"I can't believe you don't know who Goose is!" I yelled at him, hitting the gas and shooting us forward. A little more than piqued that he completely ruined my moment.
"Is this more of your bountiful worthless knowledge nobody but you remotely cares about?"
Oh no he didn't.
"I should have you know Top Gun is a Classic!" I smacked the steering wheel for effect. "You lost that loving feeling? I feel the need, the need for speed?" I shook my head as he continued to stare blankly at me. "Why do I bother?" His lack of knowledge on anything cool was truly astounding. Especially considering he'd been around since before...well...everything!
"Perhaps you can explain it to me one evening," he purred, wiggling his irritating brows at me. "I must say, I am most intrigued at the take me to bed part."
The way he said it...the way it rolled off his tongue...was so enticing it made me wonder briefly if he had a preference in pubic hair shapes.
"Forget it, buck-o. There's not enough crayons in the box to explain it to you." Yes, I said the words and was incredibly proud of myself, but my heart took off faster than a MiG 28 at the thought of doing the horizontal hula with him. I bet he had more moves than John Holmes and my inner slut was on her knees begging to find out. The fact he still wasn't wearing a shirt, was not helping matters.
Mentally telling her to go take a cold shower, I maneuvered Gizmo down the road a bit speedier than when we arrived. It was dark now and I wanted to put as much distance between us and them as possible before the vampires could start ghosting. I was so busy looking for evidence of possible spooks, I almost missed a turn. Cranking around the tight corner, Fang cussed as he scrambled to put his seatbelt on while Courtanya rolled around in the back like a loose watermelon.
"How the hell did you ever get a driver's license?" Fang asked as we caught a little air and landed with a bone jarring thump. His head banging into the roof.
"I'm an excellent driver," I muttered, sounding a bit like Rainman as I concentrated on keeping four wheels on the ground around the next bend.
"I would like to contest that."
"Remember when I asked for your opinion?" I glanced over at him.
"No?"
"Yeah...me either because I didn't ask for it." I slammed on the brakes at the end of the super-secret hideaway road and his head flew forward in a cloud of silky black hair. His arms shooting out just in the nick of time to keep his forehead from banging into the dash. Drat! I hated his speedy reflexes sometimes. "Which way, fang boy?" I sweetly asked as he yanked strands of hair out of his mouth.
"You're asking for my opinion?" he mocked. His hand clasping his chest, pretending to be shocked.
And they said I was a bad actress.
"You are a real comedian," I drawled, rolling my eyes. "Maybe they have open mic night...in the dungeon!"
"Go north," he chuckled.
"North? Really? Didn't we already have this conversation once?"
Fang sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Just turn right, Red."
Casting an uneasy glance into the rearview and side mirrors, I flipped on my blinker and turned. It wasn't until we were a few 50 miles down the road that I finally stopped hopscotching my eyes from windows to one mirror to the other and back to the windshield.
Relaxing a bit, I leaned back in my seat and was just turning to Fang to ask him where we were going when Courtanya attacked. Fang cussed in surprise as her little blonde head popped between the seats with a growl and she started pounding on me with her tiny fists as if I was a veal cutlet. Why he was cussing when I was the one getting slapped, I didn't know. I also noticed he wasn't overly quick to come to my rescue either, asshole.
"Bad Courtanya! Bad! Sit!" I said, smacking her hands as they came at me. Each one just as slow as the first.
"Courtanya?" Fang, whipped around with his mouth hanging open as I continued to struggling to keep her in the back and Gizmo on the road. "What the fuck is she doing here?"
Uh-oh. That was his Mr. Grouchy look. He had that Kiefer Sutherland freaky face from Lost boys thing going on.
"Funny story," I said, giving him a little smile as I shoved her head back and she plopped down on her butt.
"I'm dying to hear it," he said through clenched teeth as he crossed his arms over his chest.
To be honest...so was I.
"Well...," I hesitated, trying to come up with a descent story to tell him. "I...glick!!"
Courtanya had grabbed the strap of my seatbelt and was presently strangling me with it, which was kind of a problem considering I was driving. Gizmo swerved precariously to the edge of the road we were traveling on as I tried to pull the belt away from my throat long enough to breath. Letting go of the strap, I put both hands back on the wheel and jerked us back on the pavement. The whole time my lips turning a lovely shade of blue.
"Courtanya!" Fang bellowed. The sound of his booming voice rattling the windows. His diamond eyes fired up and he turned his fluorescent beam to the little minion who was busy channeling her inner Boston Strangler. "Sit down," he ordered.
Immediately, she let go of my seatbelt and I took in several gulps of air.
Rubbing my neck, I sent her glare and the miniature manic stuck her tongue out at me. Oh...I was so going to get her for that. Cute will only get you so far, Tootsie, I thought. One of these days...POW...right to the moon with you.
"Why is Courtanya here?" Fang asked quietly.
I peeked over at him and winced. He was rigidly facing the windshield, his lips pressed tightly together and his jaw was compressed with that muscle twitching erratically. I knew that look. It was one I had seen many, many times in the past. From foster parents, teachers, principals, bosses, police officers, security guards, the preacher from the one time I went to church...everyone got that look eventually if they got to know me long enough.
It was the look that said he was concentrating really hard on not throttling me with his bare hands and was probably wishing he hadn't stopped Courtanya from doing it for him. Yup, I knew that expression well, but hey...I am what I am. You either take me or leave me, but you're damn sure not going to change me.
"I sort of ran into her when I was getting the car." I decided to give a very short version of the story in hopes of lessening the look of pain on his face. "Then...I head-butted her," I added in a mutter.
"She accosted my person, your Majesty," came the sweet reply from the back. "After she defiled the house of Vampyre with her wicked words, I tried to send the demon spawn back to the bowels of hell where she belongs as my Mistress demanded." She smiled widely at him with a simpering look of complete adoration.
Brownnoser. "Yeah...yeah...yeah. I know there's a special place in hell for me, it's called a throne, cupcake."
"You will never have the throne!" Courtanya lunged forward and grabbed two fistfuls of my hair, slamming my head into the steering wheel. "I. Will. Die. First." The horn honking pitifully with each staccato word.
"Knock it off!" Fang barked, grabbing Courtanya and tossing her back as if she was a used tissue.
"She started it," I mumbled, rubbing my forehead to remove the AMC imprint.
"I don't care who started it! I'm finishing it," Fang snarled.
"Yes, your Majesty," Courtanya singsonged from the back.
"Yes, your Majesty," I mocked in a high pitched version of her melodic voice.
"Stop it, Red," he warned, giving me a pointed look.
"Oh sure, take her side. Might I remind you who saved your beefy backside back there?"
He gave a long exasperated sigh and closed his eyes briefly. "I'm not choosing sides. I just don't understand why she is here. In this car. With us."
"Oh, well that's easy," I said, shrugging my shoulders.
A long silence filled the car.
"Do you mind sharing your genius with the rest of us?" Fang asked through gritted teeth.
"I suggest ripping out a chunk of her throat, your Majesty." Courtanya popped her head between the two seats. "That will make her talk." Her dark eyes burning with lusty excitement over the idea.
You know? She really wasn't all that cute anymore. I wonder if I could drop her off at the nearest church or dumpster. Perhaps the Humane Society would take her...
"Courtanya, please sit back," Fang murmured, rubbing his forehead.
"Yes..."
"Your Majesty," I interrupted. She shot me a dirty look and sat back, pouting.
Fang flashed me a disapproving look.
"What? That whole Majesty thing is getting old."
"I'm also growing old waiting for you to tell me why she is here," Fang retorted.
"Oh, that." I waved a hand dismissively in the air. "Do you know she thought I was a new recruit?" I glanced over at him, enjoying the surprise manifest on his handsome face. "I thought you said they weren't doing that anymore? But, Tinkerbell there is living proof they are." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder in her direction, in case he had forgotten who we were talking about. "Seriously, she can't be much over sixteen." Disgust wrinkled my brow. "I mean...shouldn't there be an age limit?"
"First of all, Courtanya is not a newly changed immortal." He looked over his shoulder and Tinkerbell perked up. "Tell Melanie how old you are."
"I was born April 12, 1861."
"That makes you...," I ground to a halt. Drat. Math. Not my strong suit, but it didn't take a whiz kid to know she was freaking old.
"One hundred and fifty-five years old," Fang supplied.
Looking in the rearview mirror, I took in Courtanya's delicate, pale features. My mind struggled to comprehend the age with her appearance. She totally looked like she was about to whip out a pair of pom-poms and start cheering. Which, thankfully, she didn't, because...ugh...cheerleaders, but everything about her screamed youth and vitality. The blond cropped hair, little pointy chin, round pudgy cheekbones, big dark eyes that made you think of aliens and Bambi which were beautifully fringed with impossibly long lashes. Me, I had to pile on the mascara to prove I even had any and melted like the Wicked Witch of the West if I came anywhere near water. Waterproof my ass.
"Melanie!"
I whipped my head around. "What?"
"One last time. Why...is...she...here?"
"Because I thought she would be helpful?"
"Are you asking or telling me?"
"Telling?" This line of questioning would be a hell of a lot easier if I had a cheat sheet or something. It was nerve-wracking trying to figure out which was the best lie to keep my ass out of the doghouse and it was giving me a headache. Or maybe it was because Bubbles back there had used my head as a bongo drum.
"How?" he asked, glancing at Courtanya who was busy probably making some kind of weapon out of whatever was rambling around back there.
"How what?"
He narrowed those diamond eyes at me. "How did you think she was going to be helpful?"
"Oh...that." I ducked my head as my face started to burn brightly. I didn't necessarily want to tell him that my nefarious plan was all based on gathering intel about his ex. It would make me look to pathetic. Which, of course, I totally was, but he didn't need to know that. "She was spewing all this nonsense about Druilla wanting to take the throne and I just...I guess...panicked." I gave him my best soppy don't be mad at me smile.
Fang shook his head and leaned back in the seat. "This is going to be a long trip," he muttered to the roof of the car.
"Awe, come on. Where's your sense of adventure. It's not going to be that bad," I said, catching sight of Courtanya in the rearview sneaking up behind be with a raised tire iron she had ferreted out. Pretending to yawn, I leaned back with one arm and clobbered her on the jaw, sending her skittering backwards and thumping into the hatch window.
Fang wasn't fooled by my fake yawn and stretch. Whirling around in his seat, he yanked the weapon out of her hands and glowered at me. "Did it ever cross your mind that she is dangerous?"
I laughed so hard, I snorted. After I finished wiping the tears out of my eyes, I turned to look at him and was shocked by the snarl curling his luscious lips. Man...Elvis would totally be jealous.
"You're serious?"
He held up the tire iron. "Does this look like I'm kidding?"
"Okay, I admit...she's a little, teensy, wincey high-strung. But come on Fang, she's about as dangerous as a Furby." Turning around, I caught Courtanya's big, brown, hate filled gaze. She definitely had the same creepy eyes as one of those little owl gibberish speaking critters.
"Dammit, Mel! She is Druilla's most trusted immortal!"
"So?"
"She's programmed to do whatever Druilla told her to do. If she told you to kill you, she will and won't give up until she succeeds."
"Oh yes, your Majesty.' Bubbles bobbled her head happily. "It will be my honor to spill the redheaded demon's blood upon the ground and crush her bones into dust."
Fang raised that annoying eyebrow at me, silently giving me the biggest 'I told you so' ever. Smartass. Okay, so I might have made an error, but it's his fault for not completely educating me on how the whole immortal thing worked.
"No need to be so smug about it," I mumbled.
I was tired. I was sporting a headache which was pounding out a reggae rhythm. I was driving for what seemed like hours in a car with a sexy vampire who made me hotter than global warming when he wasn't pissing me off and I had a tiny, cute assassin who wanted to take my head home for a trophy to her crazy ass Mistress. Did I miss anything? I tapped my finger on the steering wheel and thought about it for a moment when I saw salvation up ahead. A Waffle House. Fuck yeah! I was also hungry.
Talk about a road trip from hell! What will Mel do with Courtanya now that she knows the immortal cutie has plans to assassinate her? Stay tuned to find out!
Author's Note:
Hello my FANGED Fiends!
I have decided to put my books on a new rotating type of schedule. So from now on, or until further notice, FANGED will be updated every other Friday. This gives me time to spend on creating quality chapters you deserve and actually gives me a chance to...you know...go outside once in awhile. LOL Though, Mel is still mad that neither of us sparkle and has spent a small fortune on body glitter from Amazon.
Anyway...I hope you enjoyed this latest installment and if you liked it, will consider giving it a vote. I also love hearing from you and comments are always appreciated. If you don't see any updates here...check out my other stories Bending Steele, When Roses Collide and Steal You Away.
Oh! And don't forget to "Like" my Facebook page so you have an easier time keeping up with update notices and so forth and so on.
Sincerely,
K