"Strategy? We don't need no stinking strategy." I snorted, doing my best Blazing Saddles impression to date. "Can't you just walk in there, do your mind whammy thingamabob and convince them I'm a swell kind of gal?" I glanced over at Fang and batted my lashes at him. "Then we can all have a good laugh and go get shawarma."
"I'm sure I am going to regret this..." he sighed, "but what is shawarma?"
"I have no idea, but the Avengers did it and it sounds delicious."
"Who the hell are the Avengers?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but he flew up his hand so fast he could have been directing traffic. All he needed was a whistle and a pair of white gloves. "I don't want to know."
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head in disgust. "If you don't know who the Avengers are, then you don't deserve to know," I sniffed. I mean...seriously. What the heck has he been doing for the last 575 years? Living under a rock? It was a good thing the man was pretty, because he wasn't overly intelligent.
"Can we get back to what's important, please?" Fang asked tightly, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Hey, don't blame me, buck-o. I was strategizing all over the place. You were the one who wanted to stop and Google along the way." His growl of frustration had me snapping my mouth shut. Sheesh...somebody needed a nap.
"We are talking about Elders, Melanie. Some of these vampires have been around before the scribes started to document history and are more powerful than you can ever imagine. I can't wipe their memories even if I wanted to and it's certainly no laughing matter."
I glanced at him for a moment, looking at his tense features and furrowed brow. He was worried and I sensed something else too. Fear. My stomach rolled, turning that cocktail weenie into a fire breathing dragon. Swallowing back the acid, I focused hard on the road ahead of us.
"Just tell me what I need to do to keep myself in one piece and off the Colony's most wanted list," I said, sounding brave enough even though I didn't remotely feel it.
A glimmer of a smile lit up Fang's dark expression. "You are feisty, I'll give you that. So, does this mean you're actually going to listen to me for a change?"
I pulled my lips back in what I hoped was a cheerful expression. "You've gotten us this far in one piece." I said, mimicking his response from earlier. "I'm depending on you to help me get through this in as close to one piece as possible. Preferably...with all my limbs still attached and without a permanent tan." Images of being drawn and quartered and then staked out to greet the morning, flashed through my mind making me shudder.
Reaching across, he pulled my hand away from the steering wheel and brushed a kiss against my knuckles. "I'm all glittery inside, Red."
Feeling a blush burn across my face, I pulled my hand away from his sinister lips. "Yeah...," I cleared my throat, "well... we are SOL when it comes to glitter. Apparently, the Cullen's have cornered the market on that." Yes...I was still bitter about not having skin that danced like diamonds in the sun, don't judge.
"Cullen?" he asked, his brow dropping down into a confused frown.
"You've got to be kidding me?" I turned to him in surprise. "Does Twilight ring any bells? The whole team Edward verses team Jacob diabolical?" I was a serious team Jacob fan. Not that I was a huge admirer of people spontaneously erupting into fur, but because he spent the better portion of the movies naked from the waist up. A physique like that garners my vote any day.
Fang leaned back and ran both hands through his hair, dislodging the thick strands. "The amount of worthless knowledge you possess is truly extraordinary."
"Thank you," I chirped.
He fixed me with a bland expression. "That was not a compliment. Listen, Red, the Elders are the highest-ranking members of the Colony. What they say is law and we are already treading on thin ice by me showing up with you in tow. Alive." He hesitated, grimacing slightly. "They will not be as lenient towards your...uniqueness as I am."
Lenient? He's been about as lenient as Sister Agnus during that four month stint I did in an all-girls Catholic school. I absently rubbed my knuckles at the memory. That woman was wicked evil with a ruler.
"What do you suggest?" I asked, though my tone was fairly brimming with sarcasm. Don't think I didn't notice that "uniqueness" comment. Though, I have to admit, that was a better way of putting it then most people did when it came to explaining my personality type.
"I suggest you only speak when spoken to." He paused for a moment and frowned at me. "On second thought, perhaps it would be better if you didn't talk at all and let me speak for you."
I was about to argue with him, when a huge monolithic rock fortress came into view over the horizon sitting on stop of a steep hill. The sight of the darn thing was enough to silence even me. Listening to Fang's directions, I pulled into a long, winding, paved, unlit drive that was so well hidden, if it hadn't been for him pointing it out, I would have driven straight on by.
As we drove closer, lights blazed from the castle like house which seemed to rule the countryside. Creepy aged and gnarled trees surrounded the mansion and a very intimidating tall brick wall encompassed the property. Not only was it high enough to trip up giants, but it had lines of electrified wire on top and just to finish the stay the fuck out effect...it had razor wire sitting pretty on top like a cherry.
Who the hell were they trying to keep out? Godzilla? This is where the Colony lived? Because, frankly, I wasn't impressed. It looked like something right out of a horror film. Or a prison. A haunted prison housing a swarm of angry vampires who wanted my head on a platter. I shuddered. My stomach twisting so tightly, all I needed was to swallow a handful of salt and it would have been a pretzel.
"I guess you don't get many visitors out here," I mumbled with a good dose of dread as I pulled up to the heavy gates decorated in elaborate iron scroll work.
"It's going to be okay, Melanie. Just remember, let me do the talking," Fang said quietly, laying his hand on my thigh and giving it an encouraging squeeze.
A hulk of a man came charging out of the guard station. When he leaned his incredible girth down to Gizmo's widow, his teal eyes glowed with a laser intensity that lit the interior of the car. Okay...not a man, but a vampire. A very large, bald, snarling, beast of a vampire who could easily bench press Gizmo in one hand while crushing boulders with the other. With a trembling hand, I rolled down the window he was fogging up with his snorts of hot breath.
As soon it was down, I yelped in shock as he stuck his cue ball head in. Plowing straight up into my face, he inhaled deeply. I watched in wonder as his nostrils flared wide enough to stick nickels in. On the exhale, the release of air tussled my hair and covered me in a blanket of breath so foul, my eyes watered. Ewww. Holy Moses on a pogo stick, hadn't this guy ever heard of Tic-Tacs?
"You smell funny," he growled, pulling back a fraction and wrinkling up his face in distaste.
"Right back attcha, buddy," I snapped, cringing as the foul order of his breath singed my nose hairs. It smelt like a mixture of bunt plastic, dog poo and left over tuna fish that had been sitting in the refrigerator for far too long. The aroma wafting from his mouth probably would have affronted anyone, but thanks to my vampire senses and new bloodhound ability, it was a 1000 times worse. I choked, waving my hand furiously in front of my face.
"State your business," he snarled, revealing two long fangs dripping in drool.
Ooooh...he totally had the whole ominous thing down pat. Now, if he could just figure out the inner workings of oral hygiene...
"Vincent, my man. How they hanging?" Fang eased forward, interrupting my thoughts and giving the foul breathed gargantuan an easy going smile.
To my olfactory dismay, Vincent stuck his head back in through the window. Drat!
"They drag the ground, asshole," Baldy said, grinning wide at Fang. "Whatcha doing slumming in a piece of shit Gremlin, Drake?"
The two vampires bumped knuckles with a crack loud enough to rival thunder and drown out the growl that bubbled up my throat from the insult to my car.
"Colony business," Fang shrugged.
"Who's the honey?" Baldy asked, licking his lips and giving me an appreciative once over. Oh God, I was going to hurl.
"She's with me." Fang gave the humongous vampire a loopy grin and tossed his arm around my tense shoulders, pulling me closer to his side.
"Damn, Drake. I figured you'd take a break after those triplets from last week." Vincent gave Fang a conspiratorial man wink with one of those deep throated laughs men do when they think they are being exceptionally clever or are looking at porn.
I rolled my eyes and swallowed back the "yuck" which was begging to come out of my mouth. Not that I was being respectful or anything like that, but because I didn't want to actually inhale any more of the polluted bad breath air and was currently busy holding my breath.
Instead, I gently pushed Fang away and calculated how much gargling I was going to have to do to wash away the shame of kissing a man who was the Hugh Hefner of the vampire world.
"Yeah, well...you know how it goes." Fang shrugged one of his shoulders and had the decency to look embarrassed as he ran an agitated hand through his hair.
"Indeed, I do." Vincent gave Fang another bump on the knuckles before he finally eased himself out of the car, allowing me to take a deep inhale of only slightly pungent air.
Seriously? That smell had some linger time, I thought wrinkling up my nose as I watched him lumber back to the guard house and open the gates. Despite them being old and heavy, they slid with amazing ease. As soon as the gap was wide enough, I hit the gas and sped through before baldy decided to reminisce more good ole times with Fang.
Not that I was jealous or anything. Nope. Not at all. Not one teeny tiny little bit. He could stick his tongue down any number of throats, I couldn't care less. The fact my knuckles gripped the steering wheel so hard it squeaked, was totally coincidental.
"About what Vincent said back there...," Fang started.
I gave him a scalding glare. "I don't want to know."
"It's not what it seems," he said reasonably.
"OH? So you're not a total man-whore then?" I sarcastically asked, wishing like hell I could quirk an eyebrow, because that would have been awesome right now.
"First of all, it wasn't triplets. He was exaggerating. It was twins."
I snorted loudly. Oh yeah...that makes it all better. "I really, really have no interest in your sex life." I shook my head and kept my eyeballs glued to the windshield as I pulled into a huge circular drive that could have been used for the Indy 500.
"Wait...are you jealous?"
I made a gagging noise. "Hardly."
I could feel him studying me while I made a show of putting Gizmo into park and setting the emergency brake. Not that I needed it, but I was avoiding his eyes like I use to avoid overtime at the Superpumper.
"I think you are," he purred. "You don't like the thought of me being with other women."
Not bothering to answer him, I jumped out of the car like it was on fire and slammed the door on his stupid grinning face. Okay...I admit it. I was insanely, stalk your house, key your car, leave a thousand messages on your phone and listen to sappy love songs while eating raw cookie dough salted with your tears as they streamed down your face...jealous. I was green with it. And trust me, green was not a good color for me.
Stomping a few paces away from the infuriating Don Juan vampire, I raised my eyes up to the monstrosity in front of me. The ominous sight of it squeezed the air out of my lungs. The famous saying of the crime fighting vigilante, The Shadow, popped into my head. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Well...in this case...what evil lurked inside spooky mausoleum type castles.
"This is not good," I whispered as I stood there unblinking and shaking down to my peep toed pumps at the forbidding goth menace before me. The thing begged you to imagine all sorts of ghosts, goblins and ghouls lurking in the shadows. When my roaming eyes accidentally landed on the snarling faces of two gargoyles hovering above the huge, wooden double doors, I about peed my pants.
There's a fine howdy do for ya. Most folks went with the typical welcome mat to greet you instead of evil looking stone sculptures. I never was one to believe in the boogieman, but...I had to admit, this place was totally changing my opinion about that. Sensing more than hearing Fang had walked up behind me, I blindly reached out and gripped his hand. All hostility long forgotten in the shadow of my impending doom.
Looking up at him, I saw a flicker of a smile twitch his lips. "Ready for a fight?"
"Are you?"
The twitch grew into a grin. "I am a vampire, it's in my nature." He tightened his hold on my hand. "And now...it's in yours too, Red."
His softly spoken words stroked my fire which had been smothered by fear, allowing it to burn away the chill. Turning back to the house, I set my shoulders. Who were these people anyway to decide my fate? I was in charge of my eternal destiny...not them. Besides, Elders or not...nobody called me an abomination and got away with it.
"Let's do this, fang boy."
What do you think is lurking behind those doors?
Stay tuned for the next installment of FANGED to find out. Are you curious to know what Drake looks like? Come join the fun on my Facebook page K. M. Halandras and find out!
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