I couldn't remember falling asleep. I remembered the freaking spooky movie, tho. My choice, right. Out the whole lot in the section Connor's selected Midsommar looked more light and chill. Big mistake. Maybe it's covers wasn't creepy or gore, but three minutes into the movie I was already with chills and full material for my future nightmares. Luckily, Connor fell asleep in the middle of it and I was able to pause that thing, but then I did remember the horrible unease and fear within me. Even walking those few steps in the dark hallway felt impossible.
I guess that's why I decided to wait a few moment to see if this horrible feeling loosens, but it didn't. And I guess too that was why now I woke up a bit closer than I intended... well, a lot closer. I carefully shifted, detaching the side of my face from his shoulder and uncuddling his arm, self-consciously. Thank God he was sleeping. My heart hammered forcefully as I try to make out how I ended there. Cuddling to Connor. I was sure he wouldn't appreciate it if he'd seen it...
Yet my chest constricted as he furrowed his brows when I moved away, turning to his side as if he too noticed this coldness that replaced where our bodies had been touching. I held my breath as he settled in this new position, his hand on the mattress barely an inch from mine and I felt the skin prinking at the nearness. I remained rock-still, both wanting him to wake up and hoping he didn't, until his breaths became deep and long once more.
I looked at his sleeping face. It was weird, that he was looking this... innocent. Like he usually never held emotion, but there was something different now, not only he wasn't expressing through his features but also he wasn't hardening them. The softness in his expression, the way his lips were lightly parted... his breaths hitting my face each time he exhale woke up goosebumps all over me.
I snapped my gaze to the ceiling, focusing on the shadows projected by the sunlight coming from the window. Stunned, I pressed a hand over my chest, right over where my heart was drumming crazily at the nearness and surprise. I allowed myself to steal a last glance, the unusual sight of vulnerability in the boy beside me; somehow managing to pinch my heart. He was... cute like this.
Okay, get a grip.
I tore my gaze away, carefully getting into a sitting position; which turned to be difficult, not only for the way the mattress dipped at each move but also because I was being extra careful not to awake him. The fact that I overstayed was more and more evident as minutes passed. I wasn't even sure what time it was because I left my phone at Norah's bedroom and Connor didn't have any clock around apparently. The one thing that was sure was that the more I stayed, the more chances of being caught here and then had to deal with explanations.
But apparently luck wasn't on my side because just as I manage to put my feet on the ground, ready to finally leave the bed and scurried out, the door burst open and slammed against the wall sending my pulse overdrive as Norah stomped on. Her hair messy and her pajama all crumbled. "Well, good morning!" she cheerfully exclaimed, making my blood pooled in my cheeks under her pointed look as Connor stirred behind me. "I was wondering where you were but I certainly didn't expect this." she sat abruptly at the feet of the mattress, shaking it all and if I wasn't enough self-conscious yet, she smirked at me knowingly and turned to poke his brother's arm nosily. "Eventful night, uh? Come on, up up!"
My face heated up all the more and my ears buzzed in embarrassment. "Norah..."
Connor groaned, not even bothering to open his lids at his sisters harsh awaking and rolled to his other side, his back facing us now. "Go away."
My stomach dipped at his sharp tone not at all pleased. Did he even remember I came here? Was I supposed to leave instead of falling sleep? Most certainly. Had I messed the little progress we'd made step by step? But ignorant to my inner anxiety Norah laughed poking his back.
"What? No good day for me? Aw, are you still mad at me? Come on, the sun is up, and bright and birds are singing so we-"
"Out."
My chest constricted and I finally find the will to move again, finally standing from the bed, mortified and grabbing Norah's arm to tug her with me. "Let's just go."
"Why the sudden rush?" she whined, but allowed me to pull her so I guess she was just trying to get to Connor who continue to ignore us. "Don't let me bother you, you guys were having such a cute moment before I came in and-"
"Norah." I closed the door behind us, mortified, and she chuckled lightheartedly. "What was that?"
"Shouldn't I be asking that?" she tilted her head, finally dropping her cheerfulness a little to let curiosity show in her face. "What was that?"
"Nothing," I whisper-yelled, shaken at the thought of Connor hearing her insinuations and pulled her further into the hallway so she get the memo and rolled her eyes as we lowered the stairs. "We fell asleep."
"Yeah, well, that alone is pretty weird. Conny isn't one to sleep." she informed me, pulling me into the kitchen and pointing on of the stools by the counter that link it with the dining room as she when to the cabinets. "He stays up the longest and is always up before everyone." she commented with a hum and gave me suggestive look, perking one brow. "Did you tire him out?"
"Norah." I hissed blushing at his double meaning, but she just wiggled her brows, coming back with a couple bowls and put them before us on the marble counter.
"Oh come on, you disappeared for hours, and woke up in my asocial's brother's bed? I'm sure there's an interesting story behind it. So, what did you do?"
"Again, nothing." I breathed out rushedly, getting uncomfortable with this digging when I myself couldn't explain the weird turmoil in my ribcage ever since my eyes opened. "When you two get all cozy I went to his room, we put on a movie and fell asleep. That's it." I tilted my chin up, swallowing my shame as I took that chance to change the topic. "What about Macy? Did you tire her out?"
"Yes." she grinned dreamily and leaned into the counter before me. "I kiss her."
"You did?" I cheered straightening my back in contentment and curiosity. "Well? How was it?"
"Dreamy." she sighed dramatically with that contagious grin from ear to ear, leaning the side of her face on the cold marvel surface with her arms flat against it too. "She kissed me back, Alyson."
I couldn't stop grinning myself. They are so cute. "That's great."
"It is." she sighed again and I repressed the urge to roll my eyes at her dramatic antics. After all, this morning she was allowed to be a little extra.
"What are you going to do now?" I wondered instead and she pouted.
"I'm not sure... I was thinking about giving her breakfast in bed."
"Nice."
"Yep, speaking of which, are you hungry?" She straightened getting up from her stool and going back to the cabinets she'd left open. "What do you feel like eating? Cookies, cereal, waffles..."
"Cereals are good."
"Alright, I think there still some Lucky Charms left..." she took one box and shook it making a light sound as the remaining cereals shook against its walls. "Looks like there still some left."
He placed it on the counter, but I eyed it carefully, taking the cereal box and immediately feeling how empty it was. "Are you sure I can have these? There's barely any of them left."
"So?" Norah nodded and moved to take the milk from the fridge and handed it to me."They're just stupid Lucky Charms. You want them, you have them. Otherwise, start thinking of a better breakfast. What about some toast? We still yet to go grocery shopping and we don't really have much."
She rolled her eyes opening the box of cookies she baked yesterday and putting them nicely on the plate she just took. Preparing Macy's breakfast in bed, I see. "Thanks." I bit my lip pouring the remaining of the cereals in the bowl before me, they barely filled half of it. "So, do tell, what are you even doing up at 10am on a weekend day?"
"Shocking, right? Well, hold your tits: My parents called." she announced, but I sensed the straight tone in her voice and how her shoulders tense at the new topic. "They said the reunion will take them more than expected." Her hands never faltered working on the preparation, but for the way her jaw clenched I knew she was more affected than what she led on. "As if we don't know there's no such reunion."
My brows knitted together at that new piece of information. "There isn't?"
"No. They're on a couple's retirement, trying some experimental group therapy. I found the flyer last week." Her lips pursed, placing more stuff on the tray. "As if some therapy would help. They need to stop arguing, period. Not some stranger meddling in stuff that doesn't concern them."
"Well, at least they're trying, aren't they?" I tried to reassure her. "And if they decided to stay a day more it may mean it's going well."
"Or terribly bad." she grumbled with a frown, something like despair swirling in her eyes, making my chest hurt for her; but she shook her head and plastered on her smile, putting the last cookie on that beautiful spiral and put away the box. "Either way, one day more, right? We can do something fun in the mean time."
"Sorry, Nors. I got the Studio." I reminded her sheepishly and her face fell a little.
"Oh, right."
"But hey, you and Macy can use some more time." I joked and inwardly cheered when a smile tugged her lips as she ended placing the nicely prepared dish in the trey.
"Yeah, that would be nice. If she doesn't reject me again."
"She won't."
"Mhm." she glanced the clock on the wall and back at me, brushing her hair with her fingers before using the elastic in her wrist to tie it in a little ponytail. "What time are you leaving?"
"I need to stop by at home to shower and pick up Granny before the mass, so I should get going once I'm done." I gestured the bowl and she nodded.
"You need me to drop you?"
"Nah," I shurgged one shoulder. "I'll walk."
"You sur-" but her words died the moment Connor stepped into the kitchen, brushing his face tiredly and tousling all the more his bed hair. My heart dramatically skipped several beats. It was ridiculous. I'd never had such a strong reaction to him before, was it because the shame of have been cuddling him less than an hour ago? The mere memory heated me up in slef-consciousness and I glared the bowl taking a spoon full to busy myself. "Well, look who's finally decided to show up."
I didn't hear a response, classic Connor, and he moved easily past us towards the cabinet. I dared to glimpse at him, taking in he was still wearing the sweatpants and large shirt he used as pajama. Even unkempt and disheveled like that, his features still hard and void, completely different from the innocence of his sleep, creating this unrequired tug in my guts. Even more when I turned to Norah and found her eyes on me, amused. My ears bruned and I quickly casted it down to the bowl once more. Safer like this.
Thank God, Norah didn't torture us by mocking further the weird awaking and instead turned to her brother, more serious. "Conny." he hummed, serving himself a cup of juice, apathy ruling his gestures as always. Norah sighed, shifted her weight from feet to feet. "Mom's called." and then Connor froze mid movement when bringing the glass up, halting for a second before he lowered it back, waiting for her to continue. "She said they're staying another day."
There was a tense silence and I managed to sneak another peak, but he didn't react, he glared the glass before him, all his body in tension as he processed it. My heart ached for them. I knew the constant fighting of their parents had been affecting them, and I could only imagine how it might feel from inside to see your family struggle like that.
Norah was more altered than what she usually let on with her plastered smile and eccentric behaviour. And Connor too was showing off some changes, such as his lately accentuated disinterest, getting in more troubles, the skiving...
The tension in the kitchen grew to palpable levels and I suddenly felt like intruding an intimate domestic crisis. Maybe I should scurry away? Hide in the living room for them to talk about it?
"Maybe the theraphy is going well." Norah said in a more cheerful tone, but I knew it was a white lie. We'd had this exact conversation with our rolls reversed a few moments ago. "Con-"
"Whatever." he cut lifting the juice once more and proceed to drink as if nothing. Yet his muscles remained stiff, almost as if ready to jump and snap.
Norah met my gaze, sighing to herself at Connor putting back up all his walls, and carefully took the tray. "Well, I go wake up Macy-bu." she anounced in general and then focused on me. "We still can drop you by, okay? Think about it."
I nodded, unsure if me speaking might feel inappropriate, but we both know they wouldn't be dropping me. One, because Macy was the laziest in the mornings and two, because they needed a day for them. Especially with the extra stress in Norah's family. She needed to allow other parts of her life to grow.
The pink-haired girl sent her brother one last worried glance, slowly walking out the kitchen as if giving him the chance to express his feeling. But he didn't. No surprise here. It was only when her steps on the stairs were heard that I realized now it was only the two of us here. I blushed helplessly once more. I'm such a mess, the poor guy has enough on his plate dealing with a probable divorce and here I was overreacting for the stupidest thing.
I forced myself to vanish the thoughts of last night or this morning and focused on the guy before me. He looked... exhausted, he looked furious, tormented. His face was as blank as ever, but I was slowly learning to read the other signs he allowed: the small ticks of his mouth concealing both smiles and grimaces, the strenght he used to clench his jaw, his neck vein pumping... or the way emotions swirled in his eyes.
Yet now there were none. He was retreating to that wall of ice that held him sheltered like a screen between what he really was feeling and the rest of the world. All because this piece of information that'd thrown them off balance.
But it didn't have to be something bad per se, right? I mean, they were delaying their arrival, but maybe it was because they were working it out indeed, right?
I wanted to say something -anything, but words seemed to drift away as soon as I pulled together a sentence in my mind. A part of me wanted to comfort him, but another was sure that was the last thing he wanted. Connor Mendley accepting someone's comfort? Mine? As if. He'd mastered the art of keeping people away, but if it affects him like this and after everything it just didn't feel right for him to face it on his own.
And as I let my mind overthink about it all, he seemed to pull his emotions enough at bay to break the stilted stance he'd held since Norah dropped it. Stiffly, Connor reached out and took the cereal box on the counter between us, but halted when he noticed it weightless, glancing at it for a second before his dark gaze fell on me and lowered my half filled bowl. Everything in me clenched in guilt as he set it back on the counter harshly.
"I-I'm sorry." I rushed realizing they were probably his. "N-Norah said it was fine-"
"And you do everything she says, don't you?" he dead-panned making my stomach dropped at his cold voice.
"W-what?" Unsurprisingly, there was no answer, he just pushed away the bowl he's lowered for himself and once more bring up the juice's glass; retreating more and more into his cold shelter and I felt my insides freeze as well. It was as if all the small advances we'd been doing were cut and I was back being a nervous mess and him someone too detached and closed off to care about anything. And I hated it. "L-look, I'm really sorry. I didn't know they were yours she just offered them and I... Well. Do you want the other half?" I offered, but my only answer where those lifeless eyes glaring back at mine. "You can have them if you want. I'm full either way... and I've barely touched them. I'm really sorry..."
Wow, now that I finally stuttered the first word my usual word-vomit was back, making me babble like a moron, and the apathetic way he was pinning me down with his eyes I only felt more and more stupid as I talk. Were we really watching a movie just some hours ago? I would never tell for the thick environment around us. Was this defensive mode all really because of this couple therapy?
Speaking of which...
"A-anyway. I'm sorry about your parents." as soon those words left my lips, his expressive eyes filled with dark anger, stirring all the more the painful knot in my stomach as he pinned me in place with his glare. I squirmed under its weight nervously, rambling as usual: "I know it must suck their situation and I know from Norah this not exactly-"
"Stop."
That was it. One word. He spat one word and all the nerves in my body tensed in response, almost as if he uttered a threat. That much intimidating he was. And, again, I felt small before him, fiddling nervously with the fists of my large T-shirt as I gulped, willing the words stuck in my throat to come out:
"Just that, you know, if you want to talk or-"
"I don't." His jaw set as he pulled away from the counter, not even sparing me another word and left me with that last glare.
I bit my lip eyeing the almost untouched juiced he left there and the half filled cereals. Great, Alyson. So unbelievably amazingly handled.
********************
"Earth to Lys!"
I almost dropped the pencil, startled. My heart went wild in my ribcage as I turned towards an amused Brett.
"Well, hello. Are you planning on writing something today or..."
A blush climbed up my neck when I realized I been the last ten minutes glancing the paper but not really seeing it. "Sorry." I choked in embarrassmet, successfully tracing the first half word before my mind drifted away again. It's been like that for the last hour or so since we got here.
Today's Sunday, and true to last weeks he picked me up after the mass and gave me a lift to the Studio. I didn't fight him anymore. What's even the point? He'd still come either way. Besides, him tagging along didn't bother me that much anymore. It was still a little weird, but somehow he made the travel lighter, yet there was no way in hell I would admit that to him.
This weekend hadn't really been much work for us in the Studio. Loui had been pretty busy during the week and yesterday, but today everyone seemed to be taking it easy and there wasn't any photo shoots scheduled. That left us easy work of edit and print, which was fine since everything happened in the past hours keep repeating in my mind like a broken record, and the lack of proper sleep got me restless.
From Jace's odd confession last night, to Macy and Norah, the movie with Connor... and well, this morning. I kept seeing the last glare he sent me, like he hated me. He'd never looked at me like that before, and even if it had been fleeting and in a moment of tension, I just couldn't get it out of my head. And somehow after the delicate intimacy build last night it hurt even more.
Gosh, I'm such a baby. Here they're suffering for their parents imminent separation and constant fights that shake them and the family, and here I was sulking because he looked at me with contempt.
Yet I couldn't put in words the strange tug it gave to my heart.
Due to the lack of work, Loui dismissed me after lunch, claiming I should take the day off and that he got the remaining stuff covered.
That lead us here. Back in Brett's room. Working on our project as it was the only excuse we could make out to remain together a bit more. I could tell by the way, none of us was actually focused on our work.
And to distracted me from everything regarding the Mendleys and how messed up I was in the head for them, I turn instead to the other topic occupying my mind right now: Jace's words. I keep repeating my doubts in my head, over and over, wondering how to bring them up. Was Jade actually the reason why he hated me? Was it something I did, something she said? Was there something more? When did things turn so wrong?
I felt like we needed to have this conversation once and for all but it was scary to think of the consequences.
I was scared.
I was so damn scared to find out I really did something that awful for him to hate me. To find out I didn't and it was all him. That it was Jade all along.
I don't know, it all was just scary.
I could tell Brett sensed my unease as well, since he wouldn't stop sneaking glances my way too. Although, he'd kinda been like this the whole week, so maybe it wasn't just me being this bunch of nerves, trying to keep together a neglected friendship. The constant teasing and gentle push and pull eased a bit the mood, I got to say.
"-no more, Giggles." he huffed dramatically dropping back against the chair. "I'm done with this shit."
"Oh, come on." I hardly succeeded, supressing a grin. "You've barely have been on it for an hour!"
"So? I still had worked more than you, Miss my-mind-is-somewhere-else."
I rolled my eyes. "You were the one to propose to come work on this, remember?"
"Yeah, like you would have complied coming any other way."
"Are you admitting you manipulated me?" I pursed my brows, mocking a frown, but he saw right through it, sending me instead a taunting smirk and rolling his chair closer, one elbow by my notebook as he leaned in my personal space.
"I rather called it charm."
"Please." I scoffed, covering a giggle and pushed his chest. "As if."
"Your blush begs to differ." his smug, amused expression didn't fall and instead it only made my cheeks reddened harder.
"If you really didn't want to work, why do you wanted me here, then?"
"To be with you." he shrugged easily in a duh tone.
My pulse all over the roof, but I refused to let him know that. He couldn't be having such intense reactions with such small acts. It wasn't fair. But he did. And saying stuff like that only confused my heart further. Against my best intentions, I found myself wondering: "Why?"
The way his eyes buried into mine made all kinda things to my stomach. "Isn't it obvious?"
Obvious? It'd been a while since I stop paying attention to what 'obvious' was, mostly because my sixth sense in that area seemed to be too broken to rely on it. Pushing down the flutter in my stomach I forced myself not to let it show.
"I-I mean, didn't you guys go play soccer in the park on weekends?"
"Would you be there?"
"Mh, no..."
"Then you're pointless."
"Brett." I couldn't help the giggle now, nudging his shoulder, and repeated over and over again in my head that he was joking, that it wasn't literal. "I'm serious."
"Ugh, fine!" he groaned almost in defeat, sliding his hands through his hair and fleetingly resting his head there, elbows on the desk before resting back again. "There's this big play in a couple weeks-"
My brows knitted together. "Yeah, I know. Against Richmore. Kinda a big deal."
"Massive big deal, actually." he huffed and I sensed a bit of stress in his tone. "The coach had been a tyrant ever since we know him, but he's being specially bitchy about this. We need to be in perfect shape and state. Apparently it's not only a matter of rivals, but also there would be talent scouts and stuff there and everything need to be perfect. Also, that will most certainly set which team will made it to the final so..." he shrugged one shoulder, as if it wasn't that much but it really sounded major.
"Wow."
"Yep. We've been forbidden to play or do any dangerous activity 'till then. Didn't want to risk any lesions on the team. That's also, um, why we got strictly forbidden to fight each other-"
My blood ran cold at the remind of Noel's mess. "Oh, right. Right." the soccer coach sounded like a scary man, tougther trainer, so no wonder why they all were so willing to hear him. I cleared my throat, fitting the pieces together. "So that's why you started accompaning me to the city instead of meeting with them?" I deduced, now it made more much sense, since as far as I'd known they met on the weekends to play.
Something flickered under his eyes, but it was gone before I could analyze it. He chuckled -a disbelief kind of chuckle, shaking his head and stood from the chair. "Yes, Lys. That's it." Not giving me time to ask what was wrong, Brett headed towards the door; leaving me baffled behind. "I'm gonna get us some snacks, how does that sounds?" but was gone before I could respond.
My brows knitted together. Such a confusing subject he was. Now I haven't even done anything for his sudden mood change.
And then again last night's wonders come back to me. Why did he turn against me three years ago? What made him change his mind again? I basically needed to know if I could rely on his... friendship or whatever we were building up again or should I worry that he'd switched sides again.
I didn't know how long it took him, but by the time Brett was back I was daydreaming, again. What a surprise.
"Okay." he snapped me out of it shutting my book and sliding it aside to place the plate with mini cupcakes where our homework had been. I couldn't prevent the smile at Julia's delicious desserts. Brett truly knew how to bring up the mood again. I almost moaned just at the sweet aroma, just our the oven. Yummy. Brett then pulled his wheelchair, shifting it so he was facing me. This time when I met his gaze I detected confusion and a hint of concern at my again vacant state. "What on earth is off with you today?"
"I've talked to Jace."
My burst out surprised us both, and as he blinked in bafflement I felt the blush back plus the urge to facepalmed myself. Such a smooth way to bring it up Alyson. Sooo smooth.
"Oh." he cleared his throat, his eyes piercing through mine as he tried to read me, the harsh hint in them was a clear sign he too remembered his part in our drama three years ago. "Okay?"
"Yeah." I bit my lip, my heart momentarily stopping when his eyes focused on it before I released it and they snapped back up at me. Dear Lord. Okay, focus! Pushing down the sudden wave of heat that'd woken up in me, I proceed: "He was kinda drunk. And said a few things that..." my voice failed me. I couldn't, I couldn't!
"That what?" he inquired with hooded eyes, ready to get defensive.
I swallowed. "That left me thinking."
"I can see that." he scoffed and leaned backwards in his chair, as if sensing this chat won't be one he'd enjoy. "Okay, now, before you tell me this thing that left you thinking for God knows how long; when did you meet Jace drunk?"
Again, my heartbeat quivered for some reason and I dropped my gaze to the pen I was fiddling with. "Oh. Well," I cleared my throat, not sure why I was unease to tell him this. "I had a sleepover with the girl and we went to... buy supplies late. He and his group were there too."
His brows lifted in surprise. "Supplies, uh?" I nodded shyly, blushing again when his lips curled in an alluring half smile. "Didn't know those were your kind of things."
"They aren't. Norah and Macy drink, I don't."
"That's more like it." this time he chuckled, but the sound was harsh, impatient, making my chest tightened as his hand on the armrest fisted. "So what is it that drunk Jace said?"
It came back, loud and clear as if I was hearing it all over again.
'I thought it would be a win win situation. You could make Brett jealous and I could play the part, you know?'
'A meaningless rumor, you know? But then she keep bringing it up, and adding nasty details and I couldn't deny it, you know, because that would mean telling them I lied in the first place.'
Unable to hold his electric blue gaze, I lowered mine, fiddling with some locks of my hair. "He... He made me question a couple things."
"Like?"
I frowned at his tone. He was getting frustrated and I get him, but it was hard to approach such a topic. It was squeezing me from inside, suffocating me with anxiety. "I-" That was it. I needed to know. I'd already started so now I could only spring to the finish line. Like a band aid. Swift and clean. Gathering all my courage I took a deep breath and looked up again before rushing: "Why did we stop being friends?"
His eyes widened, clearly taken aback by it. "W-what?"
Funny, usually it was me who stuttered. But I myself was too nervous to take any joy out of that.
"We were fine. We were alright and all of the sudden one day you changed and decided it wasn't enough." my voice trembled, thick with emotion at the memories. "Why did you stop being my friend, Brett?"
"I-" he gulped, glancing around in a frenzy, as if the furniture would give him the answer. His fist clenched when he realized it wouldn't and turned to look at me, his eyes more guarded now. "What did he tell you?"
So there was something indeed. My heart dropped to my stomach. Something I did -or he thought I did- made him turned his back at me. Worst, turned against me. "Why did you want to be friends again?" I asked instead, but he wasn't having that.
"What. Did. He. Told you?"
"How can you expected me to rely on you again? I don't even know what I did wrong. You won't tell me!"
"Alyson." he warned through clenched teeth, and it felt like a slap.
Alyson. Wow. That stung.
I blinked rapidly, frustrated with myself and him. I'd promised myself not more tears on his behalf. "How can I know you won't decide it's not worth it anymore and-"
"For fuck's sake!" he slammed his palm on the desk, the loud sound halting my ramble immediately and making my pulse skipped several beats. "I've already told you why!" He was angry. Furious. I could only stare wide eyed at him, startled and taken aback by his outburst. Any remaining softness in his features stiffening in tension as he turned to glare at me. Glare. I felt my heart dipping at the familiar yet almost forgotten feeling in the pit of my stomach for being the receiver of this dirty anger. And for the second time today. "I've told I was trying to make things right. I'm trying to, so fucking hard. But you keep stuck in the past. You jump in Jace's arms, or Dylan's or whoever else instead listening a fucking word I said."
His words slid through my being like a knife, my eyes watering inevitably. How could he say such things? "I do not." I choked out, but he was on his own rant.
"Whatever Tormunt told you is probably bullshit, but go one, pick him again."
"He didn't say anything like that. And what are you even talking about? I've n-never pick anyone over you. Never."
"You're always picking anyone over me." I shook my head, first tears pouring out of frustration. "You asked me why our friendship ended? Why don't you ask yourself? Maybe I just got tired of waiting and waiting. Always fucking waiting!" he adverted his heated gaze, slamming his palm on the desk again. "Fuck!"
"W-waiting for what?"
His eyes narrowed at me, as if wondering how could I ask something like that. "You're the smart one, aren't you?" I flinched at the undertone as he sneer through clenched teeth. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."
How could he be so sweet and charming one moment and this angered subject the next?
I'd known it. I just knew it was too good to be true. Brett wouldn't be back into my life. Whatever we had back then had evolved into two different persons that clearly didn't see the world the same anymore. He was so hot and cold it got me tipsy. I couldn't rely on him. One moment he was my friend and the other he gets all worked up over some wondering. I hadn't even asked something that weird, had I?
And yet here I was again, an emotional mess and pool of tears over him. Over his sharp cryptic words.
Pick anyone over him?
Brett was a vital in my life! Ever since I can remember he'd been there, he was my everything and even after our friendship ran aground I still got trouble not taking him in consideration.
Waiting?
I was tired of waiting for him to open up or treat me with enough respect.
I was barely aware of his ragged breathing, struggling to calm down by my side. All I knew was that I didn't feel welcome there anymore. I hadn't even got to the point where Jade got involved and things already got out of hand. Who would had thought that not even half an hour before we were joking around, feeling like things could go back to what they were... They clearly couldn't. Whatever that is that I did -not picking him, making him wait, whatever- it clearly was worth the years of bullying and still it wasn't enough for him to get over it.
I should had known better. There was too much pain in our past.
Ashamed and hurt, I wiped my teary cheeks and took my bag from the floor opening it and grabbing my belongings.
"What-" Brett cleared his throat, a lot calmer now, but still that hint of tension that I knew now could explode at any moment. His chest raised and fall, slowly at the deep breaths he was forcing in. "What are you doing?"
"Well, I w-won't have you waiting anymore."
"What do you mean?" a flicker of what I thought was worry tightened his voice but I must be misunderstanding the hints, as usual.
"My shift start ssoon." I announced instead, not daring to look at him, knowing I would fall apart as soon as I did. "I'll better get going."
"Give me a second to get my shoes and I'll drive you-"
Oh, God, no! "No need." I pulled the zipper probably harsher than I should but I couldn't stand being there, feeling the pounding in my chest longing for a release. "It's n-not that far. I'll walk."
He scoffed. "You're being ridiculous."
"Whatever." I hung the bag on my shoulder, blinking fast as I headed towards the door to make sure he didn't see the moisture there. I heard him getting up, only then realizing how serious I was, but was already exiting the room.
"You can just drop this shit and leave like that. Wait!"
But I didn't.
I heard Julia Ryder calling me confused as I passed by the kitchen but didn't let it stop me either. The small advantadge I had I used it to bolt down the stairs and out the front door before he could outrun me.
I need to get out of there. Away from Brett Ryder, who always end up bringing me pain.
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QUESTION: Any thought?
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