I was excited about this new chapter.
But like most of my new beginnings, it was bitter-sweet for me.
I rested my head against the car seat, taking a quick breather before turning off the engine. My mom's mustang seemed loud enough to wake the dead with how eerily quiet it was this morning. Then again, here I was in the middle of one of the town's biggest cemeteries at 7 a.m sunrise.
I didn't see a single soul. Okay, "soul" may not be the best word to use right now, considering cemeteries still creeped me out. Saying "soul" could mean anything like a literal ghost hanging around the place, and maybe there were a few, or maybe there were none. Either way, fingers crossed, I didn't see any because I was not packing any rock salt shotguns in the trunk or weapons made from wrought iron.
Supernatural was taking over my life.
When I was driving in, I didn't see anyone else. Not surprising, though.
I got out of the car, grabbing the bouquet of white and blue hydrangeas from the passenger seat.
I made my way over to my destination. Kneeling on the grass, I placed the flowers into the holder next to the tombstone.
I ran my fingers across the top of the smooth granite, and I smiled. Sometimes when I came here, the last thing I wanted to do was smile, but I knew he wouldn't want to see me sad like that all the time.
"Hey, Dad," my voice sounded hoarse, and my throat felt like sandpaper. I tried again. I took a seat, stretching one leg out and pulling up my other leg so I could rest a hand on my knee. "Hi, dad. I just wanted to stop by before I left. I'm heading off to the apartment with Mia today, we're officially moving in, and she's literally over the moon about all of this. Last night, she complained about how much her cheeks were hurting from smiling so much."
I chuckled at the thoughts before continuing. "We've been moving our things in, little by little, but today, our furniture is coming in, and after we get those settled and carry the very last box in, it'll be official."
I sighed. "I wish you could see the place." And here was where the bittersweetness kicked in. "There are exposed brick walls, and the kitchen is black and white with this checkered floor. Then there's this balcony right off the living room with the best view of the town, but there are also these huge windows that bring in so much natural light, it's insane. It has an excellent layout, too, with a lot of space for Mia and me to still be able to do our things separately. I think you would have liked this place. But I guess I'll have to add that to the long list of things I'll never truly know because you're not here to experience them with me." I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose right by my tear ducts.
I sat frozen like that until I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. That was my sign to go.
I stood up, brushing off my jeans. "Just because I'm a few hours away now doesn't mean I won't visit as often anymore. I'll come whenever I can, and when I do, hopefully, I'll have more good things to tell you about."
My memories took me back to elementary school when I came home and found dad in the kitchen, meal prepping for dinner.
"Dad, you want to hear about my day?" I would ask him eagerly. I already knew what we would say, I asked him this every day, and he always gave me the same response.
"Sure, Grey. Tell me something good." He would say with a grin.
And that was our thing.
One of the many things I still couldn't help but miss.
"See you later, Dad." I walked back to the car and drove off.
Back at home, I placed my car keys on the kitchen counter and called out for my mom. "MOM?"
I heard sniffling before I heard a response. "Yeah, I'm up here."
I bounded up the stairs, two steps at a time. I found her leaning against my door frame as she patted her eyes with a single tissue.
"Mom," I said softly, bringing her into my arms.
"Your room looks so empty," she sniffled.
Sure enough, I looked over her head into my room. I still have my furniture here, so I had a place to sleep when I visited. And I left back a few clothes and the TV since Mia, and I bought a new one last week. Other than that, most of the things that made my room look like my room were now in my apartment.
My new home.
If anything, the apartment was just my other home. Or my temporary home for the next few years. And as much as I loved that place already, my childhood home, this home that I've shared with my parents, the one filled with so many memories of my dad and so much unconditional from my mom, will always be my home.
"It doesn't look that empty." I tried to lighten her mood.
"Yes! It does. Your room looks how the house will feel when you're not here."
I watched her bring the tissue to her eyes again.
"Jeez, Mom. You're making me feel like a crap son for leaving you now," I muttered.
She laughed, but it didn't last long. "Sorry. I'm glad you're going out there. I'm proud of you and your academic scholarship and all the goals you have in place for yourself that I know you're going to smash because that's the kind of song I have. A real go-getter, no quitter, type of man."
I smiled. "Well, thank you. I am kind of awesome like that."
Mom pinched my bicep.
"OW!"
"And who do you think you got that from?"
"Dad, of course," I said with a straight face.
Mom slapped my next bicep and wagged her finger at me. "Oh yeah, sure. Your dad was this awesome and super cool indie musician who traveled worldwide. But your mom, she is the coolest of all." She smoothed down her hair. "I would list all the reasons, but it'll sound like bragging, so I won't." she crossed her arms.
I chuckled. "I could tell you one thing for sure. I get my ego from my mom."
Her eyes narrowed, and she folded in her bottom lip. "Hmm..." she shrugged. "I'll take it." Mom smiled before getting serious again. "So, do you have everything? If you don't and you forget something, it's not that long of a drive for you to come back and get it. Or you can call me anytime, and I'll drop it off for you."
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. Best. Mom. Ever.
"What was that for?"
"Because I love you, and I'm going to miss you."
I've never spent this much time away from her. We've been glued at the hip since dad died.
"AWWWEE!!" Mom leaned in to hug me again. "Don't make me cry again. I told myself when I ran out of tissues. I wouldn't cry about this anymore." She held up the crinkled tissue in her hand. "This...this is my last one." She waved the used tissue in the air.
"Good. Now you can dry up all those tears and talk to me without the waterworks."
"HA!" Mom replied. "So, what do you want to talk about?"
I didn't know if this was a good time to bring it up, but I've been holding it for weeks.
"Maybe we should sit down." I led her into my room, and she took a seat on my bed next to me. I didn't know how to start this conversation. "So, um," I nervously rubbed the back of my neck with one hand. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me before I go?" I tried asking.
Mom shook her head. "Nope, can't think of anything." That sounded far from believable.
Okay, let me try this again. "I see you've been having a lot of girls' night outs, which is okay. You deserve it, but I've also passed by your room a few times, and I've heard you talking to someone up until the wee hours of the morning." I slant my head, eyeing her suspiciously.
Mom let out a long exhale but said nothing.
"Mom, are you seeing someone?" I finally asked.
She shook her head rapidly. "No, no. They're just a friend. It's nothing like that."
"You know I wouldn't mind, right? I don't want you to be lonely forever because you lost your husband, my dad. I especially don't want you to be lonely because I'm not here. I want you to be happy. So if there is someone, you can tell me." I wanted her to be honest with me without being afraid to.
There was this long pause where I thought she wouldn't tell me anything, but she started to talk. "I did meet someone a few months ago." At first, the words came out like a whisper before she spoke a little louder. "A doctor that transferred over here from Seattle. He's single. A little younger than me but just by a few years." She rushed on to say, probably hoping that adding that info wouldn't make me want to comment.
But I wouldn't be me if I didn't say something about that. "So my mom is cougar now?" I teased, bumping her shoulder.
"No! No, I'm not!" She rolled her eyes. "He's only five years younger than me. It's not this huge age gap."
"If you say so." I was just pushing her buttons, but she was right. Five years wasn't that bad.
"Anyways, like I was saying, he has two kids. A daughter who just turned 15. And he has a younger son that's about 10. His wife, their mom, passed away two years ago, and he's kept to himself ever since."
It sounds like they have a few things in common already. The biggest one being that they have both lost their spouses.
I never thought about what kind of man I'd like to see Mom with. It was hard trying to envision her with someone that wasn't dad, but I expected this day would come eventually.
Mom let out a long breath, closing her eyes briefly before opening them up again. "I always thought that everyone had one person that the universe put aside from them. They were destined to be with each other and that they would live happily ever after. To me, my one person was your dad. And even though things ended in a way I could have never imagined. I also couldn't have imagined meeting someone after him that makes my heart feel things that it hasn't in a long time."
She turned to face me, and I looked into her same blue eyes as mine. "I really like this guy. And it's kind of scary how much I like him. But what are the odds of me having." She tilted her head from left to right, thinking of the right words. "I don't know two people that feel like my person ?"
I shrugged. "Supposedly, I'm crappy at relationships, so I probably don't know the best thing to say here. But, all I care about is if he makes you happy. If he does, then okay. Who's to say he can't be your person too and vice versa. If anything, I feel like the universe loves to give people like the two of you a second chance at love."
Mom shook her head slowly, and I was confused. Did she disagree with me?
She wrapped an around arm my shoulder. "You know you're kind of wise sometimes when you want to be."
I let out a puff of air. "Oh yeah, and who did I get that from?"
"Me. You get that from me too!" she laughed. "Just kidding, your dad was always the wise one. Oddly enough. He used to give the best pep talks."
I replied without thinking. "Yup."
"Now then, since we're on the topic of this. When are you going to talk to your special person?" Mom squeezed my shoulder, smiling up at me.
I stood up with the quickness. The last thing I wanted was for this conversation to switch and be all about me. "I don't know what you're talking and I think I forgot to pack something." I moved over to the open box on the other side of my room.
"Greyson, I know last summer you and Mia..."
"NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! We are not having this conversation right now." I pretended to search through the box like I was missing something.
"She still doesn't talk about it? She doesn't even drop hints or anything?"
Of course, Mom wasn't going to let this go because I told her to.
I might as well give her answers. "No, she probably doesn't want it to be awkward, and neither do I. It's for the best." No matter how much I've said those four words to myself, I still wasn't sure if they were convincing.
Mom chucked a pillow at my head.
"MOM!" I whined as it hit me from behind.
"Don't be stupid, Grey! You'll be living under the same roof. Seeing a lot of each other. At some point, something is bound to happen!"
AGH.
"Nothing is going to happen."
I couldn't let anything jeopardize my relationship with Mia. Not again.
"Okay fine." Mom threw her arms into the air, finally giving up. "If you say so. But I'll give you guys until thanksgiving to stop cowering away from each other's feelings."
I stared at her unblinking.
She threw another pillow at me, but I was prepared, and I caught it. I gave her a sly grin but with an eye roll. "Don't roll your eyes at me, mister," she said sternly as she stood to leave.
"Jeesh. I feel bad for that new guy. He doesn't know who he's getting mixed up with," I said under my breath with the intention of her hearing it all the same.
When Mom reached the door, she whipped around, sticking her tongue out at me.
I belted out with laughter. And that was Mom, ladies, and gentlemen.