Chapter 25: Chapter 25

VANESSA I have a feeling Miles was expecting more than a movie night when I took him up on his offer to come back to his apartment. He’s been visibly agitated since the moment I suggested it, his knee bouncing and his posture tense from his seat beside me on the couch. It’s Italian leather, by the way- everything in his place is super nice, and he goes out of his way to brag about the finery of his furnishings whenever he has the chance, like he wants me to know how much money he has. I think it’s his way of showing that he could provide for me, but I tend to find his boasting in poor taste. And if he thinks I’m after money, he doesn’t know me at all.

I nearly breathe a sigh of relief when the credits roll, anxious for an excuse to head back home. I’ve set clear boundaries with Miles, but he’s been pushing them tonight, no doubt fueled by the beers that he’s been downing like it’s his job. There’s a cluster of empty bottles on the marble coffee table in front of us, only one of which was mine.

They knock together noisily when he bumps the table with his leg as he scooches closer to I’ve moved away each time, but now I’m officially out of room, pinned between him and the arm of the couch with nowhere to go.

“Nessa…” he croons in my ear, his hand landing on my thigh.

I shiver, and it’s not the good kind. It’s the ‘ get me out of here’ kind. A shiver of panic.

His fingers apply pressure to my thigh as he leans in closer, his eyes slipping closed, his mouth angled toward mine.

I launch myself forward, shooting to my feet and stumbling away from the couch, putting the coffee table between us. “I should get going.”

Miles’ bewildered eyes fly open, his face reddening in embarrassment. He shoves up from the sofa, a little wobbly on his feet and his expression shifting to frustration. “

You’re not gonna stay the night?”

I wrap my arms around myself, giving a little shake of my head. He should already know the answer to that question- I’ve never spent the night here. He knows I’m not ready for a physical relationship, and he has always seemed understanding of that. Until right now.

“But I thought…” Miles stammers, his voice trailing off as he scrubs a hand over his face.

When he drops his hand, his eyes are narrowed on me, blazing with a look I’ve never seen from him before. “You were all over me when we were dancing, and then you said you wanted to come back here…”

I arch a brow in challenge, irritated by his insinuation. “And?”

He huffs in frustration, shaking his head. ” And I thought that meant you were ready to … that you wanted to stay.”

I care for Miles, but right now, he’s reminding me of everything I hated about guys when my ‘no dating’

rule was firmly in place. The toxic sense of entitlement, like I somehow owe him something for being flirty. Like I’m a tease that led him on. I won’t let him make me feel guilty for dancing, as if that somehow obligated me to give him more.

“I never said I was going to stay the night,” I clarify, remaining calm even though I’m fuming internally.

“You won’t even kiss me!” Miles blurts, throwing up his hands. I flinch back at his outburst and he draws a deep breath, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger and squeezing his eyes closed as if to collect himself. “We’re dating, Nessa,” he sighs, his eyes fluttering open and his gaze fixing on mine again. “I’ve been patient. I haven’t tried to push you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with. I’m trying to be respectful here, but how the hell am I supposed to get close to you if you won’t let me?”

His words sink in, chafing painfully at something inside me- a fresh scar that hasn’t quite healed over yet. He’s right, I have been keeping him at arm’s length. I’m scared for anyone to get too close, and that fear of letting anybody in makes me feel defective somehow. Because I’m not the girl I used to be, who was open and loving and dreamed of fairytales and happy endings.

I’m broken.

“I don’t know, Miles,” I whisper, staring down at the cushy area rug underfoot and hugging my arms tighter around my middle. “I know it’s not fair to you. I understand if you don’t want to keep seeing each other.”

I look back up at him and his gaze softens. He rounds the coffee table, my body tensing as he approaches me. “Hey,” he coos, reaching out to set both hands on my shoulders and staring down into my eyes. That’s not what I want.” He pulls me into an embrace, pressing his cheek against my hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m sure tonight couldn’t have been easy for you, and I didn’t mean to pile on.”

I will myself to relax into his embrace, breathing in his clean, crisp scent. His fingers stroke through my hair and he pulls back after a long moment, gazing down into my eyes again. “Can I give you a ride home?”

I give a little shake of my head, offering him a weak smile. “I’m gonna walk. It’s a nice night.”

Miles nods, pressing a light kiss to my forehead before stepping back. “Are we good?”

I nod.

He smiles, though it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. I get why he’s upset, I really do- but I gave him an out.

Gave him a chance to walk away. And he didn’t.

I suppose that’s more than I can say for Callum.

I make my way out of the apartment building, glancing wistfully at Cal’s apartment door as I pass by like I always do. The knowledge that he could actually be behind it this time has an ache blooming in my chest, echoing through the chasm of space that used to be filled by the mate bond. Now it’s empty, hollow, an aching reminder of what I lost. Of the part of me that’ll always be missing.

Callum didn’t just break me when he left, he broke our bond. He took away the one thing I wanted most; the connection I always dreamed of.

My emotions are already on overdrive when I push through the door to exit the building, and I’m completely unprepared to come face to face with the pain of the past for a second time tonight. Turquoise eyes meet mine as Callum strides from the parking lot, and aside from the obvious look of surprise in them upon seeing me, his expression is an unreadable mask.

I jerk my head down to look down at the pavement, my footsteps quick as I swerve to give him a wide berth as I pass. I make it a few paces away before freezing in my tracks, swiveling back around and glaring at the back of his head.

“Why’d you leave?”

My voice trembles with my demand, my hands balling into fists at my sides.

He stops, turning to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes meet mine again, holding my stare. For a moment, he doesn’t say a word. We both stand frozen in silence, paralyzed by our past. The kisses, the touches, the little inside jokes. The way we came to know each other like nobody else ever had. All the little moments we shared that made up the story of us, the one that ended in tragedy.

He turns the rest of the way around, the shadows partially obscuring his features while the light from the parking lot illuminates the sharp line of his jaw. His tongue snakes out to wet his lips as he parts them to speak, his voice hoarse, yet steady. I had to go on the mission.”

Anger bubbles up inside me, thick and hot, rising to the surface at an alarming rate. ” Bullshit,” I spit, stomping toward him. “You could’ve told me about the mission, but you didn’t. You just left! And what the hell was that note?! I’m setting you free? When did I ever ask for you to set me free, Callum?” I close the distance between us, thrusting my palms out and shoving at his chest. “Huh?!”

He stumbles back in surprise, scowling. ” Obviously it was for the best. You seem to be doing just fine without me.” He flicks an accusatory glance back toward the apartment building I just vacated, then returns his piercing gaze to mine.

“Oh yeah, I’m doing fine, alright,” I scoff. “I was just fine waking up in that cabin to find that you abandoned me. I was just fine when I tried to call you and your phone was shut off, and I had to find out through the grapevine that you left.

I was just fine when the next full moon rolled around and…” My voice breaks, a sob tearing from my throat. I turn away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

The memory of what it felt like to lose the mate bond is still so raw. I had no idea what I was in for-

nobody I know has found their fated mate and failed to seal the bond with a marking before the next full moon, so I had no frame of reference for what would happen. Though even if I did, nothing could have adequately prepared me for the experience of what it was actually like. When the moon rose to its highest point in the sky that night, it started. The pain. It felt like my body was being ripped open, the bond being physically torn from of my skin. I couldn’t do anything but scream and cry and writhe in agony, willing it to stop. It felt like I was being torn inside out, like the pain would never end.

Then it did, and I’ve never felt so empty.

Like it stole away part of my soul with it.

I force my tears back, draw a shuddering breath, and turn to face Callum again. When I do, I see it in his eyes- the pain that mirrors my own. He felt it, too. He endured the same torture of having the bond ripped away, but it’s hard to pity him for it when he’s the reason we lost the bond. He’s the one who walked away.

His chest expands with a deep inhale, his eyes still fixated on my own. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he rasps, scrubbing a hand over his face. “That’s why I left. I figured that with me gone, you could move on from whatever damage I’d already inflicted.” He gestures toward the building. “And it looks like you’re doing that, so…”

“You leaving is what hurt me!” I seethe, anger sinking its claws deeper into me at his pathetic justification for his actions. “And I’m not damaged, Callum, I’m broken! You broke me!” My voice cracks, my chest heaving as I shake my head, fresh tears springing to my eyes. My gaze flutters down to the pavement, my voice dropping to barely a whisper. “You broke me in ways that I didn’t even know were possible.”

Callum’s throat clicks with a hard swallow, his shoes scuffing against the ground as he steps closer.

“Ness…”

I snap my head back up, the tears swimming in my eyes obstructing my vision. “Just tell me why.

What’s the real reason you left?”

His mouth drops open, but no sound comes out. Then he shakes his head, raking a hand through his hair and looking away. “I can’t.”

A tear slips down my face, carving a wet path over my cheek. His eyes follow it and his wolf peeks through in swirls of silver as he starts to move toward me again, reaching out for me.

“Don’t.” I throw up a hand, halting his advance. “If you can’t give me an actual explanation, then just don’t, Callum. I can’t …” I shake my head, turning away.

Every one of my steps of retreat are matched by one of his own as he follows.

“Nessa, please,” Cal pleads, his voice strained. “I didn’t…”

His fingertips brush my arm, and I can’t. I just can’t.

I take off in a sprint across the parking lot to get away from him, yanking my shirt off overhead and tossing it away, tearing through my favorite pair of jean shorts as I shift to my wolf form. My paws hit the ground and I run.

I run and run and I don’t look back.