He sighed. "You don't want to talk about it, whatever it is. I understand."
The wheel's leather squeaked under my grip. I kept quiet on the subject, and Hunter didn't prod any further.
We stopped by a candle shop so I could buy a gift. It was my first time visiting them and I couldn't go empty-handed.
The Campbells' house was in the outskirts of the city, not as far out as Hunter's estate, but it was almost as big.
The barred gate opened before we even knocked. Someone must've been watching.
The car rolled smoothly inside, I stopped next to a dusty red pickup truck parked on the white gravel. A neatly trimmed garden surrounded the house, a sprawling two story painted a light blue with white window trim and a hatched roof. I never thought houses could be cute, but this one was.
Flower beds lined up the pathway leading to the front door. As I watched, it opened and a flurry of pink tutu and bouncing pigtails rushed towards us.
The little girl couldn't be older than five. Her wide grin revealed a missing front tooth. Hunter chuckled and opened the door, just in time to scoop up the girl.
"Uncle Hunter! I lost a tooth. I lost a tooth. See!" She proudly displayed her baby teeth, speaking in a lisp, and my heart melted. She was too adorable for words.
Hunter made appropriate responses as the child went on about the how's and the why's and the when's of her tooth loss. As she did, I let out Stevie and Brownie, who obviously knew the way because they immediately scurried around to the back of the house- even blind Stevie.
I made it around to Hunter and the little ball of energy in time for her to take a break. She looked so small in Hunter's arms, so vulnerable, yet I knew she was the safest she could ever be.
He would be a great father someday.
Ignoring the pang in my heart, I grinned when the little girl finally realized there was someone else.
"Are you Sapphire?" she asked with her adorable lisp. Pronouncing my name as Thapphire.
I raised my brows, glancing at Hunter. "Yes, I am. How do you know me?"
"Uncle Hunter speaks about you, like, all the time," she said, her tan cheeks flushed and her brown eyes bright.
I bit back a grin. "Does he really? And what's your name?"
"I'm Stella! And I'm six!" she said, holding out six fingers.
"When did you turn six?" Hunter asked.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm five and three quarters. That's almost six."
I chuckled.
"Where is Stevie and Brownie?" she asked, changing the subject with the attention span of a five year old.
"Must've gone to the back-"
She was already wiggling in his arms. Hunter put her down and she sprinted around the house in a blur of pink.
"Oh my God, she's adorable," I said.
"She's a little turnado," Hunter said as we walked up to the house. The blooming flower beds were a pleasant dash of color that complimented the lively house.
Hunter knocked on the open front door and stepped inside. "Benjamin? Thalia?" He called in.
The entire space was open, a living room with mustard colored armchairs and a deep green couch, a colorful Turkish rug, a fireplace with a red brick mantle. French doors lined the far wall, looking over the large backyard where Stevie, Brownie and a husky were running around, chased by a giggling Stella.
The walls were a warm taupe color, covered by art pieces and framed photographs. An archway to the right led to a kitchen.
"In here, Hunter!" A feminine voice called.
As we walked to the kitchen, I glanced at the framed photographs. There were black and white photos of a husky puppy and a toddler Stella. A photo of the city skyline. Another of the sky with a cloud shaped like a dog.
Hunter used to love taking pictures of the sky. Did he take these?
Before I could ask, we were in the kitchen. Green cabinets. A white marble counter and island. Everything glimmered with good care under the sunlight streaming in through the large windows.
The woman standing behind the island, Thalia, was a curvy beauty with dark brown skin and a smile as infectious as her daughter's. Her hair was a dark brown with honey colored highlights, piled onto of her head in a mass of tight, lively curls.
She put down the spatula and left the stove, a pronounced limp in her walk. The beige knitted dress she wore ended at her knees, and I could see the reason for her limp as she came around the island. Her left leg was a prosthetic.
The metal glinted as she reached up to hug Hunter. I looked away, feeling guilty for staring. After giving Hunter a hug and a pat on the back, she turned to me.
"And you must be Sapphire," she said.
I smiled and handed her the gift. "I am. Thank you for having me."
"Oh, thank you. You shouldn't have."
She put the box on the island and surprised me with a hug. She was warm, and she smelled of cinnamon and vanilla and a floral perfume that instantly made me think of Mom. I had no idea where the thought came from. I didn't remember it, but maybe Mom had a similar perfume.
"I'm glad we can finally meet. Hunter's been talking about you non-stop," she said, pulling back."I just hope the food is to your liking. I tried my best."
"Oh, you really didn't have to," I said, slanting Hunter a look. I didn't even meet the woman yet and he made her go out of her way to accommodate my diet. Hunter sat by the island and just smiled at me.
"Oh, it's no bother at all. I discovered the farmer's market thanks to you," she said, going back to the stove. "That place is heaven."
I chuckled, taking a seat next to Hunter. "It is."
"Honestly, I respect your constraint. I could never live without chocolate cake," she said, waving her hand around. She was one of those people who spoke with their hands.
"I bought some pasta from nonna Gabriella and made some for dinner yesterday. It was amazing. So different from the store-bought one."
I smiled. I guess I made nonna Gabriella more customers. "Yeah, she makes everything herself, and she gets the ingredients from her hometown in south Italy. That's why her stuff is a bit pricey."
"But worth it," Thalia said, turning off the stove. I could smell the white pasta sauce and a distinctive spicy scent that made my mouth water. She turned and glanced at the oven clock. "Where is that guy?"
Taking a deep breath, Thalia called out loud. "Ben! Get your ass down here!" She looked at me and her eyes widened. "Oh God, where are my manners? Do you want anything to drink? Tea? Coffee?"
"I'm good, thanks."
"I'd like some tea," Hunter said.
"You know where it is, Hunter. Get off your lazy ass," she said, then shaking her head, she walked out. "Excuse me. I need to see if my husband is still alive up there."
I bit back a laugh. Oh, I liked her already. Hunter got up and moved around the kitchen as if he'd done it a hundred times before.
He turned on the kettle and opened a cupboard. "Chamomile? Peppermint? Raspberry?" He asked.
"I told Thalia I don't want any," I reminded him.
"That's because you don't want to be a bother," he said, reading me correctly. He glanced over his shoulder with a raised brow.
I sighed. "Peppermint."
The kettle whistled. Hunter got the tea ready. He put a mug of steaming tea next to my elbow and went to stand by the window. I wrapped my hands around the mug. The heat and the fresh scent of peppermint drew a sigh of pleasure out of my lips.
Hunter chuckled. "Come see this."
I joined him by the window. Outside, Stella was standing in the middle of the garden, the three dogs sitting in front of her like attentive students, even Stevie, whose ears prickled as Stella wagged her finger, one hand on her hip.
I laughed. "Is she scolding them?"
"Yeah. she's a mini-version of Thalia."
"That's a good thing," I said, taking a sip of my tea. "I like Thalia."
He grinned, eyes sparkling. "Good."
"Why do you look so pleased."
"You like my friends," he said. "That's a good sign."
"A good sign for what, pray tell."
He just grinned and raised his mug as a toast.
"You shouldn't have told her about my diet," I said in a low voice.
He frowned. "Why? You want to keep it a secret?"
"What? No. I just don't want to be a bother. I can eat other things once in a while if I absolutely have to. It's not a problem," I said. "She doesn't need to get out of her way to accommodate me. It's difficult to cook for me, especially for someone not used to not using certain things."
Hunter's dark eyes looked straight into my soul. "Sapph, it's what friends do," he said softly. "It's not a bother to accommodate your friends. You're not a bother to anyone."
"They're not my friends." I closed my eyes tightly. I sounded like an asshole. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"
"I know what you meant," Hunter said. A feather touch on my cheek. I opened my eyes to see his hand drop. "But they're my friends, Sapphire. And you're important to me. They'll be all too happy to make you feel at home."
I looked down at my tea.
The sound of heavy footsteps echoed in the house. I could almost feel the walls shaking. Then a giant of a man appeared in the kitchen's doorway.
"Your friend is the Red Bear?" I asked in a whisper as the giant man lumbered our way.
"Yep."
The Red Bear was a retired heavy-weight boxer who made a name for himself for being a vicious SOB. He was a six foot six man with bright red hair, pale freckled skin and a permanent scowl that scared his enemies even before facing him off in the ring.
The gray dress shirt he wore almost burst at the seams, tucked into washed out blue jeans. That impressive scowl scanned the kitchen and fell on me. I froze. Then the famous Red Bear ambled our way and stopped right in front of me. I was used to tall guys. Jason was a basketball player, and he was as tall as a person could get. But this guy... Holy crap. I felt like he would step on me and wouldn't even notice.
Then the man smiled, and his whole demeanor changed. He turned into a giant teddy bear.
"Sapphire, right?" He asked, his voice as deep as he was big. Evidently, everyone in this family knew about me. I nodded mutely, aware of Hunter's amused gaze.
The Red Bear wiped his hand down his jean and held it out. "I'm Benjamin. Nice to finally meet you."
I shook his hand. His grip was almost nonexistent, and I realized this guy was used to tempering everything about his size in order to make people feel comfortable. From the way his shoulders were constantly hunched in to the way his handshake was as loose as it could get without being rude.
I cleared my throat. I had to crane my neck to meet his eyes. "Nice to meet you, too."
"This guy can't shut up about you," he said, slapping a hand down Hunter's shoulder. Hunter was, by no means, a small man. But his shoulder looked dainty under Benjamin's paw.
I smiled. "I see that. Everyone here seems to already know about me. I'm afraid I'm becoming something of a celebrity."
He barked out a laugh, and the sound filled the kitchen with warmth. His gray eyes twinkled under the sunlight.
"No one is as much of a celebrity as Hunter here," Benjamin said.
Hunter scowled, taking a sip of his tea. I smiled. "Of course not. We wouldn't even dream of his level of fame."
"You guys are a riot," Hunter grumbled.
"Stop teasing the poor guy," Thalia said, walking into the kitchen. "Or he might sic his fanclub on you two."
Benjamin laughed again. Hunter rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you're all getting along."
Thalia then made a face, and it must've been an inside joke because the two men laughed.
There was a pang in my chest. Before we met ten years ago, Hunter had been a loner, until I dragged him into my circle of friends and brothers.
Now he had three pets and friends who clearly adored him and whom he adored.
He'd changed. I kept telling him that we were no longer the same people we'd been at seventeen, but that wasn't entirely true. He changed. To the better.
But me? All of a sudden I felt like I was still stuck at seventeen, with the same friends and the same fears and the same insecurities. Perhaps even worse.
"Benjamin, why don't you and Hunter go drag Stella inside," Thalia said, pouring herself a mug of coffee.
Benjamin and Hunter went out, already discussing some fight. Thalia approached the window where I stood. The black mug in her hand said in bold white lettering: I Make Prosthetic Look Hot.
Her sense of humor was fabulous. I wondered how she lost her leg. But we barely knew each other. And sharing details about our lives meant growing closer, something I tried to avoid. I raised my mug and took a big sip.
"A car accident," she suddenly said.
I blinked at her. My heart stuttering for a moment at the mention of a car accident. Thalia smiled. "My leg. Some people are too polite to ask. But I know that people are usually curious. At least, I know I would be."
"Oh," I glanced down at her leg. "I'm sorry about it."
She waved her hand off. "it's fine. It happened a long time ago."
Sinse she was willing to share, I asked, "when you were a kid?"
"I was sixteen," she said. "I lost my leg and my dad. Drunk driver."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. It was so similar to my own situation that I found myself saying, "I lost my dad in a car accident, too."
"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry. Were you young?"
I nodded, looking out the window. Benjamin and Hunter were outside. Instead of herding Stella and the dogs inside like Thalia asked, the two men joined in on the fun and were rough-housing with the dogs, who clearly enjoyed it. Stella's squeals as her father threw her up and caught her filtered in through the glass.
"I was a kid." I smiled brightly at Thalia. "It's been a long time ago."
She slowly nodded. "Maybe. But sometimes it feels like the younger you experience loss, the most difficult it is to get over."
Her words rang loudly in my head. My mother's limp hand flashed before my eyes. The bright headlights of the truck that took my father. I blinked hard. "Yeah, I guess it is."
"Well. That was a heavy way to start a conversation," she said.
I chuckled. "Yeah."
"On another note, Hunter's been raving about you for as long as I knew him."
Heat crawled up my neck. "Um, thanks? How long have you known him?"
She put her fingers on her lips. "Hmm, I think it's been about six years? He's a lot more cheerful now. He was such a grumpy cookie when Benjamin first brought him home."
I laughed. "He was like that in high school too. He's a little better now."
"He is. The last couple of years have been a bit tough on him."
I glanced sharply at her. Did she know...?
Thalia grinned, her brown eyes twinkling. "Yes, I know about the illegal fights. And they're the most stupid thing he could ever get involved in."
"Right?!" I said. "I have no idea what's running through his mind, honestly. Why would anyone even think of organizing those fights?"
"There's only one reason, and that's money. Rich people are sick." Thalia made a face. "I keep forgetting I'm one of those rich people now."
I almost spit my tea. I swallowed hard and laughed, coughing.
A squeal caught our attention. Hunter was carrying Stella like a football and running, followed by the three dogs, who were in turn followed by a bellowing Benjamin.
I smiled, and my heart cracked a little.
"He's going to be a great father one day," Thalia said.
"Yeah."
She cleared her throat. "So... I'm not trying to pry or anything, and if you feel that I'm overstepping, please tell me, I'm not going to be offended. But are you and Hunter..."
"Just friends."
She raised on eyebrow. "For how long?"
"Sorry?"
"I mean, he obviously wants to be more, and you... well, let's just say your eyes go all bright and starry when you look at him."
"No, they do not."
Thalia grinned. "Oh yes, they do. He's not any better, by the way. So, how long do you plan on being just friends?"
I sighed. "It's complicated."
She hummed. I looked out the window. Stella perched on one of Hunter's broad shoulders and pointed at Brownie with a toothy grin. Brownie and Brando were tugging on the ends of what looked like a chew toy. Benjamin sat on the grass next to them, rubbing Stevie's belly, who'd flopped on his back and was enjoying the attention.
I didn't know why I said what I did next, maybe it was her open expression, or Hunter's earlier confirmation that these were his friends, or maybe the fact that I didn't really know her. But I said, "I can't have kids."
I could feel Thalia's eyes on me. But I couldn't look away from Hunter and the little girl.
"Can't?" Thalia asked softly.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. It had been so long since I'd spoken about it. I didn't even remember speaking about it outside of therapy. Maybe with Lia. But even with her, I'd never really uttered the words out loud. Because Lia knew about it, I didn't have to tell her.
I looked at Thalia. "I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, when I was eighteen."
Her eyes widened. "Oh... I didn't know. Hunter didn't-"
"He doesn't know," I said. "I haven't told him. Yet."
"Oh."
I licked my lips. "I had to have a hysterectomy, eventually. But, yeah. I can't have kids."
"You can't give birth," Thalia said softly. "That doesn't mean you can't have kids."
"It's not just-" I took a sip of my tea, hating how my hand shook. I tightened it around the mug. "It's not just that. I know I can adopt. It's... the entire possibility of having cancer back and it going badly again. What if this time I couldn't survive? What would Hunter or any kid I bring into my life would suffer through?"
My heart was racing. And my stomach dipped. I stopped talking a took deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
Slowly, my heart calmed down. "Sorry," I told Thalia with an apologetic smile.
She smiled back, her dark eyes perceptive.
I looked away from Hunter and walked to set my mug in the sink. It hurt to look at him.
As if sensing I needed some time to myself, Thalia stayed by the window as I rinsed my mug and put it upside down on the dish rack next to a colorful cup with some cartoon character I vaguely recognized. Must be Stella's.
"I know we don't know each other well, which is probably why you felt comfortable talking to me about it," Thalia said, walking closer. She put her mug on the island and checked on something in the oven. Leaning against the island across from me, she drummed her fingers on the surface and gave me a kind smile. "But why didn't you tell Hunter?"
I opened my mouth, and closed it. Why didn't I tell him? He'd told me everything, every part of himself when we were apart. But I hadn't. I kept this important part of myself from him. Why?
"I don't know," I said truthfully.
Thalia nodded, as if expecting my answer. "Why don't you try to tell him? I'm sure it'll make you feel better. You don't have to keep all the burden on yourself."
I rubbed my sternum, feeling my chest tighten. "He's going to worry."
Thalia chuckled. "Sweetheart, that's part of every relationship. I worry about Stella all the time. Heck, I even worry about that big bear of a husband I have, can you believe it?"
I chuckled. "Not really."
"Well, I do. He's a big softie. My point is, it's normal to worry about people you love. I worry that Stella is going to trip in the garden and break her arm, but I don't keep her from playing outside, because she loves it and it's good for her."
"It's not the same," I mumbled. Even to own ears that was a silly excuse. I crossed my arms. "Hunter can live just fine without me. He doesn't need me in his life. He doesn't need to risk losing me."
"Can he, though?" Thalia shook her head. "I think he told you why he decided to come back for you, right?"
When I nodded, she continued. "I've known him for years, Sapphire. I've always thought he was a bit grumpy, moody, and he had this dark look in his eyes, as if nothing mattered enough. And when he smiled, it was never an honest, genuine smile. It always had a self-deprecating quality to it.
"Do you know when was the first time I saw Hunter laugh? It was around two years ago, when he bought his house and told us about you, that he's going to go after you. It felt like he was finally living again, and not just going through the motions of life."
Her words were a punch to my chest. Not because of Hunter, but because they fell as the truth to my own situation.
Living. Not just going through the motions.
I was alive. Right? But was I living? When had I stopped? I'd been in remission for eight years now. The chances of a recurrence were very low. Yet cancer was still a looming shadow holding me back from life. Or maybe I was just using it as an excuse to avoid life and all its risks.
The men's voices and Stella's high-pitched laughter filled the house, and our conversation was cut short.
Taking advantage of the good weather, we set the back porch table and had lunch outside.
Thalia refused my offer to help set the table because I was the guest of honor, and the two guys made themselves useful while she made the finishing touches.
Stella took my hand and dragged me with impressive strength towards the dogs. "Come meet Brando, Sapphire."
Her hand was so little and vulnerable, but the firm pressure of it was surprisingly strong.
Brando sniffed, approaching me. I crouched and held out a hand. His pale blue eyes looked at me as he sniffed.
Stella nodded approvingly. "You're very good with dogs."
I bit back a smile, petting Brando's neck. "Why, thank you."
"Are you really a vet?" Stella asked, her brown eyes wide.
I sat fully and crossed my legs. The grass was warm from the sun. "Yes. Did Hunter tell you?"
"Yeah. I wanna be a vet when I grow up!" she announced, standing on her tippy toes to appear taller.
"Really?" I asked, petting Stevie when the blind dog came sniffing at my knee. His tongue lolled out and he laid down, putting his head in my lap.
"Yeah!" Stella continued. "Is it difficult to be a vet?"
"Not if you work hard," I said.
She sat down next to me and threw a stick. Brownie and Brando raced away behind it. "So you, like, fix cats and dogs all the time?"
"Sometimes I fix bunnies and birds, too," I said. "Some people have them as pets."
Her eyes turned comically wide. "You can have pet bunnies?"
"Yeah."
She gasped and was gone in a blink, running toward her Dad who was setting something on the table on the back porch. "Daddy! Daddy! Can we have a bunny?! We can have a bunny for a pet!"
Benjamin snatched her up in his arms, saying something that made her squeal with laughter, and went inside. I sighed and looked at the dogs. Brando trailed behind Brownie, who came to put the stick in front of me, her tail wagging.
"Good girl," I told her, picked up the stick and threw it. The two dogs raced towards it.
Thalia's words kept ringing in my ears. I felt almost rubbed raw by their echo.
How nice would it be to be as carefree and fearless as Stella. Getting as many pets as I wanted without the fear of loss hovering over my head like a guillotine?
Hunter walked out of the back door, put something on the table, and came to sit next to me. I threw the stick again, and the two dogs raced as if it was a new game every time.
"Hey," he said. Stevie switched from my lap to Hunter's immediately. His hand absent-mindedly rubbed his head.
I couldn't look at him. I was afraid he would see everything in my eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "Thalia can be a bit... stubbornly caring, sometimes."
A startled laugh slipped past my lips. That was one way to put it. "No, Thalia is great. I'm just..."
Hunter rubbed his hand over his bracelet. I glanced at it, and he stopped. Benjamin whistled sharply, and the three dogs all headed straight for him. I guess it was their food signal.
"You want to ask," Hunter said.
"Ask what?"
"About this," he said, holding his wrist in front of me.
My breath caught. "What about it?"
He fiddled with it, unclasped it and gave it to me. The metal was warm from his skin. I rubbed my finger over the black band in the middle. The texture was the familiar feel of a hair tie. It was scraggly and torn in some spots, but it was a hair tie alright.
My throat closed up. "You've kept it."
"It broke a year or so after I left," he said, his voice hoarse. I chanced a glance. His eyes stared at the bracelet cradled in my hand, heavy with memories. "So I made it into this bracelet and stopped wearing it during fights or training or-"
He stopped himself.
"Or?" I prodded.
He rubbed his cauliflower ear, a hint pf pink on the tips of his ears.
"Whenever I was out. With someone."
Oh. Annoyance threatened to flare, but the hint of embarrassment mellowed my reaction.
"Why? Felt guilty? Like you were cheating on me?" I asked, teasing.
"Yeah," he replied instantly.
I blinked, surprised. Hunter cleared his throat. I rubbed my finger against the black hair tie. So he had kept it.
Now everything was clear, at least from his end. He'd explained what happened ten years ago. He'd kept the hair tie. He'd built our dream home.
He wanted me back.
And I... What was I doing?
On a professional level, I was proud of myself, of where I was at the moment. But in my personal life?
This was the first time in years that I was forced to take my head out of the dirt and take a proper look within me. Where did I want to be in five years? In ten years? Would I want to still be alone, in my little studio. Getting pity visits from Scott during my weekends because he knew I wouldn't otherwise see anyone. Would I still have no friends?
Jason was moving to another state. Lia and Stefan were building a life and a growing family. Eventually, Scott would move on with his life as well.
I didn't resent them for it. I truly didn't. But I now felt like I was watching everything from inside a safe glass box. And I was the one who put myself in there.
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Thoughts?
A bit of a long chapter. But I hope you enjoyed it.
Don't forget to vote and comment. I appreciate it!
Much love <3 <3 <3
M.B.