Chapter 32: chapter 32

MADHAVFor a second, everything around me comes to a standstill and her question is the only thing that echoes in my mind. Don’t tell me that Anandhi somehow contacted Sruthi and told her some stories about me. If that is the case then I have to do something to stop Anandhi from interfering in my life. This time, it is not going to be a warning. “Honey,” I say turning to face Sruthi. “You have to be specific. I come across a lot of women in my jewellery shop. I am not sure which woman you are referring to .”“The woman of your dreams,” she says watching me keenly for a reaction.“Who told you that I have a dream girl?” I ask with a chuckle. My face is neutral but internally I am panicking. Let her have no idea about my love for her. I don’t want to burden her with it. The last thing she needs in her already chaotic life is for her to know that an assassin is in love with her. “Jaya ma,” she answers.“That is some gossip,” I say dismissing her. I turn again to get into my room. Because standing in the hallway all alone with Sruthi a few feet away is messing with my head. I have a strong urge to pull her into my arms and bask in her sweet smell. The sooner I get into my room the better.  Today was a shitty day and I want to cuddle her and forget about it. My control is not great now.“BULLSHIT!” Sruthi snaps and I turn to face her again. “Madhav, I know you have a woman in heart. Please tell me who it is?”Of course, it is you dear. The only woman in my heart.“Why do you ask?” I question running a hand through my hair. I don't think she is going to let me go if don't answer her. She takes a moment to contemplate her answer before her face turns determined, “Because, I don’t want to be fooled again. I had no idea that Praveen still had feelings for his ex-lover. I was dumb to not realize it—”“You are not dumb,” I cut her off.But she shakes her head and continues, “That is not the point.  I don’t want to go through that pain again. So, tell me who is the woman you love?”With a sigh, I walk to the couch and sit down. Sruthi looks at me and I motion for her to take a seat too. She obeys me.  We have only a small space between us. I regret sitting down. Her smell tickles my nose and I very badly want to lean forward and inhale more of it. Her eyes are curious. I want to know what is going on in her head. I want to know if she would feel jealous if I told her that I am in love with another woman.“I do love a woman, Sruthi but it does not matter now,” I say carefully watching her face. There is no sign of jealousy or anger or anything bitter on her face. She has a neutral look and the fact that I am in love with another woman doesn’t bother her. Frustration wells in me. What did I expect from her? Of course, she wouldn’t be bothered by it. This is Sruthi we are talking about. The woman who loathes me.“I am sorry that I had no idea you had some other woman in your heart when Vikram asked you to marry me,” she apologises. Oh God! How sweet of her. “Sruthi, it is alright because the woman I love is disgusted with me. I never told her about my feelings. It is not like we both were in a relationship. It is one-sided.”“Why did you never confess your feelings to her?”I turn over that question in my head. Why did I never tell Sruthi my real feelings? There were a lot of opportunities but I never dared to do it. Two reasons I was afraid of: One, I was afraid of getting rejected by her. Two, losing my friendship with Vikram. But,  I am not going to say it to her.“Honestly, I was afraid of her rejection. But, another reason why I never told her was that she would be terrified if she knew I loved her. I don’t want her to feel disgusted by my love.”Sruthi nods her head, “I understand where you are coming from. I would be terrified too if I were in that woman’s shoes.“ Ouch! That hurts. I am glad, I didn't jump in and confess my undying love for her.  Obilivious to my inner thoughts, Sruthi continues, “But, you can’t give up like this on your love. You could have tried to change her image of you,” she says giving me a hard look.I did try Sruthi. To change your perspective of me many times than I can count. But, you were stubborn and always saw me as a violent man. I haven’t given up on my love for you. I have kept it locked in a box in the recess of my mind for your safety. I can’t show you how much I want you. I don't want you to look at me with terrified and scared eyes.  I want you to look at me with love in your eyes. The same love and longing I have for you. I shake my head at her, “Sruthi, I think you are forgetting the fact that we are married. No woman would tell her husband to pursue another woman.”Sruthi’s mouth forms an ‘O’ as the realization sinks in. I am not sure what passes in her mind but she squares her shoulders determinedly and says, “Yes, we are married but this isn’t a marriage of love or happiness. We got married to keep Vikram in his position. Madhav, I am not going to ask you to forget that woman and love me. Because I sure as hell couldn’t do that,” Double ouch! That hurts again. “That would be too cruel of me.” What is cruel of you is to tell me that you can’t love me. “Love any woman you want but stay loyal to me until we figure a way to make this marriage work.““You want this marriage to work?“ I ask in surprise. Because, with her attitude, I was waiting for her to ask me for a divorce any day.“Yes, I want to give one chance to this marriage, that is if you are up for it,” she says.I smile at her, “Oh! I am up for it, Sruthi. I too want to see if this marriage will work out between us. We will take things slowly.““We can give it a year or two,” she says. “If things don't work out between us or if you still can't move on from your dream girl, we can get a divorce. Will that arrangement work out for you?““What about you? What if you still have feelings for your ex-fiancee?“ I ask about Praveen for the first time since our marriage day. I am still curious and afraid to know her answer. What if she is still in love with him? I know she needs some time and space to move on from him but I am impatient of waiting for her to open up to me about him. So, I did rather ask her about it.“The only feeling I have left for Praveen is anger and loathe,” she says meeting my gaze. “So, you are telling me that you will forget him?“ I ask searching her eyes. A swirl of emotions passes in her eyes and uncertainty flashes in them.“I don't know. I want to but it is difficult sometimes. It may have been pretend for him but for me everything we had between us was real. He was the first man, I trusted after my brother,” she stops short again. “I feel like a dumb idiot now.““You are not dumb. He is the one who is dumb to have left a woman like you,” I say with a shake of my head.She smiles at me. A genuine one with no loathing or disgust filled in it, “Thank you for saying that even if it isn't true.“Before I could refute her, she escapes into her room with a hasty goodnight. I want to run after her. Pull her into my arms and comfort her but I stand rooted to my spot instead. All she needs now is space and time to get over that jerk. I hope one day she can realize that she is worth more than she believes to be.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥