My hands gripped his shoulders for stability as he pressed me harder against the locker, making it screech; but I couldn't focus one anything that wasn't him. His hand running down my side, setting my skin on fire and feeling suffocated in my causal cloths that did little to conceal the feeling of his warm body against mine.
A surprised gasp left my mouth and died in his as his other hand laced on my hair to angle my head as he liked and mine tugged at the thick baggy jumper, unsure if I was trying to stabilize myself of pull him closer. Probably both.
My chest was beaming, euphoria running through my veins as the initial shock and first thrill I could only drown in this ecstasy. Those same sparks I felt briefly in my porch were now igniting each and every inch of my body, making me buzz and clouded my mind.
Only guided by that fire I stood on my tiptoes, but Connor didn't like to give up control so he used my own movement to deepen the kiss and everything in me melted at the new, blissful sensation.
I'd never kiss anyone before him, but it seemed that in a deeper layer I was somehow aware of what I was supposed to do. It also helped that Connor was so... dominant.
He leg slid between mine and he pressed me harder against the lockers letting his teeth grazed my lower lip and making me shudder. He was always so detached, so controlled... and somehow it made sense that he wanted to control the situation now as well. And that spurned all the more the fire in my guts.
My head spun, overwhelmed at his demanding rhythm, completely turned on. What the hell? His hands closed right over my hips, getting a hold of me and my shirt crumbled in his hold, making it roll up lightly and the hot touch of his rough palm pressed against my sensitive skin there causing goosebumps to spread mercilessly. Too much. This was escalating from 0 to 1000 in a matter of seconds, as if all the built tension was finally paying off.
"W-wait." I broke away, drowning in this suffocating passion. I felt it in my chest, on my skin, numbing my senses, so all I could feel, sense and see was him. Nothing else, and that was as equally strong as it was scary. "I- I can't... I don't..."
How do you say that you got no clue how to proceed? That you are utterly overwhelmed by something I myself had pursued? My lips felt on fire, itching at the late aggressiveness of the kiss and everything left in me was a complete mess.
I chuckled nervously, barely aware of my fingers tightening around the thick fabric of his sweater. "How is this not complicating things further?" I wondered, thinking of his previous statement and Connor shrugged, making me laugh nervously.
His lips quirked at the corners, cupping my chin softly and leaning to brush his lips on mine again, making my eyes fluttered close...
... But there was a sudden gasped form our side and I pulled away, my face heating up violently as I saw Lydia Hammel on the corner of the corridor, her arms full of papers and binders and her mouth open, gaping at us in shock.
Connor looked at her too, boringly and retreating back to a completely blank expression. It was at moments like this when I realized that, despites being incredibly cold and indifferent, he did allow his guard down with me. And that would have fluttered me if I was terribly self-conscious about Lydia standing there. My lips were still burning from the recent activity and my ears drummed with my accelerated pulse.
"Oh, I-I didn't mean to..." but her sentence was left hanging in the air and she looked away, blushing too.
Connor straightened back into a full standing position, his hand pressing the locker over my shoulders retreating and he gave her the most neutral look. If it wasn't for the casual way in which he reached up to brush his thumb over his bottom lip I would have guessed he wasn't even fazed by the kiss.
The kiss.
Our kiss.
Lydia cleared her throat. Her head down and walked by us quickly muttering another apology as I took in what it meant that she saw.
She would for sure tell Hunter, and he was Brett's best friend. My stomach twitched. I was just beginning to act on it with Connor, hadn't even tell Macy and Norah, so having them knowing? Not a good idea. And with this weird turf we were currently in with Brett.
"Now that was awkward." I covered my flushing cheeks as she disappeared into the next turn of the corridor and the weight of it all grabbed a hold on my bones.
"You care too much about what other's think." Connor retorted and I looked down, noticing the discharged jacket on the floor by our side.
"I-I don't. I just... I don't like being the center of gossiping. Not that she would start a rumor or anything, but she might tell... the wrong people." Connor rolled his eyes. "Never mind. I don't care. You don't care? I don't either. What if she tells Hunter, and he tells Brett and he-"
"Alyson."
"Right. So that. It's not their business, it's ours?" my rambling ended as I bit my lip, shifting my weight from one foot to the other and eying him for a reaction.
As soon as Lydia had left and we were on our own once more he'd dropped that awful inexpressive mask, but it was as if the sudden display of explosive emotion when he kissed me, he'd found relief enough to go back to being a shield. I was still not used to his mood swings, but there was something about it that was equally frustrating and endearing.
Of course, the only reaction I indeed got was a half shrug, not even a full shrug, more like a shoulder movement, but for the way the corner of his lip tilted up negligibly I felt my guts churning all the more.
I nodded, cheered, and felt my shoulders squaring. The bell rang over our heads and I almost flinched at the shrill sound. That was it? The lunch period was over? But we hadn't even got to eat anything!
It took me a moment to realize we must have make out for longer than I thought. My lips still tingling from the roughness of it and somehow the pit of my stomach flipped for the umpteenth time in the past hour.
"Alright." I leaned to take the forgotten jacket from out feet and brushed it carefully. "I'm having Maths now, joy. And the teacher might give us some of his surprise tests." I huffed. Mr Hudson had this thing about giving us a surprise test every few weeks; to check on our progress he said. "How am I supposed to concentrate after everything."
That last part wasn't supposed to be spoken, more like an inner thought I was only meant to think. But as usual my mouth ran on its own and I felt my cheeks heating as Connor heard and tilted his head.
"I-I mean-"
"We can skip." he suggested easily and my brows lifted with an incredulous giggled.
"Skip class? Me? Yeah, right. And skip a possible test? It's like begging for a fail. I'm kinda hoping for a scholarship so that's not really an option." I lifted my chin. "Also, I kinda like my perfect attendance record so far."
"Yeah, but you like me too."
My heart fluttered as he said so, his dark eyes boring into mine, tugging at my heart strings and making me actually consider his proposition.
What the hell? The scholarship, Alyson, you think they would grant it if you start skiving?
Connor seemed amused by my hesitation, reaching out to place his hand on the locker beside my head, eying me down in that way that got me both intimidated yet thriving. I hugged the jacket to my chest. "So?"
"I-I can't."
He hummed, looking at me that way for some more seconds and his eyes fell to my lips, making me think he would kiss me again.
But he didn't.
He pulled away and the bubbles of anticipation in my chest popped in disappointment.
The hallway was getting filled once more with students once more and I knew this moment was coming to an end.
"Are you gonna ditch class again?"
"So?"
"Nothing." I rushed. Not daring to let this moment get tainted with me prying now.
Connor hummed, giving me a look I couldn't quite decipher but that made me both burn and shake. Damn.
He bit his lip for a moment, deciding to speak the next and cuting though the fog of sensations I was currently feeling. Like an after shock of the powerful kiss. But he crushed it: "Don't think I've forgotten about Jade."
"What about her?" I wondered back. With all the confession and kissing I'd almost forgotten he walked in when I was sulking over Jade's crushing demeanor. A charity case, she called me. I shook those thoughts before despair laced around my lungs once more. "I can't fight back. I... I just can't. I'm weak, like you said." I mumbled unable to keep his gaze, but I saw something swirling in his orbs at my words, but I was already rushing: "I don't like fights and don't deal well with confrontations. Skiving won't change that."
I heard him sighing forcefully, and I bit my lip, knowing I was disappointing him. I wanted to tell him more, make him see there was no way I could ever stand up to Jade, she always manages to get it her way, to twist the situation in her favor and hurt me doubled. Last time I tried standing up to her I ended up beaten up, humiliated and half naked in the backyard. And he'd seen it.
But there was no way this conversation could still go on seeing that we weren't on our own anymore. A girl actually cleared her throat with a pointed look for us to step aside and let her open her locker -the one we were standing in front of.
Blushing to the roots of my hair, I stepped aside and Connor did too; his expression back to being completely emotionless, glaring forward down the hallway and slid his hands in his pockets, deep in thought. I gulped. Was he regretting it already? Finding my weakness repulsive? I wouldn't be that surprise.
As soon as he'd spaced out, he suddenly looked back at me, still stoic and making me suddenly anxious. But despites the coldness back in his tone, his words eased me a little. "I'll just walk you to class then."
I couldn't help a smile, and moved my arms that were holding Brett's jersey. "Just let me take care of this."
He barely spared it a glance, his featured not wavering an inch. "Burn it."
I laughed, letting it in my locker, but a part of me wondered if he was joking indeed.
********************
I covered my ears from the shrill shriek that came out Norah's lips, her eyes wide and I felt my face getting hot.
"You're fucking kidding me!"
"Norah." I cringed, already having second thoughts about this conversation. She was my best friend, along with Macy, and I really wanted to share this with her, especially because she was Connor's sister as well. But precisely for all that I was all the more nervous to update her about what'd happen since last Friday.
"Sorry, sorry I get carried away." she kicked the floor, letting the desk chair spin as she laughed and I groaned, letting myself fall backwards against her bed where I was sitting, embarrassed.
"It's no big deal!"
"No big deal?" I heard the chair stopping and next I knew she jumped on the mattress making it wiggle. I turned to see her on her knees with her fist on her hips and an amused look on her eyes as she stared down at me. "You kiss him! You. You, little shy-awkward-innocent, kissed him! And he, the guy that had 'talk to me and I' slice your throat' written all over his forehead, kissed you back! How is that no big deal?"
Suddenly I regretted not having waited for Macy to be here. She had always that serene demeanor and she would soothe Norah's unexpected excitement.
Macy kinda knew already, who I'd feared to tell was Norah. She was his sister.
Her head tilted. "So?"
"W-what?"
"You do have a crush on him after all." it wasn't even a question and I blushed profusely, making her laugh and rolled so she was on her back as well.
I laid there beside her for some moments, biting on my lip as we both stared at the ceiling, she had those cute stickers off start that in the dark they glow but now they look more yellowish. "Are you really okay with that?" I wondered softly and she shrugged her shoulders moving the mattress with her.
"Why not? I like you, you've been my best friend for months and Connor could really use someone like you."
"Someone like me?" I rolled to my side, facing her and Norah, hummed, turning her head to meet my gaze. Her eyes void of her usual carefreeness as she suddenly turned serious.
"He's sensitive, you know? Underneath all those layers of... of... well, we all know he's a cold asshole now, but he's been... hurt. And you're very fragile and loving, but I think that's what he needs."
My stomach twisted, not having expected that. "Hurt?"
What does that mean?
"Yeah..." she moved to her side as well, frowning and looking almost uncomfortable as she tried to decide what words to say next. "Look, Alyson, he wasn't always like this."
"A 'cold asshole'?" I repeated her words, my mouth dry and Norah sighed.
"Yes."
Had Connor been hurt do bad it made him this detached now? I smiled, trying to play down the sudden thickness in the air, but I wasn't sure it was actually working.
"He might be cold, but he's not mean." Not viciously. I reassured her, going over all the times he'd been there for me lately. "Not since a some time ago now."
"Well, I'm glad. As I told you, you might bring out the best in him, but just... be careful, okay? Asshole or not I love him to death and if you hurt him I would have to go all krav maga on you."
"We're not even... together like that." I giggled nervously, realizing how confusing this is.
I mean, we'd kissed, we'd admitted to feel something, but then what? This is what happens when you're socially awkward like me. How am I supposed to know how do these things go? And also: Connor in a relationship? I always assumed that would be the natural step after admitting liking someone and kinda had it said back, but there was no way I could imagine his cold steady self in something as involving as a relationship. And with me. After just a couple kisses.
My chest squeezed. This may be trickier than how younger me thought my platonic first kiss would go. But somehow, as much as it scares me, it also thrilled me.
Pushing my confused buzz to the back of my mind, I shook my head and reassured Norah: "But I won't hurt him. Won't risk getting on the receiving end of your martial arts." I taunted back, even if a part of me knew she actually mean that. "But what if he hurts me?"
"I'll castrate him and my future children will be the sole heir of the Mendley's empire."
I couldn't help a snort. "What empire?"
"Shut up."
I laughed with her, glancing back up at the stars attached to the ceiling, going again and again once more over what she said. "What do you mean when you say he was hurt?"
Norah sighed, the humor dying a little again. "I can't tell you that. He... It's personal."
"Oh."
Curiosity and apprehension swirled in my chest. Hurt? Something bad enough that made him this close up and detached? I just assumed this was his personality, but now turned it wasn't?
'He wasn't always like this.'
This conversation hadn't gone at all how I'd expected, but despite the new questions erased at the unknown, unsettling information. Well, at least I knew for sure Norah wasn't gonna be weirded out by this... whatever 'this' is that we seemed to have going on.
Because he kissed me, he let me know he somehow liked me in a similar way even if he didn't voice it.
My heart fluttered just at the perspective. If someone would have told me when I first met them that I would be feeling this altered and fluffy for Connor Mendley I would have laughed. Things had changed so much and I was still struggling to understand what was going on and seizing my own feelings.
I hadn't seen Connor after he walked me to class, but considering he ditched classes I guess it wasn't that odd.
I'd tried talking to Lydia and made sure she wouldn't tell anyone before I did, but I couldn't find her either, and considering I barely knew her, I didn't really know her schedule or usual spots, and asked Brett for her would be too suspicious. I needed to handle it all at my own pace, if she go and tell them before I could then it could all be a mess because I didn't know how Brett would react.
Or Norah.
I'd sent Connor a text letting him know I would be telling Norah about the kiss, not wanting her to find out any other way that wasn't through me. It just didn't feel right.
He didn't respond. No surprise there, but I knew he'd seen it because the text had a double check. Well, not it was already too late; so if he didn't want me to, he shall have said so before.
Maybe he was still upset about my reaction to Jade? For some reason he really hates it when I was weak, but I didn't know how to help it. Jade had more power than me, more charisma, more strength and all the odd were against me. She literally beated me and got a away with little period off and a slap on the wrist. There was just no way I could actually stand up to her and win.
But well, that was just one defeat for today. I actually had two wins on my account: the whole Connor's thing and Norah accepting it. And that clearly untie.
After catching up with everything, both my crazy pass days and hers, we tried to concentrate on homework, but ended up giving up to a few re-runs of Friends and let her do my nails. She got all creative and did different patterns on each, all with black and scarlet.
By the time my curfew was getting closer the skin was already darkening and I packed all my stuff, feeling at ease for the first time in a long time. It was as if everything was slowly falling on its place. It was still messy and confusing, but in a way I felt thrilled and dared to actually try to figure it out.
The doorbell rang just as I hung on my backpack and Norah jumped to lead the way, excitedly babbling about her plans with Macy tonight. I knew their parents were out 'till late and they would have another cute date and maybe she'll stay the night.
But as we reached the front door, voices came from the other end and we shared a look, opening it to find Macy's back as she huffed at someone else:"-just because!"
Her hands were on her hips, her tone verging annoyance and a chuckle cut the air and we noticed then the other figures leaning against the fence some metters from the front porch. Connor and Trevor, the guy from the fights that owned a beautiful Dodge Challenger. He was the one making Macy's patience run thin and laughing at it, eying her amusedly.
My attention couldn't focus on whatever he said next as I took in Connor by his side. His eyes found mine too, but despites the spark of recognition and that other feeling I'd been seeing lately, he couldn't look more bored as he took in a drag from his cigarette and let out the smoke slowly. My heart lurched in my chest as I go over and over the events of this morning.
"Alyson, hey." Trevor gave me a nod and both Macy and Norah gave me a look of shock, making my face heat as I awkwardly waved back. This only seemed to amuse him further. "How is it going?"
"You know him?" frowned Macy and I nodded, unsure of what to say. Was I supposed to tell them about the fight? Was it, like, a secret? I hadn't really been told what to do.
But Trevor intervened before I could: "Sure, we're quite close, right luv?"
"Don't call her that." Connor spoke for the first time and now Macy and Norah exchange a completely different look, one that got me completely self conscious as Trevor let out a disbelieved chuckle.
"Damn, what with all this bad vibe? Let's try again, shall we?" Trevor eyed Macy up and down, his lips pulling into a smirk. "You are?"
"Taken." answered Norah for her, taking her hand to pull her closer and hugged her middle possessively with her other arm, narrowing her eyes at Trevor. He rose his hands in peace and Macy blushed, but anyone that knew her could tell she was pleased by Norah's reaction.
"Alright, I know when I overstayed." Trevor let out another chuckle and patted Connor on the back, waving this way and marching away, completely unbothered at the girls narrowed gaze.
Norah's attention was snapped back to her brother. "Your friend's an idiot."
"We're not friends."
"Riiight." Norah huffed, shaking her head and looking at me. "You want us to drop you home?"
"Come on." Connor threw the butt of his cigarette, stepping on it carelessly. "I'll take you."
Norah's eyes snapped at him and narrowed. "Hey, hey, I'm taking the car, remember? I'd called dibs."
Connor rolled his eyes and pushed off the fence, walking towards the street. I waved the girls and followed him, the sun was already setting and I really appreciate him walking me rather than walking alone. He stopped by the road and I came to his side as he dropped the skateboard on the ground, stopping it from rolling away placing on food on it.
I looked up from it to his eyes, my heart dipping a little when I found his already on mine. But ignoring my blush he gestured towards the skateboard with his head. "Come on."
"O-on that?" I blinked in confusion. "But I don't know how."
I always skate on roller shoes, I was sure the moment I try to advance on the board it would just flip me off.
Humor shone in his eyes as he tilted his head. "You trust me?"
How could I not when my chest was having such a reaction just by his easy look, erasing any possible insecurity after he was disappointed in my attitude -or rather lack of it- this morning.
I nodded with a smile and shifted my bag before me, hugging it to my front to control the heavy weight of the books and stuff in it, and Connor's hand helped me stood carefully on the skateboard by the elbow. I shifted forwards and still it barely left space for one of his feet to fit easily behind mine and the one -with which he would propel us forward- would have to improvise.
Two persons on one skateboard. Yeah, I was petite, but still...
"Is it safe?"
"Mhm."
I felt heat climbing up my neck and face when his hands came casually around my hips, his front grazing my back and since his other foot was still on the ground his lips were barely an inch form my ear. "Ha-have you done this before?"
"No." he answered, eliciting goosebumps at the hot feeling of his smirk and his hold tightening as I felt him getting ready. My stomach twitched in anticipation. "Stand still." and he pushed us forward.
********************
QUESTION: Best movie ever?
A/N: Hey! I hope you're liking the book so far, and remember earlier this week I edited the beginning, so feel free to recheck it and if you've noticed there are fewer chapter, don't worry, I cut down all the filler stuff.
Here where I'm from, April 23 is a festivity: SANT JORDI (Saint George), it's from the catalan folklore and it's kinda a mix of the lover's day and the book's day. The tradition is that the girls get a rose and the boys get a book (but in reality everyone gets a book and roses are exchanged between family, friends and especially couples).
It's one of my favourite days of the year, but I think this is only from Catalunya. Let me know if you have some festivity like this, I'm really curious
Don't forget to comment, vote and share.