Saturday morning, dad called me home as the wedding preparations for my brother began. I wasn't planning on participating, having already decided to show up at the wedding rehearsal and the ceremony.
Mum wasn't home when I got there. Apparently, she went out with Kelly and her mother to try on the wedding dress. The wedding was a week away and my family were busy, and Kelly had torturously signed me up to be one of her bridesmaids. When she offered, I was ready to decline, but Cece warned me of Bridezilla and I didn't want to deal with the aftermath. They could not blame me for giving a bride a meltdown.
Dad was watching football when I walked in. He waved without glancing at me, yelling out for me to get him a beer from the kitchen. When I got back to the living room, he was still engrossed in the game. Dad was a retired coach of a local football team, and despite not being on the field anymore, he was still in love with the sport. He never missed any game.
"Your wife left you alone at home? This is why I don't believe in love," I remarked, removing my shoes to cross my legs on the couch. It was freezing, so I pulled on the hood of my hoodie and shoved my hands into my pockets.
He snorted in reply. "I called you here because I thought you would be bored cooped up in your apartment, not listen to you talk about my wife behind her back."
"Wow, dad. Thanks for telling me which side you are on."
"Oh, hush, Iris. You know I'm always on your side." He pats my lap without taking his eyes off the screen. "Speaking of that, what have you been doing lately, honey?"
"I thought spy mum must have told you everything."
He laughed. "Spy mum? That's a good one, but let's not tell her I laughed at that."
I full out grinned. "Do you remember my major was photography? The other day, I found a couple of pictures I had taken and my old camera-you know the one grandpa got me? It made me think a lot, and I have decided to continue taking pictures." I scratched my temple when I added, "I wanted to try my luck with a class and I sent in an application. I don't know if I'm going to get in, but that's something."
Dad paused his game and looked at me with a grin on his face. "Really? You're ready to go out there again?"
"Well, I have to. Who else is going to feed and clothe me?"
"You know if you ever need money, I will send it to you, sweetheart."
I smiled. "I know, dad, which is why I want to earn, so I don't have to ask you or mum. Do you know how it would make me feel if I keep asking you for money?"
Footsteps echoed on the second floor before I heard him running down the stairs. Moments later, Jason poked his head into the living room and noticed me curled up on the couch. The tension between my brother and I had lessened, but it wasn't completely evaporated. Still, I felt annoyed every time I saw him. He opted to remain standing, looking down at down at me as he continued to eat cereal in nothing but his shorts.
"Well, I wondered why the house suddenly felt like a giant ball of lava," he noted as he strode in, a spoon of cereal in his mouth and his arm clutching a bowl in place. "Please, don't disintegrate us, Iris. I'm getting married next week."
I put one arm over the couch. "I'm going to wonder the same thing when your bride leaves you on the altar because she realized what a terrible mistake it would be if she marries you."
Jason flipped me off. Not exactly the response I was hoping for.
Instead, I asked, "What are you even doing here? Don't you have a house, Jason, or did you lose it? But don't worry, I'm sure our old treehouse will fit you perfectly. If it doesn't, you can use the doghouse." My grin was so large and evil that he didn't fall for it. He just snorted and took another spoonful of cereal.
If mum was here, she would have shut me or Jason down before it turned into a fight, but dad ignored us, too engrossed in watching his game to listen.
Jason walked back to the kitchen, returning without the bowl of cereal. He plopped down on the one seater. "That reminds me," he stated, a smirk curving his lips. "I saw the seat arrangements. Have fun sitting next to Jesse and have fun being his partner. Do you know what that means? It means you get to dance with him."
I could practically hear my own heart stutter. "You didn't..." I trailed off, pulling my lips between my teeth, physically restraining myself from screaming his head off.
"Don't chew my head off, sis. I've been around you both to know I'm not dumb enough to do that. Kelly thought it would help make you bond a little." He laughed. "If I didn't think this would be funny, I wouldn't let my best friend suffer or risk the chance of you two ruining my wedding."
"Why didn't you say no?!"
"Because Kelly is the boss." He gave me a stupid look. "I won't argue with her if it's about the wedding. She knows what she's doing."
"Most of the time," I corrected, panicking a little. Sit next to Jesse through the whole wedding? Dance with him? That was a level of intimacy that scared me.
You've kissed him. What more could you possibly fear?
I groaned and pressed my face into my hands.
"Don't worry, sis. I'm sure the two of you will find a way to be civil to each other. One of you has to step up to be the mature one."
The point is, we were trying to be civil with each other now, but it was the awkwardness that bothered me so much. All I had focused on before was one emotion, but now that Jesse and I had agreed on putting aside our differences and locked up our weapons, things would not be in order.
"But, why do we have to dance?" I questioned. "Why can't I bring my own date?"
Suddenly, his brows went high. Dad paused his game to stare at me.
"There's someone you like? Are you seeing someone? Who is he?" He shot me with questions. Even Jason had leaned forward with interest. Dad seemed more surprised that I was dating than concerned about who I was dating.
Has it really led to this?
I rolled my eyes. "Dad, calm down. I'm not saying I'm seeing someone. I'm saying I want to be given the opportunity to ask someone to be my date, as long as I don't have to dance with Jesse."
"Oh." He puts on a disappointed look and returned to his game. I huffed in disbelief at how disinterested he looked while my brother coughed out a small hiccups of laughter. I shot him a dirty look.
"Iris, if you can find a date before the wedding rehearsal, I can find a way to get you out of being Jesse's partner."
"The rehearsal is in six days, Jason. How the hell am I supposed to find a date?"
"You've gone soft about this," he observed with another chuckle. "The Iris I know would have gone to hell to drag a dead soul if it means she doesn't have to sit or dance with Jesse."
His words gave me a startle. It sprang me into action and my head swam with questions. I was barely holding my breath. Was my brother right? Would I have found a way out of this if the dynamic between me and Jesse hadn't changed? Some part of me feared for that to be true. The feelings I had towards Jesse had gone soft. I was no longer immersed in him. No longer hating him as if he was the air I breathed, and now I couldn't believe I wasn't jumping out of the chair to find a solution.
I was complaining. Stating a problem that I wasn't trying to solve. This wasn't me. This was not me at all. My brother was right. If things have started to change, what else would come next?
I sprang to my feet. Both men gave me a stare as I startled them. I wasn't looking at either one of them when I said, "Umm, I have to go now. Dad, I'm sorry for leaving early, but there's something I have to do." I grabbed my bag and headed out. I didn't realize Jason had followed me.
"What the hell is up with you?"
"I need to go find a date," I answered without turning around. I was almost in my car when I halted in my steps.
No. Why was I rushing? Panicking? So what if I was sitting next to him? So what if I danced with him? It would be nothing. Yeah, it was nothing. Besides, Jason would definitely tell Jesse, and it would be embarrassing. He did call me childish once. He would call me childish again if I looked for a date just to get out of dancing with him.
I spun around. Jason was standing by the door, staring at me as if he was considering if I had gone crazy or if I was on my way into the loony town.
"Never mind," I cried out, throwing my hands in the air. "If Kelly wants me to dance with him, then fine. I'm not afraid of dancing with him. Fuck him." I marched right back inside the house, walking past Jason, who looked back as if he was sure I had gone insane.
---
Jason and Kelly's wedding rehearsal had already started, and arguments had broken out. Kelly had stormed away in tears. Jason had ran after her to console her. Mum and Kelly's mum had been in a disagreement, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember what they had been arguing about, but something told me Kelly's mum was not at fault.
My mum could be a lot of things, especially when it came to an event. She's got this notion that she had to be in control of everything and everything had to go exactly the way she wanted it because her way was the better way. While the rest of the family were trying to get the bride back into the room and for the mothers to get on the same page, I was enjoying the scene in front of me while I drank champagne.
Dad and Kelly's dad were staying out of it, but I heard them talking with the wedding planner about making sure that nothing else was left unchecked, but it was just an excuse to stay away from the mess of their wives. Cece didn't come to the rehearsal, so I was left alone to fend for myself, surrounded in a room with the rest of Kelly's relatives that I didn't know. In the end, I had to step out to take a walk.
Jason and Kelly's wedding venue was picked by my mum months after she saw the ring in Jason's room and before he could propose. Only I knew she had booked the venue and planted the date idea in Jason's head. My mum always had this idea of picking the best venue, having the best wedding, and the best of everything for her children. The woman was a controlling freak, but I blamed her profession. It was why I escaped her clutches.
I slipped my hands into my coat and my heels clicked along the sidewalk. The cloud was dark and gloomy, making the weather more seductive. Summer was almost upon us, and I couldn't wait to take in the beauty of it.
A car honked behind me and I turned, seeing the black Mercedes parked on the side of the road. A few moments later, Jesse stepped out of the car, bundled up in his coat and scarf.
"Only a crazy woman would decide to take a walk in heels," he said as soon as he reached me, going down on his knees without a proper greeting. He pulled out two chucks from a bag he brought along, picking up my left feet first to take off my heel.
I held my breath with clenched stomach when he put the new shoe on my feet, keeping my heels inside the bag. He pulled himself to his feet and met my eyes, smiling.
"Better, right?" he asked, but I didn't say anything else. I waited for my heart to stop beating, but it didn't. Something crossed his mind. "Oh..wait." Before I could let an exhale, he was already diving through again. His hand came up to the back of my neck and he gripped me, pulling my head back so I was looking him in the eye.
He cupped my neck, and his warm hand made me shiver. He picked up on that. "You're cold?" It was a rhetorical question. Before I could respond, his hands were already going to his neck, unwrapping the grey scarf around it. Jesse took a step closer and wound the scarf around my neck. It smelled like him.
I didn't mean to close my eyes, but I did. I didn't know what I was doing, but it felt more like I was trying to soak up this moment. He wrapped his scarf around me, but it felt more like he had wrapped himself around my throat, suffocating me in his grasp.
"Iris."
My eyes cracked open. I stared into his. His hand softened on me, sliding up to cup the entire side of my face. His eyes were kind and gentle, and that would never stop throwing me off. He had never been kind. He was rough and gruff. He bites and stings more than he soothed. He was fierce and mean. His tone might drip with sweet words, but his actions never were. His eyes never were.
I took a step back away from him. "T...thank you," I squeaked out, then realized I had squeaked and rushed to clear my throat, bitting my tongue.
He chuckled, slipping his hands into the pockets of his coat. "I don't think I have ever heard you squeak," he remarked, his eyes tracking my movements.
"Shut up." With flushed cheeks, I spun around and continued walking again.
Jesse stepped up beside me. "Here." He slipped me a familiar green little note. I took it, drawing my eyes up to him.
"Why?"
"I like to keep a tradition."
I snorted. "Yeah, just say you enjoy being mean." But I still slipped the note into my pocket. It didn't go unnoticed. He grinned. "So, tell me," I drawled. "why is the best man late to the wedding rehearsal?"
A chuckle. "Had some errands to attend to," he told me. "Besides, I highly doubt I would have missed anything. The whole point of being your brother's best man is to show up to the wedding. And you?" He glanced at me. "I didn't think you were going to show up at all."
"I had to, even though Jason is a little bitch. I don't want to disappoint Kelly or bear the pain of answering people's questions."
"Ah." He nodded, as if he understood. "But you are out here?" His brows raised in curiosity as he looked behind his shoulder at the building. We were walking slowly, so we didn't exactly get far away from the venue.
"There was an argument," was all I pitched in.
He actually laughed at that. "Your mum?" he guessed, and it should not shock me that he knew because we grew up together. He knew my mum as much as I knew her. Cars lined up on the street.
"When does everything ever go well when my mum is involved?"
"At least nobody sighs when she walks into the room."
I tried to hide a smile and sped up. "Shut up." Though, he was right. I frustrated people everywhere I went, and thinking about it now made me feel a little embarrassed that I had been so childish, so driven by hatred to actually grow up.
Jesse swiftly fell back beside me with a smirk on his face. "Or hides away," he added. "I think that made me laugh more than I got annoyed at your barks. Every time you walked into a room, I could swear a thunder strike follows. Even your shadow made me tremble. You were like an omen of death."
I laughed. "A villain always shivers at the sight of a hero." Looking up at him, I continued, "You're a publisher. Bet a lot of your books pointed that out."
"You did not just call yourself a hero," he said with a cringe.
"I was cast as one, so I have to continue playing my role. Remember the drama in high school? Of course, you didn't attend the play."
"I did. I was in the back row laughing my ass off because not only did the play sucked, but your acting sucked ass. When I heard you tell your mum you were going to star in a musical next, I lost it completely."
"Don't be an asshole." I huffed. "I have a good voice."
He full out grinned. "The video I still have on my phone says otherwise." He dangled his phone in front of me with a mischievous grin.
"What!" My voice rose as panic sets in.
He flicked on the screen of the phone, and the next thing I knew, a horrifying sound of me singing at the top of my lungs came out. I couldn't even see the video to determine when it was taken, but that was definitely my voice butchering a song.
"I'll give you this," he said laughing. "You're confident for someone who sounds like a dying engine."
"Jesse!" I screeched and launched myself at him to grab the phone from his hand, but he held it out of my reach while his other arm snaked around my waist, pinning me against him. He pinched my hips. I shrieked and laughed at the same time. "Give it here."
"Not a chance." He held me prisoner with one arm and I slumped against his chest. "Wait, let me replay it again." He turned the phone so I could see it and played the video. This time, I saw myself in the kitchen in nothing but my pjs, singing loudly. I don't remember that day, but this was in my teenage years. I groaned when I started to dance.
Jesse was entertained. "You were an awful dancer too. Oh man, such a hideous sight." His body vibrated with his laughter, and I buried my face knot the crook of his neck. His breath hitched, but he didn't move, and I was unwilling to move either.
"Shut up." I punched his chest.
"One of your dance moves is hopping?" His chest rumbled.
"Can you please shut it down?" I pressed close to his neck, no idea what I was doing and why it felt so calm to do this.
"There's still a few seconds left that can't be wasted," he retorted, softly. "This video will go into your hall of shame. I love it. I will make an extra copy just for the sake of it."
Despite my utter humiliation, a smile threatened when I lifted my head. "You're officially deadlier than an atomic bomb." The video ended, and he tucked the phone back into his pocket, snorting after what I said.
"Tell you what, Iris..." His eyes gleamed with glee. "I will consider not making another copy if you buy me something to eat." He tilted his chin across the road, and before I could toss my gaze in that direction, Jesse had already grabbed my hand, pulling me along.
We crossed traffic, and I spotted the cafe he was talking about. He found us a seat at the back and ordered a slice of pie, claiming it was what he craved. Since I wasn't hungry, all I ordered was an earl grey tea. We got our orders and settled back in our seats.
Around the same time, mum called, and I flipped the phone on the table after putting it on a silent mode.
"Your mum?" he asked.
"You're getting good at this guessing game."
He tried not to smile as he took a large bite of his pie to suppress a chuckle. "No, your face is just obvious. Why didn't you pick up? She's probably wondering where you went."
"I would have answered if I had any intention on going back. I will call back when I get home." I took a big gulp of my tea. "The wedding is tomorrow. She should have a lot of things to worry about than me leaving without saying goodbye. Are you going back?"
"Should I?" He pondered over my question, then shrugged after giving it a thought. "Hardly doubt Jason will see my car, so if I escape now, he wouldn't even know I was here."
"I know why I'm not going back. Why are you?"
"I find it lame. Besides, I know what I'm supposed to do tomorrow." He shrugged off from the question to another subject. "By the way, I heard you're planning on going back to photography." He tilted his head to study me. "Are you sure you've thought about this? What about your dream?"
I bit my lip before nodding. "Yeah, it's not like I've completely given up, but I want to try something else. I still want to be a florist, but maybe now is not the right time?"
He continued with a heavy frown, "You're not saying this because you think you've completely failed, are you?"
"No."
"Okay."
I sighed, supporting my chin with my fist as my finger circled over the rim of the mug. "Mum said I should've been a model. Maybe she was right."
That made him drop his fork, leaning back against his seat. He raised his hands to rest them on his head. "No, I can't even picture you as a model. You will not survive," he said, his hands dropping to interlace his fingers together.
I waved a hand. "Psh, you don't know me. I can handle it." But I didn't think I would. Modeling had never been something I would have ever considered. Mum knew that, and that was the reason she never bothered me to follow in her footsteps.
Jesse laughed, his head moving left and right. "It's because I know you I'm saying you can't." A faint tug at his lips. "You're too temperamental to be controlled. If I didn't see your childhood, I would have thought you were fed chilies."
"Well, congratulations. I'm officially burned out. Now no one can say I will sting them."
He was quick to lean forward, inches apart from my face and close enough that he could smell my breath. That grin was back, but it was both a smirk and half sensual at the same time. "Do you know how many times you've lied over the years? Am I supposed to believe you've changed?"
"Hey." I pointed my spoon at him. "If I'm saying I've changed, then I've changed."
"If I didn't know any better, I would say you're trying too hard to be someone you're not."
"Jesse, I thought you would like me cooled down. Everyone else seems to be happy about it."
"I didn't like you because you were trying to be someone else. I liked you because you set everything in your path on fire."
I blinked. "Did you just say you like me?" I paused. "Are you on drugs?"
He turned his head a fraction to catch my gaze, his eyebrows rising. "Why? You want my dealer's number?"
"It depends on how fast you're going to get me one to go through the wedding tomorrow." I busied myself taking a bite from his plate, stuffing my mouth to fill my dread, and he didn't complain for stealing a piece of his pie.
"Yeah, smiling, dancing and socializing is not your thing."
I nodded vigorously. "Like, at all." My lungs almost suffocated me under the weight of being a bridesmaid. The dress, at least, wasn't as ugly as I feared.
"Please, don't step on my feet when we dance."
"Wouldn't be the first time I have me all over you, anyway." Okay, now I almost was sure I was suffocating.
Jesse laughed. I was mortified because it sounded dirty as hell. I wasn't trying to make things awkward, but it had turned into an awkward situation.
"Iris, are you trying to start something?" His voice was low now, competing with the sound of the small chatters in the cafe. The chair creaked as he adjusted a little, and I sunk farther into my own seat.
"I will say one thing," he said after a moment. "You sure as hell look cute when you're red. That has always been my favorite thing about you."
A smile almost slipped out before I quickly shot up from my seat, sweat threatening to cake me all over. "I'm leaving. If anyone asked, you didn't see me. I will see you at the wedding." I grabbed my bag, leaning over him. "I will try not to leave my mark on you tomorrow. Bye."
And I chased myself out of the cafe before he could register what I said.