I stood there wishing I had a bucket of popcorn with extra butter because I had a feeling things were about to get good. Nicolai's back was ramrod straight with his black eyes wide as his lips thinned out until they were nothing more than narrow fleshed colored ribbons. Taos was doing a damn fine impersonation of a statue, a clothed one, with a handful of Doritos suspended in midair halfway to his opened mouth. Giving me a full view of the partially macerated chips inside. Ewwww.
My eyes darted back to Druilla, after all, she was the real diva in this reality show. I have to say, out of all them, her expression was the most priceless. A Kodak moment worthy of Instagram if I had my phone handy to snap a couple of pictures. The finger she had shot out at me, trembled with the force she was expending to keep it up. Her face was scrunched tightly and two veins began to form on her forehead, pulsating as they grew. Cocking my head to the side, I decided she looked horribly constipated. Somebody needed to get her some milk of magnesia.
As her high beams kept zeroing in on me, flooding me in a rosy spotlight, I glanced over at Fang. He was rattled, but okay as he slowly crawled up onto his knees, shaking his head unsteadily. I sighed in relief. That looked like one hell of a sucker punch. Turning my attention back to Druilla the Cruilla, I rolled my eyes. This was getting old and pissing me off. Nobody picked on my Fang and got away with it.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to point?" I growled, fearlessly.
"You...shall...burn," Druilla panted through clenched teeth, her arm quivering like an overexcited Chihuahua.
Bringing my hand up, I flapped it in front of my mouth as I faked a long yawn. "Is this going to happen sometime today?" I glanced at my wrist, making a show of looking at a watch that clearly wasn't there. "There's a new episode of the Bachelor I was really wanting to catch."
"You...Will...Burn!" Druilla's flawless pale skin turned a bright red before morphing into a rather unsettling shade of puce. The woman was seriously going to give herself a stroke.
"Yeah...you already said that." I muttered.
Tapping my foot, I glanced back over at Fang who had finally managed to raise himself into a semi crouched position with one knee still on the floor. His diamond eyes hit mine with a pleading I couldn't ignore. Drat! Sighing, I turned back to Druilla. I suppose, causing the death of an Elder on my first day at the Colony would technically be setting a bad example. Giving my eyes one more good roll, I decided I would have to play along before she popped one of those vessels in her head.
"No! OH! The agony!" I clutched my chest, falling to my knees. "NO! Please...it...burns!" I reached out a clawed hand in a beseeching gesture towards my tormentor.
Okay...so I might have watched too many episodes of Star Trek growing up and sounded way to much like Captain Kirk, but I didn't let that stop me as I fell over onto the floor. Jerking and twitching through the last of my death throws, I finally gurgled out a long drawn out groan before flopping back and playing possum.
Peeking under my lashes, I looked over at Fang who had his face in his palm and was shaking his head slowly from side to side. What? That was the best death scene ever. I totally deserved an Oscar for that particularly impressive set of thrashing skills I portrayed. Sheesh...everyone's a critic.
As I laid there flat on my back, being as lifeless as I could for a live person...two things happened at once. One...Taos and Nicolai started chuckling. At least I was pretty sure it was them, since Fang didn't seem to be amused with my awesome acting skills. I was also positive it definitely wasn't Druilla, because she was the second thing happening.
An atrocious high-pitched screeching molested my ears causing me to jerk my head up just in time to see Druilla coming at me claws out like an avenging pterodactyl. Self-preservation took over any worry I had about making a good impression to the Elders and I kicked out with my red toed pump, landing the heel of it directly into the middle of her lace covered chest.
Forgetting about my super-strength, I accidently punted her like a field goal clear across the room. Although the whole thing took less than a blink of an eye, I saw it in slow motion. Druilla flew away from me as if she had been shot from a cannon. Her mouth forming a perfect O as the air left her lungs in a whoosh. Oddly, she seemed to hang in the air for a moment before she landed in an ungraceful red velvet heap, crashing into the bottom of the massive throne.
But, before I had time to raise my arms up and proclaim the kick good, she bounced back up on her feet. Holy Janet Jackson! Talk about your wardrobe malfunctions! The whole black lace panel in the front of her dress was missing and she was popping more nipple than Orville Redenbacher popped corn.
Lifting my kicking foot up, I winced when I saw the shredded lace snagged and hanging off the end of my heel. Druilla must have felt the breeze, because she looked down at her dress and then back at me. Her eyes landing on the piece hanging off my shoe like a bull spotting a red cape.
Howling in rage, she reached over to the nearest statue and snapped off the impressive appendage as if she was snapping a dried twig. All three men in the room cringed and moaned in unison. Instinct had them crossing their legs and dropping their hands to protect their packages. I have to admit, I winced a little too. Because...well...damn! That's just wrong on so many levels.
"Red! Get up!" Fang barked from across the room as he weaved unsteadily to his feet.
Jumping to my feet, I whipped around just in time to see Druilla coming at me full speed with her stone club raised up like Captain Caveman. I was about to be pounded with a penis and not in a good way. As she swung to cold cock me...literally...I bent backwards to avoid the blow as it swished centimeters away from my face. Huh...who knew being crowned the limbo queen at the Tiki Club on the all-you-can-eat coconut shrimp night would one day pay off?
The momentum of her swing, spun her off balance and I took off running towards one of the gleaming shields hanging on the walls. Larry Bird had nothing on me as I jumped up a good seven feet and snagged it. Turning in midair, I landed softly on my feet, crouched and ready to defend myself like a Trojan against any renegade penile strikes.
Never in my life would I have dreamed I would have to take the term "cockblocker" seriously. But, as she raised her marbled phallus for another attack, I raised my shield and embraced my inner Captain America. I bet the Avengers never had to deal with this kind of crazy ass shit. Then again, saving the world from pecker peril probably wasn't high on their to do list.
She was just stalking past Nicolai when he reached out, grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face him. His black irises grew until there wasn't a spec of white to be seen in his eyes as he glared into her seething face.
Holy Moses on a pogo stick! This was some serious "black-eyed kid" phenomenon happening right here. I read about them ounce in the Star. Apparently, these cute kids go knocking on people's doors asking to be let in to use the phone, only their eyes are entirely black and creepy. A shudder danced down my spine. ET phone home my ass.
Within seconds, Druilla's face became lax and submissive.
"Sleep," Nicolai softly said, touching the middle of her forehead with his index finger.
She collapsed in a heap getting caught by Taos before she could hit the floor. Carrying her over to the benched table as if she weighed nothing more than a piece of lint, despite her being three times taller, he laid her gently on top like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. Let's face it...they were both poisoned and in a coma...so pick whichever one works for you. Personally, I wasn't going the princess route. To me, she was like a slumbering Smaug.
Pulling at her dress, he tried to bring enough of the velvet together to cover her exposed breasts, but to no avail. It was like trying to wrap two cantaloupes in a Kleenex. Looking around, I spotted what was left of the lace and picked it up. It was thoroughly shredded and useless.
Keeping my shield up to protect my eyes from whatever Medusa-alien boogaloo Nicolai had cooking, I made my way over to the table. I have to admit, in slumber, Druilla was quite fetching for a rabid, snarling, drooling, schlong carrying psychopath. But still...I wouldn't want the world getting a gander at my girls...so, following the unspoken rules of sisterhood, I took off my leather jacket and placed it over her bared chest.
"That was very kind of you," Nicolai said, coming up alongside me.
"Yeah...well...she looked cold." I mumbled, looking down at my feet. Judging by those nipples, her being chilly was an understatement. If we could have dragged her outside into the sun, she would have been a sundial for two different time zones.
"Look up at me child."
I cringed. Not only did I not want to face those eyes of his, but the "child" references were staring to freak me out. It sounded like one of those terms of endearment your weird creepy uncle, who wasn't really your uncle, would call you.
Clutching my shoulders, he turned me with about as much trouble as I'd have twisting the cap off an ice cold Diet Coke. Tilting my head up with his sleepy time finger, he brought my gaze to his. Thankfully, the irises had returned to normal, but still, that icy black regard bored into me. I felt everything inside turn into a Slushy and I shivered. It was like locking eyes with a malicious Yeti and my fingers itched to bring up the shield still gripped in my hand to block his probing stare.
"You are a most unusual human female."
"Vampire," I automatically corrected. Maybe I should get it tattooed on my forehead for these people.
"Yes," he chuckled. "My apologies."
His other hand moved up and he cupped my face in his cool palms. Tilting my head to the left and then to the right, his perusal roamed over me. Before I knew it, he jammed his thumbs into my mouth, forcing my teeth apart and one finger skimming my canines. Ewwwww!
I yanked my head out of hands, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my turtle neck. I don't know where he came from, but in my neck of the woods, you didn't go shoving your fingers in people's mouths. My gag reflex was working double time to keep down that infernal cocktail weenie. It would serve him right if I ralphed it up on his Gucci shoes.
"She is complete then," he asked Fang as he came limping to stand between me and Nicolai.
Fang glanced over at me before turning back to Mr. Fingers. "Yes."
"But she appears immune to our powers?" Nicolai narrowed his eyes, taking a closer look at me. Which I was fine with, as long as he kept his exploring digits to himself.
"Yes."
Nicolai, turned sharply to face Fang. "To you as well?"
"Yes."
Okay...Fang was stuck in monosyllable land.
Nicolai drummed his fingers on the table. I couldn't help but stare. They were long and slim and had just been in my mouth.
"Interesting. This was not expected." He brought his hand to his mouth and tapped one finger against his lips. "Most of them are not as...coherent as this one."
This one? What? Was there more? My eyes darted from Fang to Nicolai as if I was watching a spritely game of ping-pong.
"She is Vampyre," Fang stated, his face unreadable.
Damn right I was. I crossed my arms over my chest.
"It is true then, Stoker has succeeded in his endeavors to create a serum," Nicolai sighed, his shoulders slumping.
"Only one dose."
Nicolai raised his head. "One?"
Fang shuffled over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Melanie is the innocent recipient of Dr. Kleinroseboom's experiment. He made one dose and injected it into her before disappearing."
"Have you any luck in finding Jurrian?"
"No. We lost him in the crowds at the mall."
So Fang was part of the Men in Black asshole group who mowed me down that day. Figures.
Silence filled the hall as Nicolai started to pace around the sleeping pyre of Druilla. Taos went back to eating his Doritos, but much more sedately than his earlier chomping. Obviously, he was the Silent Bob type because he hadn't uttered a peep. Just kept filling his mouth with one chip after another, his brown eyes focused on Druilla's hand which was still clutching the marbled manhood of the statue.
"Then, we have no choice." Nicolai turned, giving me a little sad sympathetic smile. "She must be destroyed."
After all that...poor Mel still has a death sentence hanging around her neck. Will Fang be able to convince Nicolai to keep her alive?
Stay tuned for the next installment of FANGED to find out. Don't forget to come join the fun on my Facebook page K. M. Halandras for sneak peeks!
Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. If you liked it please give it a vote and comments are always appreciated. If you don't see any updates here...check out my other two stories Bending Steele or When Roses Collide.