I pursed my lips as I unlocked my phone and saw again no new texts from certain auburn guy. A part of me had successfully relaxed now that I was certain that Connor didn't hate me for the consequences of my problems and I'd thanked him properly, but I couldn't say the same for the other one affected by the recent events.
With Brett, being the one not suspended and... well, being him; I would have thought it was just a matter of time once I stepped out the nursery 'till I met with him, but no. I hadn't seen him at all in the halls, even considering I was looking for him. How come he was all over the place when I avoided him, but mysteriously disappeared when I was indeed seeking for him? The irony.
Nor did he get my calls or I even spot him from afar. Nada. A big fat zero. Where the hell was he?
For at least the tenth time today I called him as soon dropping my roller shoes on the back of Granny's car, but -surprise! - he didn't take it. I was beginning to get suspicious. Over the last couple months I'd grown accustomed to his continuous bickering, always around, always with some smart thing to say... The tightening in my chest intensified as the answering machine started talking from the other end of the line.
What's wrong with him? Is he mad now or something? And what's going on with me? I'd been praying for him to leave me alone, but now it was me who was stressing over not knowing what's going on with him.
I shook my head, not having time for this, and called him a couple more times, but still the same luck. The lace around my lungs clenched each time the call would meet a dead end.
What? Maybe he was indeed mad at me. Maybe it did get him in trouble with the coach after all.
"I'm driving." Connor's voice behind me stole my heartbeat for a second and I spun to see him picking the board expressionless, as if he didn't just ask for such a baffling request.
"Oh?" The sun was almost setting over the ruins of the old church and I'd thought we were heading each to their home already. Apparently we were not. "Where?" his gaze remained unbothered, not even answering. Why am I even surprised anymore? "I thought you were done."
"Here."
"Here? You're done here?" I translated and he perked one brow as I grew both frustrated and curious. "And what do you want to do now?"
He mentioned my gaze, almost amused, yet his facial muscles didn't move an inch and I felt my heart picking up. It was getting late, usually when the sky was this red already was when I took the hint it was time to head home. Also, there were still homework for me to do. Yet, here was Connor Mendley, the closest person I know, wanting to go somewhere. Was I really going to let this chance go?
He seemed to read it right away and held out his flat palm, already knowing he got me. Biting my lip, I willed my fingers to unwrap from around their keys and let them gently on his hand. Well, here goes nothing.
He drove us towards the suburbs, making this tightening in my stomach stirred more worried now. Why? But asking was futile, he wouldn't answer. I rarely come to this neighbourhood, stories were out about people getting jumped and other scary stuff. So I was fine away from here.
But Connor seemed to have a different idea. He pulled out by a cement park, and I gulped, glancing around at the creepy place. Maybe I'd done a mistake by blindly following him?
"Last week Katherine Melrose got jumped here." I whispered unease seeing people in the gloomy, unkempt place. "They took her phone and punched her brother." Connor rose one brow, indicating me to continue, but not seeming altered by it one bit. I gulped. "I-I really can't afford to be robbed."
Not like anyone would want the brick I had for a phone, with a screen more cracked than useful and the couple bucks I got in my pocket, but still, it was an experience I was hopping to avoid. The little cut on my forehead panged, I got enough stress for one day.
"Have you heard of wager-swaps?" he questioned all of the sudden and my heart skipped a beat as I turned from the window to meet his gaze.
Wager-swaps. I'd certainly heard of it. Not much, but rumors spread just as quickly as the other about the dangers of this part of the place. Apparently it was a a bet they made here in gangs, someone was challenged to do something, both the challenger and the challenged placed their bets on a third person and whoever wins collects both. It wasn't that bad, but the things were they bet on where fights and races and other spooky stuff.
My brows lowered in wariness. "Yeah, why?" but it didn't take a genius to guess it. The place, this people, the mysteriousness and sudden seriousness of him... "Y-you do them?"
I expect a snap, or him ignoring me once more, yet to my surprise I saw the little tug on his lip as he stared forward. "You still wanna 'get to know me'?"
So this was it. He was trying to intimidate me? I glanced to the park. Sure, this wasn't my first choice where to hang out, but I was with Connor. He'd literally defended me from Noel and I trusted him. If he brought me here it was because he knew this was safe, despites what he was trying to play now. I wouldn't let him push me away like that.
"We're friends." I remind him, straightening in my seat trying to portray a more secure image of myself we both know I was far from feeling, especially when I met those heated orbs yet his expression remained stoic. I had the feeling he was trying hard to be cold.
"Well, friend. This is how I get money."
"Money for what? Your pictures?" his eyes narrowed negligible, tightening the knot in my stomach and I realized I said the wrong thing.
"Stuff."
I nodded, biting my lip and glancing out again, evening my breaths and heartbeat. Why was he doing this now? He helped me, we had a cute moment in his room and we'd been skating a couple hours until now. I'd thought we were moving forward, that he was finally flirting with the idea of allowing me a tiny inch closer after everything. Yet now his walls were all back up, shattering my self-seem as if it wasn't weak enough.
"O-okay." I struggled pass this unease, reading his intentions of pushing me away, again. Like that time in his kitchen after I asked him about his parents. Maybe that was his way to protect himself whenever he felt emotionally vulnerable. He was so comfortable keeping everyone away and maybe my stupid digging unsettle him more than he let on. I couldn't tell how I felt about that realization, but I forced myself to keep on collected and not let this coldness harm me. "So what do you do? Y-you bet? On what?"
It took everything in me to tear my gaze from my fiddling fingers on my lap to his freezing stare. The tiniest twitch tugged his brows at my question and I could tell he expected me to back down. To be a coward -as always- and cut this little bond. Well, I wasn't going to let his moodiness mendle in between.
Instead of answering, he opened the door, stepping out and leaving me to do the same, hesitantly, and my heart halted as the car beeped when he locked it and handed me my keys back. I was ashamed that the tremble of my fingers was so evident and his gaze fixed on them for a long second before pinning mine once more, expressionless.
I could feel the loud throbs of my pulse in every corner of my being but I forced my voice to solidificate in words. "I trust you." again, that hint of surprise and something else swirled under his dark eyes and I held on it to force out the rest: "I do want to get to know you b-better, and I know you wouldn't have brought me here if you d-didn't know it would be perfectly safe." his head tilted, and I read his thought. Oh really? My hands tightened the hold on my purse. "I don't know why you're doing this right now, but we are friends and if this is what it takes for you to take me seriously..." my voice faltered as my face burned and I shrugged.
The side of his lip twitched fleetingly, breaking that awful ice for the split of a second, but it was enough to shot shards to my veins, and immediatelly looked away. "Dramatic."
I gasped. "Me?"
"Come on." he walked away, unwilling to explain further or comment on what I just said. But surprisingly, it didn't bother me, instead I found myself fighting a smile myself. Why? I got no freaking clue, I just knew I was lighter and carefree than expected when quickly followed him in that half-torn park.
Connor didn't even hesitate, he went straight to a group gathered to one side. It was shocking to see how similar their style was to the Mendley guy: baggy clothes, messy hair, lost look... Maybe these were his friends?
They all shut down when he approached and a ginger one smiled. "Finally! We almost thought you'd chicken out." my eyes widened, peaking at Connor to see his unimpressed glare set on the guy but remained silent and he chuckled. Okay, they weren't friends then. I was receiving a weird vibe and I wasn't really comfortable with it, squirming in my spot beside him, trying to remain invisible with my head down. "Okay, what's gonna be? Doubles or strike out?"
Strike-what now? I eyed Connor again, more unease the more this weird conversation stretched, but the blond lifted one shoulder and pointed to the skateboard under his arm I only noticed just now. I frowned. Why had he taken it?
"Doubles, alright." smirked the ginger as they briefly shook hands. "No fighting today, then."
My heart halted for a second at that. "F-fighting?"
Connor rolled his eyes, walking forward after them down the park and I quickly followed too. All plants had been dried and give off a creepy impression that made the small hairs on my arms stood. They guided us to a half hidden court pass the lonely childish park and the tracks that once were spotless were now full of graffiti and the people around cheering and hollering as someone was already in those tracks moving incredibly fast.
Glancing at the cheering crowd forming around I took in that gawky ginger now standing at one end with his own skateboard under his left foot. "Are you, like, competing?" I wondered, turning to Connor, but he kept his face expressionless as ever, yet for once I felt like he was keeping up the act for the others and not for me specifically. He simply nodded. "And the fighting? Is it also for the wager-swaps?"
His eyes met mine. "Don't worry about it."
"How can I not-"
"Here." he cut me stopping on one side where they would start. There was a crash somewhere in the court and the people around get to their feet, roaring in both rage and satisfaction, so aggressively my heart had a mini heart attack at the suddenness of it all. I couldn't see the court anymore with everyone up and hollering, but I guessed the once 'competing were done now. I shifted uncomfortably at the crowd, attend to Connor's movements as he tugged my sleeve closer to him and the back of my calves graced the cold stone of the bleachers, the coldness soaking the fabric making me shiver as his eyes glared down at me. "Wait here."
"But I-"
"Here." his hand pressed on my shoulder and I found myself sitting on one of the rock benches. I frowned up at him, but the hint of what looked almost like humor robbed the air from me. "Can you do that?"
My brows furrowed together. Now he was amused? Was he bipolar or just loved that he was allowed to order me around like this just because I was literally lost in here? Whatever it was, I hoped he knew what he was doing. "And you?" There it was again: that little glimmer under his otherwise unimpressed features. Stirring this bubbled in my guts and I squirmed in place, unsure. "So?"
"You'll see."
And with that he was off. Off! He left me in that weird bench, sorrounded by unknown people as he went to do whatever this wager-swap charade was about. Charming.
I brought my legs up, crossing them on the clay seat and slid out my phone. Still, no text. My lips pursed, unsure how to take Brett's sudden silent treatment and kept the phone once more focusing my attention on Connor, who was standing by the ginger and a shorter guy that took their money and was speaking now -probably reminding them the rules.
Wait, there were rules, right? Because what I'd heard of this wager-swaps was rather scary but this seemed to be just some kind of skate competition.
"Hey," I was startled to near a heart attack by a girl that suddenly stood before me. She was wearing ripped dark jeans and a crop top, her pixie hair showing off her neck and shoulders, all covered in flowers with ink and multiple rings. She rocked the punk look. There were a couple guys in school with that style and they were mostly rude and unapproachable whenever I had to interact with them... So this girl approaching me so easily took me aback.
"Hi?"
She smiled looking at me and I grew more confused. What did she want? I held the phone tighter, just in case, remembering Katherine Melrose's story while eying the pixie girl. She wouldn't jump me, would she? Her clothes looked ten times better than mine. Maybe just for the sake of doing it? But she was smiling. Not exactly giving off the fuck-you vibe her aesthetic was screaming instead.
"You bet?" she cut me prejudiced rambling and my eyes widened, not at all having expected such an outcome of this, but maybe I should. Now that I noticed everyone around was setting their new bets and collecting the previous gains. The pixie girl laughed. "I don't think I'd seen you around before." she trailed off, taking the spot beside me carelessly and making me tense a little, even if she looked mostly harmless. "Where are you from?"
Why was she asking? I couldn't help but guarded up, but she seemed genuinely to just be making smooth talk. "Um, Northtown."
"Oh, you're a posh girl, uh?"
"I most certainly am not."
She hummed, eying me up and down, and probably noticing my simple tight jeans and peach-colored, loose jumper two sizes bigger. "Alright." she grinned apologetically. "Didn't mean to offend you, but we all know you're pretty neighbourhood. Fancy houses, all those pretty gardens... Could have fooled me." she shrugged and I didn't know if she was being passive-aggressive or just weirdly sociable. "So, I've seen Mendley here. Are you with him? Wanna bet on him?"
Bet, there it was again. Did I look like someone who would bet? Or not, and that was why she insisted? Instead of answering, I cleared my throat. "Please, do tell; what exactly are they doing now?"
"Oh, you see, they'll have a little race, whoever stands last wins."
"Stands? As in not falling while doing pirouettes?" I guessed looking back to them and then at the tracks, fully taking note of them at last. There was your typical skate court, with dips and ramps. And people were completely gathered around, making their own bets and cheering. It was surprising, I wouldn't have thought it was this relevant a skate competition. But then again, I'd never even considered what this part of the town actually was like or how their 'wager-swap' worked. Nor like I'd ever thought I would be attending one.
And now Connor was participating?
Well, I guess it was better than the fighting, or the strike out -whatever that was, didn't sound good.
The girl patted my shoulder scaring me to death and laughed when I jumped out of my skin, making my face heated up and shrank more into myself. "Look, I'll be over there with my pal." she pointed to the side where a bald boy in a leather jacket was collecting bets and a smaller one noted frantically in a little notebook. "If you change your mind and want to bet, let me know." she stood, but almost as if a last minute thought she leaned closer, lowering her tone. "Want a tip for first-timers? Mendley is good, but Hilton is the save option."
I frowned, bristled at her words for some reason. "Connor is really good. The best." I couldn't explain the sudden need of defending him but it only seemed to amuse her.
"Oh yeah? Wanna bet on that?"
The ten dollar bill I had in my pocket suddenly weighted a tone. Was I, really? But looking over to where Connor was listening to whatever the short guy was saying as this 'Hilton' keep up an arrogant face twitched my stomach and I met the girls daring eyes once again.
"You know what? Fine, I bet for him."
"Okay." she chuckled, taking my bill and I felt it's lost like a thug in my guts. What the hell was I thinking? In return, she handed me a ticket and write down my name and bet with a grin. "Come find us if you win."
Brilliant, Alyson. Just brilliant. You need that money for the college fund. One thing was to use it for necessities, to give into my craves from time to time... but to plainly bet it? That was so un-me.
My eyes met Connor's and he tilted his head, as if asking silently and I blushed. I couldn't even explain the mess I was turning into lately, my own thoughts refused to make sense anymore and I found myself doing acting on impulse rather than with logic. My heart throbbed. What the hell?
The boy that was explaining stuff before whistled loudly attracting attention and announced they were about to start and people evacuate the court. Even in the distance, I could swear Connor's lip twitched in that fade version of a smirk he have, spreading a warm weird feeling from my chest and he looked away. Leaving me feeling stupid for gawking and amazed with this fluttering in my guts.
********************
"Look!" I cheered meeting Connor on verge of the court as the new guys jumped into it. I waved the bills in my hands. "I used to have one now I got four."
His brow perked, "You bet?"
I nodded, my face blushing as I stuffed the money back in my pocket. Guess this is why it was called 'doubles'. You make a bet and you either multiply it or lose it at once. I sent him a shy grin. "You made me forty pounds richer."
"Lucky." he rolled his eyes leading the way out, but there was something in the small contractions of his facial muscles that told me he was pleased I bet for him. I followed him like a lost puppy, not eager to find myself alone in this place.
"What about you?" I questioned falling into step with him. "How does this wager-swap actually works? You got yours and his money back, right?"
He nodded lightly. "Just like you, I got what I bet in return." only that he took it from the person he get challenged against and I got no clue who the poor souls that lost their money to me was. Wager-swap, I get it now.
I'd been... interesting. I'd sat there, seeing him do backflips and jumps skillfully until the ginger slid with the board and failed to keep going. He was followed by a talented girl that also fell and lastly a smirking guy that lost his smirk along the way. Connor beat them all and stuffed their money with that impassive, stoic face. He really was good.
"What are we doing now?" I wondered following him out the same way we came in. He shrugged and I huffed. "Come on, let's celebrate it, there." I pulled him with me to the side of the parking lot where stood one of those booths with snacks and ice-cream. "My treat. You know, I usually make this much over a week at least, never this quick." I bought a little cup of lemon and caramel and hand one of the bills to the guy. He gave me the change and I turned to Connor handing him one of the small plastic spoons. "You want some?"
"No."
"Oh." I fiddled with it, and feeling stupid now. "You don't like ice-cream?"
"It's cold."
"Em, yeah, so?"
"So, I don't like it." he snapped and I gulped, casting my gaze down feeling stupid now.
Okay, back to being snappy. Weren't we beyond this coldness already? What was even the point? I sighed and sidestepped him towards the car. Not even the tasty dessert and new bills in my pocket were able to make me numb at the sudden, stupid pang in my heart.
He sighed forcefully. "You're doing it again."
"Uh?"
"Making it difficult." it took me completely by surprise when he close the car door I'd just begun to open and took the cup from me, moving to lean against the hood instead.
I was making it difficult? HE was the one with mood swings. One second he was fine, next rude and then he switched again. I guess this was part of his whole halo, but at the same time it was frustrating as hell. How was I supposed to get to know him, to get closer, when he seemed so damn set in keeping me away? But then he also had moments where he was... almost cute.
Connor only gives it back when I too took the spot leaning against the car by his side. "I'm sorry." I muttered clueless on what to do or say about his complaint. Was I making it difficult by trying to be nice? By wanting to know him better? But he surprised me yet again and cut my inner rambling with an unimpressed, even voice:
"It's messy." he deadpanned and it took me a moment to realize he was explaining further his distaste for the delicious, innocent ice-cream in my hands. "It's cold, stupidly sweet and everyone loves it."
"So?" I wondered softly, still unsure if it would gain me another snap from him but he just scoffed.
"Boring."
My brows pinched together as I dipped the spoon in the melting surface of the dessert. He wasn't making any sense. At least not any I could read. "I do like it." I confessed instead, as if it wasn't clear enough. "And I also like puppies and sunsets and other cliche stuff everyone too loves. Does that makes me boring?" he shrugged, letting the skateboar in the ground completely carelessly and crossed one ankle over the other, taking off his pocket a packet of cigarettes and proceed to light one. I scrunched my nose at the blow of smoke taking another bit of the ice-cream and my rambling went on. "I guess it does, but well, I don't care. If I like then so what? But you? You don't like anything... No, wait, apparently you like pictures, and heavy bands, oh and skating. And smoking." I giggled pointing the obvious as I blurted a list of random stuff. "Am I getting it right?"
Once more, he barely shrugged as a response. Like I said, frustrating.
"It's easier knowing what you don't like." I grumbled stabbing the ice-cream and his brow perked.
"Is it?"
"Mhm. Let me think: ice-cream, boring stuff, cliche stuff, colors other than black," to my surprise that little smirk of his cracked at that making my pulse do a weird halt and I cleared my throat to cover it. "And just people in general."
"But not you."
Again, I could feel my chest swelling at that and my face burned, forcing me to look away. I remembered him saying something like that the other day in the hallway. Right after he told me I should fight for myself or no one would. Yet he stood for me barely hours ago.
"No," I mumbled. "I'm just this lucky." and behind my curtain of hair I saw his rolled his eyes taking a deep drag of his cigarette and letting it go through his nose. "Just for the record, I don't dislike you either."
In fact, I liked him quite a bit. I didn't know what it was, but something about him make me feel safe, comfortable... when he wasn't snapping, that was it. It was as if he got me in a deeper way, like he always sensed what I needed and when... and considering our opposite personalities that fact couldn't be more confusing.
"So you like me." he didn't even make it a question. There was a hint of taunting, tho, and also smugness? He stated it as if such a fact and I scoffed, squirming in my spot as shyness took the best of me and asked back:
"Do you like me?"
And Connor laughed. He laughed. Well, It was rather a short, dry chuckle than an actual laugh, but way more than I ever heard and made my head snap to him at that. Damn, Alyson, way to put you in the spotlight. Connor shook his head almost to himself, his eyes trailed forward on the parking lot, as if not believing those words left my mouth at all.
My chest constricting painfully as more shame bubbled in my guts. Was it so humorous that he might like me that he graced it with the most expression I'd seen him ever shown? I mean, I know I was... me -years of Jade's mocks couldn't be over nothing- but that hurt.
I wanted to dig a hole and die. A sudden wave of humiliation revolted my guts and I didn't even feel like ending the celebration ice-cream anymore.
"I get it." I pushed off the hood and throw the cup in the near by pin, not even glancing at him anymore but felt the weight of those piercing cold eyes on my every move, making it slow and clumsier.
"Do you?"
"Can we go?" I asked instead, hating the way something so obvious as his total lack of attraction to me could bother me so much. I'd known it. Then why was it getting under my skin like acid? "It's a week night and my grandmother would want me there soon-"
"What now?" Connor got up too, towering over me and intimidating me all the more. I gasped at the feeling of his fingers on my chin, lifting it so I would meet his gaze and my heart pounded so loud in my ears I was sure he would hear it. "You're upset."
"N-no."
"Wasn't asking."
I know. He just states the facts, and the ridiculous thing was that I was upset, but could understand why. We were joking, right? I couldn't possibly be offended to know the mere thought of liking me was laughable. Connor gave me my own category of not disliking, that alone was a whole win with this boy. Then why the compulsion in my guts?
He frowned down at me, glaring in that way it felt like he was seeing through me, seeming like he was trying to read me and the reason of my sudden unnerving. I couldn't let that happen. It would be even more humiliating. And the way My skin tingled where his fingers pressed wasn't helping me fake neutrality either.
I opened my mouth, ready to ramble my way out this situation, but my phone did it for me ringing between us and we both look down at it in my hand, breaking the eye contact. I bit my lip when I saw Brett's name across of it.
Finally. Not only I'd been waiting to talk to him since the little accident this morning but also he broke this weird tension. Great timing. Yet Connor's demeanor changed, harshly stepping away and his expression becoming now completely blank, making me realized how much he'd relax so far.
I couldn't help a small frown as I took the call holding my breath. "Hi?"
"Hello?" I didn't recognize the low hoarse voice. I had to double check to make sure the contact was correct. Yes, Brett's name was written across the screen. So who was this man? There was also chattering in the background and music.
"Who's this?" I wondered carefully, crossing my free arm over my stomach at the vulnerable feeling under Connor's unforgivable gaze.
"The bar's owner." What? "Yeah, mm, you might have to come pick them up."
"Excuse me?"
I heard him sigh, annoyed. "Your boyfriend is wasted and creating a scene. If you don't come take them away, I'm calling the cops."
********************
QUESTION: Bad boy or good boy?
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