Despite my reservations, I decided to tell Jonny that evening. By the glow of his lamp, he was reading some of his assigned Philosophy reading on the coach. His lecturer was a feminist, so he was trying to get some Simone de Beauvoir in his essay for appearances sake. I enjoyed being his study buddy. I didn't really have to do much. I just liked being around him. He was a calming presence.
I couldn't hide a secret. I tried, but it was eating away at me. Zachary's kiss was like poison. I felt so bad. It was almost a relief to just lay everything on the table. The lies were too much to bare on my shoulders. I didn't know if Zachary was feeling something similar. Probably not. He'd pretty much desensitised himself to anyone's emotions, but his own, which was fair â I couldn't fault him that. However, that didn't mean that I had to follow in his footsteps.
'You seem quiet tonight. Is everything okay?' Jonny enquired, as he jotted something on his writing pad.
I could have kept silent. If it wasn't for his innocent question, I wouldn't have had the guts to tell him the truth.
I stretched my arms above my head and rolled the creaks away in my shoulders, before settling into the comfortable crook of his inviting arm.
'Don't get angry at me, please,' I said automatically.
'Now why would I get angry at you?' Jonny looked up, his gaze was curious.
'Well, you have every reason to be angry with me.' I was resigned.
Jonny frowned at me as though he was preparing for the worse, but than his mouth quirked into a smile to show he wasn't being serious.
'Be serious!' I sighed, and laughed a little.
'I am serious!' he protested. I groaned as I realised that he was being impossible at the worse possible time. Jonny had a knack for seeing the humour in the silliest and oddest moments â that was partly what I loved about him. He knew how to diffuse a tense situation well. I'd seen his prowess when it came to customer complaints in the bakery. If there was one thing Jonny Pollack possessed in abundance, it was a boyish personal charm which inspired my loyalty.
'No, you're not going to like this.' I pressed my face against a pillow. There was silence on his end. When I lowered the pillow an inch and Jonny was staring at me with a look of adoration that made me feel as useless as a rag, but as priceless as a black diamond.
That was the moment he kissed me and my fears were assuaged immediately. His kiss was like a magic potion coursing through me, waking me up from the spell of Zachary's poisonous kiss. Like Sleeping Beauty, I woke up and knew what I had to do.
'I went out with Zachary and his friends. He invited me to his flat for tea and kissed me. I'm so, so sorry. I feel awful,' I said, surprised that my voice wasn't shaking as I'd expected.
There was no explosion. Instead, what happened was much, much worse, to my horror...