Jax was waiting for me in the Jeep, his eyes focused on the space in front of him. I got in the driver's side, starting the car and turning up the music to fill the awkward silence. I pulled into the clubhouse, the car barely stopping before Jax was hopping out and practically sprinting inside. I sighed, resting my head on the steering wheel. The mixed signals I was getting from Jax were giving me whiplash.
"You alright darlin'?" I looked over to see Chuck had stopped in front of my window. I smiled at him, knowing it didn't reach my eyes.
"Getting there."
"You look better than you have in a while." I laughed.
"Thanks Chuck, you really know how to make a girl feel good about herself." He gave me a wry smile.
"Val told me to let you know that there's something in the garage for you. Brought it out from storage, said it's yours if you can fix it." I gave him a confused look, but he just gave me his signature Chuck smile that gave nothing away.
"See you later darlin'." He hopped on his bike, slipping his sunglasses over his eyes and driving off.
I headed over to the garage, wondering what it could be. If Chuck said they got it from storage, it was probably something of Nate's. I opened the garage door, not expecting to see Nate's Harley among the bikes and cars. I sighed a little as I looked at it, my mind playing all the memories I had from this bike in my head like a movie. I ran my fingers over the cold metal, knowing exactly how it got each little scratch and dent. I grabbed the keys, trying to start the thing with no luck. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I thought back to all the times I had watched Nate and the guys work on their bikes, trying to remember anything that could help me. I didn't remember much about the bikes or how they worked, but I knew someone who would. I made my way through the clubhouse to where the guys were hanging around by the bar. I grabbed a beer before I reached him.
"Ash?" he turned around to face me, his messy hair falling across his forehead and into his hazel eyes.
"Scar, hey. How are you darlin'?" I smiled.
"I'm okay, but I have a favour to ask." I held up the beer. He smiled and grabbed it.
"Anything for you Scar." He winked at me before draining the bottle in one go. I nodded my head, impressed. He smirked and gave me a nod, telling me to lead the way. I dragged him through the clubhouse to the garage where my brother's bike was waiting. I heard him suck in a breath when he saw it, his eyes filling with sadness.
"Nate's bike." He said as he ran his hand along the metal. I sometimes forgot that Nate was their brother, their president, but more than that he was their friend, and they were hurting too. I squeezed his hand gently, silently telling him that I knew how much it hurt to see his bike without Nate perched on the back.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't there for you these past months. I forget that you guys are hurting too."
"No one blames you Scar. We just wanted to be there for you, we saw what losing him did to you and we just wanted to help." He squeezed my hand, reminding me that his hand was still in mine. I smiled softly.
"I know. I'm trying."
"We're here for you, darlin'. Every step of the way, you know you have your brothers. Now let's fix this bike so you can get back on the road." I looked up at him excitedly. He released my hand and checked out the bike. It went on like that for about an hour, him working on the bike while I passed him the wrong tools and then resorted to just grabbing us more beers. I was twirling around on one of the desk chairs in the garage when Ash released a big sigh and stepped back from the bike. He looked at me, an excited smile on his face.
"Now, the moment of truth." He put the keys in the ignition and twisted, the sound of the bike rumbling to life mixed in with our cheers. I ran over to him, jumping on him and cheering, making him laugh loudly and spin me around.
"Now why don't we take this baby for a test drive?" I nodded excitedly and he opened the garage. I hopped on the bike, revving the engine a couple times. I took it slow at first, Ash cheering for me.
Then I was flying. The familiar feeling of the wind whipping around me, mixed in with the sound of the engine rumbling was addicting. I found myself going faster and faster, pulling out onto the road and driving down a familiar path. The sky had darkened, the stars blurring together as I rode. I made my way to the spot I used to go to, only this time I wasn't alone.
There was another car parked there, one that I recognized. She was laying on the hood, her hands resting on her belly, rubbing it gently as she stared up at the sky. She jumped up when she heard the bike. She looked back, a hopeful look in her eyes. She saw me and her eyes filled with tears, the hope fading and replaced by a mixture of pain and sadness. She tilted her head up to the sky and laughed without humor.
"I don't know why I thought- the sound of that bike... He never let anyone ride it but you. I don't know why I thought it was him." her voice cracked. "I'm sorry for coming here, I know it's your spot. I'll go."
"No, wait." She stopped in her tracks, a look of surprise on her face.
"You should stay." Her eyes filled up with tears again and she nodded.
"I'm sorry, it's the hormones. I feel like I'm going crazy." I smiled a little, knowing she was lying.
"You forget that I've known you for more than half of my life. You cried because you stepped on an ant when we were 6." She laughed. It was silent for a little while. We were both trying to find the right words to say.
"Scar..."
"You don't have to say anything right now." I whispered, my eyes glued to the floor.
"I want to explain everything to you. I want you to know why I left, why I never called. But with everything I know now, nothing I say can ever make it up to you. If I had known...I never would have left you." Her voice wavered.
"I want to blame you Stas, I do, I want to hate you because you fucking left. After all the shit we had been through together, after all the times I stood by your side, when I needed you most you fucking left without a goddamn trace. But I never thought that you were going through all this, that you were hurting too." She stayed silent, her hand absentmindedly rubbing her belly.
"Me and Nate...I never knew what we were to each other. Sure, we spent our nights together, we had become closer, but I know this life. I know the role of an old lady, and you know I never wanted that. We were leaving for school in the fall and I wasn't looking for something to keep me in this town. But then...I knew that this baby would change everything. I knew that me and Nate weren't in love, but maybe we could have been." She was sobbing now, her words broken. I felt my heart break again. Nate died without even knowing he was going to be a father and I found myself wishing that it was me instead of him all over again.
"When he died, I wasn't worried about myself or the baby. I was so worried about you, that I didn't even think how all this would affect the baby. But when I saw my doctor, he told me that stress was making me and the baby weak. I couldn't take care of both of you, so I left. I wasn't thinking of you or myself, I was thinking about the baby. I know it doesn't mean much now, but I'm so fucking sorry." I realized that I had been so angry with her when she was just doing what she thought was best for her child, my brother's child.
"I was so angry, Stas. I didn't think there was a reason, I thought you just left because you didn't want to be around me." She nodded in understanding.
"I don't know why I was so afraid to tell you. I didn't want to make you feel any worse, but I should have realized that this baby was a gift for both of us." I was quiet for a while.
"Angel." She gave me a questioning look.
"The baby. Maybe his middle name can be Nate." I didn't want to overstep my boundaries and tell her what to name her kid, but that was the first word that came to mind when I looked at Stas' pregnant belly; that the kid was an angel, sent to us by Nate.
"Angel." She tested the word out and then laughed.
"I think he likes it. He's kicking." She held out her hand, motioning for me to feel. She guided my hand to her belly, laughing as I felt the little movement. Then I was crying, resting my forehead against her belly. Crying because Nate would never see his son, crying because it should be him here, feeling his baby kick. Crying because after all the shit that had happened, after all the time I had spent thinking I was alone, now I was here. I had my best friend again, and now I had Angel.