Chapter 42: chapter 42

SRUTHIMy palms are sweaty as I wait patiently for Jaya Ma to leave the house. Madhav walks her to the door with a polite smile pasted on his face. I watch in dread as he bids her bye and then closes the door of the house. The sound of locking the door echoes loudly in the otherwise quiet house. I can hear my wild heartbeat as Madhav returns to his chair before me. “What is it that you wanted to talk with me?” Madhav asks with no emotions on his face. His tone is neutral revealing neither his displeasure nor pleasure. His eyes hold mine. I want to tell him that it is nothing important and brush it off. I want things to return to normal between us where we both only had snarky words to exchange instead of the polite ones. Despite myself, I did enjoy those small conversations I had with Madhav in the past. He brought out a side in me that I never knew existed. I want to see Madhav would retort back without thinking about the consequences. But, things have changed between us. Heck! It changed the moment I agreed to marry him. We are no longer just two bitter acquittances who cannot tolerate each other.  We are in a scared bond and it requires transparency and trust for it to become strong. So, screw my fears and all the subtle tactics to get the answers out of him. The only approach I know is direct and straightforward.“Why did you go to the juvenile?” I ask ditching all efforts of subtility and discreetness. I want to know things about him.“What is your theory?” he asks with an amused smile.“I don’t have any theories but I have heard rumours about you killing your father. Is that true Madhav?” I ask holding my breath. I wait for him to laugh and call the rumours bullshit like he did the one about him being a playboy. But nothing of that sort happens. Madhav’s smile slips and a storm of emotions passes on his face. I can only identify a few in that. There is a red-hot anger burning with a mixed with a shadow of fear and longing. “Yes, the rumours are true,” he confirms to my utter terror and disappointment. “Why?” I ask. “Why did you kill your father?”Madhav looks surprised for a moment like he didn’t expect me to ask that question. “Aren’t you going to yell at me that I am a monster and no matter what happened, I mustn’t have killed my father?”“Is that how people usually react?” I ask raising my brow.“Yes, they see me as a heartless man who took the life of his father. Only your brother bothered to ask me why I killed my father.”“Will you tell me?” I ask in a nervous tone. Because, with the way the conversation is going, I have some hope that he will give me the answers I need. “I want to tell you every freaking thing that is on my mind, Sruthi. But you are not yet ready for it.”“Woah! How can you say that I am not ready?” I ask in a defensive tone.“Do you trust me with your full heart?”I open my mouth but no words come. I want to give him a yes but I know it would be a lie. I don’t trust him fully. I still have doubts lurking in my mind. A knowing smile curves his lips and he says, “That is what I thought. I will tell you everything when you are ready to accept me as I am. Don’t try to change me, Sruthi.”“I am not trying anything here, Madhav,” I snap getting angry at him.“No, you are not. But, I am warning you if you have any idea like that, bury it in the ground because I am not going to change. I am a monster. It is in my genes. Nothing can be done.”I am not sure how to answer that question. His words are loaded and final. It is like he believes that he is a monster beyond redemption. I see him with new eyes.“I am close to finding the prep,” he says after a moment of silence. I straighten my spine and give him my full attention. “Who is it?”“Someone whose life I must have taken a long time ago,” he replies.A chill goes down my spine. I want to ask him not to take any other life but I know he won’t listen to me. Like I told him, I am not trying to change him. Neither can I accept him as he is. It will take me some time to wrap my mind around all these things. I am not sure what I should do to make him see reason. He believes that he is broken beyond repair. I don’t know how I will make him understand that no one in the world is broken beyond repair. I strongly believe that everything can be changed with love and hope. But, I have no idea how I will make him see the light in the dark world that he has immersed himself into.“I am going out of the city for a few days,” he says when the silence between us stretches.“What? Where?” I ask snapping out my mental dilemma.“I am going to meet some men to confirm my suspicions,” he answers.“Can’t you do that by phone calls?”“No, I can’t. Because the ones I am going to meet are inmates of the notorious jail Noghot.”A shiver runs through my spine at the name of that jail. It is the most infamous jail in our country where the worst and most notorious criminals are sent for prison sentences. I have heard a lot of stories about it. I am rendered speechless. It is not easy to get access there but I knew it would be a piece of cake for Madhav with the help of my brother.Again, I want to tell him to stay with me and not go to that dangerous place. I don’t know what happens there. Just the sound of the jail’s name makes me shiver. I have to remind myself again that this is Madhav, a man who has taken many people’s lives. He knows to take care of himself in there. But, that does not stop me from worrying about his safety. Because he is going there for me. To find the prep who is on my trail. He is risking his life for me. Hell! He already risked it once for me. I don’t want him risking his life for me. I want him to be safe and sound.“Take care of yourself when I am away. I will double the security of the house. Avoid going out at any cost. But, if you want to go out, I will send one of my trusted men to be with you. Don’t tell anyone about where I am going. Just tell people that I am off on a very important jewel business. Do you understand?”“I understand but promise me something,” I say.“I can’t promise you not kill anyone,” he replies quickly.I shake my head at him. I knew he wouldn’t give me that promise, “No, I wasn’t going to ask you that.”He frowns, “Then what is it?”“Promise me that you will return to me safe and sound,” I ask extending my palm to him. Surprise flickers on his face and his eyes gleam in joy for a moment. He puts his palm on mine and holds my gaze.“Promise.”❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥