Chapter 22: Chapter 20 - Mourning

Adrian

“Oh, Adrian,” she cries, throwing herself around me. She sobs into my chest and tremors rack her body as I mourn the death of my parents for a second time.

I don’t know how long we stay like this, but I can tell time has passed. My eyes are wet, my throat is dry, and the pain in my chest is almost unbearable.

Sofia finally looks at me and I wish she hadn’t. Her eyes are red and puffy and her expression is so miserable and full of sorrow I know I just broke her heart. I promised myself I would never do that to her but I’ve managed to do it anyway. I just never imagined it would be in this manner, but I’ve done it nonetheless and I feel terrible even though I know it’s not my fault.

“I’m so sorry, Adrian,” she says and falls into another fit of tears.

I don’t know what to do to stop her pain, but I almost feel that she needs this. She never lets out her emotions and I’ve certainly never seen her cry like this in my life. She’s crying for my parents and she’s crying for me, and she doesn’t even know half of it yet. It’s probably one of the worst things I’ve ever witnessed, but I have to see it through. So as much as it kills me, I wait until she’s able to compose herself again.

“How?” she whispers.

I clear my throat, desperately needing water. “In a car accident. It was really a robbery in a parking lot and they tried to get away but crashed and didn’t make it.”

Her jaw falls open. The same way mine did when I found out these types of things actually do happen. “Did they catch him?”

I shake my head. “They were able to get the footage, but no. He was wearing a Cubs baseball cap, but that’s the only thing they were able to distinguish and there weren’t any witnesses.”

“So this happened in Chicago?”

“Yeah, they were traveling at the time. I was supposed to go with them but I didn’t. I had my ticket and everything. But I told them I didn’t want to go and I um … I went to London instead.”

“What? Adrian …” she says looking at me in horror. I see her put the timeline together and she covers her mouth as fresh tears streak down her face.

“Are you saying that if you hadn’t … you would’ve …” she stops talking and hugs me again.

“I guess we’ll never really know. A lot of different things could’ve happened, but yeah, it’s something I think about all the time. I found out the day I came back to Madrid from London after I went looking for you.”

“Adrian, I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Believe me, there were times I thought it would have been easier if I had just gone with them. I lost them and I had lost you and for the longest time I didn’t think there was anything left for me.”

“God, Adrian. Please don’t say that. Is that why my parents didn’t want me to know?”

“Yeah. They found out I had gone to London after you and they thought it would be best if you didn’t know. You weren’t here and they said you had your own things going on and I wasn’t in the best shape either, so I think at the time it was the best decision.”

“I wish I had known. I wish I could have been there for you,” she says regretfully.

“You’re here now and that’s more important,” I tell her, running my fingers through her hair. Sometimes I have to say it out loud and feel her to remind me that it’s true.

“It’s not the same, Adrian. God, I’m so mad at my parents. How could they keep this from me? Keep me from you?”

“Baby, I know it feels that way but you and your family saved me. I literally didn’t know what to do or how to handle anything and your dad took me in and helped with everything. Lawyers, our house, the wills, all the paperwork …. it was so much shit to deal with and even to this day.”

“I get that, but what about emotionally? Are you okay? I can’t imagine what that would feel like.”

I sigh deeply. “Yeah, it was fucking tough. I’m not gonna lie. I was lonely as shit, but I don’t know, it could have been a lot worse looking back at it. At least I had your parents, and Nico, and I owe them so much for that. Your mom also sent me to a few sessions with a shrink and that helped me a lot. Just talking through everything with him really helped. He even made me set up a freaking life plan, which I thought was ridiculous, but it helped me set goals for myself and figure out what I wanted to do, and that’s when I decided I wanted to make a career out of soccer so I completely immersed myself in that.”

She’s still looking at me entirely unconvinced and I can tell she feels guilty that she wasn’t here when it happened. It’s the absolute last thing I want her to feel. It’s part of the reason I was afraid to tell her.

“I don’t know Sofia, you might think this sounds crazy, but honestly since you came back and we’ve been together … that was the best thing that could have happened to me at that moment. I think I needed that initial time by myself to heal on my own, but it started to fade after a while. People always say time heals and bullshit like that, but I don’t know. I think with time it gets better after the initial shock, but I also think it can get worse when it really starts to settle in after a few months. You’re just expected to continue on with your life as if nothing happened, but you still feel like something is always missing and it’s the little stuff that gets you. Like if I just want to talk to my dad about sports or a question comes up that I know my mom would have been able to give me an answer to, it’s those types of things that are the hardest. But having you now with me makes it so much easier to deal with those feelings and I’m constantly reminded that I have something to look forward to and to live for.”

Sofia lets me speak and doesn’t ask me anything else, although I’m sure she still has plenty of questions. I think the information I’ve given her is a lot to sink in and it’s all she’s able to handle right now.

We sit again in silence and I end up putting on a show on TV to distract her. I don’t think either of us really watches it. It’s a home improvement show, but at least it gives us something else to think about.

Lunch time comes around and I realize we’re supposed to eat with her parents. I try to think of a way for us to skip it, but I know how important it is for them to have certain meals together as a family as they most often don’t get to do them.

“I don’t know how I’m gonna sit through this,” Sofia tells me after coming out of the bathroom. She spent a good ten minutes in there trying to compose herself, but her eyes are still red and blotchy and it’s still very obvious she’s been crying. I probably don’t look that much better either.

“Hopefully your mom will do all the talking again,” I say, trying to sound enthusiastic.

We make our way upstairs and the Durants are already at the table.

“Hey kids! We were just about to call you,” Mrs. Durant says smiling. She envelops us in a hug at the same time as if we were both her children. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.

“Sorry we’re late, we were watching a show and lost track of time,” I tell her.

“Oh, that’s alright. Anything good?”

I can’t believe how enthusiastic she can be sometimes. “It was just one of those home improvement shows where they flip houses.”

“Isn’t is just amazing what they do to those properties? Anyway, have a seat. Uncle Frank is joining us for lunch today, so be nice, okay? He’s just gone to the bathroom.”

Uncle Frank? Last I heard he was in rehab. Hopefully he’s stopped drinking now because he’s ruined way too many dinner parties in the past.

“Where’s Nico?” Sofia asks softly with her head down. She’s been purposely avoiding everyone’s gaze since we got here.

“Oh, he’s not going to be able to make it, honey. Ana’s parents asked him to stay for lunch.”

She nods and stares down at her plate. This is going to be even more awkward. Nico is usually a good buffer in these situations.

Uncle Frank finally makes an appearance and he barely acknowledges Sofia or myself when he approaches us. At least he sits down next to Mr. Durant so I don’t have to deal with him much. However, I do notice him glance in my direction several times as if not understanding what I’m doing here even though he perfectly knows me. Surely Mr. Durant has told him the situation by now.

We have just finished the salad, when Sofia turns to her mom and asks to be excused, saying that she has a stomach ache and isn’t feeling well.

Her mom looks at her worriedly but quickly agrees, and next thing I know she’s disappeared from the table without saying anything else. I’m a little pissed she left me here on my own, but I can’t bring myself to blame her after what she just learned today.

“What’s going on, Adrian?” Mr. Durant asks me.

I immediately gulp, but his question sounds more concerned than angry. I turn to look at him and I instantly feel the guilt for betraying his trust. This man has done so much for me, I’ll never be able to repay him. I also don’t want to lie to him, so I decide to tell him the truth.

“I told Sofia about my parents. She was asking me a lot of questions about them, and I couldn’t hide it from her any longer. I’m sorry.”

He sighs heavily and looks towards Mrs. Durant. “It’s okay, son. It was time for her to know anyway. I’m sorry we asked you to keep it from her, that must have been really difficult for you,” he says sympathetically.

I’m a little shocked by his answer but nod anyway.

“Are you okay?” he asks me.

“Yeah,” I answer, probably truly meaning it for the first time in a while.

“When did you tell her?” he asks.

“This morning.”

“Really? I would’ve expected her to be a lot worse,” he responds. “In retrospect, we should have told her once she came back, but we were afraid she wouldn’t be able to cope with it and it would end up interfering with her classes. She was having such a hard time with school as it is.”

I’ve never understood why they underestimate her so much and I really don’t think they give her enough credit. “She’s a strong girl,” I say, defending her. He seems taken aback by my remark, and I drop my head down, thinking I might have said too much.

Silence permeates the table and I feel everybody’s gaze on me. Well, the cat is already out of the bag so I might as well go to her now. I turn towards Mrs. Durant. “Can I also be excused? I would like to check up on her, if that’s okay,” I ask her.

“Of course, honey.”

“Thank you for lunch,” I tell them, even though I hardly ate anything.

I find Sofia in her room, and she’s typing something on her laptop with Teddy tucked in between her arms.

“I’m sorry, Adrian. I couldn’t be there any longer.”

“It’s fine, darling. What are you working on?”

“A paper for class.”

The Odyssey is lying next to her on the bed and I pick it up. It’s incredible how dedicated she is and that she would even think about doing homework right now.

I want to tell her she doesn’t need to do this, but she looks pretty determined and maybe it’s a better distraction than the freaking house flipping show.

“Do you want help?”

“Um, sure. I need to find some good quotes from the book. Do you know of any?”

Damn, I barely remember this book. “Well, what is the paper on?” I ask.

“Nostalgia,” she answers.

“Hmm. Well, doesn’t he want to return home to his wife the entire time?”

“Yeah, Penelope.”

“Okay, I’ll look for that,” I tell her, skimming through the book. I notice she’s underlined a lot of passages already and there are a lot of notes on the sides.

“Thank you, Adrian.”

I sit back and start reading through the book, looking for any instances of Penelope. I think this would be a lot easier if I could just do a search online, but I don’t care as long as I get to spend time with Sofia.

She’s typing away on her laptop when she suddenly stops. I look over at her but her blond hair is in the way and it looks like she’s just concentrating on the screen. But I see a tear drop down on her keyboard and she smudges it with her thumb.

I instantly drop the book and reach out towards her, bringing her to my chest. She starts crying again, and this time she breaks my heart.

I absolutely hate seeing her like this. After my parents’ death, I swear this is the worst thing I’ve ever had to endure.

“I’m sorry, Adrian,” she whispers.

“Shh, baby. It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay,” I say kissing her over and over.

“Please don’t leave me,” she sobs, grabbing on to me tighter.

I don’t understand why she would think to say that right now. Why would she think I’m going to leave her?

“Sofia, I’m right here. I love you. I swear I will never leave you,” I vow.

I rock her gently until she starts drifting off and falls asleep in my arms.

I think it’s an hour later when the door to her room opens and Nico walks in. I immediately stiffen as he gives me a hard look after he notices the position we’re in.

“Not now, Nico,” I warn.

“Relax, dude. Is she okay?” he says worriedly. His parents obviously told him what was going on.

I shake my head in anguish as he sits next to me on the bed.

“Hey, she’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry,” he tries to reassure me.

I nod and try to swallow, but it seems I have a constant knot in my throat.

“How long have you been together?” he asks me, staring at Sofia sleeping soundly against my chest.

I look at him cautiously, trying to judge whether he’s going to rip off my arms.

He scoffs at me. “You really think I didn’t know? I gave you so many chances to be alone with her.”

What? He knew this entire time?

“Please don’t say anything, Nico. Do your parents know?”

“No, I haven’t said anything to them. But I think they may have an idea already.”

“They’re gonna kick me out, aren’t they?”

“No, they’re not. You need to relax, man. You finally got the girl you’ve always wanted. We’re officially brothers now. What more do you want?”

“Fuck, Nico. This isn’t the way I imagined this happening at all,” I tell him.

“What? You thought I was gonna kick your ass and never speak to you again? You think too highly of yourself, Adrian. Bring it down a notch,” he jokes.

I chuckle and sigh in relief. Only he can manage to bring some humor into a situation like this.

“I don’t understand. You told me so many times you would castrate me if I tried anything.”

“Yeah, well that was before … things changed. You were as devastated as I was when she left and I realized your feelings for her ran a lot deeper than I thought. I never said a word to you after that, but I also wasn’t going to actively encourage it. She’s still my little sister after all.”

“Can you at least give me the speech? We need more drama around here.”

“You hurt her and I’ll fucking kill you,” he says with complete authority and even though I know he’ll make true on those words in the very unlikely event that’ll ever happen, we both burst out laughing.

Sofia stirs in my arms and wakes up at that. Shit, we probably should have been quieter.

“Hey sis. How are you feeling?” Nico asks her.

“Peachy. What are you guys laughing about?” she answers, rubbing her eyes.

“Nico just threatened to kill me,” I tell her.

“And I meant it too,” Nico adds proudly.

“What else is new?” she says rolling her eyes. She leans away from me, probably thinking it’s proper protocol, but I immediately bring her back to me and kiss the side of her forehead.

“No, man. It’s too soon for that shit,” Nico says shielding his eyes.

I laugh as Sofia’s eyes widen, looking at me like I’m crazy. I guess they’ll both need time to get used to it.

“So onto happier subjects,” Nico tells me. “I heard about your offer, man. Are you fucking excited or what?”

I close my eyes, really hoping Sofia doesn’t freak out about this. I haven’t even had time to tell her yet with everything else that has been going on today.

“How do you even know about that?” I ask Nico.

“Coach called me. He asked me if I would take over your captainship next year,” he shrugs.

“Holy shit, Nico. That’s great,” I respond, legitimately happy for him. If anyone else deserves it on the team, it’s him, and I’m not saying that because he’s my best friend.

“Yeah, well tough shoes to fill,” Nico says.

“What offer? What’s going on?” Sofia asks.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, I thought she knew already,” Nico says.

“That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about,” I tell her. “I got an offer from DC United.”

“Oh my god, Adrian! That’s amazing,” she tells me looking genuinely excited.

“Really?” I ask her. I thought she would be upset about this. “It’s in Washington, DC.”

“Oh,” she says, her face falling. A lot of people think it’s in the UK because of the United in the name. “Well, that’s still good for you, right?” She says it trying to sound enthusiastic, but I know she’s panicking about it inside. I had the same exact reaction this morning when I found out.

“We can talk about it later, alright?” I say, trying to reassure her.

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you guys to it,” Nico says.

“Actually, I’m gonna go talk to Mom,” Sofia says, getting up.

“Okay.” I’m a bit surprised by that statement as she usually doesn’t seek her out on her own, but I’m glad she thought to. She should talk to her more often.

She leaves the room in a hurry and Nico and I are left looking at each other in confusion. He turns around and stares at the back of the door she’s just closed behind her, and after a moment whips his head back towards me worriedly.

“I think she’s up to something, Adrian.”

“What? Why?”

“Last time she said that, she left to London.”

I immediately bolt out the door, chasing after her.