Chapter 32: Chapter 31

(Noah)

"Well done!" My wolf says.

".Fuck off! I didn’t know I will be upsetting her" I reply.

Great another thing to fix! As if it was not enough. Let’s meet Tom until diner time, I need to change my mind. As I walk towards Tom’s room, I find the doors closed. I knock but nobody answers. I decide to use my magic. Not a good idea! He is busy! Busy with his mate if you know what I mean. I don’t know what to do until dinner.

"Let’s go for a run!" My wolf orders, exciting.

"Asking so nicely how can I say no?" I ask him with sarcasm. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good idea and we will go it’s just I don’t like to be ordered.

I ran for a long time, more than I think. The forest around the castle is very old and beautiful. I know why they chose to build their home here and we’re not so far from the ocean either. The spot is just perfect and I can feel my mother’s magic here. She is the protector of this wood.

On my way back to the castle, I’m surprised to smell Fynn’s scent. So I decide to follow it. I find him with Selina. And she is wary about him, with reason. My wolf wants to go meet them as we are feeling Selina’s discomfort but I want to see why he is here with her. I’m focusing on my ears to listen to them and in case of a problem, I will come out of my hiding place.

“I know no amount of apologies will be enough to tell you how sorry I’m for all that we did to you but believe me I’m deeply sorry. The guilt is eating me.” Fynn tells her.

“I know you didn’t do you willingly so I forgive you. It’s difficult to trust you again yet.” Selina replies.

“Was I really no willing? I’m not so sure. It’s just that I wanted her to be happy and was ready to do anything for her. A lot of the things we did were my ideas. And at this time I never felt guilty. I sent Tom, my own cousin, to his death.” He replies bowing his head in shame at his last sentence.

“Was it your idea? For Tom?” Selina asks.

He shakes his head: ” No, but she didn’t have difficulty convincing me.”

I can hear the guilt on his voice.

“Noah having sex in the bathroom on your 18th birthday was my idea.” He adds after a moment of silence.

What!? Why he didn’t tell us that before?

“What? How? I don’t understand. Why?” Selina asks frowning.

“Because I knew how it will hurt you. Growing up, I could see how Noah’s behavior hurt you and I knew him sleeping with someone will be devastated for you. When we see how well it worked, we had sex in your bed to see again that hurtful look and your face. And I enjoyed it at this time.”

“How did you convince him to have sex with that girl?” Selina asks and I can hear the hurt in her voice.

“I didn’t have to. I just put something in his glass. A potion that would push him to have sex. And we just have to find a girl willing to help him with his urges. One of Serena’s friends had a crush on Noah, the deal was we will help us to have Noah for a night if she pushes Noah to have sex with her somewhere where everyone could know who it was and what they were doing. She accepted directly. I think she was hoping that after that night she will have a chance with him.”

“Why are you telling me that now?”

“Because you have to know he would have never done that to you. Noah is a lot of things but not that kind of bastard. And I don’t think you should forgive me. We used to be friends and I betrayed you the worst way. So much more than her actually.”

“Maybe but I still forgive you. I need time to accept all that you did and I will not forget but you’re forgiven.” She replies.

“How can you forgive me? You can’t forgive me! How can’t you be angry with me? ” He asks, angry and I’m in alert ready to take action if necessary.

“I lost too much time with that story already, this is why. I can’t change what had already happened. I just have to learn to live with it and to move on. And you have to move on too.” She replies.

He falls on his knees and starts to cry: ” How can I when I miss her. I can’t help it and I hate myself for that.”

Selina kneels in front of him and hugs him: “It’s totally normal, she was your world, hell even your all universe for the last 5 years. You can’t forget and live like she didn’t even exist. Don’t feel guilty about that. It would be simple to see her as a monster only but after so many times with her you also saw her kind side.”

“Do you know how exhaustive is it to pretend I’m getting better?”

Fuck, he is acting really well. We were all that thinking he was getting better while he is still struggling with all of this. Goddess, how can we help him. I will need to speak about him with Mom and Dad.

“Actually, I know.” She says caressing his back while his shoulders are shaking violently.

“Goddess, I wish for you all to hate me because I don’t deserve to be love.”

“That’s not true! I know you, the real you and we both know you’re a great guy.”

“How can you be so sure while I don’t even know who I am?”

“Because I know. Deep down you still are the carrying boy who was doing everything to change my mind when I was hurt by his big brother’s behavior. My dear friend is still here bury deep but he is here. I can feel him.”

“Well, I don’t. The only thing I see when I look at me is the monster she turned me to.”

“You have to forgive yourself and you have to forgive her. This the first step. You will never forget her and what you did together. But nothing is black and white. Reality is the shape of greys and I’m sure you also have great memories with her and that’s okay. Hating her and hating you will not change anything. Her anger caused her death but not yours. You are alive and it’s time to live.”

“It’s already what I’m doing. I’m living for my family.”

“No, that’s surviving. You have to live for yourself. Stop being so hard with yourself.” She tells him.

“I have no idea what to do? For years, I had an objective, her objective and now I have nothing.”

“You have thousands of things but you’re too blind by your guilt to see them. You just have to start by taking a step in one direction. Why not studying something you like for example.”

“That’s true, I always wanted to be a vet.”

“Yes, I remember.” She says with a smile.

“Yeah, maybe this could be a start... But I don’t trust myself if I’m alone.”

“You’re not alone. You have your family and your friends. You have me and if you need someone to kick your ass in the right way I will. Actually I will be here for every step you are taking if you need someone by your side.”

“Thank you, Selina! thank you for not judging me when you have every right to.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m judged all the time.”

“No, it’s because it’s who you are. You will be a great Queen when your time will come.”

He is right. She truly has a heart of gold. Every time I think I know her, she is surprising me. Every second spent with her makes me fall in love with her deeper. She is just perfect. And all mine!

"Ours!" My wolfs corrects me.

It’s funny how he is claiming her but he’s never calling her mate.

"It’s because our mate is the one the Moon Goddess destined for us. Do you remember what she explained to Tom about Lycan’s mate? With her, everything is deeper. We might not feel any sparks but our body is reacting differently around her. I never feel more alive than when we are with her. Mate is the one the Moon Goddess chose for me. Selina is not my mate in the sense of we are the one choosing her not The Moon Goddess. So she is not our mate, still, she is mine, I mean ours.”

That explains why he is speaking more when we are with her. I will think about that later, Fynn needs us now. Time to call mom and dad. We need to help him better.