I glanced at my face in the library's bathroom mirror and felt my frustration renew itself. I looked far more novice emo kid than chic smoky eyed socialite. I ran the tap and stared down at the water rushing away, trying not to think about everything that was going wrong between me and Summer.
Fighting with her was so alien. It left a gross feeling in my stomach, because it was just so empirically wrong. Knowing it was more on my shoulders than hers to forgive and forget, I felt extra guilty about this mess, but I couldn't just skim over her meddling so heavily in my life. Friends were supposed to help each other out, sure â but she could've talked to me before spilling her guts to Nora, which I guessed was what went down.
That was the one bright spot in all of this: I'd be meeting up with Nora in two hours, and she could at least fill me in on things, seeing as I couldn't trust my best friend to do it.
Then again, did I want to talk to Nora about any of this, really? Did I want to ruin our first real date? Did I even want to have our first real date? Real didn't seem like the right word anymore. This definitely wasn't real.
I stuck my hands under the stream of water and almost started washing them, forgetting why I was there. Remembering, I shook off the excess droplets and then ran my damp fingertips under my eyes carefully, trying to salvage as much of my look as possible. I wasn't incredibly successful, but after two or three passes I thought I at least looked semi-presentable.
It wasn't like it was a real date, anyway, right?
The bathroom door creaked open, and for a moment, my heart stopped. It would be Summer, coming to check on me. She didn't want us to fight just as much as I didn't want us to fight â and while I wasn't really in the mood to make up yet, I did hate the horrible churning feeling in my stomach telling me that everything we were doing was wrong. Maybe she'd apologise? Maybe she'd find the exact right words to say to make me feel better. Summer always was a good talker. If anyone could figure out how to pull me out of this gross mess, it'd be her.
I turned to look at her, ready to make some half-hearted joke about how I knew she'd come crawling back or whatever â we weren't necessarily good at the serious side of things â but it wasn't Summer who was coming to check on me.
It wasn't anyone I knew at all, actually. Just a blonde girl who I'd seen around once or twice. Marissa? Melissa? I thought maybe we had a few friends in common, but I couldn't place her. She shot me a tight smile, a flash of uncertainty in the expression after she clocked the wobbly look I'd seen on myself in the mirror. She didn't say anything, which was a relief, but rather ducked silently into a stall and left me to it.
I turned back to my reflection and fussed with my hair, pulling down another tendril or two and ruffling up my bangs. After a long moment, I huffed out a fortifying breath and nodded at myself. It'll do, I thought wryly, grabbing my things and heading for the door.
Back out into the library, I did my best to not look over at where I'd briefly been sitting with Summer. I didn't want to see what she was doing, because I didn't even know what I wanted to see. If she was upset, I'd be upset. If she was studying, as if nothing had happened, maybe that would be even worse? God, I had no idea what I was doing. I almost wanted to dart back into the bathroom and live there for the rest of my life. Anything to avoid the hot garbage fire that my life was becoming.
My eyes betrayed me, and I found myself glancing over not-so-surreptitiously at the seats. No one was there, and there wasn't even anything to hint at the fact that it felt like a piece of my life had started malfunctioning in that exact place barely ten minutes ago.
I killed my study time in the little library cafeteria, which was completely dead, thankfully. It was the whole reason Summer and I studied on a Friday evening â no one else was there, which meant we had the place to ourselves. I drowned my sorrows in a cappuccino, and then a decaf cappuccino because I started to feel bad about sitting in the cafeteria without a drink on the go, but I didn't want to be weirdly wired on a caffeine high when I went to see Nora.
Eventually, it was late enough that I could start to wander over to the park. We were meeting there before choosing where to go on to â neither of us had been able to decide on a restaurant or an activity, so we'd figured we'd see how we felt on the day. Unfortunately, the day had arrived, and I felt dreadful. I didn't think Nora would accept sitting on my couch and feeling sorry for myself as a good date idea, but that was a shame, really, because that was all I wanted to do.
I was lurking around near the oak tree for maybe five or ten minutes, awkwardly checking my phone for nothing until Nora showed up. She looked runway ready in a blazer and some wide-legged pants that would've looked ridiculous on me, and I could just see a strip of the lacy, strappy top she had on underneath.
Her grin faded before falling completely to be replaced by something like concern or worry. I almost wanted to look behind me, because I wasn't sure what was wrong, but when she asked, "Are you okay?" I realised it was just because my smile clearly didn't look like a smile. I'd tried my best, but it wasn't working.
I felt tears begin to well up, threatening to further ruin my already ruined make-up, and my weak smile twisted into a frustrated frown. I didn't want to be sad, but...
Nora scooped me into a tight hug, and she was just tall enough that I could bury my face in her neck and stop anyone else from seeing me start to cry.