Eva walked into Home Econ with a fluttery feeling in her chest the next day.
It was new, this feeling that was coursing through her veins. The sensation of actually waiting for something⦠being eager and looking forward to a certain part of her day other than the dead of the night where she found oblivion in sleep.
She didnât ever want it to go away.
âAlright, class?â Mrs Lenora clapped her hands together, and swept her eyes over the students settling down into their seats, her lips stretched into a wide smile.
Evaâs toes curled inwards in suppressed excitement for the commencement of this class, her bottom lip pulled in underneath her teeth as she waited along with the teacher for the students to settle down.
She was growing impatient though, fingers aching to just start with doing something that had become a sort of sanctuary to her. A part of her felt almost angry at how half of these students were disregarding the classâ shrugging off something she was passionate about. Angry at making her wait for something sheâd been looking forward to.
Eva had a good mind to just start off with the task handed to them, eyes drinking in the instructions written on the whiteboard in front of the classroom. But it wasnât Evaâs place, was it? Did it matter she loved baking? She couldnât just begin doing the project on her ownâ she had to wait for all of the others to settle. She had to wait for somebody else to start.
âEva?â
Cornflower blue eyes snapped up to meet the light coloured ones of Mrs Lenora.
âY-yes?â Eva sat up straighter, fingers curling into her palms as her palms coiled into fists.
âYou can go ahead and start if you want to,â the teacher said with a smile. âYou donât have to wait.â
Eva blinked. âOh,â was all she could say.
Mrs Lenora gave her a small nod and walked away, checking on another student who had a few questions.
Evaâs eyes tore away from watching the teacherâs retreating back and instead landed on the letters scribbled across the boardâ Basic White Bread Recipeâ and the bulletin points below that acting like a guide to the students.
She took in the specific quantities, how everything was written with utmost accuracy, each ingredient displayed right down to its 0.05 millilitre and 0.05 gram.
Except Eva knew it didnât work that wayâ this was her passion, not something to she allowed mathematics to limit to the very last decimal point. She needed to let herself drown in the task, let her senses go free with no restrictions. She had the hands of an expert, having lit the stove for the first time ever when she was a nine year old. And she knew she could do this with one hand tied behind her back and both eyes shut closed.
This was hers; this was Evaâs. Her safe place. And they werenât going to dictate and control every microscopic inch of this too.
Erasing the contents of the board in her head, she focused completely on the ingredients and utensils laid out on her desk and began working her magic. She paid no mind to the students cussing around her as they accidentally poured too much or added too little into the measuring jugs. She didnât need those; it came naturally to her now.
Eva couldnât help the smug smile playing with the corners of her mouth as she went about mixing and kneading, a calm and serene cloud settling around her as she lost herself to time.
âWhat are you doing?â
Eva looked up to see Anna watching her from the desk towards the left of her own. She also noticed the neither Jessalyn nor Heather were with Anna.
âThe same thing that youâre doing,â Eva replied, her hands never pausing even though her eyes were on Anna. A small spark of triumph lighted in her when she noticed the almost envious look the other girlâs eyes possessed.
âIâve tried getting the starter to rise three times now, itâs not happening!â
Eva shrugged, âmaybe youâre doing something wrong. The water could be too hot orââ
âWhy is the water being too hot a problem? Shouldnât the yeast rise faster?â
Eva snorted, âno, you idiot! That kills the yeast!â
As soon as the words left Evaâs mouth, her eyes widened and her lungs stopped working. It was as if someone had used a broomstick to knock away all the breath in her in one single gigantic sweep.
Blood pounding in her ears and heart dropping to the very pits of her stomach, she waited for the blow. She waited to be put in her place like she knew she deserved to be.
Eva had crossed a line today, and she was going to reap what sheâd just sown.
âJeez, fine. Calm the heck down. Not everyone hereâs a pro at this damn thing,â Anna muttered, going back to minding her own business.
That was it? Eva wondered perplexedly.
That was it?
Where was the âwatch your mouth, you good for nothing piece of shitâ? Where was the âknow your place, you insufferable little girlâ?
Where was the fist against her cheek?
Slowly, the pounding in Evaâs ears decreased to a dull throb and her heart began its climb back up from her stomach to where it should be, within the safety of her ribcage.
Eva wondered, for a split second, if maybe it was okay for her to say something wrong once in a while. Maybe some people wouldnât punish her for it.
Her eyes fell back down to her hands. Hands covered in flour and dusted with yeast, chunks of sticky dough clinging to her fingers.
Sheâd lost herself in the art of baking and that was both terrifying and liberating.
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Written on 15th August 2017
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