I always wanted to understand the reason for my life. To feel that I was worth living, that I was destined for something important.
For a long time the only thing I knew was the loneliness of the woods, the bubble in which I was immersed for hours, and the peace that every second I spent there brought me.
But after all the journey I had made, I was no longer sure what really defined me, what my essence really was.
Now, I was being told that I was born with a clear purpose, with a fixed path to follow.
My destiny was to marry the Prince of Bieno and have his child. I had no other choice but to be a wife and a mother.
No, it could not be like that.
'Rythel,' I said, still dazed by my thoughts, 'may I speak with you alone for a moment?'
The other Comrades watched me with apprehension, but did not discuss my request.
I rose with fear of falling from the tremors I felt in my body. Rythel followed me into the room where I had woken up.
Once inside, he closed the door and encouraged me to speak.
'I'm sorry that...'
'There must be another way,' I interrupted him and went on, 'I've read thousands of books with stories of prophecies and they always find a way to get around them.'
Rythel looked down at the floor and then back at me.
'But those are stories, Your Majesty, this is reality. There is no way to avoid the inevitable.'
For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to cry. I let the tears come out of my eyes like waterfalls without caring that Rythel was watching me. To my surprise, he was not frightened or embarrassed by my behavior. He looked thoughtful, and even understanding.
It was not easy to accept that your destiny is not as you imagined it.
I cried for a couple of minutes until I felt that there was no more water left inside me. I wiped my eyes with my hands and took a deep breath, flooding my lungs with as much air as possible.
'Do you feel better now?' Rythel asked me when he saw that I was done.
'I'll meet Lucius today,' I replied, even though every word hurt inside me.
'You are doing the right thing, I will send a pigeon friend right away.'
Before he left, I told him one more thing.
'I must speak to Russell.' I emphasized that I must, because I really must. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't need to talk to him, I had to talk to him to explain the reality of our situation.
'Your Majesty, that's not a good idea.'
'You don't understand, Rythel, if I'm going to be engaged to someone else, he...'
'He would never have been a possibility anyway.'
My mouth opened slightly, not expecting that statement.
'What do you mean by that?' I expressed my discontent.
'I mean that no person in the royal family has ever married a commoner, it is always arranged marriages to secure alliances between Kingdoms.'
My heart shrank a little more, if that was still possible.
I had never considered marrying, it was not really my priority. But since I met Russell all my ideas about love had changed. We were friends, we understood each other, we took care of each other. I felt that that was how love was supposed to feel like and I didn't think anyone else would be able to make me feel that way.
That is why, in those last days, I had seen the possibility of marrying him as something good, as something necessary to ensure my happiness. I wanted to marry him. I didn't know if he felt the same way about me, but if he would have asked me, I would have accepted.
But all of that was never going to happen. Even if I didn't accept the King of Bieno's proposal, Russell was still an ordinary man and my new position as a royal would place me too high for the union to happen.
'I must speak to him,' I pressed him, leaving him no choice.
'All right, I'll send for him, but afterwards you'll have to prepare for your meeting.'
I nodded sharply and watched him leave.
I looked for the nearest mirror and tried to fix myself. Tears had made my face red, although my caramel tone helped hide it. I did my hair and tried to formulate the perfect speech for Russell.
I couldn't do it in time.
The knock on my door was not long in coming.
'Come in,' I said in a trembling voice.
Russell entered the room.
His gray eyes were cloudy, he was wearing only a white shirt and leather pants. His curly hair was more disheveled than usual. His face looked tired, the lack of sleep to the naked eye.
'Princess...' his voice cut out and he walked quickly to meet me.
Without asking me, without even thinking about it, he held me in his arms as he had never done before. He embraced me with joy, with relief, with love.
And I did not move from my place, I responded to his embrace with the same feeling.
There I wanted to stay, in his arms, where I felt safe, wanted, loved.
But reality reminded me again of my duty, of what I had to do.
'Russell,' I said as I walked away from his embrace with effort.
'I was so worried, I was here every day, every night until the Comrades wouldn't let me see you anymore. They said,' he took my chin in his hand, 'they said you would die.'
'I'm all right,' I tried to be as cold as I could, even though my knees shook every time I looked at him.
'What's wrong?' he asked. He knew me, he knew something was wrong.
I started walking slowly away from him, I needed the distance to clear my thoughts.
'Russell,' I tried again.
'Wait, before you tell me anything else I need to tell you something,' he interrupted me by approaching me again.
I didn't know what to do, whether to stay still or run away.
'When I thought I was going to lose you, one thing became very clear to me, and I must say it, I must tell you how I feel.'
What I had hoped would happen was happening, but it couldn't happen just then.
I couldn't stop it, I didn't know how to stop it.
'Since you came into my life, everything changed. At first I didn't know what to think of you, I was afraid that you would let me down, that you would be someone other than what you said you were. But when I truly met you, I realized that you are everything I expected and more. And I don't care about curses or omens or prophecies, I only care about you.'
My face did not know how to respond to the image of him kneeling in front of me.
'Milaia Pleiton, Your Highness Gaia, I have nothing to offer but my heart and my unconditional love and nothing would make me happier than for you to accept my hand in marriage.'
I could not breathe.
I felt a black hole expanding inside my heart.
Russell was waiting for an answer. I knew what I wanted to tell him, but I also knew what I had to tell him.
'I can't.' I said softly.
Russell's gaze turned in a second. From the purest love he went to the most extreme harshness. He rose quickly.
'I understand,' he said in a low tone.
'No, you don't, I can't marry you because I'm going to be engaged to someone else.'
His gaze now filled with confusion.
' Who?' he asked, though he certainly didn't want to know.
I didn't want to tell him, but I had to, I had to tell him absolutely everything.
'With Prince Jonah,' I said, and he was immediately surprised and angry. I took his hand and continued. 'It's the only way to stop the curse. King Lucius wants me to marry his son to have his heir.'
My words seemed to hurt more than I thought. Russell wouldn't let go of my hand out of courtesy.
'Believe me, I don't want to do it, but I have no other choice.'
'There's always another choice, you don't have to marry that lunatic, you can't trust them, after all they did to you. They killed your parents for all the Gods.'
'I know, I know. It makes me sick just thinking about having to look at their faces. But if this is the way I'm going to save the Kingdom, I have to do it. I was willing to die to save them, this is a kind of death too.'
'So you reject me because of your duty?'
I couldn't look at him, I felt ashamed for some reason. I wanted to accept his proposal, with all my soul, but it was not possible and I needed him to understand it, I needed him to be by my side even when he could not stand it.
But Russell couldn't take it.
He let go of my hand and walked away a few steps closer to the door. I had nothing else to say to him, but he had to say something to me.
'I can't stay here and watch you ruin your life. Not after I save you, not after I fall in love with you, not while I love you.'
He opened the door and slammed it shut without looking back. My knees betrayed me and threw me to the floor. The blue dress caught me with its soft fabric. I tried not to shed a tear, I did not allow myself to cry. This was my duty, this was what I had to be ready for.
I just muttered, 'I love you too.'
As soon as I could, I stood up and waited for the next knock on the door. Rythel came to fetch me to see the King.
I smoothed my dress and noticed my mother's necklace hanging around my neck. Sometimes I forgot it, I forgot it because it had become part of me.
'Is Your Majesty ready?'
No, I was not.
'Yes, I am.'
We walked out into the Kingdom. Different from other times, people would dodge me, make room to let me pass. Some bowed to me without lifting their eyes from the ground. Rythel walked a few steps behind me. According to him, no one could walk beside Her Majesty.
Before leaving the dome, we encountered many men and women, armed with bows and arrows, knives, swords and even axes.
'This is the small army we were able to improvise, more people are preparing just in case.'
'I appreciate it, but I don't think I need it.'
'Oh, it's not just for your protection, it's to show that lout that we have the means to defend ourselves.'
I smiled at his comment and thanked one by one all the people who would accompany me.
I was surprised not to see any of the Laoch brothers, perhaps my conversation with Russell had changed their minds about their loyalty to me.
We left for the woods.
This was the first time I felt strange stepping on it, as if I were an impostor posing as the one who was once Milaia Pleiton.
Rythel was keeping the same distance. Men and women surrounded us, attentive to any eventuality.
We were near the road where, not long ago, Russell and I had met the hunters, where poor Albert had died at the hands of Bieno soldiers. What would he think when he saw that his Princess was going to shake hands with those who had killed him? When we reached that road, we stopped.
'They should be here.' Rythel's statement made me nervous.
What if it was a trap? Didn't anyone think they could be waiting to kill me? They had given me such a scolding for taking risks, but they were doing it themselves.
'Where is he?' I asked Rythel impatiently.
His grieving face relaxed deeply as we heard the gallops approaching.
Although my instinct was to run in the opposite direction, I stood and waited for them to find us.
A large wagon, pulled by two black horses, approached us. Behind it, at least ten riders were preparing to face us.
Suddenly, the wagon stopped and the door opened with exaggerated force. Going down at a slow pace, King Lucius made himself present.
My instincts encouraged me to flee or attack him, to hurt him until he could no longer breathe as he had done to my parents.
But I couldn't do it, not when he offered me the possibility of saving them all.
His gaze was transfixed on mine, and a malevolent smile was drawn on his face. He got close enough to create intimidation. And without ceasing to smile, he said to me.
'I see you.'
I smiled at him in the same way and without stopping listening to my heartbeat I responded.
'And I see you.'