrian takes her place and kneels in front of me. He grabs my left hand and traces the ring on my finger.
"Baby girl," he whispers. "Just say the word and we're outta here. I'm actually looking forward to part two of Bonnie and Clyde."
I snort embarrassingly and shake my head at the fact that he can miraculously make me feel better with a few words. "I'm sorry. I thought I could do this."
He sighs and lifts my chin up so that I look at him. I almost don't want him to see me like this again. He doesn't say anything in response and instead wipes away the tears from my cheeks and leans in to kiss me. "Have I told you how much I love you?" he asks softly.
I nod and wrap my arms around him again. God, I love him so much. I know this is what I need to find my strength again. His love and unconditional support. He seems to understand it and whispers encouraging things in my ear like how brave I am and how proud he is of me. I manage to calm down after a few minutes of him holding me and I let go of him.
"Sofia, if you need more time to talk to your parents that's okay. I'm sure they'll understand. And just so you know, nothing you can say or do will ever disappointment me, so please don't apologize for any of this."
I realize at this moment that I don't need more time. I just needed him by my side in order to do it. I should have recognized that since the beginning, but I was too focused on putting on a brave face to understand it. I don't care if that makes me look like a dependent girl who needs to lean on others to get through things. After all, why are other people placed on this planet if not to help one another? Adrian told me he wouldn't move to DC if it weren't for me, and I wouldn't be telling my parents this if it weren't for him. So, this is my deal breaker right here.
"I want to do this, Adrian. But only if you stay with me."
"Of course, darling. Are you ready now then? Do you want me to get them?"
I nod at him and he kisses me on the forehead before standing up and going outside. My parents come back in and sit down again in front of me, looking more worried than ever. Adrian sits next to me, grabbing my hand and interlacing our fingers together. My dad doesn't even question his presence this time and I feel myself relax.
I take a deep breath and finally find the courage to tell my parents what Uncle Frank did to me after thirteen years of silence.
I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. It's like I'm watching a movie of myself, only the things I'm saying sound like it happened to another person, not me. Sometimes I feel like it did happen to someone else. I've tried to block it out so much over the years that I probably would have forgotten it if not for the nightmares that unfortunately serve as reminders just when I think I've been able to surpass it. Even my subconscious mind can't seem to let go of them and that is something I regrettably can't control.
It's hard to watch, especially when I see my mom completely break down in front of me, and when I see my dad cry for the first time in my life. I've never seen them like this. It's so out of character for both of them, I again feel like I'm watching another person's parents and not my own.
Especially my dad, always so poised and in control, doesn't know what to do with himself. One second he's trying to comfort my mom, the next he's trying to comfort me, and then turns to Adrian to try to find reason in this. But he never will. None of us ever will. That's why it's so hard to cope with it, because it's one of those things that will never make sense any way you try to look at it.
My heart goes out to Adrian. He's the only one that seems real and it reminds me that I'm not watching a Lifetime movie. He's hearing this for the second time and somehow he seems stronger than any of us. He never once has dropped my hand or left my side, even after the endless hugs and apologies coming from my parents, saying this wouldn't have happened if they hadn't traveled for work so much, if they had spent more time with us growing up.
I've thought about that a lot over the years, but I don't think it would have made much of a difference. When someone is as sick as Uncle Frank is, they'll always find a way to get away with it. And if it hadn't been me, he would have found a victim in someone else. So I can't bring myself to blame them for it. The only person at fault here is the person who did it. But guilt is a vicious thing and will convince you otherwise.
After my dad paces the room for what seems to be the hundredth time and the shock seems to have started to wear off a bit, he sits down at his desk and says that he's going to take care of everything. That he'll need to make several rounds of phone calls, but that he knows several people high up in the police force, and won't sleep until Uncle Frank goes to jail. With his words I know my dad is back and that he's all business now. I look towards my mom, but I lamentably can't say the same about her. I don't think she'll ever get over this and I hate that it's indirectly because of me.
"This is probably going to take several hours. Why don't you two go on and try to relax for a bit? Just don't leave the house," my dad says. He says it very politely but I know it's an order.
"Okay, but there's one more thing I wanted to talk to you about," I respond.
My dad's face goes cold and I immediately add, "It's not a bad thing."
Adrian turns to me. "Sofia, that can wait," he whispers, already knowing what I'm going to say.
I shake my head at him. I know it's not the best timing after what I just told them, but I need to get everything out now while I can.
"Adrian got an offer in Washington DC, and I'm planning on moving there with him in the summer," I inform my parents as confidently as I can.
My dad looks towards my mom, exchanging a look among them, but I can't quite tell what it is.
"What about school?" my dad asks.
"I'm going to transfer. Probably to American if they'll accept me."
"And living arrangements?"
Okay, this is the part where it gets tricky. "I haven't decided yet. We were thinking maybe the dorms would be best for me."
"No," my dad immediately says.
I tense, preparing myself to tell him that he doesn't get to decide this, when he adds, "I'd suggest you live together."
My jaw drops, first that he used the word suggest, and second that he actually prefers for us to live together. I would have asked why, but after what I just told him, I'm pretty sure he's willing to overlook the fact that I would be living with a boy as long as I'm safe. I'm also reeling in the fact that he just acknowledged he trusts Adrian without saying it.
"Sir, I just want to make it clear that Sofia and I are together now," Adrian says.
"Yes, we know," my dad answers.
"I know it's not what you wanted and I'm sorry for going against your wishes, but we're good for each other and we make each other happy. I'm in love with her ... and she's in love with me too," Adrian adds.
My dad sighs as if he's heard this all before. "Yes, we know that as well. We thought given the circumstances you would be better off apart, but we've seen the change in both of you."
Damn, I guess we weren't very good at hiding our feelings for each other after all.
"We couldn't be happier for you," my mom says teary eyed. "Your parents would be so happy too, Adrian."
Adrian nods and takes a minute to respond, obviously affected by my mom's comment. "Yes, I know they would be too. But I understand if you want me to move out now. I don't want to overstep any boundaries."
He is way too considerate sometimes. I want to swat him in the arm for even suggesting it.
"That won't be necessary, Adrian. You're a part of this family. We trust you and it's only a few months away. Just be safe. You are being safe, right?" my dad asks him.
I blush deeply at this sudden conversation between my father and Adrian, but it also reminds me that I need to go take my pill for today as soon as we leave this room.
"Yes, sir. But I also want you to know that I want to take care of her and I would do anything for her. I intend to marry her as soon as she graduates, if she'll let me."
My mom makes an aww sound and I think she might cry again. My dad looks surprised for the first time since the revealing of our relationship, which I suppose wasn't very revealing after all. "That we didn't know. But I'm glad you feel that way."
Adrian smiles and it turns into a beam once he looks at me. "Anything else, darling?" he asks tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.
I shake my head, smiling back at him. I think he pretty much turned over every stone in our path for the next few years.
Adrian stands up and lifts me up with him. "We'll be outside if you need us," I boldly tell my parents and we exit the study.
We stop by my room, only for a minute so I can take my birth control, and then head towards his room.
I sigh contently once we're lying in bed and contemplate whether I would be able to pull off moving into this room permanently at some point. After yesterday, I don't ever want to sleep alone again. But even with all the freedom my parents have just given us, I don't think I would be able to get away with it. Maybe I can just sneak in here every night instead.
Adrian stares at me silently as we face each other on the pillows.
"What?" I ask curiously.
"I get why you never liked being in your room now," he says sadly.
"On the plus side, I really like being in here," I say, trying to cheer him up.
His lip curls up some, but I can see he still seems upset about it. "When did you start taking birth control?" he asks curiously.
"In London. Almost immediately after I got there, I asked Mia if she could book an appointment for me and she agreed without question. I just wanted to protect myself in case something like that ever happened to me, even if it was in the smallest way," I explain.
He expels a heavy breath and reaches for my hand, tracing his thumb across the back of it. "I'm so proud of you, Sofia."
The way he says it makes me think he isn't just referring to what I just told him now, but for all of today. "But I didn't even really do anything."
"Sofia. Do I really need to explain this to you?"
"I just meant in the sense of accomplishing something. Usually you feel pride in someone else when they do something that matters."
"You don't think you just accomplished something? Did something that matters?"
"Well ... maybe," I concede.
He chuckles, probably at the fact that I'm being stubborn. "I'm proud of you, Sofia," he repeats very seriously.
I bite my tongue, trying not to contradict him again. He sees me struggling and smiles in amusement. He's just waiting to tell me how wrong I am again. After a while of forcing me to think about it, it settles and I actually start to believe it. "Thank you," I end up telling him.
"You're welcome," he answers, satisfied that I acknowledged it.
"I'm proud of you too, Adrian. For everything you've done for yourself and for us. I know it hasn't been easy for you either, but I think your parents would be really proud of you too."
His eyes turn a bit misty, and he brings my hand to his mouth to kiss it. He doesn't say anything, so I continue to speak my mind.
"I'm sorry if we haven't spoken about them more and maybe you're not used to the fact that you can now, but you can talk to me about them, Adrian. I know you got mad when I brought them up for Spring Break, but I think it'll be good for you to let it out more."
"Darling, I didn't get mad at you that time. You were being so thoughtful and I hated that I had to keep it from you and not be able to tell you about them. I'm sorry I snapped, but that wasn't your fault. I promise I will talk to you about them, I just need a bit more time to get used to it."
"Okay. Fair enough." I scoot closer to him and grab his shirt, slipping my hands behind his back. His body temperature is always so warm and I love the feeling of his bare skin against my fingertips.
He pulls me to his chest, but does so hesitantly. "I know I'm hard to resist, but don't even think about seducing me tonight," he grins.
"You think this is me seducing you?" I ask semi offended. He's obviously changing the subject to lighter things now, so I decide to go with it.
"You just being you is seducing me. So maybe just tone it down a bit. I really want to hold you and nothing else, but you even make that very difficult."
"Have you ever considered that maybe you're the one with the problem? You used to hold me all the time before."
"Exactly. That was before."
"Before what?" I decide to tease him.
"Before I knew what it was like to make love to you. What it's like to be inside you when you yell out my name."
"Adrian!" I say, blushing furiously at the image he's just instilled in me.
"Yeah, just like that. Except I'm sliding into you, and you're taking me to heaven."
"Adrian!" I yell again unintentionally, and cover my mouth once I realize I've just given him further ammunition.
He laughs and kisses my hand over my mouth, before removing it and kissing me softly on the lips. "Damn, baby. And you claim you don't seduce me."
I gape at him. This is obviously all his doing. Well, actually it's a bit of both. I did provoke him after all with my question.
"Well, my dad did say to relax. So maybe we should follow his orders," I suggest.
He raises an eyebrow at me, trying to decide whether I'm still teasing him or not. I'm obviously not, but I try to keep a straight face as he makes the decision. It's rather entertaining seeing all the different emotions raging through his mind and I have to bite my lip at how much it's turning me on.
His eyes darken as he studies me. He glances back towards the door and I can tell that he's checking to see if it's locked. I know it is because I locked it on our way in.
"I swear, Sofia. You could cause a ten year war and the fall of an entire empire."
I laugh as he brings me underneath him, leaning down to kiss my neck and making me feel warm all over. My breathing accelerates in anticipation as he figures out I want this as much as he does.
"Tomorrow. I'll hold you and nothing else tomorrow," he whispers.
I whimper as he covers my mouth with his, hoping that he repeats that same promise to me tomorrow and every day afterwards.