I made my way back to the clubhouse, my heart feeling heavy but my shoulders light, like a weight had been removed. Me and Stas were going to start moving our stuff into the apartment tomorrow and do some baby shopping. I didn't realize how much I had missed her, how much I needed her now more than ever.
There was a party in full swing when I got back and the bottle of Jack sitting on the bar had my palms itching. Instead I just grabbed a beer, sipping it slowly as I watched the chaos around me. I found myself searching for a certain head of light hair, only to find him with his head in one of the club girls' chests. I just shook my head, chugging the rest of my beer and moving to get up from my seat.
"So when I told you to take it for a test drive, I meant around the block, not a three hour joyride." I laughed. Ash ordered two shots, sliding one down to me, but I shook my head.
"I'm on the straight and narrow now. No booze. Got a kid to worry about." Jesus I sounded like an old man. He gave me a genuine smile.
"Val told us about Stas. Probably the only good news I've heard in a while." He lifted his shot.
"To the baby." How could I say no to that? I clinked my shot against his and downed it.
"And to you Scarlett, the strongest woman I know." I laughed and tried to cover my red cheeks with my hair, but he moved it out of my face, brushing it behind my ear. I looked up at him and he was only inches away. I knew this was a bad idea, but my body was fighting against my brain. I wanted to be close to someone, and since that someone was currently fucking another woman, this was the closest I could get. I felt him lean in to me and I let my eyes flutter closed, the need to feel something other than longing for a man I couldn't have taking over my senses.
"Well isn't this cozy." I heard him sneer from beside me. I sighed and open my eyes, glaring into his green eyes. They were bright with anger.
"Can I do something for you Jax?"
"Yeah, you can step the fuck back. All I need his Val walking in here and starting shit up because his little princessis being a whore." His voice was dripping with venom and I could feel his words burn my skin like acid. My mouth dropped open in shock. I took a step towards him, my fists clenching at my sides, but Ash held me back. Jax's eyes narrowed at his grip on my waist and I rolled my eyes.
"Not cool Jax." Ash's voice was clipped. Jax only rolled his eyes, taking a chug from the bottle he was holding.
"What's not cool is you disregarding Val's rules." I scoffed at the irony but Jax shut me up with a glare.
"Hands off or I'll remove them myself." He growled and I laughed. Ash swore under his breath, knowing what was coming. Then I lost it. I wrenched myself away from Ash and shoved Jax back.
"I am not a fucking object for you to tell people not to touch. I am not something to be owned, I am not and will never be a fucking old lady with a property patch saying I fucking belong to someone. I will do what I want and you can mind your own business and I'll do the same. I want nothing to do with you Jax, so for the last goddamn time, stay the fuck away from me." I moved by him but he gripped my wrist, pulling me back.
I didn't give him a chance to say anything more before I reeled my arm back and punched him straight in the face without even realizing what I was doing. I watched as his hands flew to his now bleeding nose and he looked at me with a mixture of anger and shock. I wanted to reach out to him, to apologize a million times, but I settled for shaking my head at him in disgust, turning around and walking up to my room.
I despised the way the women were treated in this life. If you weren't an old lady, being cheated on and disrespected whenever the men went on a run, then you were a club whore who was to be used and thrown away. I would always fight for the club girls, no matter what. I would never disrespect them the way the men did. They didn't deserve to be called whores because the men did the exact same thing as they did, and yet they were praised for it. I slammed my door loudly, daring someone to try to talk to me. I hated a lot of things about the club life, but this was the one of the things I hated the most.
When the door creaked open I expected it to be Ash coming to try to calm me down. I didn't bother looking up, I just sighed.
"Look Ash, I'm really not in the mood-"
"Scar." My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his deep, gravelly voice. I lifted my head to look at him, wincing at the dried blood around his nose before masking my sympathy with anger.
"Get the fuck out of my room."
"Scar..."
"I'm not in the fucking mood Jax."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't care. All you do is apologize, but I don't think you actually mean it because nothing ever changes with you. I'm over it, and I'm tired, so please just leave me alone."
"No."
I slammed my fist down on the desk in front of me. I turned to face him, knowing my eyes were filled with pure rage.
"I said get the fuck out." I could feel the anger rising in my throat, flowing like fire in my veins.
"Just listen to me for fucks sake. I need to explain something to you." His words slurred a little and I noticed the bottle in his hand was almost empty. I stomped over to him, shoving him back towards the door.
"Get the fuck away from me. I don't want to hear anything you have to say." he barely budged, fuelling my anger even more. I pushed him until he grabbed both my hands and shoved my back against the wall, pinning my wrists above my head as I thrashed against him. His eyes mirrored the anger I knew was in my own. He was breathing heavily, trying not to lose his shit. I kept fighting against him until he stopped my movements by pressing his body against mine.
"Fucking hell Scarlett, stop fighting me and just listen to me for one goddamn minute." His voice was thick with anger. My chest was heaving up and down as I tried to calm my breath. He leaned his forehead against mine and I felt the anger running through me turn into need.
"I'm sorry. I know I keep saying that, and I know I'll probably say it a million times in the future. I have this problem where I fuck up every good thing that comes into my life. I'm trying so goddamn hard to leave you alone Scarlett, to stay away from you. But I fucking can't. Every part of my body is begging me to be near you. And when I saw that fucker with his hands on you, I saw fucking red. I wanted to rip his hands off for putting them any where near you. But I didn't mean what I said, and I'm sorry." His voice was low, his breath brushing against me with every word, making it hard for me to think.
"I saw you with Cindy when I came in. I'm not going to stand around and watch you with other women, fuck them where I brush my goddamn teeth, and then have you tell me I can't lay a finger on another man. That's fucking ridiculous." He moved away from me, digging his fingers through his hair and groaning out in frustration.
"I don't think you understand. I can't even fuck another woman without thinking of you, and its driving me goddamn insane. It's not that I just want you Scarlett, it's like I fucking need you." My breath caught in my throat. I gave up on the idea that I could fight whatever was coursing through my body, telling me that I needed him just as much as he needed me.
"Then have me."
"Don't-" he paused and let out a ragged breath "you can't say those things." I moved towards him but he refused to look at me. He focused on the floor, his eyebrows knitting together.
"Jax." I gripped his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my eyes.
"Have me." I could see the fight he was having with himself in his eyes. I ran my finger across his cheek, down to his lips. There was no excuse this time, no blaming it on a drunken mistake. All I knew was that everything in my body was fighting to have him near me, to touch me.
"I will never be able to give you what you want Scarlett." His fingers brushed against my lips.
"All I need from you is this." I knew that was a lie. I knew I wanted so much more from him, but he was right. All he could offer me was the title of his old lady, a tattoo saying that I was his property. All the things I never wanted. I forced myself to think of way his skin felt on mine instead of the inevitable heartbreak I knew I would feel.
I didn't let him say anything more. I crashed my lips on to his, relief running through my body at the feel of finally having his lips on mine again. He kissed me back hungrily, his lips firm against mine. I moved until there wasn't an inch of space between us, enjoying the feeling of his body against my own, but needing more. I pulled off his cut, then reached for his shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it to the floor. I dragged my hands over his body, feeling every inch of his skin. I moved my lips down his neck, sucking and biting as I made my way to the base of his throat. He let out a soft moan, his hands running through my hair and bringing my lips back up to his. His hands moved to the hem of my shirt, taking his time pulling it up and letting his hands brush against my skin, making me moan. His lips left mine as he pulled it over my head, leaving me in my jeans and black lace bra. His eyes darkened as he looked at me, the look in his eyes almost animalistic. The way he was touching me had me reaching for the buttons of his jeans, pulling them down and exposing his boxers. My eyes widened and I could see that he was trying to hold back a proud smirk. I trailed my hand down his chest, over his stomach, but before I could reach my destination he stopped me. He was breathing heavy.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" his husky voice was barely a whisper. I couldn't find it in me to answer, so I just nodded.
"Say it Scarlett."
"I want this. I want you, Jax." That was all it took. My back was against the mattress in a split second, Jax's lips moving down my throat, pulling my bra off, kissing down my stomach. He slid my jeans down my legs, leaving a trail of kisses on my thighs. He kissed around the lines of my black thong, teasing me. Then he was pulling them off, letting his fingers brush against me before he caught my eyes, lifting his fingers to his mouth before putting them back. He replaced his fingers with his mouth and I swear I saw stars. Before I knew it he was positioned above me, leaving me panting. He looked at me, a silent question in his eyes. All I could do was nod.
I knew there was no going back now and part of me knew I was going to regret letting this happen, but all I could feel were his hands on my skin, his lips on mine, and I knew there was no point fighting it anymore.
I could only hope that when he broke my heart, which I knew he would, I would be strong enough to handle it.