Marinette
She shoved her homework aside, laying down on the floor in the middle of her bedroom. She was exhausted, and so, so pissed. Chat seemed upset, which sucked. He wasn't playful or anything anymore, all of his texts just felt cold. Her plan wasn't completely foolproof. Her body had immediately responded to Adrien's comment earlier, and he had seen it. So if he kept on, and figured it out, it would put her plan on hold. Hawkmoth had attacked the school. It meant she had to be on guard more than usual. No negative feelings, period. She stared at the ceiling, annoyed at how heavy she felt. Things had been going okay, for a little bit. And now they were ten times worse than before. She missed Chat. She wanted him to be playful, and flirty again. She grabbed her phone, staring at his contact. She could apologize, for whatever she had done wrong. But it wouldn't matter. Their rules couldn't change. And she couldn't love him. Not because he wasn't lovable, but because they would eventually find out each other's identities. No one can keep a secret forever.
"Kitty?"
"Yes, Mari?"
Again with not using her nickname. Was he really mad at her, for not wanting to fall in love? Why was he so worried anyway?
"Can you come over?"
"You horny?"
She cringed, and tossed her phone away. Why would he ask that? Couldn't she want to see him, without wanting to have sex? Maybe that's why he was acting differently. Maybe he was pissed about not having sex? No, he was the one that vetoed it last night. Maybe he heard about the things she and Adrien had said? She groaned, covering her face. Wasn't this stuff supposed to be easy? In the movies and books it was. Sure, most of them did end up in love, but that wasn't real life.
"Marinette? You okay?"
She looked over, her mother was poking her head through the trap door.
"Not really."
She felt uncomfortable, not lying. She was used to saying she was fine. Why couldn't she say that now?
"What's going on honey?"
Marinette shook her head, as her mother climbed up and laid down on the floor next to her.
"How do you protect yourself from falling in love with someone?"
"Is this about Adrien?"
Marinette closed her eyes, groaning. Not everything was about him.
"No. Maman. It's not about him. I... I'm trying to move on. I started... seeing someone."
"You're dating someone? Who?"
"I thought that he understood, when we started, that I wasn't looking for love. I'm tired of it. But when I mentioned it to him, he got upset."
Her mother sighed, and rolled over to look at Marinette.
"Honey, I know you're hurting. But you can't govern love like that. You can't choose whether or not to love someone."
"Yes I can."
She insisted, and her mother shook her head in response.
"Are you starting to fall in love with the boy?"
Marinette sighed, her gaze returning to the ceiling.
"I don't know Maman. It feels different."
She cared alot about Chat. The way their relationship had changed, she was beginning to feel â¦something more. But it wasn't supposed to be like that. She loved Adrien instantly. The moment he handed her that umbrella she knew.
"It's going to feel different. Love changes with each person. You'll meet someone, and they'll become your entire world. Every breath you take feels like it's for them. Every word they say, goes straight to heart, for better or for worse."
Marinette felt her eyes water, and she closed them, not wanting to cry in front of her mother. That's exactly how it felt with Adrien.
"Maman-"
"Then it changes. Maybe a break up, or a fight, or maybe you just don't feel the same one day. And you move on. You meet someone new, and you may not hang on their every word. You may not feel like you're on a roller coaster. It may be small things. The way you feel safe in their arms. Or the way they whisper your name, and it's like nothing you've ever heard before. Love changes, each time you feel it. It will be stronger, or quieter. It makes it hard sometimes to tell if it is love, but you eventually figure it out."
Marinette turned her head away, looking at her phone. She felt safe with him. Her thoughts went quiet, and she was at peace. Was that love?
"I don't want to fall in love again."
"Imagine if I had thought that. I never would have given Tom a chance, and I never would have gotten you."
Marinette sighed when she felt her mother run her hand over one of her pigtails.
"Marinette, I would relive all of it. I would go through every relationship, every heartbreak, as long as it brought me back to your father. Back to you. You don't know what the future holds. Don't close yourself off to love, or you'll miss him. And he'll miss you. Life is full of opportunities honey. But love doesn't come around all that often. Embrace it."
Maybe it wasn't as bad as she had thought. Maybe Marinette and Chat could have a future. Rules be damned. Maybe it wouldn't matter if she found out who he was.
"What if it doesn't work out? What if I end up the same way I was before?"
"It's a risk. It always is. But what if it does work out? What if he ends up being the one?"
Marinette had little faith in that. Love had shown her nothing but disappointment. But she could try. She didn't have to shut it down completely. She could just be cautious.
"Thanks Maman."
"Of course love. I missed this. You talking to me. I thought... well I was worried about you."
Marinette smiled, and leaned over, kissing her on the cheek.
"I'm sorry. I just like taking care of things myself."
"Oh I know that. You were always independent, even before you could walk."
She laughed, opening the trapdoor. Marinette got up, and walked over to her phone.
"I love you."
"I love you too Maman."
She responded, picking up her phone. Something caught her eye, right beside her desk leg. She knelt down, looking at the coin on the floor. It was heads up, and she smiled. She could do this. She could give it a shot. She could let fate decide this time.
* * * * *
He jumped down onto her bed, and she looked up at him. He wore a smirk, though not his usual playful one. This one screamed cocky.
"So what tonight? Make out session? Oral? Or you wanna go all the way?"
She flinched at how vulgar that all sounded, her face heating up instantly. She got up from her desk chair, climbing up to the loft.
"Shut up kitty. Let me talk for a minute."
She reached above him, closing the latch. He looked annoyed that she had told him to shut up and she sighed.
"You were right. I'm terrified. I've loved someone for so long, without being loved back. I didn't want to go through that again."
His features changed, to something like understanding, but she didn't want him to say anything. She had to get everything out first.
"For me, all love has given me is a constant ache in my chest, and countless headaches. I thought if I just avoided it, I would be fine. I thought it wouldn't hurt me, if I didn't let it. But I care about you."
He started to say something, and she put her finger to his lips, silently pleading with him to stay quiet. This was hard enough.
"My goal is not to use you, for sex or anything else. I just wanted both of us to feel better. And if I end up falling in love with you, fine. No termination. My mom said, that love is important. And I knew it was, but I was used to pain. Not..."
She trailed off with a sigh, before gesturing between the two of them.
"Whatever this is."
He didn't say anything, just watching her. She got down, and crossed the room to her lightswitch. She turned it off, the room now only illuminated by the lights hanging on the wall by her bed.
"I love the way you touch me. The way every kiss you give me, makes me forget his name as much as my own. I love how comfortable I am with you."
She climbed back up to the loft, her hand shaking as she reached around him. She hated that he was staring at her. And she hated the dopey smile he wore.
"I love your stupid smile, and the stupid puns. I love how you're always there for me, no matter what. I love the way my name rolls off of your tongue, and the way yours sounds natural coming from mine."
She closed her eyes as she shut off the last of the light in her room. Confessions almost felt easier in the darkness, though now she couldn't watch his reactions.
"I love being close to you. I love the way your touch silences all thoughts. I love how tender you are, and how you still come when I call, even if you hate me."
"I don't hate you."
He interjected, and she sighed.
"Marinette I'm not asking you to love me. I just... if it happens, I don't want you to run from me."
His hand touched her knee, and she placed her hand on top of his, closing her eyes.
"I won't."
She whispered, and he grabbed her hand, pulling her in his direction.
"What else do you love about me?"
His tone was playful and cheeky again, finally. She grinned, and rolled her eyes.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
He chuckled, and relief seemed to unravel some of the aching in her chest. He was okay. He wasn't angry anymore.
"Oh I'd love to know. But, since you did share so much, I'll return the favor."
He pulled her on top of him, laying back with her. She wanted to laugh, because that felt right. She felt at peace here. Like it was where she belonged.
"I love your smile. And your hair. And how you're as beautiful on the inside as much as you are on the outside."
She grinned, wrapping her arms around him.
"I love how you try to help others, when most would just look the other way. I love the way you listen, and you don't judge. Well, I'm sure you do, but at least you do it quietly."
She laughed, and felt him take a breath.
"I love that laugh. Especially when it's because of one of my stupid puns. I'd die just to hear you moan my name."
She almost asked him what it was, wanting to be able to do that for him. But she couldn't. Even only knowing his first name, it was a risk. Instead of asking, she closed her eyes, listening to the sound of his heart. It was soft and slow, and it was a melody.
"So I heard that you and that model guy, what's his name, said some pretty interesting stuff to each other."
"It's Adrien. And how did you hear that?"
She leaned up to look at him, almost forgetting they were in the dark.
"I've got a few friends that go there. Apparently, you two put on quite the show."
"We were just joking around. And Chloe ended up acumatized because of it. I'm probably calling a truce tomorrow."
She sighed, it had been fun, but she didn't want Chloe to get acumatized every time they spoke to each other.
"Maybe not. What if you just did it in private?"
She could do that. Adrien was the one who had pushed it into a public setting. But she needed to be careful with that. If their little feud touched the topic of sex again, he just might find out that she had, for a time, wanted that.
"Maybe."
He ran his hand up and down her back, tracing lazy circles onto her shirt and she relaxed. Love couldn't really be so bad. Right?