Teddy,
I'm really sorry but I have to leave. I feel so bad about bringing all this weird shit into your lives and the only point has been to help me. In return I've just caused you trouble. I'm going back to Kamloops for a while. I'll stay with my brother Kev. Can't face living with my Mom again but this will be a good compromise.
There's nothing I can say that would really tell you how thankful I am to you and Neea for all that you've done for me. I don't know how I could ever make it up to you, but I'm going to try, I promise. I'll be in touch soon.
Darwin
Teddy stared at the note. She really was gone. He felt numb. The note didn't say that she was leaving because of him, but he knew.
What should he do? How could he tell his mother? He said he'd look after Darwin! Could he somehow convince her to come back? If he could just call her he'd beg her to come back to Victoria! Why didn't she have a goddamn phone? Everyone has a phone! He remembered her saying something about Kodi throwing it in the ocean, the psycho. Neea had been planning to take her to get a new one, but it hadn't seemed like a big priority. It should have been!
So, how long before she got to Kamloops? Would she have taken the bus? How do you take a bus from Victoria to Kamloops anyway when you have a body of water in the way? If not a bus, what about a plane? Would she really have flown there? Look online. See if there are any direct flights... Teddy's head was spinning.
Yes, you could fly from Victoria to Kamloops with a stop in Vancouver, but it cost, like, five-hundred bucks! Darwin would never blow money like that. He checked buses. That was a little more complicated. You had to take one bus from Victoria onto the ferry at Swartz Bay, over to the mainland, then catch a Vancouver city bus and then either another bus or the Skytrain to take you downtown to the Vancouver bus terminal. From there you could get a bus to Kamloops. Complicated maybe, but that was the way she'd go because it was the cheapest option.
Should he go look for her at the bus station? He checked the schedule. The earliest bus to the Vancouver ferry would be leaving at 7:45 am. It was just after 6:00. He had time. He could get to the station and find her before she left!
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It's really cold so I'm pretty much mashed against the coffee shop front window to warm up, all the while staring down the poor guys inside who are just trying to get set up for the day. This place opens super-early and I'm going to sit down with a coffee and absolutely destroy one of those almond croissants I can see in the case. Dude finally lets me in right at the stroke of six, about two seconds away from me breaking down the door.
The croissant is really good, and so is the coffee, and I'm starting to feel a bit better about things. Considering everything that's happenedâespecially last nightâgoing back to Kamloops is the right thing to do. My dad will be thrilled, and I should be able to keep my mom at enough of a distance to hang onto my own sanity. I'll get Kev and his wife to run interference for me. In a month or two I'll see how things are and then maybe come back to Victoria. Or go somewhere else, I don't know. There's lots of options. The only problem I can see is that if I don't somehow let Kodi and the guys know I'm leaving, they might keep harassing Neea and Teddy.
Maybe I'm colossally stupid, but as I finish my coffee I've pretty much decided that I need to talk to Kodi before I head out of town. I can catch a later bus. If I know what he's so mad about maybe I can fix it. At the very least, with me gone, he won't have a reason to bother Neea and Teddy anymore.
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His heart was racing as he got to the bus station entrance. Pushing open the door he saw that there were only a few people inside the station. He didn't see Darwin. He walked around, looking at everyone there, looking for her parka or backpack. Maybe she was in the washroom, or maybe she hadn't gotten there yet. Could she be waiting outside on the platform? He went out to look but the platform was empty. He went back in and sat down to wait.
There was a woman sitting across from him. She had a young child with her, a girl maybe three or four, who played with a toy truck on the floor. There was an old man sitting near the doors. He was smiling to himself and, though he wasn't wearing headphones or earbuds, bobbed his head to music that no one else could hear. There was only one ticket window open and a woman sat behind it reading a book. Teddy got up and walked to the window.
"Hi," he said. "Have you been here since it opened?"
"Yup," said the woman without looking up from her book.
"Um, did you happen to sell a ticket to a girl about my age, about this tall, wearing a big, dark blue parka and carrying a green backpack?" Teddy asked. "She would have been going to Kamloops or, well, Vancouver first, I guess."
"Hmm," the woman said, looking at Teddy now. "No, I don't remember anyone like that."
Teddy thanked her and went back to where he'd been sitting. He texted Jello.
Teddy: Darwin left
Jello: Huh?
Teddy: Yeah, she wasn't there this morning. She's gone. Her note said she was going back to Kamloops
Jello: ??? Cuz of her ex?
Teddy: Yeah, maybe. Or maybe me. Don't know
Jello: Why you? Things were good right?
Teddy: Yeah but I didn't react too well last night
Jello: Oh. Are you going to class?
Teddy: Maybe. I don't know. At the bus station now to see if I can find her
Jello: Wow. OK. Let me know if you do
Teddy: K
Jello: Call you later
Teddy waited. More people came in and bought tickets. People lined up for the 7:45 bus to Vancouver. They got onto the bus, and, right on time, the bus left. No Darwin. She wasn't on it, and she didn't come into the station. The woman behind the ticket window looked over at him, shrugged, then looked back at her book.
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I got some overpriced cookies from the café and I'm wandering around checking the usual places. I spot a guy named Ellis who we kinda know. He's usually pretty messed up on heroin but he looks fairly alert today. I cross the street to talk to him.
"Hey, Ellis. You happen to know where Kodi and Jewels and those guys are today?"
"Hey Darwin! Where ya been? Yeah, I think I seen 'em over by the Value Village."
"Thanks Ellis. I'll check it out."
"No problem. Oh hey, Darwin. You wun't have a couple o' bucks you could len' me, would ya? Just till Thursday? I can totally pay you back Thursday."
I give Ellis all the change I got from the cookies and head down to Store Street and the Value Village. That's a big store where you can get used clothes and other stuff pretty cheap. I see them from half a block away and Amiya sees me at the same time and I can clearly see that she tries to secretly alert the others. They look over but then kind of ignore me, except for Jewels who gives me a sort of semi-wave.
When I get closer I hold out the bag of cookies. "Peace offering, you guys."
Jewels takes the bag from me and looks inside. "Oh sweet!" he says, taking a cookie.
I look at Kodi but he won't look me in the eye. He has this stupid half-smile that I know is supposed to tell me that he gives absolutely zero fucks about why I'm here or what I have to say.
"What brings you down from the suburbs?" asks Bryn.
"Um, I'm actually leaving town for a while," I tell them. "I just wanted to come and let you guys know and maybe, you know, smooth things over a bit, hence the shameless bribe."
"Going away with your new boyfriend?" she asks mockingly.
"Uh, he's not my boyfriend, and no, I'm going by myself. Back to Kamloops. Probably for a couple months."
Ty and P. L. start telling me about Wixie and how her brother and cousin drove down from Campbell River to bring her back home and when she didn't want to go with them they all nearly got into a huge battle and she eventually went. I hope everything's okay with Wixie, but really, I'm just glad to be hanging around talking like we used to. Nobody seems mad about anything except Bryn, who's always mad at me, and Kodi, who isn't saying anything.
I'm not going to bring up the shit that happened last night, but I think it must bother him that I bailed on them and went to live with Neea. Even though Kodi was done with me as a girlfriend, I guess he felt betrayed that I left.
Anyway, my work here is done. I can't change Kodi's mind about everything that's happened, but at least now he knows that I won't be at Neea and Teddy's house. After chatting for about ten minutes I say my goodbyes and head to the bus station.
⢠⢠⢠â¢
"It was long," said Neea. "I finished my book, watched two moviesâone good one and one that was so stupidâthen I slept for a while. But still a long way to go. I have four hours here before my next plane!"
London's Heathrow Airport was eight time zones away and his mother was in the middle of a long journey but she still managed to time her call to catch Teddy a few minutes before his first class started. He sat on a low wall a short distance from the main flow of student traffic in the Schuler Building.
"What are you gonna do for four hours?" asked Teddy.
"Well, I'll call Uncle Matti and find out how Ukki's doing today. After that I guess I'll buy another book. How's Darwin?"
Teddy had been waiting for that question, dreading it. He stared past the students walking by and out the windows on the other side of the hallway. It was grey outside, but so far not raining.
"Um," he said. "She's good I guess. Haven't seen her yet today."
"Are you two getting along?"
"Oh yeah, no problem there," he said.
This was getting uncomfortable. Teddy never could lie to his mother and if she asked him for any more details he knew he'd blurt out the truth. If Neea knew that Darwin had gone back to Kamloops she'd be upset and worried. Darwin was right. Neea had enough to worry about right now.
"OK, tell her I said 'hi'. You have a good day, Ted. I'll be in touch again when I get to Helsinki."
Teddy wished his mother a safe trip then said goodbye. Getting to his feet he shoved his phone into his pocket and let out a long sigh. Yeah, he'd have to tell his mother soon but maybe he could find Darwin and bring her back home first.
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I need a bus/ferry combo ticket to get to Vancouver which I buy from the bored lady in the booth. After that I have a hundred and twenty-seven dollars left. In Vancouver I'll get another bus ticket which will get me to Kamloops late evening. From the Kamloops station it's just a cheap taxi to Kev's or maybe he can come and pick me up.
Probably should let them know I'm coming. There's actually a pay phone here in the station like something left over from a movie setâI've had to use it a few times since Kodi threw my phone in the harbour.
On second thought, better to arrive unannounced. If I phone, Kevin will have some goddamn reason why I shouldn't stay at his place and should stay with Mom and Dad. Then he'll probably let my parents know I'm coming even if I ask him not to. So nope, no call.
The big clock over the ticket windows says 8:15. My bus leaves in an hour and a half. I can pass the time doing some journal-writing and stick-figure drawing in the replacement notebook Neea bought me. There's a ton I need to process in my little brain since the last time I wrote in it.
I grab a seat by a window and open up the notebook to a fresh page. After a couple seconds' thought, I turn the book sideways and write a single word in big letters: "Teddy". I stare at the word for a while, trying to morph the letters into Teddy's smiling face. When that doesn't work, I doodle some tree branches and leaves on the letters of his name. Why, exactly, am I running away from Teddy? Last night was really amazing. I was way more into Teddy than I expected. It's so surprising, but after this roller-coaster ride we've all been on, Teddy and I could actually be good together...
Yeah, last night was amazing... right up until it turned to shit. Teddy freaking out really bothered me, but maybe we both overreacted. Everyone loses it sometimes. But it wasn't just that. The stuff Teddy said was true, and it's pretty obvious that I bring too much craziness into their house. He's way better off if I'm gone.
The stick folk think these Teddy trees are fun to climb on...
"Darwin!" someone says loudly. It's Kodi's voice. I look up to see him and Bryn walking across the bus station toward me. I quickly close the notebook.
They sit down on either side of me and I look at them, shrugging, as if to say, "What's going on?"
"Didn't think you could get rid of us that easily, did you?" says Bryn with a laugh.
"We wanted to find you before you left. Cuz, you know, it was cool the way you came down to see us like that," says Kodi.
This is the kind of nice thing that never comes out of Kodi's mouth. I laugh a little, thinking it has to be a joke. When I see that he isn't laughing, I say, "Oh, well yeah, you know, couldn't run off without saying goodbye, right?"
They're both being weirdly nice, asking me about the bus ride, what I'm gonna do in Kamloops, and so on.
"Oh, you didn't even get a cookie, did you?" says Bryn, holding out the bag of cookies I gave them this morning. "They're really good," she says.
I shrug again, confused, but I take a cookie from the bag. Bryn grabs one too and takes a big bite.
"We got some..." she starts to say through a mouthful of cookie. She laughs at herself, chews and swallows, then tries again. "We got some hot chocolate to wash it down."
Bryn pulls an old-school insulated bottle out of her backpack, the kind with the big lid that unscrews and doubles as a cup. I recognize it as the old Thermos Kodi's been carrying around since long before I met him. She unscrews the top and takes a drink straight from the bottle. It spills out the sides of her mouth and she laughs again, wipes her face and hands the thermos to me.
What is going on with these two? I go along with it cuz I just want this weird social visit to end so I can get back to my peaceful drawing. I take a sip of hot chocolate and then frown. It's not that hot, and it tastes funny.
Kodi's grinning. "Kahlua," he says. "Makes it way better!"
I just shake my head and take another drink.
⢠⢠⢠â¢
C. J.'s text said to meet her outside the cafeteria. There were mobs of people there, as usual, but Teddy spotted her huge smile through the crowd. She came over to him with another girl, blonde and sporty-looking. Teddy didn't recognize her.
"This is Hannah," said C. J. "Hannah, Teddy."
"Hi," said Hannah, looking in Teddy's direction for a split-second before looking back down at her phone.
C. J. looked concerned. "I heard about Darwin," she said. "I'm so sorry."
"Yeah," said Teddy sadly.
"He died?" asked Hannah.
C. J. and Teddy smiled at each other but didn't answer her. Then C. J. asked, "So, did you call her?"
"No, she doesn't have a phone." Teddy said.
"What the hell?"
"Yeah."
Hannah gave C. J. a little wave and walked away. C. J. moved closer to Teddy and said in a loud whisper, "I know you know. He told me he was gonna tell you."
"He's such an ass," said Teddy.
"He's unique," she laughed.
"Makes this a little awkward," Teddy said, indicating himself and C. J.
"Nah," she said. "I hooked up with your friend Angelo. As long as you're cool with it, it's not a big deal."
"Angelo."
"Yeah, sorry. Can't date a guy named 'Jello'."
"Hmm. OK... I'm cool with it, but it sure was a big deal for Jell. He called me at 5:30 this morning! Super excited like he just, I don't know, invented sex."
She laughed. "The boy's got enthusiasm."
"No doubt."
"So what are you gonna do about Darwin?"
"I don't know. Not much I can do."
"What do you mean? You can't just let her go!"
"Umm..."
"Come on Ted. Get a spine! Fight for your woman!"
"She's gone home to her family! What am I supposed to do? Steal her back from her own family?"
"Isn't her family kinda the problem?"
"Her mother mostly," said Teddy. "But yeah."
"You need to call her in Kamloops and get her to come back!"
"Well, if she took the bus she hasn't even gotten there yet. Plus the only number I have is for her parents and she isn't gonna stay with them."
"So where's she staying?"
"At her brother's."
"Hmm. You should just go find her! Kamloops isn't that far. Go there and talk her into coming back! We can take your Mom's car. She wouldn't mind. It's for Darwin!"
"We?"
"Yeah, we'll come along as moral support! I'm calling Angelo right now to tell him," she said, taking out her phone. "I can skip my classes tomorrow, no problem. If we leave early we can be back tomorrow night. It's perfect!"
"Um..."
"Shut up! Let's do this!"
⢠⢠⢠â¢
"You gave her too much!"
It's Kodi talking and he sounds mad. Gave who too much? Too much what? Nothing's making sense right now.
"She's fine," says Bryn. "This is normal."
"Too much hot chocolate," I say.
I know I say those words but I hear it as if someone else says it, as if the sound is coming at me from somewhere else, from all directions.
"Hot," I say again, listening to the fractured sound of my voice, "choc-c-c-c..."
So sleepy, and feeling weird too, like, kinda nauseated. The bus... I can sleep on the bus...
"Fuck," says Kodi. "Someone's gonna see. She's like a goddamn rag-doll. We should have waited for dark like I said."
His voice sounds strange now too. What's wrong with my ears? And what's he talking about? Wait till dark for what? I thought they were taking me back to the bus station.
"Don't worry," says Bryn. "They'll just think she's drunk."
Am I drunk? Too much Kahlua? The ground's all melty or squishy like really soft sand and I'm sinking into it. Kodi and Bryn are holding me up so I don't sink in any deeper. Why is there sand at the bus station?
"Deep sand," I hear the echoes say.
"There's no sand, idiot," says Bryn, pulling hard on my arm. "It's a parking lot."
Kodi gets out a bunch of keys and they make a big shimmery sound like a load of small metal bits being dumped from a dump truck. Why's everything sound so weird? And why's Kodi got all these keys when he doesn't have a house or anything? I open my eyes wider but everything looks fuzzy, fractured, just like the sound.
"How many keys?" I say.
"Shut up!" says Bryn sharply and her voice shatters too, coming at me from all around.
I watch Kodi trying to put a key into a metal door but the slot for the key splits into, like, twenty different slots. How's he know which one? Somehow he does and opens the door and the hinges screech like Godzilla in my ears. Now, besides all the audio-visual weirdness, my stomach feels all jumpy. I lean forward and throw up, hard.
"Oh Jesus," says Kodi.
"Fuck!" says Bryn. "She fucking got puke on my shoe!"
With my hands on my knees I'm heaving. I feel dizzy. If they weren't holding me I'd fall down.
"Gross!" Bryn says, as she kicks me in the side and then wipes her shoe on my coat.
"Ow!" I say.
"Don't fucking kick her, Bryn!" Kodi says, pulling me forward through the metal door.
"Why not?" says Bryn. "I wanna beat the shit out of this bitch!"
"Don't be stupid. It's broad fucking daylight! Just keep her moving. We're almost there."
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â D.B.