Chapter 85: Chapter Thirty

Alice

My tears stained the pillowcase. I felt irrationally angry over him sending me away. All I’d ever wanted was my freedom.

And he was giving it to me.

I should be thankful.

Giddy even.

He was going to give me a fresh start.

I’d been in his presence mere days, and the thought of not having him looming after me, arguing with me, kissing me, made me physically sick.

That’s how demented this whole thing was!

Falling for Andrei was like mental warfare.

I knew it was wrong.

And yet touching him always felt so right, I’d never felt more safe in my entire life.

I thought back over the night.

Over what Phoenix had said.

Andrei would give me everything.

But what if it wasn’t enough?

What if by taking the last part of him… I created an even bigger monster?

Was I really debating this?

I threw off my covers and walked across the room, opened my door and stared across the hall at his.

Everything about Andrei was too big, too unreal.

Too much.

I raised my hand to knock, changed my mind, and just opened the door.

His bedroom was beautiful, just like him and eerily different late at night. Dark navy was offset by shades of white and pale blue, with understated accents in creamy tones. Subtle, classy.

A few art pieces hung on the wall, all abstracts with hues echoing the room itself. A chaise of slate gray leather sat in a nook that looked… cozy, inviting.

The mahogany bed with a plush mattress was topped by a snow white duvet. In stark contrast, a black fur blanket lay folded across the foot. Everything was high-end but… comfortable, lived in.

Not a red, black, or gold in sight. This room was a sanctuary except for the large flat screen TV in the corner.

A roaring fire blazed in the fireplace.

And the man who I hated.

The man who I couldn’t stop thinking about.

Was on his knees in front of the fireplace.

He was wearing a pair of black pajama pants, silk.

And he was staring at the fire like he knew what it felt like to let the heat singe him.

The flames licked higher and higher.

His gloves were off.

He didn’t acknowledge that I was in the room, but I knew he heard me, sensed me, could have killed me in less than three seconds if he wanted.

I was out of my element.

Funny how the hero in my story should have been my own family, my brother, my father.

But because of that mistrust, because of the twisted way they showed love, I’d fallen for the dragon that protected the castle.

I’d fallen for the beast.

I’d fallen for darkness.

Preferred it to light.

I’d fallen for the devil himself.

“Don’t test my self-control, not tonight.” His voice was raspy, deep.

When I finally made it to him, my knees buckled.

He was kneeling in a pool of blood.

“Andrei…” I dropped in front of him, searching for the wound, only to see that his left hand, the one with the star tattoo, was completely mutilated. “What happened?”

“He’s in me,” Andrei whispered. “The devil himself.”

“No.” I reached for his bloody hand. “That’s not true.”

“In my blood.” He stared straight ahead.

Maybe he was still drunk.

“That would be the cruelest trick of all you know.” His eyes watched the flames behind me. “My father, he’s laughing from his Circle of Hell, watching, waiting, mocking me.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I ran to the adjoining bathroom, grabbed a towel and ran back, then wrapped it around his hand, shocked he let me touch him.

Angry that I’d slapped him when he’d never lied about who he was.

Angry that I’d want him to be something other than the man kneeling in front of the fireplace bleeding out his truth.

“Listen to me.” I held the towel against his hand. “Just because you’re his son, doesn’t mean you’re like him.”

“Lie,” he whispered, finally locking eyes with me. “I am exactly like him.”

“Prove it,” I challenged.

He blinked slowly, his eyes landing on my mouth. “I’d rather prove you wrong than prove him right. You have a big day tomorrow. Go to sleep.”

“No.”

He scowled. “Could you for once listen to me the first time?”

I smiled. “No.”

He stared me down. “One day, dorogaya, you’ll have beautiful children. They’ll laugh, they’ll be free. When you close your eyes, you’ll be thankful you ran away, thankful that you started fresh.”

“For some of us, it’s too late, but for you?” He pressed his good hand against my cheek; his hand was alarmingly warm, soft. “You will have a beautiful future.”

“And if I choose an ugly present and uncertain path?”

“You were never mine.” He said it like it killed him inside to admit. “Your name was never written down in the book here at the club, you weren’t purchased, you’re free.”

“If you bought me, would you let me stay?”

He swore. “Do you hear yourself? Is this what three days in my presence has done to you? Degraded to the point of being an object for fucking sale?”

“Answer me!” Tears welled in my eyes.

“Dorogaya.” His voice was thick. “I’m a very rich man, but even I couldn’t afford you.”

I gasped.

He leaned in and spoke the word against my lips. “Priceless.”

Our foreheads touched then; they pressed together while tension built between us.

“Go.” I flinched at the pain in his voice, the sheer vulnerability of the way he said such a simple word, like releasing it into the air between us felt like stabbing himself in the heart. “Please.”

I didn’t kiss him.

Kissing wouldn’t fix this.

Fix him.

Me.

I was traumatized, broken. I’d suffered by those who loved me.

And the problem between us.

He had too.

We were abused by those who were supposed to protect us.

Because you can no longer trust the light.

I knew that feeling well.

I stood.

He didn’t look at me.

But as I walked toward the door, I heard him whisper, “Goodbye, dorogaya… Alice.”